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❁Crimson Twilight Review Shop❁ {PAUSED/Finishing requests}Dear Rosaline
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/627823/dear-rosaline-oneshot-romance-ficcharacter-exo-exok-sehun-contestentry
About: Sehun(Exo)+OC, romance, breakup, romeo and juliet, rosaline, high school, angst
Ahri
Finished 4/26/14
Title: 5/5 Perfect. Even it relates directly, I love it because it's so simple.
Foreword: 9/10 For your description, the font is too big, and big fonts don't compliment your story. They make it worst. Other than lowering the size of your font, your description is good.
Before I read the story, I was wondering if Rose was Rosaline until I read your story. That is such a unique and great way to put your story and foreword together. I love it.
Plot: 20/20 At first, when I read chapter one, my first thought after seeing Mi-Ya run to Sehun's rescue, I was thinking, "What a cliché scene." That was, until I read on and saw the major twist you added with Mi-Ya being sweet to the guys and trying to buy time for Sehun to leave instead of rushing in and getting caught, leading to Sehun rescuing her. Another really unexpected twist was Sehun stargazing instead of leaving which really highlights his carefree personality.
Overall, you did an amazing job with the plot because you set it up in a way that would make people think "This is kind of cliché" but then you add in all sorts of twists and turns that changes your story and makes it completely different. The plot is really unique, and I love the ending and how the secret behind Sehun's sudden break-up is revealed.
Characters: 20/20 Your characters are described so well, and you somehow make Sehun's actions seem logical. While reading this, your characters really made me root for them, so when they broke up, I was really upset over it. To be able to move the reader so well, you did an excellent job, and there are no mistakes at all. I love how Mi-Ya is a clever and cunning heroine instead of the typical cute damsel-in-distress (like when she fought off the gangsters earlier with words instead of having Sehun rescue her). Sehun is also this dorky guy who makes random choices, but the way you describe them make them sound reasonable.
Grammar and Spelling: 19/20 Normally, I would say that you switch tenses too much, but you're writing this as a letter to Rosaline, right? In this case, you are doing a good job with your tenses. You don't have any mistakes except for the one below.
1. P(aragraph)1 "Why did Shakespeare chose to develop your..." should be 'Why did Shakespeare choose to develop your...'
Enjoyment: 5/5 The characters and plot twists really helped make this story shine. They are organized very well, and the character development is superb.
Structure: 4/5 In a story, any number lower than ten has to be written in word form, so in capter one, when you wrote "3", it should be 'three'. Otherwise, everything is neat and organized.
Overall: 82/85=96 The story is written perfectly. The only things that are off are minor mistakes like the font size of your foreword and the typo in paragraph one of your story. The characters and plot are perfect, so there aren't any changes necessary. The one thing that I didn't mention at all above is the mood of your story. Since your plot and characters are written really well, there isn't a need for a mood. I just want to say that if you add a mood into your story like a "snowy winter" mood, for example, it would really add a HUGE impact to the enjoyment of your story. It would definitely give the readers the warm, tranquil feeling of reading this inside their house, in front of a blazing fireplace with a cup of hot chocolate in front of them while there is a snow storm outside. Of course, you don't have to do a winter theme; that was only an example.
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