In Place

Breath of Life
The moonlight was beaming through my dark room. I've been tossing and turning trying to put myself to sleep but instead of closing my eyes, I just stared at the time on my night stand. 12:34 
 
I sigh and faced my back flat, moving away from the time up to my ceiling. My mind felt boxed up and I felt like I needed air. I remove my sheets and head into my walk-in closet to throw on my hoodie and a pair of jeans. I grab my white high top chucks and head out the doors.
 
The plan to stroll in my backyard ended up leading me to a late night drive. Except it didn't matter what I did, my mind stayed in place with the same worries. 
 
As I drove down the street,  I couldn't help but to think about Yixing and our conversation. I know I should stay loyal and work things with him but my heart towards Sehun was much stronger than I could ever imagine. I stare at the infinity bracelet that was back on my wrist and a small smile escapes from my lips. I knew exactly where I wanted to go.
 
 
 
 
 
I began to doubt myself as I got further deep into the small dirt driveway that I've seen Sehun take before. I should have turned my car around but I continued to drive, not wanting to give up. I felt satisfaction when I pulled up front of the opening where the bluff was, I found it.
 
There was another car in sight and my heart dropped. The headlights from my car focused on Sehun who was sitting on his car hood. When I came to a stop, he stands up with his hands inside his pockets. I turn my car off and remind myself to breath.
 
"I should have never shown you this place."
 
I shut the door and nervously walk up to him but my confidence from earlier returned.
 
"I'm glad you did" The chilly breeze made me shiver making me cross my arms for warmth 
 
"What are you doing here?" He turns away and sits back on his car hood
 
"Probably the same reason you're here"
 
He scoffs and turns his head the other direction, away from me. 
 
"I couldn't sleep" I confess and take a seat next to him, I catch him squirm in his spot. 
 
"So you thought to come here"
 
I reply in a soft voice "I always think of you"
 
From the corner of my eye, I catch his hand turn into a fist, instead of it making me feel unwanted, it just drew me towards him. My hand slowly rested on his clenched knuckles. My fingers were trying to find a welcoming and as I undid his fist, he hesitated but when I took a firm grip of his soft hand, he surrendered. 
 
"Like I said," I stare at our locked fingers "you can't get rid of me" I pause "I know you want to be with me but you're just scared. Don't be scared to love me too."
 
As he allowed me to hold his hand, he didn't say anything. It didn't bother me because I knew how he was already and I've grown used to his silence. 
 
"We're going to be together from now on." Confidence filled with promise was taking over me "I don't care what you want anymore."
 
Although he didn't say a single word to confirm that we are going to start a real relationship this time around, I took it as a yes when he didn't release my hand. I know Sehun and he would have immediately rejected my offer but he didn't fight me off this time. 
 
I quietly exhale as I felt like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, finally. I rest my head on his shoulders and close me eyes for a second, taking in this moment and his warmth. Once I open them, everything Sehun put me through no longer mattered to me. The only thing that did was that he was still here, with me.
 
 
 
 
 
My eyes began to feel a bit tired and without checking the time, I decided I needed to head back home. Even though we didn't speak to one another, the silence was rather oddly comforting. In all honesty I wouldn't have minded staying here.
 
"I'm heading off" I stand in front of him and I couldn't help but let a soft chuckle out when I saw his bracelet on my wrist. I position my arm upwards so he can see it "You're also keeping this"
 
One snap and it was off. I take his left hand and place it on his wrist, once it's secure I let it fall in place and smile at it. Afterwards, my eyes look away from the bracelet to his warm but cold brown eyes, my idiot's eyes.
 
"Goodnight" my lips gently overlap his and three words that were held in my heart wanted to escape but I stop myself. I already did too much in one night, I have him where I want him and I don't want to scare him off. I needed to take baby steps with Sehun and it was something I was willing to do.
 
No response and I wasn't offended by it. I the front of his hair and smile at him before walking off. 
 
 
 
 
 
In the morning it felt strange not talking to Yixing, he said we would remain friends but it still didn't change the fact that it made me feel horrible about the whole thing. But, at the same time I couldn't stop smiling like a idiot about last night at the bluffs.
 
When I arrived at the hospital, Mira ditched Sehun for me. She waved with a big smile on her face as she approached me. I hugged her and she took my hand. 
 
Sehun looked uncomfortable as he saw me get closer. He nods at me, keeping his distance. I was going to walk up to him but Mira had another plan. She took me to the table to work on arts and crafts. I turned to look back but Sehun was gone.
 
 
 
 
As usual it was fun with the kids. We all said our goodbyes and as soon as I stepped out of the hospital to walk up to my car, Kyungri calls me.
 
"How was it?" I smile
 
"Lots of fun."  I can imagine her smiling "I wish you came though"
 
Now that I think about it, if I left over the weekend none of this between Sehun would be happening and I would have lived the rest of my life knowing he was a big jerk. I would have never found out the truth and as painful as it is, I'm glad I did.
 
She distracts my thoughts "Did you like Lay's surprise?" 
 
My personal driver opens the door for me and as I get in, I struggle to find the right words to let her know that we've decided to stay as friends.
 
"I have to tell you the truth" I sigh, afraid to but I know she won't attack me like Saerin would "I still have feelings for Sehun"
 
She chuckles, the complete opposite of what I was expecting.
 
"I already know that" she pauses waiting for me to continue
 
"I'm going to try things with him."
 
She takes a deep breath "Saerin isn't going to be happy about this."
 
I nod "But, I am."
 
"Hayoung, don't you feel bothered with what he did to you?"
 
"At first but now that I know..." I caught myself almost telling her about his conditions and I should be able to tell her, she is my best friend. Except this isn't a secret for me to tell. The only reason Yixing knows is because he needed an explanation, he deserved one.
 
"Know what?" She asks
 
"It's hard to explain but trust me, everything is fine. Just how you decided to forgive Tao I'm going to forgive Sehun."
 
"Then," her voice was gentle and kind "If that's what you want then I'm happy too. But I swear if he does anything stupid like that again I'm going to pull a Saerin on him"
 
We share a laugh, only imagining how Saerin hits people when she's mad. As I thought things through, I know I can trust Kyungri with this secret but before I can tell her anything, she's the one to speak first.
 
"We're all going out to eat, come yeah?"
 
I smile and ask her where I should meet them.
 
 
 
 
 
 
When I arrived at the restaurant Chanyeol and Kai tensed up but when I smiled at them, they smiled back. Chanyeol stood up and opened his arms.
 
"I'm sorry" he gestures me to get closer and I chuckle as he pulls me in for a hug "I promise, we had no idea."
 
Kai joins the conversation "if it makes you feel better, we kicked his "
 
"Did you really?" Saerin asks
 
"No, but we were" he looks away as if he was embarrassed of his confession
 
Then I wondered if they know about Sehun?
 
Chanyeol leaves his arm around my shoulder "He ran off before we could"
 
I didn't doubt that
 
"So you're not mad at us anymore?" Kai asks
 
I look up at the tall big eared freak and at the protective maniac. I smile at both of them, realizing that I've missed Chanyeol's loud laugh and Kai's brotherly care. I nod and let them know that I'm not longer upset with them. Chanyeol squeezes me and runs towards Saerin.
 
"She forgave me" he places his face in front of her with his lips puckered
 
Saerin rolls her eyes and eyes me down "You " 
 
she teases me and turns to Chanyeol giving him a quick peck. He cheers in excitement and Kai high-fives with him. Yup, I definitely missed this. 
 
 

 

S O R R Y! So, the reasons why I lagged it so bad for the past 5 days!

1. Got really sick

2. My laptop charger/adapter the wire ripped apart :(

my laptop battery died so I can't use it hahah so I'm using my iPad for now so if the fonting is off I'm sorry but I ordered a wireless keyboard, so updates should be quicker once I get it. Hopefully it comes soon. I miss youguyyyyssssss

 

A N Y W A Y! sorry for the wait! Typing on the iPad is a little annoying with auto-correct haha sorry for the long wait! Thank you for the continuous support!!!!!! X O X O

 
 
 
 
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XOXODreamcloud
The support you all given BoL will forever be appreciated. Thank you all, seriously! Thank you with all my heart :)

Comments

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oohcouple
#1
Chapter 77: i just need to say i’m a mess… i have never cried this much for a story. this is truly a masterpiece thank you for giving us this amazing story <3
Wooyasaranghae #2
I love it!!!😭😭😭
Erponnn108 #3
Chapter 7: MASterpiece
dreamerc #4
Chapter 78: I have never cried so much reading before and this beautiful story definitely set a record. Thank you... this was truly a journey T^T
Sey-ra
45 streak #5
Chapter 82: Why did sehun die.....and by the end who is her husband I really need to know.
Indianexol #6
Chapter 46: I am in now episode 46...don't tell me Sehun will die....OMG, I can't read it :(
_nrlfatihah
#7
Chapter 80: its 3am and im a mess with all these tears
Soniabbh #8
Amazingggg