It's been long since I started this story

and long since I updated

actually, with my studies and other obligations I even haven't found the time to check this site as often as I used to

and I got pleasantly surprised when I got the notification for a comment on my story, since I haven’t uploaded anything in more than 2 years I think

I dig around my computer and found a few drafts of this story, sadly no ending, but I decided to post them

and thank you @tttham for your comment, which reminded me

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Ren was staring at the buzzing phone on her dining table, she had her work papers there and computer with bunch of mail but she just could not concentrate. Siwon was calling again, she felt so tired. Tired of pretending and holding in her emotions. Suddenly her life felt like those Spanish soap dramas she likes to watch sometimes on TV, they are all about romance and forbidden love.

Love, something she’s been craving for since she was a child.

She tried to convince herself that being good friends with Kyuhyun and Siwon was all the love she needed. But somehow the friendship love isn’t enough anymore. With every year passing by it was harder and harder to suppress and hide the desire for something more than just a friendship.

She fancied Myungsoo the second she laid her eyes on him, back in high school. He was her first love and she has good memories of him, but after high school the problems arise. It became obvious that all they had was a naive teenage love that should have ended with their graduation.

That’s when she realized that there was someone else that made her heart beat even faster than L. There was someone who stood by her in good and bad, listened to her problems and made her laugh. They spend so much time together went on so many trips and still she couldn’t find the right time to express her feelings.

She waited too long and another woman stole her love right in front of her eyes. It was painful to watch them, the pain pushed her to the edge and she decided to gamble everything and tell him of her love. She still had bad dreams of that night. 

The night was warm, the oceans waves played a calm and relaxing melody. Small fire provided light for a couple of friends sitting down in sand. 

“What do you think of her?” Ren turned to her best friend. Kyuhyun’s cheeks were flushed pink and his eyes lazy, blinking every few seconds he was on the verge of passing out from all the alcohol. “..huh?” that’s what all he could master. “I’m talking about Sooyoung!” Ren reluctantly responded. “What about her?” Kyuhyun leaned back on the ground. “I don’t like her…” Ren sighed “ I really, really, really don’t like her.” Her voice tuned down to a whisper, taking deep breath she continued. “She gives me this weird feeling and sometimes she’s really mean, is it just me?” Shaking her head, she teaks a sip from the beer bottle. “..she’s … jealous … and you …” Kyuhyun didn’t make much sense anymore and was slowly started to doze off. Ren’s heart skipped a beat, did he know anything? She lays down next to him, her eyes facing the stars.

They successfully finished their school year and took a trip together, like they did every year since first year of high school. However, this one was special, in the middle of the year Siwon started dating Sooyoung lean, tall and beautiful girl, but definitely two faced in Ren’s opinion. Ren had to try really hard to keep her away from this trip she felt this will be their last one and wanted to keep it like it should be, herself, Kyu and Siwon forever. She decided, since this will probably be the last time she might as well tell Siwon her true feelings, which are more, way more than the ones of a friend. If he doesn’t push her away Soooung definitely will, just like she has been ever since they met.

“I should have said something sooner…” Tears bottled up in the corner of her eyes, she sat back up again and took deep breaths. “You can do this, you can do this.” She whispered to herself. She decided to have another beer for courage, and started chugging it down when out of nowhere a figure sat down beside her. She started violently coughing. “…S-siwon?” His hand landed on her back, caressing it for cough to pass. When she could speak again, taking a deep breath she turned to him. “Siwon I want to … tell you something? Are you ok?” She stopped when she noticed just how pale her friend was, it was like the spirit has left his body. “What’s wrong?” Her hand moved up and swept the hair out of his face and combed it back, then lovingly caressed his rough cheek. “Siw-…” “She’s pregnant” “-on” They said in unison. Siwon brought his hand up to hers. “Ren, she’s pregnant.” He repeated himself, holding her hand he moved it away and lounged his body forward to tightly hug her in a whisper he repeated. “She’s pregnant…” It was like someone punched all the air out of her chest, holding back her tears she hugged him with all her might. And they say it’s never too late. There is no point in telling the truth now, it would only complicate things, even if he did care for her, with the baby Sooyoung just won the lotto and all the chances went down the drain. Siwon is an amazing man, there is not a doubt in her that he won’t take responsibility for this.

And she was right summer time, two years later Sooyoung became Mrs. Choi and Ren was there watching her go down the aisle it was like with each step she took, she pushed another knife in Ren’s heart.

Her buzzing phone disturbed her trail of thought. She shivered at the name displayed, it was again Siwon calling, just how long will she be able to keep this happy facade on. At the same time her doorbell rings, she should have just answered the first time he called, she should have known that otherwise there would be a chance he will just show up at her front doors and it looked like she was right. Taking a sip of water, patting her cheeks on the way to the doors she tries to collect herself a little. She puts on a smile and her hand reaches for the handle.

“I’m fine, really, I ..” Opening the door her eyes are averted down her mind is racing for good excuses. Looking up she’s not met with the expected person. And a harsh slap across her face sets her to reality.

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