Jinah sat down at the counter with a bowl of ice cream and a bar of chocolate in hand. She took a spoonful of the strawberry favored ice cream, relishing the taste of the cold treat.

Jinah was dead tired. Mentally, emotionally, physically, she was so done with everything. Jinah had spent the last few hours scrawled in that little corner staring that the bloody-red paint written on the front door.

Now she was at her favorite café. She knew the grandmother of the shop had specifically closed the shop early so Jinah could have some privacy. The grandmother didn’t say anything to her, but Jinah could read her. The grandmother was trying to help.

Jinah slump her shoulders and leaned down, pressing her chin against the cold countertop. She closed her eyes and inhaled and exhaled slowly, hoping it would clear up her mind.

The truth was, Han Jinah was a bitter mess of a girl. She was the kind of mess where things fly and spin and windows shatter and doors break. She was the kind of bitter where you know she not bitter, just sad. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time.

So she sat there, alone in this empty café where the last beams from the setting sun emits just enough light to remind her that there is still some sort of light in this world.

She heard the front door of the shop open and she turned back to tell the customer that the shop was closed, but stopped when she saw the person.

“Kahi.” She voiced when she saw the older woman. Kahi threw her a small pleasant smile before stepping closer to her.

“Wow, ice cream and chocolate, this is bad.” Kahi commented nonchalantly slipping into the chair next to Jinah’s. “Is it okay if I stay here, just because you look like you need someone to talk to.” She asked. Jinah nodded because Kahi was right, she did need someone to talk to.

Jinah could say she felt close enough to Kahi to talk to her. She felt comfortable with the older woman.

The two just sat there in silence for a while. Neither of them said a thing, they just sat there, letting the quietness drown in.

“I went back to the apartment today.” Jinah revealed, “On our front door somebody wrote with blood-red paint the word murderer.” Jinah explained.

“I guess you can say I had a mental breakdown. I don’t know what happened, I guess I just freaked. So you know what I did?”

“What did you do?”

Jinah chuckled bitterly, “The same thing I always do whenever I need help. I called Baek. But the thing was he didn’t want to speak to me. You see, Soojin broke up with him.”

“Hmm.” Kahi reacted, her reaction was different from Jinah’s reaction and Jinah was about to ask why Kahi sounded like she knew this was going to happen but she stopped herself from asking, because honestly she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know.

“That’s the thing though. Baek has his life, he was his own problems to deal with and it’s not fair that I keep leaching myself to him every time something bad happens. I know this, but somehow in the end I still call him, I still find him, I still run to him.” Jinah verbalized.

“Why do you think you run to him every time?” Kahi asked out of pure curiosity, but Jinah could tell there was a reason why the woman was asking her this.

“When my dad died, I was eleven years old. My mother blamed me for his death, and do you know how much that impacted me. Because I was eleven, and because I didn’t know any better. I didn’t understand death, I didn’t know how real it could be and when she blamed me, I think I did to. Inside my mind I became his-”

“Murderer, you became his murderer.” Kahi finished with a knowing look on her face.

“Yes. Then when my mother blamed the death of that man on me it just brought me back to that time. It made me feel like I was responsible.” Jinah explained. “Both time the person who convinced me that I wasn’t the murderer, that it wasn’t my fault, was Baek. He has always been the person holding my hand, the person standing beside me, the person guiding me. Because he  makes me feel like I’m not guilty.” Jinah explained softly.

“Baekhyun is your buffer. He’s your comfort zone.” Kahi stated stealing the spoon in Jinah’s hand and scooping a spoonful of ice cream for her own self. “Now you start to realize, if you haven’t already, that Baekhyun won’t always be there. He won’t always be your buffer.”

Jinah bit her lower lip as her eyes watered, “Is it wrong to say that….I’m scared. I’m scared out of my mind. I’m scared of losing him.” She mumbled softly.

Kahi smiled the kind of smile that said that she understood. The kind of smile that said that it was okay. The kind of smile Jinah needed.

“It’s okay to be scared. I can’t see how you can’t be.”

Kahi hesitated before she spoke, “I know you’re going through a hard time, I can’t even imagine how you must feel, but you have to know that there are people who are here for you. I’m here, I’ll always be. And I want you to know that you are a beautiful, smart, kind, and strong young woman, and this is just another chapter of your life, that things do get better.”

“Thank you unnie.” Jinah replied with a small smile. “I-I think I know what to do next.” Jinah added.

“And what’s that?”

“I need to do the thing I’m most scared of.” Jinah responded. Jinah had a sad smile on her face when she said those words. Jinah knew this wasn’t going to be easy, it was going to take a long time, but Jinah knew it had to be done.

“What would that be?” Kahi asked.

“I have to learn to let go.” I have to learn to live without Byun Baekhyun as my love medicine.

-------

Luhan turned the door knob and pulled the door opened, curious as to who would come knocking at this hour. It was past ten and Luhan was positive they weren’t supposed to be getting any visitors.

“Hey Lu.” Jinah said meekly with a small smile. “Um, if it’s not too much, can I sleep here tonight?” She asked and something about her, maybe it was the way her voice was on the verge of cracking, or how her eyes were so tired yet so hopeful, it made him say yes.

After the approval from his mother he showed Jinah to his room. Jinah had been to Luhan’s house before and Mrs. Xi was familiar with Jinah. Mrs. Xi really liked her and treated Jinah like she was her own daughter.

“Your father’s still working?” Jinah asked after Mrs. Xi entered the room and brought a pillow along some blankets.

“Yeah, there’s a new case he’s working on so he’s been coming home late these days.” Luhan replied. “Jin, sleep on my bed, I’ll take the floor.” He insisted like the gentleman he was.

Jinah shook her head, “No way, this is your room, I’m not stealing your bed.”

“It’s not stealing if I willingly give it to you.” Luhan insisted. Jinah just shook her head stubbornly as she crawl into the bed she had made on the ground. The thickest blanket lay as the mattress on the ground and she had the two thinner ones as blankets.

Luhan groaned because Jinah was being stubborn but nonetheless he turned off the lights and crawl into his bed.

The two of them laid there in silence, but it was the nice kind of silence that allows your thoughts to flow freely.

“I thought you were staying at Baekhyun’s place.” Luhan commented. Jinah bit her lower lip because she knew this question was coming, she just didn’t expect it to come now.

“Yeah, I was.” She answered shortly. “But some things happened.”

“What do you mean by things?” Luhan asked softly.

“Soojin broke up with him.” Jinah answered bluntly. Luhan didn’t say anything back right away, “But you know that already don’t you?”

“Yeah.” He replied before another wave of silence followed. “That’s why he wants to stay away from you. That’s why you’re here and not with him.” Luhan put two and two together.

Jinah nodded, though he couldn’t see. If Soojin hadn’t broken up with Baekhyun she would be with him, but things didn’t go like that. Things never go as expected.

“See I don’t get why. I don’t have anything to do with their relationship.” Jinah voiced clearly frustrated. Luhan only laughed in response.

“What?”

“Nothing Jin, nothing at all.” Luhan answered. Jinah knew he wanted to say something, but whatever it was, he wasn’t speaking, so she let it pass because knowing Luhan, he would bring it up later when the timing is right.

“Jin,”

“What is it Lu?”

She heard him move, the bed shifted as he moved. Luhan cleared as throat as if hesitating before he answered. “You know that I always wanted a little sister right?”

“Yeah, I know.” She answered remembering all the times he would joke around and say he would had been the world’s best older brother.

“I know I’m no Baekhyun, I’m not your best friend, but I do love you like a little sister. I just thought you should know.” He stated and Jinah felt her heart race because hearing Luhan say such things made her feel like she had a family again.

“So whenever you feel lonely and you just need someone, don’t forget you have a big brother here okay.” He said and Jinah felt her eyes watered, not because she was sad, but because she felt thankful.

She was so thankful for the people in her life, the people that care about her. People like Luhan.

“Thank you.” That was the only response she could give him but she meant it from the bottom of her heart.

Jinah closed her eyes, letting all the negatives disappear from her mind because right now she could only feel love, from the grandmother who owned the café, the one who closed it early just for Jinah. Love from Kahi, the kind unnie she took her time to listen to Jinah. Love from Luhan, her friend, her big brother.

It’s not so hard now, she said to herself. It’s not that difficult to find people for care. That was good, that was what she needed, that was what she searched for all her life, another version of the kind of reassurance she thought only Baekhyun could give.

Maybe there was more than one kind of Love Medicine, maybe it wasn’t all that difficult to find comfort.

-----

No Baekhyun in this chapter, but more of Kahi and Luhan. To me this story is more than just a romance fic, it's a coming-to-age story, it's about growing up, learning, discovering, and making big decisions you don't want to make but have to, which are all things Jinah is doing.

But because there was no Baekhyun, the next chapter is entirely (or mostly) dedicated to him.