Jinli looked ahead and tried to make a smile spread across her face. The man in front of her was going to be her husband for the rest of her life. He was going to be the one she would attach herself to, and there would be no going back. There was no point arguing, but to make lemonade now that life had handed her lemons.

            While she tried to smile to seal the pain she was feeling inside her, he had his lips pursed, clearly having no inhibition to keep his displeasure inside. She knew it was not the desired outcome for either of them but at least she was trying. Maybe if she could close her eyes and let things happen as they would, she wouldn’t have to see how unwanted she was.

            Her father hugged her and leaned in to whisper, “Thank you, Precious. I’m going to make sure he treats you right. At the same time of finding happiness, you also saved your father’s business. I love you.”

            Jinli’s heart squeezed. Of course it would take a mercenary reason for her father to appreciate her worth. She nodded and smiled at the gathered public, smiling wider until it felt like her face would split open and all the hurt would tumble out. She had, after all, an image to maintain.

            “And now we officially announce the engagement of Jung Daehyun and Cho Jinli,” the minister intoned gravely.

            The man in front of her stepped forward and took out a box. It was a beautiful box. He dropped down on one knee, hitting the ground harder than needed, creating a deadening thud that made her breath shudder. “Jinli,” there was no loving caress in the way he said her name. “I promise to take care of you and never let anything harm you. Please marry me?” It was the coveted sentence every girl wanted to hear, but not like this. Not from a man who she didn’t love, not from a man who was as unwilling as she was.

            As practiced before her mirror, Jinli stepped forward and let a graceful sigh escape her lips, knowing that the paparazzi would be taking pictures. She nodded and Daehyun stood to slide the ring onto her finger. Her heart stopped, and she knew that her life was over. She now had to make do with what she was given.

            Jinli closed her eyes when Daehyun leaned in to brush her lips. Maybe if she imagined hard enough, she could pretend this was the love of her life kissing her gently. Maybe if she imagined hard enough, she could pretend that her impending marriage was one she wanted, one that would make her feel loved. Maybe if she imagined hard enough, she could pour some love into him. She heard his heart against her arm when he held her but it wasn’t beating fast. There was no wild rush of passion between them and she willed her own heart to cease. After all, hearts that beat in sync were meant to be. Theirs didn’t.

***

            “Why would you let your father drag you into his schemes?” Her best friend was seething. “Do you know how far away you’ll be moving? I won’t be able to see you as often now that I’ll be home all day taking care of Jinhee. How can I make sure that he’s treating you right?”

            Jinli couldn’t help but smile genuinely at her friend’s concern for her. “I know your worries. And I know that Busan is far away, but if you can’t come to me, I’ll come to you. Besides, you’ll be there for my wedding.”

            Lili blinked back tears and hugged her. “You’re right. And this is the modern age, after all. You must call me if he acts even remotely rude to you, okay?”

            She nodded and then she was alone. Jinli walked to her bed and sat on it, counting the days until her bachelorette days would be over. The wedding would be soon. The plans had long been in effect since before the public engagement.

            She held out her left hand. What a fancy ring. But the person who gave it to her didn’t fulfill any of her fantasies. He was just someone whom she had met a few times in her life. She barely knew his personality, and goodness knows he didn’t know hers. The three times they had been alone, he had barely told her anything about himself. It had been unhappy experiences. And now, she was getting married to him.

            Jinli wanted to sit and evaluate the true purpose of her life. Yes, she could still continue to work as she did, being an interior designer. She could live her life, but there would no longer be the anticipation, the thrill of a romance. She was stuck with Daehyun and if their marriage was dull, she would have to deal with it.

            Tears overwhelmed her and she wanted to resent her father. She hated him for guilt tripping her, for using the knowledge of how much she craved his love, to force her to go along with any of his plans. She wanted to scream, to hate him. But she couldn’t because it was true. She knew he was using her and yet, she went along with it, simply because she was weak and craved his attention. Jinli was disgusted with herself and she stared at herself in the mirror.

            She was pretty enough. She was a bit on the shorter side but her decent body should make up for it. If Daehyun couldn’t love her, maybe at least, he would find her desirable. Then her feminine side kicked in and she was disgusted all over again. To resort her self-worth to a body was degrading. But there was still that childish hope that through it all, she could make him love her.