Afraid

Breath of Life
"How's Daehun?" Sehun asks in a hoarse voice as he woke up 
 
"I've been scared to see him" I admit "Your parents haven't brought him and I think they're afraid to as well."
 
He nods gently "I told them not to if I was ever here."
 
There was a long pause between us. Sehun grabs my hand and takes a deep breath.
 
"I know I already said it but you deserve a real apology." His warm brown eyes stared at me in pain "I'm sorry for everything I did from the beginning."
 
I shake my head "You don't have to apologize, it's––"
 
"Don't say it's okay." He pauses "I'm really sorry and I'm sorry I waited this long to finally say it." 
 
"If you think about it" I let a small smile escape my lips "If you never did what you did, we wouldn't be together."
 
"Don't you think it would have been better that way?"
 
"Nothing could be better than loving you." I felt my tears build up but I controlled them. "If I could go through this again I would and I wouldn't mind going through all the annoying crap you made me suffer with." I chuckle 
 
"You'd want to go through everything?"
 
He emphasizes 'everything' and I thought about the pain I felt and my heart was tugging at me, letting me know that I would want to experience the good and bad all over once more, anything just to have more time with him. Regardless if he was at wrong, it just made us stronger and if none of that would have happened, then there wouldn't be an us.
 
I nod "Everything."
 
"So you'd want to hook up with Lay again too." I give him a are-you-kidding-look as he teased about it. "You said everything"
 
Just like always he knew how to ruin the mood with his jokes. "Yeah, sure" I tease back. "It's funny seeing you jealous."
 
"I don't get jealous." He plays it off cool and I lightly throw my head back as a small laugh echoed around the four walls. There's a short knock and once the door opens, Principal Kim is in sight. I stand up to bow at him and he smiles at me.
 
"Good morning" He walks over at Sehun and smiles at him. "You're mother gave me a call. I flied back down here as quickly as I could. She said you were fine but I wouldn't have been if I didn't see my first nephew who doesn't care about me."
 
Sehun laughs and I couldn't help but to smile at the sight of them getting along outside of school. I liked the vibe they had going on and just like I did for others, I allowed Principal Kim to have time with the most amazing guy I've ever gotten to meet. 
 


 

 

Ever since Tao told me that Hayoung likes me, the past days that I've been hanging out with her I haven't been able to get her out of my mind. I started to think of things I never bothered to take notice before. My feelings were starting to get in the way of hating her, they began to make me second guess this whole bet.

 
As I finished putting my bow tie, I knew this was my own fault for making her feel this way and I felt guilty. Now this girl likes me and she's clearly wasting her time. Just how I would be if I actually gave this a chance. I look at myself through the mirror that I was getting ready in. This bet will make her hate me and that's what she needs to feel for me, hate. I just wasn't sure if I wanted her too.
 
I looked around the venue, I finally saw a nice formal poster made to support Dr. Choi Kyutae, my doctor. I realized that this event was a charity for sick patients. She never told me what the event was for and once I found out, it made me feel uneasy. I just hope I don't run into him and if I do that he doesn't say anything about me.
 
When my eyes met Hayoung walking in I had to admit she looked really beautiful. My eyes couldn't look away for a good minute. She wasn't making it easy for me, I my lips, my eyes squint, and I force myself to stop staring. She's still a bet.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I smirk “You’re stupid for liking me.”
 
I gave her a fair warning so this whole thing won't make me feel bad but as I stared at her, I suddenly felt guilty. I know I shouldn't but there was something inside that wouldn't make it stop. She kept getting mad and she didn't have a problem telling me things. 
 
As she said those words to me, I was glad that she did. I needed to hear that crap to push me away because I can't keep these feelings and once this bet is done with, I can forget any of this happened. I kept messing with her, eventually getting her really pissed off.
 
She started walking away and I stayed behind. She didn't stop, she kept going and I followed her. My eyes never looked away and as I stared, the more I wondered that her liking me isn't any good. I was more than convinced that I'd be doing her a favor with this bet.
 
“I told you I’m working on you” I speak up once we've gotten far away
 
She halts and turns around. She really looked mad and I should feel glad but I wasn't. 
 
“Why don’t you go work on yourself and get your straight.”
 
I kept walking up to her as she yelled at me.
 
“Actually, I’m not stupid because I’m not throwing my life away over some dumb little phase that you’re going through—”
 
I decide to just kiss her to make her shut up. The feelings were coming back from the first time I kissed her but I forced myself to pull away before I feel anything else. She's just a bet and that's what I have to keep reminding myself.
 
“I was working to see how you really felt.” I take a long pause “—I like you Hayoung.”
 
The scary part about that last sentence was that it felt right. 
 
“Stop joking around” She whispers.
 
Even though I didn't want to, I had to. 
 
“If I kiss you again will you take my word for it?”
 
She didn't say anything so I just ended up kissing her. I ran my fingers behind her back and brought her close to me. My feelings weren't going away, this felt right but I knew it was wrong. I kept fighting it off but as she kissed me, I felt something I haven't in a long time. She made me feel like for once everything is fine.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
“I—I don’t want to do this.”
 
I didn't either. I couldn't bring myself to just have with her.
 
I nod. "Sorry." 
 
“I’m just…”
 
“You don’t have to explain”
 
She really didn't. I didn't want to be reminded of the ed up I'm going to do to a girl who constantly cares about me even when I treat her like crap. Cheon begins to talk about wanting to make this official and it threw me off a bit. 
 
I've finally realized my own feelings the past few days and if I tell her I want to be with her, so many different things will just disappoint her about it. I wasn't brave enough to tell her no so instead I asked why she would want to rush things.
 
“I don’t mean to, it’s just I want to know if you’ll ever want to be in a relationship?”
 
“Let’s wait.”
 
Her eyes were starting to get a soft spot in my heart. I really didn't like, it confused me about how I felt. Maybe if I wasn't sick I can imagine actually working things out between us but reality is reality and that's not the case for me.
 
I pull away from her. Once her bag is in her hands I walk off. There are plenty of things running through my mind as I overlooked everything that is happening and that will happen.
 
 
 
I rested on my bed as I thought how this bet is a bad idea. Maybe I don't have to do this, Kris doesn't need to know anything, I can still make him believe I'm doing all of this as a bet. 
 
Everything that everyone has told me is taken into consideration. Possibly there can be a chance for me to overcome this battle I'm facing. I have been unfair and I have been acting as if there wasn't any hope. I'm still responding to treatment and as long as I am I think I deserve to actually be happy. That's what she makes me feel every time she's with me.
 
The only problem is that I won't be able to hold the bet off for long. Should I just call it off? Cheon's eyes and smile pop into my mind, I chuckle to myself as I think how she is worth losing my pride. 
 


 

 

"Be careful you morons" Tao exclaims as Chanyeol and Kai both wanted to help Sehun get in the back seat of the car. 

The car was parked underground to avoid the media that went crazy as they witnessed Sehun's accident the day off the charity event. They've been waiting outside to get new scoop but Sehun's father made sure he paid enough money to have the people who work at the hospital respect his son's privacy and provide a good security system to avoid any information to be given out.
 
"Yeah, not " Kai lightly snaps back
 
Once Sehun is in, he smiles at his friends and then his eyes meet mine.
 
"Get in."
 
I look over at his parent's who are talking to Kyutae. I didn't want to invade without permission. I've already taken up space everyday in that room for the past few days.
 
Chanyeol decides to get witty "Didn't you already put it in?" 
 
Sehun glares over at him but not in a mean way, more like giving him a stare as if what he said was funny but he knew it wasn't right to joke about it.
 
Kai chuckles getting the joke "Still not the right time to around about it?"
 
Now it was my turn to laugh "When was the last time someone wanted to have with you?"
 
Everyone starts to laugh except for Kai, he stays quiet.
 
"Wait, why are you telling me when Chanyeol was the one to bring it up?"
 
I was about to answer him but Sehun's parent's stopped me. Sera walks up to Sehun as she smiles fixing his flat hair and it was obvious Sehun didn't like it but I could also tell he didn't want to hurt his mom's feelings.
 
"Your father and I have to head back to work. We'll try to make it home earlier than usual and since you are on bed rest, we told Misung to distract Daehun."
 
He nods as he stared at nothing "I'm going to have to tell him."
 
His father clears his throat "That's up to you. Whenever you feel ready, we'll be there right by your side." His phone rings and walks off to the side. 
 
"Don't worry about it." She adds "For now, let's just keep it from him."
 
There was a long silence except for the voice of his father who was having an important conversation.
 
"I've kept it long enough." His eyes finally move away to his mother's "I'm not going to be able to lie to him as I stay in my room for who knows how long."
 
Again, nothing was said for a while. Now it was my turn to have my eyes stare at nothing. My heart began to hurt for little Daehun, the look on his face when he showed me Sehun's dance studio popped inside my head. I didn't like it one bit and I wasn't ready for it.
 
"Sera," His father comes back empty handed "we have to get going."
 
She nods but her eyes don't leave her son "We'll see you soon, okay?" She turns to face me "Take care of him while we're out." and then she turns to the chauffeur "Drive them home safely please."
 
"As always Mrs. Oh" He bows.
 
She stares at Sehun one more time and sighs. She says goodbye to everyone one last time before her and her husband walk to another car. 
 
"So, we'll all stop by later tonight too." Tao smirks at us and waves goodbye after we all agreed to have a small dinner in Sehun's room. The boys all went in their separate cars and when I glance over at my boyfriend, I smiled and got in the car with him.
 
 
 
On the way out, the media was tricked and we were able to leave peacefully. Except that wasn't on my mind for long. I place my hand over his and he has enough energy to tangle his fingers with mine, shortly taking a hold of my hand. 
 
He leans his head back and shuts his eyes. I stare at his neck and notice he gulps. 
 
"Are you okay?" I ask, making sure that he does feel okay.
 
He whispers "I'm fine."
 
"Drive a little slower please" I politely tell the the driver and he quickly responds to my order.
 
"No." Sehun slowly brings his head foreword "I'm fine."
 
I sigh "You know," I my lips "You're going to have to tell us from now on when you're not feeling good. You can't keep acting like nothing is wrong." 
 
He gently nods and it broke my heart to see him so fragile.
 
"Whatever you say Cheon."
 


 

 

I played with Kyutae's name plaque as I sat in his office with my parent's. He had called us in because he needed to talk to us and it couldn't be over the phone.

 
Once he walks in he greets my parents and lastly, me. We take our seats again once he sits. 
 
"What did you call us for Kyutae, is everything okay?" My mom asks
 
His face drops and I already felt like nothing was okay.
 
"Last week, we got the final test results." He pauses "Um," He sighs "I don't know how to say this. I'm truly struggling to accept this myself."
 
It didn't take long for me to already jump ahead of Kyutae, my test result, my treatments, the call, the reason why we're here, it was all obvious.
 
"Believe me when I say my team and I tried our very best to not allow this to happen." He continues "You put up a good fight Sehun." He puts his head down for a second before looking back up at us. "Unfortunately, your body isn't able to respond well anymore to the treatment we had planned. I'm so sorry but this was the last hope we had for you to––"
 
I stood up and stormed out of there. I didn't want to hear this . Right when I felt good about everything, this had to happen? I let my guard down and this is what I get out of it?
 
I slam my car door as I got in. I sat there trying to process my thoughts but all I could hear was Kyutae's stupid words. It kept replying over and over in my head. I was livid that tears started to blur my eye sight. The realization of everything being taken away from me is back to remind me of what I'm leaving behind. It felt like the first time I found out I had cancer. 
 
My tears kept coming and as hard as I tried to make them stop, I couldn't. 
 
As I sat there crying, I let everything out. Everything that I've been holding in for a year is finally making me break down. I've reached my breaking point. I don't want to die, I'm not ready, and I'm scared. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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XOXODreamcloud
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oohcouple
#1
Chapter 77: i just need to say i’m a mess… i have never cried this much for a story. this is truly a masterpiece thank you for giving us this amazing story <3
Wooyasaranghae #2
I love it!!!😭😭😭
Erponnn108 #3
Chapter 7: MASterpiece
dreamerc #4
Chapter 78: I have never cried so much reading before and this beautiful story definitely set a record. Thank you... this was truly a journey T^T
Sey-ra
45 streak #5
Chapter 82: Why did sehun die.....and by the end who is her husband I really need to know.
Indianexol #6
Chapter 46: I am in now episode 46...don't tell me Sehun will die....OMG, I can't read it :(
_nrlfatihah
#7
Chapter 80: its 3am and im a mess with all these tears
Soniabbh #8
Amazingggg