I sat on the living room chair as I read a book while I played with my necklace Sehun gave me. The past days he spent it sleeping and when he opened his eyes, it would only be for a brief minute before he would go back to sleep. Eventually, I had to wait patiently but it made me antsy because I just wanted to talk to him again. I wanted him to say his stupid jokes, I wanted to see his smile, but mostly I wished more than anything for this to go away so my idiot can be back.

 

A lot was just running through my mind, mostly about how everything started between us. I hear a light knock on the door that caused me to snap out of my memories and my head jerks over towards the door.

 

"Hi" Sehun's mom walks in and I stand up "He's still sleeping?" She asks and goes towards his direction. She stokes his flat hair over to one side and kisses his forehead.

 

"He woke up for like a second before he went back to sleep." I informed her and she just nodded at me. "I'll be right outside." 

 

Her eyes were in misery and I felt selfish for hogging Sehun. I closed the door behind me, giving Sera her space with her son. When I step out I notice Kai sitting with everyone else.

 

He looks over at me shamelessly. As I walked my way towards the group of my friends, Kai manages to make eye contact with me and stands up. It was crazy to see him act that way towards me that Saturday. I was never used to it since most of the time he was caring towards me.

 

"Hayoung––"

 

I kindly interrupt him "Don't" I pause "I know you didn't mean it like that. I could understand why you were upset." It was true and I meant it. Even though he exploded on me, could I really blame him? 

 

He nods and the vulnerable side of him surprised me. "I'm still sorry." Tears slowly escaped down his cheek. "He's my best friend" He pauses "––and I had no idea what was going on with him. I'm the ing idiot for never paying attention. I should have known something was wrong."

 

He loses it and breaks down. He sits down and covers his face with his hands. I felt his pain and it hurt my heart to see Kai like this. I took a seat next to him and soothed his back, as I silently cried along with him. 

 

 

 

 

After Sera walked out, I let Kai and Tao have their turn. Kyungri took a deep breath and exhaled it out as we sat in the private waiting area.

 

"Is that––" She talks in a low voice "is that the reason why you forgave him? You knew he had..."

 

I nod and she didn't say anything else. 

 

She sighs "This is just too crazy." 

 

I couldn't agree anymore, of course this was all too crazy. I sat there in place staring at the ground, zoning out because I couldn't get over how surreal this felt to me.

 

Kai finally walks out with Tao from Sehun's room. "He wants to see you."

 

Once I heard those words coming from Kai, my heart begins to beat rapidly. He's finally awake. I wanted to smile but I couldn't when I felt nervous. It was a silly feeling but I just couldn't control it.

 

 

 

When I walk in the room, his eyes met with mine and he weakly smiled at me. It broke my heart but I acted as if it didn't bother me, which was really hard to do.

 

"I saw that." He whispers and carefully chuckles "You don't need to put a front for me."

 

There was a long pause between us as I took a seat on the chair next to him "Wouldn't you prefer that I cover it up?"

 

His brown eyes stared at mine and he didn't say anything for a while. "I would prefer if you put that ugly face away."

 

I couldn't help but to chuckle and playfully roll my eyes at him. There was no hesitation at all to grab his hand and when our hands entwined, I stared at it, never wanting to let it go. When I look up at his brown eyes, I realized that one day they won't be looking at me anymore.

 

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"I don't care if you are my son, that was not appropriate. It made me look bad and not only to the family name but for yourself as well. " He pauses and begins to rant on and on about how I've been behaving. He wasn't thrilled when he found out that I was at his office this weekend. It didn't matter if my father owned the building, the way I went about things, I was somewhat trespassing. 

 

He adds "I understand why you're upset but it doesn't mean you can act a certain way––"

 

"Do you really understand?" I speak up to interrupt him.

 

"I'm trying but you've been making it difficult to allow me to be there for you." He sighs "This is just as hard for me son. I...I don't want this for you, if I could trade places I would. But you have to understand that––"

 

I cut him off again "That what? I'm just trying to enjoy the time I have left. If I don't worry about the consequences my actions will have it's for a reason."

 

I've had enough of everyone thinking they know what I'm going through. No one knows what it feels like.

 

"Don't talk like that Sehun" He uses a stern voice "You're still responding to treatment, don't give up on faith just like that. You can still live a normal life, you just choose not to."

 

"So tell me dad, when I do live a normal life and find out I won't make it, are you going to tell me to not give up on faith then? I hate everything I have, I hate doing things that I will no longer be able to do again, so that's why I'm going to keep acting the way I do. So deal with it."

 

He tried calling after me but I didn't want to continue having this conversation. I slam the door behind me and walk down the long hallway. I was beyond livid. 

 

At school Hayoung didn't make my day any better. I was getting furious but depressed at the same time. Then with her nagging at me, it didn't help my situation either.

 

I scoffed annoyed "Yeah, that’s it” I sarcastically reply "You’re not the center of attention Hayoung.”

 

“Then,” She struggles on her words “What’s wrong, why are you mad?”

 

“It doesn’t concern you does it?”

 

She murmurs “No”

 

“Then mind your own business and go back to wasting your time getting your perfect.”

 

I walk away and when I feel like I'm far enough from her, I carefully look for my Tryptophan inside  my blazer. I walk into the guys' bathroom and hide in a stall to take one. 

 

When I pull the pill container out, I realize I didn't have any left.

 

I walk up to the office to get an off-campus pass from my uncle. , I can't leave. Hayoung needs that stupid lab report. I'll just have my uncle send an e-mail to Mr. Chong, hopefully she doesn't about it later.

 

 

 

 

 

I returned to school from the hospital after getting my new set of prescribed pills. I made it to lunch and within seconds Hayoung was back to giving me her little dramatic scenes. I seriously couldn't take it anymore so I walked away.

 

I start getting my things ready for the next class when Kris approaches me.

 

"So, it's obvious that she's not going to put out anytime soon."

 

"You do know we didn't put a date to make that happen, so when it happens I'll let you ing know." I snap and walk off. The mood of going back to class drained me and I abused the pass that was given to me earlier to skip class.

 

 

 

 

 

I waited for school to end to apologize to Hayoung even though I didn't have to. But, if I was going to win this beat, I had to make her eventually think she can somewhat trust me. It was just hard when most of the time I wanted to...strangle her.

 

“No you aren’t” She sounded calm but I could tell she was holding back. "You don’t care about anything”

 

“You’re wrong” It was partly true, I did care. I just didn't care about school or if I ed up her GPA.

 

“Then why is it so hard for you to do any of your work?”

 

There she was again, asking me questions I won't answer. There was no way I was going to make this about me. She walks off when she realizes I didn't respond. I stop her by grabbing her wrist. Can't she just accept the stupid meaningless apology?

 

“I’m sorry” I try again

 

There was something really weird about her face. She was staring at me in a way that I didn't like. I released my grip from her. When she apologized to me, it threw me off. I had no idea why she was in the first place and I didn't care but I took it as a hint that she wasn't mad anymore. So with that I commenced phase two, get her to ing agree to hang out with me, but it definitely wasn't going to be a ing date.

 

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