Jongin------ The warm air of Summer welcomes me as I take a deep breathe, it’s been a while since I’ve been in this place. This wide green field, where everything had started.   September 2005   “Hello I’m Do Kyungsoo, Freshman.” I peek to my left and I could swear that everything and everyone around us stops, and I could only watch as his lips turns into a heart-shape when he smiles, and how his big dough eyes would glistered while he greeted our classmates. His small figure not even enough to block me from the sun rays coming from the window beside him, making a perfect silhouette of him.   “Thanks Kyungsoo, you may now sit, next person.” Mr. Kang, our homeroom teacher said.   “Kim Jongin,  First Year.” That’s the only words I could alter, I was too stunned. Kyungsoo. That’s his name. The man that I think….will make this year wonderful.     When Mr. Kang told me to go back into my seat, I breath in, trying to stop myself from taking a glance to the boy beside me, but in my surprise he did the unexpected.    “Hi Jongin, I’m Kyungsoo, let’s be friends?” I look beside me and there he is flashing the most adorable smile I’ve ever seen in my life, his left hand extending towards my direction.   What should I do? Is it fine to touch his hand this fast? This sudden?    I stared to the hand extending to me, his hand looks so fragile, I feel like I would left a bruise or mark if I hold on it, what if I shake his hand too hard? Oh no, I won’t risk hurting this boy.    I look up to him to just tell him it‘s nice too meet him, but darn it his dark brown orbs is too hypnotizing, I suddenly felt my cheeks heating up, leaving me with no choice, but to turn around and hide my burning cheeks.   Do Kyungsoo, you got me in a second.   “Well, It’s nice to meet you.” I heard him said.   My pleasure meeting you.   --------------------   For the rest of my morning after my homeroom, It because I didn’t get to have any class with Kyungsoo, neither meet any new friends.   Lunch came and I don’t feel like eating, mom packed me lunch but I don’t have the appetite, this whole High school thing is still new for me, and I don’t wanna be caught in this chaos that is happening in the lounge.   I walk around the school until I was lead to the back field of the school. It wasn’t busy, in fact there’s only seniors playing slash practicing football.   So I decided to take my noon nap.    Covering my head with my cap, I closed my eyes, the sun shines so bright, I can feel the warm ray touching my skin, when all of a sudden my neck lost the warmth.    Sensing that someone is there I tried to remain calm, it might be one of those girls who tries to bug me the whole morning.   But as I peek through the side of my cap, I realized it wasn’t one of those annoying girls, it’s him.   Do Kyungsoo.   “Done watching?”    I didn’t know why I said that. But I feel like I owe him a conversation after I declined him this morning.   “You’re shadow…It’s covering me to the heat of the sun..” I reasoned. What a lame excuse.   When I heard him back away, my instinct told me to stop him, that I have to talk to this guy or else I won’t have the opportunity.   “Kyungsoo, right?” I asked as I looked up managing to show him my friendly side, opposite from the attitude I had gave him this morning.   “I’m sorry I wasn’t in the mood this morning.” I explained.   “Uh…” he mutter lowering his head. His cute.   “Uh, yeah. That’s fine..uh.. I have to go.. Umm..yeah .. I..lunch.” he even stuttered. Does it mean his also feeling shy ?    I managed to stop myself from laughing loudly when I realize that he just came up with the most obvious excuse.   “But…Isn’t that your lunch?” I asked pointing to the ground.   I watch as his cheeks turned into deeper shade of pink contrasting with his milky skin.   I need to know this guy. As I watch him try to pick up his ‘lunch’ , I decided this is now the best chance to know Do Kyungsoo.   “It’s dirty now…Let me buy you another one?”    Warm…. Summer is ending and it’s extra warm.         It was the start, at first I thought it would also end there, but I was wrong, this green field in front of my eyes, this was where I fell in love for the first time.    But now, this green field will be the place that would remind me of how stupid I was before. Sighing, I enter the building that serves as my favourite place, because it’s where me and him sticked together like the astro twins.       September 2006   “14344” A girl stand in front of me holding up a cupcake in front of my face.   Chanyeol, one of my team mates stop talking and froze beside me. -The moment he heard about me getting a detention, he gets all so giddy and teased me about it, even offered me that he would walk me to the room.-   I give the girl a look trying to ask her what’s happening, Chanyeol tap my shoulder and whispered, “She’s confessing to you.”    And that makes sense. I look at her with a smile, “You’re pretty, and I bet you’re smart as well, and I think you deserve someone better than me.” I tried to sound assertive. Because I hate it when girls cry because I rejected them.   Luckily, the girl showed me a grin, “Thanks, You’re the first guy who said I’m pretty.” and she turn around, but I didn’t miss that tear that escape her eyes.   “Dude, you’re famous.” Chanyeol tease.   I just sigh. Feeling guilty.   “14344, So girls still do use those, huh..” Chanyeol mumble to himself.   14344.…   Earlier today:     “Sorry, Mrs. Woo asked me to help her with the boxes full of textbooks.” it’s lunch time and I had told Kyunsoo to wait for me in my locker.   “It’s fine. I didn’t actually wait that long. Now faster coz I’m starving.” D.O whined like a kid.   This is why he manage to make me feel greedy towards him.    I patted his head, I’ve been doing this since we got closer. I feel like he will get the hint if I do.   “Okay, let me just put my stuff inside and---WOAH..” papers overflow from my locker. This again?  And it has to be this much when Kyungsoo is actually beside me? REALLY?   “Confession letter? On first day of school? Really?” I whined.   I made my way towards the trash bin, mad and really embarrass that Kyungsoo might misunderstood.   “YA-Yah what are you doing?” he asked spreading his arms to cover the bin.   “Throwing them?” I said, there’s no point of reading them, it won’t change what I’m feeling right now towards this squishy little thing that is trying to act all so mighty covering the bin as if I can’t push him in one go. His just adorable.    “I know that, but why are you throwing them?” he asked. I heaved a sigh and look deep in his eyes.   Why can’t you understand that I don’t want any of them? That I would only be reading a letter if the writer comes by the name of do Kyungsoo? Why can’t you not understand that I am head over hells over you since day 1, that I am having a hard time keeping everything into myself. That the words ‘I love you’ always wants to escape from my mouth whenever you flash me those warm smile?   “Because I’m not interested in any of this.” I said firm and stern.     “Well, don’t you think it’s cruel to just throw them? I mean they put their efforts to write them, at least take time reading it … maybe…just maybe you’ll have someone you’ll be interested with..” he said.    Do Kyungsoo, you’re smart, but you’re really gullible.    “I don’t like any of them, and I won’t like any of them” I replied, gently pushing him to the side and dumped the letters to the bin.   I walked towards my locker angry, ashamed, and confuse. I don’t like it when me and Lyungsoo have arguments. It’s awful.   “Jongin-ah .!” I looked towards Kyung, his face more brighter unlike a minute ago.   “14344”    “Yah, Chanyeol..what’s with those numbers?” I nudge him, I am pretty sure Kyungsoo at lunch before meant something more than my locker number. And I was right !    “tell me faster.” I urge him.   “14344, girls secret code for ‘I love you very much’.”      ------------------------- “See the lockers from here to the end of the hall ? I want both of you to squat and march from here to there, back and forth. Now go. I’ll be inside, if you two dare to cheat……?” Mr. Jung keeps on talking but all I could think about is those numbers.    Could it be that Kyungsoo knew about the meaning behind it? Is it possible that he actually----   “Understand?” Mr. Jung asked waking me up in my trance.   I nodded and crouch down.   I marched down the hallway, my mind too occupied to even hear what Kyungsoo is saying.   “Sorry..”  That’s the only word I caught. It’s not actually completely his fault. If only I control my temper earlier, then he wouldn’t be screaming those….numbers.   “Forget it.” I answered coldly just to drop this subject. But he keeps on going.   “I won’t blame you if you’re mad, it’s after all my fault, if I didn’t slammed that locker then we wouldn’t be --”   “14344..” I blurted out.   No. it was too sudden. What should I do now? What if he does know about that code? What if he wasn’t actually pointing towards my locker….    “Uh…Wh-what-” Oh no, don’t ask me.. No question… please, what should I say? Uh…..   “There. My locker.” I  pointed up. I look beside me, and yes, he was right, there is his locker, ‘14344’.   Of course what am I expecting? As if he will know. As if he will understand. As if he will figure out the hidden meaning of that locker number.   “Right. Your locker.”    Soon after, I noticed how Kyung decreased his pace, and without any hesitation, I lifted my self up, marching towards him, I’m sure what I want to do.    I want to protect Kyung.    “Yah..what are you doing..!” he protested, but I couldn’t care less. Not when I know his in pain.   Of course I’m also in pain, but who cares? Kyungsoo is much more important than the cramps in my legs.   “Wha-what are you doing?” He asked.   Isn’t it obvious?    “I wanna enjoy the last day of summer.” with you.    As I walk down the field, kyungsoo in my arms, I didn’t realize how much my legs is crying in pain, I guess Kyungsoo noticed it, and told me to put him down. I do as I told.   But as soon as I let Kyungsoo down, an un-intention escape in me, Kyungsoo is not in my arms anymore… “Summer is ending…and it’s extra warm.”       If only I wasn’t a big coward then maybe his still in my arms.    But it’s all over, I missed all the chance.          September 2007   “Jongin-shi?” I look up from the book I’m reading and saw a girl. Maybe same year or a year younger.   “Yes?” Is she confessing? Oh please no, she looks so innocent and fragile, she might not take rejection.    “Uh….You know how the whole school know about you being the closet person to Kyungsoo?”    Wait ! Don’t tell me this girl heard a rumour about me and Kyung??   “Uh..yes, what about that?”    I watched her look around the library, before she pulls out a pink envelop, she held it in front of me and bow, “Please help me pass this note to him sunbae-nim.”    I stare at her wide eyes, “wh-what ?”    She looks up to me, her cheeks crimsoned of red, “I-I don’t know how to give this to Kyungsoo Sunbae, so I thought you might help me passing my note to him. Jebal Sunbae, I really like Kyunsoo.”    And there was a pang in my chest.   I don’t know why but I was hesitant and scared. Now that someone admire him, a girl.    A lovely girl, I’m afraid I have to step back now.    “Oh, of course. What’s your name again?” I asked faking a smile, as I reached to that pink envelop.   “Krystal. Jung Krystal.” she smiled and bow.   “Kamsahamnida Sunbae-nim.” She grin widely, happy that finally, Kyungsoo will know what she’s feeling.   At least this girl have the courage, even if it’s through a paper, at least she tried.    She’s lucky Kyungsoo might even accept her confession.   I asked her what’s her last class for the day so I can inform her about what happened; if Kyungsoo accepted it or not.   Call me cruel but I preferred the second option.   “Ms. Choi, 3-B downstairs.” she answered and thank me once again before heading out.   ------- After our professor kicked us out in the class, I decided it was the right moment to bring up Krystal.   After all the girl is expecting something from me.    But as I seeing Kyungsoo laugh, I realized it’s hard.    Because Kyungsoo should be mine.    As his laugh faded, and slowly the atmosphere, weirdly tuned silent, I remember, Krystal. I’m being unfair if I just neglect her.    And so, even if its hard, I have to give it a shot.   “Kyung..?” I whispered. Praying that I get the answer I wanted.    “Oh?” he looks at me with those eyes, the eyes that had welcome me the first day we met. The eyes that I fell in love in a split of second. That big dough eyes that will always be one of my weakness.   And as I watch his brown orbs stare at me in expectation, I have to ask myself, Am I doing the right thing?    “What do you think about Krystal?” The words just spills out and I don’t know why, but as soon as I said those words, his eyes turns dark, he stares at me like I just said something that he never expected I would said.     “Kyung..” I called his name, I like it when his name escaped from my lips, it’s as if I’m calling an angel. Call me selfish but I want to be the only one that can call Kyungsoo, Kyung.    “Oh..yeah..”  What’s ‘Oh yeah?’ Oh yeah that you like Krystal or ‘Oh yeah’ Krystal is okay.   “that’s it?” I have to ask. I just have to ask him.     “Yeah. I think she’s good.” and that’s the only words that were needed to make everything came crashing down.    -----------     After school, I went to meet Krystal.   I enter her classroom, and the moment she sees me, her face was full of expectation, and I thought, this girl is lucky, she’s lucky that Kyung would be with her.    “I haven’t given your letter yet. But I’ve mention you to him. And he said he knows you.”   “that’s it?” she asked me with a pout.   No. “Yes.”    I guess I was stupid back then.    December 2008   “Yah have you heard?” Chanyeol nudge my side.   Honestly, I’m not in the mood for anything. Kyungsoo have been absent for almost a two weeks now, and on top of that, he didn’t answer any of my call.    “Yah Jongin .!” Chanyeol shakes my shoulder, I let out a groan signalling him to talk.   “Kyungsoo is at the office right now.” And that caught my attention.   I immediately look up to him and tell him to continue.   “I heard his here because his getting a