Jinah felt like she was on the verge of something. Something can possibly consist of several elemental forces that have been stacking up in her life. The real issue was trying to decipher what this something was.

It was that feeling you get, the one who just can’t seem to pinpoint. She wasn’t sure if she was angry at the world for being so cruel. She was not sure if she was depressed, just waiting for the last shoe to drop. She wasn’t sure if she had already let it all set and was now just dealing with it all. Truthfully, she didn’t know how she felt.

Jinah had been passing the last week of her life like a dream inside a dream. It was day in, day out, it all blurred into an incoherent dream.  

It was part ignoring the nasty comments her classmates threw at her.

It was part trying to stay on top of her homework and projects.

It was part loading herself with work until Kahi kicked her out of the shop and forced her to take a good walk.

It was part trying to live without the constant presence of Byun Baekhyun.  

It was part waiting for that phone call she didn’t know if she would receive.

It was a Tuesday. Exactly a week before she became a legal adult and could finally leave this town. Jinah didn’t think she would see significance in this day. It wasn’t until she got that phone call.

A small flower of apprehension began to happen in her chest when she saw the user ID. It was from her mother’s lawyer.

“Hello.”

“I have good news for you.” He began and Jinah could already feel an array of emotions combust within her chest, pressing for release. “She dropped it. She dropped the lawsuit. Your mother is coming home.” He revealed.

Jinah couldn’t remember had reaction, maybe it was because she didn’t have one. All Jinah could remember was thinking that this was one of those moments in her life she would never quite forget.

Moment like this one, where people don’t realize it, but something important is happening and it wouldn’t be until later where they look back in their lives and say…

This moment mattered.

This moment was when it all changed….

This time she was going to change it, and Jinah wasn’t quite sure how she was going to do all this, she wasn’t sure about which roads to take, which directions to follow, which paths would be successful and which ones will lead to downfall.

There was a lot she wasn’t sure of. There was a lot she didn’t know. The future was like this, it was uncertain.

It was a twisting slope of misfortunate events linked together through webs of emotions one feels, events one experiences, and memories one remembers. The future was scary as hell to Jinah at this point in her life.

Then again, she was a teenage girl whose mother was going to get released from prison. The man she was in love with her was too dense to realize her feelings for him. And most of all, she just wanted to escape it all.

--------

“I heard the news about your mother.” Soojin said thoughtfully. The younger girl had been waiting for Jinah’s shift at the antique shop to end.

“Thanks.” Jinah said softly. Soojin had two cups of tea in her hand, she held out one of the cups to Jinah. Jinah accepted the drink.

“Oppa mentioned that you were a tea drinker.” Soojin commented as the two girls begin to walk.

“Did he?” Jinah responded sipping on the warm drink. Jinah had been planning to find the perfect chance to talk to Soojin. However there was never a right time for the two girls to talk, until now.

“Can I ask you something Soojin?”

“Ask away, I think I already know what you’re going to ask.” Soojin responded sipping on her own tea.

The snow was gone now. There weren’t any dirty puddles or muddy dirt. The grass was visible again, a fresh vibrant green reappeared, and the shallow wind blew by them making the leaves from the trees quiver.

“When do you think Baek is going to realize how much he needs me?” Jinah asked. Soojin stopped in her tracks, coughing heavily. She let out a colorful swear word before she calmed herself and looked over to Jinah.

“Okay I wasn’t expecting you to ask that. That was quite…bold.” Soojin commented.

“I guess I have to start being bolder these days or no one will get the hints. However being discreet has always been my forte, and letting go of the habit is quite difficult.”

Soojin just smiled in return.

“One of the things I love about Byun Baekhyun is his unending ability to make you forget your troubles. There’s just something about the way his smile flashes, or how his eyes glow. It drains the dark away.” Soojin told Jinah.

“But I think people like Baekhyun oppa have a harder time than most people when it comes to dealing with their demons. That’s why he’s so lucky to have you unnie. You make oppa forget about all the difficulties in his life. When I first met the two of you I think I already knew. Byun Baekhyun needs Han Jinah just as much as Han Jinah needs Byun Baekhyun.” Soojin said knowingly.

 “Oppa is slow when it comes to realizing these kind of things. Who knows, maybe it’s a boy thing, maybe he’s just plain old dense as a board.” Soojin joked.

Jinah bit her lip and swallowed hard before asking her next question. “When did you realize it?” That I was in love with him.

“From the beginning.” Soojin said bitterly. “I think I’ve always known, but always denied it. I mean, I really liked him, and through time I grew to love him. But I’ve always known you were also in love with him. And I know that no matter what you would never get in the way of our relationship. You weren’t that type of person.” Soojin answered and Jinah felt like she had just drowned a puppy.

Jinah could see it in Soojin’s eyes whenever she was with Baekhyun. Soojin was in love with Baekhyun, the kind of love Jinah understood because she felt the same. It was the kind of love which wasn’t going to be killed easily.

“But I guess I never realized how much he cares about you. Sometimes I swear you are the only person on his mind. Because you will always be the first person he runs to when he’s in trouble. You will always be the first person on his mind when he needs help. It’s you, always you.” Soojin explained.

“So that’s why you broke up with him.” Jinah mumbled softly.

Soojin smiled, “I guess I was thinking that you can make him happier than I can. I mean, you’ll always going to be first in his life, and I don’t think you even realize that, I don’t think he does either.”

“And what if I don’t want us to be together.” Jinah pointed out and Jinah noticed the alert spread in Soojin’s crystal brown eyes.

“What do you mean?” She asked hesitantly

“Yeah I do love Byun Baekhyun….however I love him in all the wrong ways. So don’t blame me if I think that Baekhyun and I together are the worst possible combo you can add up. I don’t love him because I love him, I love him because I need him, because he makes me forget everything that’s falling apart in my life.”

“I don’t understand.” Soojin responded flatly.

“I don’t think I do either, but all I know is that I can’t love him forever, and I don’t think I can keep doing this. So I’m sorry Soojin if you thought I was that girl for Baekhyun, but I’m not.”

Maybe she was right…maybe she was wrong.

-----

“Where are you Jin, I heard about you mother.” He said cheerfully through the phone. He could hear her soft breathing from the other line.

“I know, the lawyer called.” She responded and he couldn’t help but notice how far she sounded. There was no care in her voice, no light, no spark.  

“I have something to tell you.” She added.

“What is it?”

“I got accepted in Busan University.” She replied. Okay, now he was taken aback, since when did college acceptances have anything to do with this?

“Why are you bringing this up. We both know you’re going to-”

“I already enrolled to Busan, a week ago actually.”

“Where are you? Are you with your mother, I’ll come to you. Are you okay? You’re not making any sense. We’ve been talking about it for months, we’re both going to S.M University. Your mother is out of jail, you’re going to be a legal adult in a week, and we’re graduating in a few months. Don’t you remember any of this?”

“I do, that’s exactly why I did this…I want to get away, for once I want to be me, just Han Jinah.”

“I don’t understand Jinah.”

“Sure you do Baek. We both know that.” She commented knowingly. Jinah knew she couldn’t stay in this town with all these memories.

Sure here there was Kahi. Here there was Luhan. Here there was the grandmother who always let her into her café. Here were was Baekhyun.

Here there was her mother. The mother who never cared. Here was the image of watching a man fall to his death. Here was the pure agony she felt when she saw someone die.

Here there was the fear of growing up. Here was the pain of refusing to let go. Here was the dying patience of waiting for him. Here there were doubts and fears and monsters under her bed, standing next to her, walking with her, and holding in their claws.

 “I think I understand it now, that feeling in the deep pit of my stomach I’ve been trying to figure out.” She said randomly and he felt like hitting his best friend. Why was she talking about today?

“Where are you?”

“I have to go.” He heard a click, she hung up. She was done.

-----

So if you pay attention to the author's note, you may be reminded that in the second chapter I mentioned that Jinah had that issue she hasn't mentioned to Baekhyun yet, well here it is, she's leaving. This chapter was the build up for the next chapter which I will update tomorrow, because the next chapter is by far my favorite chapter. Until then.