~Selina~

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I walked through the school, sighing as I felt some of the girl staring at me as usual. They all found out about my interaction with Yunho and the guys.... seems like they listened to Yunho since no one approached me. Instead, everyone was watching me from afar.. whispering..

Seriously, I'd rather have them hurting me than hearing their words since that hurt much more..

"Watch where you're going"

I looked up to see JaeJoong glaring at me as Changmin and Junsu were behind him

I tried to hold back the words as I looked back at him

"Usually, people.. are looking up and are watching where they're going. Not looking down on their feet. Besides, You can always walk sideways.. you don't need to walk in the middle" JaeJoong said coldly

I didn't know what to say to him

I can't believe that we used to be best friends. I had never seen this side of him. when i started with Yunho at first, I kind of rejected Yunho and JaeJoong didn't say much. He never spoke to me until he really had to and soon.. I was able to know him better and it turned out that he's really.. not that open..

I knew myself that I couldn't judge him by his look and his actions. I had to make him open his heart

I sighed. I had no idea how to approach them since it felt like it was harder now than before

"Do you mind moving or do I have to do it for you?" JaeJoong said annoyed

"Leave her alone Jae. Kah Ja"

Yunho interrupted and just passed us and walked straight down the hall. I knew they were on their way to the music room to sing

"Let's go Hyung" Junsu said

All the guys passed me as Junsu, Changmin and Yoochun were looking at me as if they apologized on JaeJoong's behalf

JaeJoong on the other hand remained still and looked at me

He bended down onto my height and whispered to me

"Just because Yunho's protecting you.. doesn't mean that I'm on his side. I'll be watching you"

He then walked out on me and the cold atmosphere was giving me goosebumps

I spun around and glared at him

What's up with all these cold vibes?

JaeJoong was surely crossing the line

I got out of school and headed home as I tried to not hit every person that was crossing my way. I had to do something. I had to get my anger out

I decided to go out for a run

As soon as I got home, I changed into training clothes, grabbed my Ipod and went out

I ran and ran, didn't care if I felt some blood in my throat, or if my legs were hurting, if my ankle were.

I had to get the frustration out.. everything..

After I had been running around for an hour I got home and got into the shower and then I had supper.

I was still mad but it was better now than before

I was staring at the stuff in my kitchen and I was really restless. Not knowing what to do

Well first of all, I knew that time was kind of running out on me and I was really stressed and it didn't help that I didn't know how to act towards the guys since I couldn't jump out and tell them that I was Selina

Great .. Great .. Great

I didn't have the appetite to eat so I decided to go out for a walk. I grabbed my purse and put on a hat and scarf and went outside with my black coat

It was already dark outside and I could feel the coldness embracing the early evening

As I was walking, I was listening to the music and some of the songs were actually the guy's songs. Some songs they had recorded in a studio.

I remember seeing them perform on the prom's.. school..graduation and such..

A tear fell slightly as I was trying my best to hold them back. It's not going to help if I cry since it's not going to bring them back to me.. besides.. tears were just unnecessary at the moment.

Neither of them cared for me.. and were really cold towards me..

I passed by a flowerstore. I stopped in front of it and I decided I might as well.. visit my own graveyard

I started to laugh sarcastically.. Just saying my own graveyard was giving me spooky and uneasy goosebumps and weird feelings down my spine

I got some of my favourite flowers and started to head towards the graveyard. I saw that the clock was almost 9 pm so i suppose.. there would be no one here

I entered the quiet cemetery, seeing all the candles lightening for the several graves

I rounded the corner and I stopped instantly as I saw Yunho sitting there

I backed a bit and kind of hid myself behind a tree as I watched him.

He crouched and was sitting right next to the grave as he was looking at the sky

I decided to come a bit closer just to be able to hear him since he was kind of moving his lips.

I managed to get to a tree not far away from him

"The sky's.. beautiful.. isn't it?" I heard Yunho say

My grip around the flowers hardened

"I just wish that I would've been able to .. go with you to the mountains to see the sunrise.. and.. take pictures.. and just shout out to the world..."

"How much I love you" I whispered with him at the same time, but quietly so that he wouldn't hear

I knew that that was one of his wishes..

"Let's.. do that.. in the next life .. Ok?"

I wiped away my tears and shook my head

"We're going to do it.. this lifetime... Oppa" I mumbled

I stood up and took a deep breath and walked back to the pavement, hesitating whether I should go to him or not.

In the end, I listened to my heart and approached him

He didn't look at me neither did move. I then tried to make my high heels a bit louder and finally I saw his head spun around and he looked at me a bit surprised

I bowed to him, trying to make it formal as possible, as if I didn't knew him and walked over to the grave

he moved a bit and looked at me quietly as I put the flowers beautifully on 'My' Grave

"Hi.. Selina.. It's.. Yuki"

I felt his eyes on me, going back and forth between the grave and me. I tried to not cry and not let my voice crack as I looked at the grave

Awkward.. to talk to myself.. right?

"How... are .. you up there?"

With shaky hands I touched the stone slightly and then the flowers

Just to avoid his eyes I started to place the flowers beautifully and kind of .. tidying everything up

"I.. brought.. your favourite flowers.. Pretty.. right?" I mumbled

I felt the atmosphere was kind of getting a bit relaxed since Yunho looked at the stone. From the corner of my eye I could even see a small..grin

My heart started to beat faster and I tried to come up with anything.. just to be able to say something about me and Myself 'friendship'

"Uhm.. we.. never.. went.. to .. JeJu Island.." I stuttered

"Jeju Island?" Yunho asked

He finally uttered something

I didn't dare to look at him but kept looking at the stone

"She promised.. me .. a .. girl weekend.. just the two of us... on that Island for a week.." I said slowly

Yunho started to laugh quietly

I looked at him a bit surprised, surprised that he was laughing

"So .. she was planning on leaving her boyfriend behind huh?"

I smiled at him as he sighed

"Seems.. like you weren't able to keep all of your promises Jagiya~~"

I looked back at the stone as I heard those words.. He was still calling me Jagiya~~

"Don't Cry.. Don't cry" I kept mumbling to myself

"You.. were.. close to her?" Yunho asked slowly and looked at me

I didn't dare to look at him so I kept my face straight, staring at the stone

"We.. were.. uhm.."

"You..?"

"Childhoodfriends.."

"Child.. hood .. friends?" He stuttered

I nodded

"How.. come she never told me about you?" He asked

Right.. right.. Stupid stupid me.. I have to come up with another lie now..

"Ehm.. I just.. got back here.."

"From?"

"Japan.." I said

"But.. Your.. Korean's really.. good" He said

"Oh.. Nae~~.. it's because.. Selina taught me.. and we went to a korean school together.. over there.."

"oh.. Pan gap ssumneeda" Yunho said

I looked at him and for the first time, i was able to look at him, so closely

He looked at me a bit suspicious

"Something.. wrong?"

I shook my head instantly and looked at the stone

"I know.. I don't.. look to well.."

No Oppa.. You don't.. you've gotten skinnier.. and your eyes.. are swollen.. your noes red.. and you look worn out..

I forced myself to look at him again as he looked at the stone

"You.. look worn out.. Tired.. and.. you've gotten skinnier as well"

"How do you know I have gotten skinnier?" He asked and faced me

Oops.. now what?

"Ehm.. uhm..Selina.. she sent me pictures of you" I said

He frowned at me and then he nodded slowly

"Oh.. I see"

"You should eat more.. and not.. stop eating" I said

He chuckled

"How can I eat.. when.. I don't.. feel like it? WHen I'm not hungry?" He said quietly

I looked at Yunho with pity, trying to not touch him or hug him... or comfort him. It was too early.. I can't loose this chance

"Selina wouldn't want that.."

He sighed

"How do you know?"

I let out a sigh

"We were.. childhoodfriends.. The reason she never.. told anyone about me.. was because.. she moved away.. from Japan I think.. and I guess she kind of forgot me.. But then we found each other again.. and got even more close. So I think I know Selina pretty well.. more than anyone" I said confident

Of course I know MYSELF.. it's me we're talking about

"Oh.. right"

I stood up slowly and looked at him

Afraid that the other guys might come soon, I decided to leave first. I didn't want to risk this chance to get close to him if JaeJoong was in the way..

He would probably make me stay away from Yunho

"I'll.. be leaving first.. It's getting late.."

Yunho nodded

"You're not going?" I asked

He shook his head

"I think.. I'm going to stay a little more"

Inside my chest, the heart was yearning for his touch but even though I was standing right next to him, not more than a few inches to touch him, I still wasn't able to touch him or be close to him

"You should go home... So that Selina can rest"

"Rest?" He asked

I wiped away the tears as I looked at him. He stood up slowly and looked at me

"She's.. probably looking down on us.. and.. I don't think her heart will be able to be at ease.. if you're out this late.. and torturing yourself with not eating.. How will she be able to look at you with peace if you're like this?" I said quietly

I waited for the worse thing to happen. Him snapping at me like the first night but he stayed quiet and instead he let out a sigh

"You think so?" He asked.. slowly

I looked up and surprisingly I nodded

"Let her have some peace.. Visit everyday.. if you want.. how much you want.. but.. you need to live.. She's watching over us.. but.. even.. angels.. need to rest"

I threw one last glance at him before I walked away. My steps became faster as I tried to get away.

I tried to not look back since the tears were streaming down

"You have to listen to me. You have to live Oppa.. I don't want.. to see you.. closing your eyes forever.. Not until I can join you.."