Jinah’s main focus for the next week was Baekhyun. Jinah knew him well enough to know he was suffering, but knowing how he was, he refused to show it.

Instead he faked a smile and acted like he was okay. Jinah knew he did that because he felt like he had to. Baekhyun had to live his life, he had to wake up every morning even when the home he was waking up in felt lonely, betrayed, and angry. Baekhyun smiled because he had to.

Every time he was with the group she wondered if he was really going to keep laughing at Luhan’s horrible jokes, she wondered if he could ace that English essay, she wondered if he could he could do it. He did, for an entire week he did.

Jinah smiled because she wanted to make Baekhyun feel better. If anything wasn’t that what friends were for? Friends were supposed to be there for each other, they were a companion that you depended on as they depend on you. Someone who made you laugh, made you happy, even made you annoy once in a while.

She thought Baekhyun was doing well despite the fact that he was lying to everyone.

So imagine the look on her face when her best friend, the person who had been forcing that plastic smile for the whole week came stomping into the antique shop. He was visibly distraught. He was trying to calm himself down because it looked like he just ran around the entire block, he was panting and out of breath.

She didn’t need to ask him what was wrong, it was obvious. She didn’t need to say anything, no words of comfort, and no words of pity. She just needed to be there to make him forget. Sometimes forgetting the pain was the only temporary option.

Kahi was behind organizing inventory and there were only a few customers in the shop.

“Break time Jinah.” Kahi stated causing Jinah to whip her head around to face her boss. She swore Kahi was doing inventory in the back. Did Baekhyun really that much noise when he stormed in?

“…But-”

“It’s your break, go.” Kahi insisted eying the teenager boy by the entrance of her store. She knew that look all too well.

“Thank you, I’ll be back in 30 minutes.” Jinah responded but Kahi shook her head not liking that idea.

“You’re done today, go home.” Kahi insisted and Jinah was about to protest but when she saw that look in Baekhyun’s eyes she couldn’t refuse the offer. Jinah hated seeing Baekhyun like this. She missed the cheerful Baekhyun who would make her smile without even attending to.  

Now it was her turn to be the one who made him smile, she only wished she knew how.

-----

It was dark by now, the streets were deserted and quiet, the sky painted a dark navy shade as the stars twinkled brightly. The pale white moon and the glowing streetlights were the only form of light. The night was cold and chilly but both were wrapped up thickly in jackets, hats, scarves, and gloves. The snow contrasting from the light made the world glow in yellow and silver hues. They walked down the street side by side, neither mumbling a single word. Baekhyun calmed down now. After he apologized to Kahi for storming into her shop and shocking all the customers the two left.

Jinah waited patiently for Baekhyun to speak, because she knew that no matter what she said, he would never listen, not until he was ready to. So she waited, she waited so patiently like she always had.

She wondered what was going on in his head, she wondered what sort of battles he was fighting day in and day out, and she questioned if his battles were similar to hers. Could they be? Could the struggles everyone face in their lives be similar to that of your best friend, your next door neighbor, that kid you pass in the hallway every day, that person living half way around the world?

“What are you thinking about?’ Baekhyun finally spoke, and his question caught her off guard.

Jinah coughed, clearing before she answered, “If Mrs. Lee from down the street has a hard time waking up in the morning too.” She answered and she knew her answer surprised him. What she wasn’t expecting was him to laugh. She missed that, hearing him laugh. It was one of the most precious things you can hear, laughter.

She stopped in her tracks and slowly turned towards him, “What? I’m serious.” She commented matter-of-factly.

“You have the oddest thoughts sometimes.” He stated and she pouted, “Why would Mrs. Lee concern you?”

“You wouldn’t get it Baek.”

“Try me.” He pressed and she knew he was testing her.

“Sometimes I wonder if people all feel the same. Sometimes I question if we’re all going through the same things, and just like everybody else we refuse to let it get to us, we refuse to give up, we refuse to stop trying. Sometimes I wonder if Mrs. Lee has to force herself to get up in the morning even when she feels like the entire universe is after her….or if Luhan feels the same, or Soojin, or Kahi, or you. Sometimes I just want to know if everyone feels like….me.”

Baekhyun was real quiet after that, all he did was grab onto Jinah’s arm and pull her along as they began walking again. The quiet was not her friend because she was scared of what the quietness brought.

 “How did you do it?” He asked, it sounded more like a plea for help. He eyes flickered with pain and she wished with all her heart she could intake all his pain and forced it upon herself instead of him.

“Do what?” She asked.

“How did you survive after your dad died?” He asked hesitantly.  Jinah’s father was a sensitive topic and Baekhyun barely ever mentioned her father unless it was close to the anniversary of her father’s death. Each and every year he would accompany Jinah to her father’s grave. He would patiently wait by the gates and wait for her as she spoke to her daddy.

Jinah frowned sadly remembering her father’s death all those years ago. Jinah was only a child, a naïve, innocent child who never thought of death until death was standing at her doorstep, stealing her father from her.

Losing someone you love isn’t easy. It’s never supposed to be. You were going to suffer and cry, get angry, be in denial, blame yourself, blame others. It was a confusing age where nothing in the world makes sense, and you will struggle to find answers only to realize there were none. She survived though, and she knew why she did. She had a guardian angel with her the whole time.

“I had you.” She answered softly hoping the slight blush on her cheeks weren’t visible. “I had someone who was there for me, Baek. You were there for me. You forced me to get up every Saturday morning to go watch the damn sunrise, you forced me to study my off, you made me laugh when I felt like crying.”

Baekhyun huffed out loudly, “Yeah, but what about me, I don’t have anyo-“

“Don’t you dare say you don’t have anyone!” She cut him off. “You do Baek, you have people who care about you, people who want to be there for you. So what if your father betrayed your trust, so what if your mother and father refuse to speak…you have other people who care about you.”

“Like who?”

Like me Baek, “Soojin.”

“You think so?”

“Yes you idiot, of course. The poor girl was crying buckets when she found out, she was there for you each and every minute, she cares Baek.”

“Thanks Jinah.”

“Anytime Baek. Come on, let’s get some ice cream.” She stated pulling him towards their favorite café.

“For a girl’s whose nose and cheeks are bright red from the cold, you’re still so willing to eat ice cream. I will never understand you.” He complained but pulled her along to the café anyways.

“Believe me, I ask myself that all the time.” She replied as the two broke into laughter. Yeah, sometimes even in the midst of chaos, you find a way to forget the struggles.