“Why not, this school is close by and everyone else I know has children going there.” Her mother suggested. Jinah didn’t like her mother trying to control where she went for college. In Jinah’s eyes, she was going to college, not her mother.

“I don’t like the school.” She answered meekly, rinsing her bowl before she grabbed her bag, prepared to leave for school.

She didn’t even manage to reach the door before her mother threw her glass cup against the wall. The cup kissed the wall before breaking into tiny fragments and falling onto the ground.

“Why are you such a brat. Can’t you just listen to me for once. Go to this school Jinah. All the smart kids go, why can’t you!” She screamed angrily. Jinah gave no reaction to her mother’s words. “You’re such a disappointment. Why can’t you just be a good girl. You’re not smart, you’re not pretty, you’re not good at anything, so just listen to me before you throw your life away.” She scowled.

Jinah winced at the effect her mother’s words had on her. She was a disappointment. She wasn’t smart, she wasn’t pretty, she wasn’t talented, this was how her mother saw her.

If only her mother knew, if only she could imagine how her words cut her daughter every time she made a careless insult. Her mother pushed all the anger towards her, even when she was not at fault. Everything was Jinah’s fault. Everything that was wrong in her life was put on her daughter.  

Jinah couldn’t voice her opinions, or tell her mother how she felt. She was trapped in a cage, her wings pinned down and taped shut.

“Why are you still here you ungrateful brat, you’re late for school.” He mother hissed. Jinah nodded before opening the front door and running out. Her heart ached but she managed to put on a pretty little façade as she quickly walked to school.

It didn’t use to be like this, it used to be different when her father was alive. He was the one who raised her, the one who taught her everything she knew. He was her father, her guardian, her teacher. Her father was everything to her. Then god had to take him away.

Sometimes Jinah wished she could just rise with the sun and fly away with the horizon. She wanted to fly free like a bird, fearless, untamed, wild, and powerful. She could travel the seven seas, see the beauty the world had to offer beyond this town, she could escape. Then night set in and dark shadows reach out to pull her back, throwing her back into her cage.  

As she walked she told herself that Baekhyun would make everything okay. He would lift up her mood, he would make her smile, he would make her laugh, like always. It was always Baekhyun that she needed. When she needed medicine to aid her weak heart, he was her medicine.

The result however was different than what she expected. “Hey Baek,” She stated, forcing a smile onto her face as she approached him. He was waiting by the entrance of the school, his hands stuffed in his pants, he looked at her and smiled.

“Hey Jinah.” He responded happily waving at her.

“What are you doing?” She asked out of curiosity. Usually Baekhyun would be inside talking to their friends.

“Why?” He rebutted.

“Just asking.” She responded. She noticed how his eyes glanced around as if searching for someone. She finally understood why he was here.

“Soojin!” Baekhyun shouted when he finally found his girlfriend. Jinah inwardly frowned but said nothing. It was normal for boyfriends to wait for their girlfriends anyways.

“She looks kind of down.” Baekhyun commented, not knowing realizing that his best friend beside him was feeling like .

“You should go talk to her then.” Jinah suggested trying to encourage her best friend, but inwardly she wished he would see that she was feeling horrible. Secretly she wished he noticed, like all the times before.

“Yeah I should. Go inside first.” He commented before running in the direction Soojin was walking from. Jinah could tell Soojin looked sad. She could see the way Soojin’s eyes were casted down and how her shoulders slumped hopelessly. Jinah knew because she felt like it too.

Jinah wasn’t in denial. She was jealous of Soojin because the younger girl had something she could never have. Baekhyun’s heart. Jinah didn’t complain or voice her opinions because she knew she had no right. The truth was, Jinah liked Soojin. She saw strength in Soojin. Soojin was kind, modest, beautiful and smart.

Jinah watched as Baekhyun wrapped his arms around Soojin’s thin waist and pulled her into a tight hug, the kind that someone really needed when their emotions were just bursting to tear open. The kind of hug that reassured you that someone does care, and no matter how dark the day looks, someone will always care about you. It was the type of hug Jinah needed right now.

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Jinah was slowly making her way home when she was attacked by none other than her best friend. “Hey Jinah.” He sang happily. She forced a smile onto her face when she saw him. How is it that someone could smile so brightly when she was so bitterly down. The entire day she faked everything. She tried acting like her mother's comments weren't bothering her but it was so difficult when the woman who gave birth to you saw you as a disappointment.  It hurts, it hurts so bad.

“Hey Baek.” She replied softly as she continued walking. He fell into pace with her, walking calmly next to her.

“I need some advice.” He revealed, giving her that clueless lost boy look Jinah found oh-so adorable.

She tilted her head towards him but never stopped walking, “What kind of advice?”

“Soojin’s been kind of sad lately, and honestly I don’t know what to do. I mean, yeah I’m always there for her, but at the same time-“

“You don’t know if that’s what she wants.” Jinah finished for him. He quickly nodded and Jinah smiled at this side of him. He was like a little boy on his first day of kindergarten, so eager to learn.

“When a girl is upset, she just needs someone to lean on, someone to be there.” Jinah began sadly, trying not to think of herself. Baekhyun needed her to help him right now. It wasn’t time for her to think of her own needs. Her best friend came first. “She just needs a shoulder to lean on, someone to hug her, someone to hold her. I mean, you don’t even have to say anything, just be there for her. Sometimes that’s enough. Comfort is enough” She turned towards Baekhyun who nodded thoughtfully at the details she was giving him.  

“When you ask her if she’s okay,” Jinah added giving Baekhyun a knowing smile, “Most likely she’s going to say yes, she’s going to say she’s okay even if we all know she’s not. Why? Well, because girls are complicated like that. Even when we’re broken we try acting like we’re okay. It’s a sad façade everyone sees through, if they try hard enough. Every smile, every look, every single kind word, every single ‘yes, I’m alright’ nod, it’s all a façade. ”

She thought bitterly about her mother and tried not to let those thoughts overtake her, though it was so hard at the moment.

“So just be there, be there for her.” Jinah stated, she looked down at the snow underneath her feet, “…and if you can, make her laugh. One of the best things you can do when a girl is sad is make her laugh. Make her laugh so loud the entire world can hear, make her laugh like a careless child, make her truly laugh, the kind of laugh that makes her forget everything bad that’s happening in her life.”

Jinah kept walking, lost in her thoughts, not realizing that Baekhyun had stopped walking. She walked on ahead. Her thoughts were clouded on what her mother.

“Hey Jinah.” He called out at her; she quickly whipped around to face him.

A laugh escaped from her lips when she saw Baekhyun trying to miserably juggle three snowballs. Her laugh was the kind of laugh heard from a child blowing bubbles in summer, the kind of laugh emitted from happiness and innocence. 

“What are you trying to do Baek?” She questioned a bright smile still on her face watching one of the snowballs fall and break, slowly blending in with the rest of the snow.

“I was trying to make a sad girl laugh. Looks like it worked.” He revealed and just like that she fell in love with him all over again.

Baekhyun smiled, a glorious bright smile before he walked up to her. He slowly put his hands out and caressed either side of her face. “Stupid, whenever you feel upset, you know you can talk to me. I’m your best friend remember.”

Yeah, best friends. That’s all they ever were.

“I know. Thanks Baek, for everything.”

“Anytime.” He answered before stepping away. His hands left her skin and she felt the warmth of his palms fade away as the cold returned.

“I have to find Soojin and make sure she’s okay. I have to go.” He remembered. Before she could even muster a word he was gone, running back up the road back to school. He must really love Soojin she thought walking down the dead winter road alone. 

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This chapter is truly bittersweet for me. Just Jinah's emotions themselves and how there are so many conflicting forces in her life. I guess the adivce she gave Baekhyun was what made this chapter for me. My aunt told me that line, one of the best things you can do when a girl is sad is make her laugh. I guess that connects back with how females are, we're emotional and often times we lie to the world and say its okay, even when it isn't. It's a defense mechanism practiced by all, and often times the only person who realizes that you're faking it, is yourself.