Jongin left Kyungsoo’s house later in Kyungsoo’s shirt since his own was being washed, covered in cake. When he went home he spent some time in his room. A lot of time actually. Thinking about Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo’s tiny warm body pressed up against his; Kyungsoo’s small fingers wrapped in his; Kyungsoo’s quiet breaths as he slept and his own against Kyungsoo’s neck; Kyungsoo pinned underneath him, his perfect lips so kissable. And it would’ve been so easy to have just leaned down. Even if the drunken boy tried to kill him. But what if he hadn’t? He had let Jongin hold his hand; he had pulled Jongin’s arm over his waist while he slept, tugging the younger boy close to him and winding their fingers tightly together again. And in the morning, he was playful. He covered Jongin in cake and Jongin hadn’t minded at all. He’d wanted to the icing off Kyungsoo’s face, off his lips, taste the sweetness on his tongue…

It didn’t take long for his hand to disappear below his pant line. And with Kyungsoo on his mind it didn’t take him long to come either.

He didn’t do much for the rest of the day, knowing it was his birthday tomorrow and saving his energy for then. When he went to bed that night it felt like there was too much space in his bed, and he felt increasingly lonely.

The next day he slept until noon, and then his sisters all came in and jumped on his bed, waking him up and making him cranky. But his mood didn’t last long because it was his birthday and he couldn’t be grumpy about that, and he was still wearing Kyungsoo’s shirt. He took it off though, not wanting to get it dirty, breathing in the scent of Kyungsoo and laundry detergent one last time before shoving it under his pillow and changing into a shirt of his own.

When his friends arrived things got rowdy, fast. Everyone was loud and cheering for the boy who was now seventeen. It was just the usual seven, who mostly came in pairs (Kris and Tao, Baek and Chanyeol, Jongdae and Minseok, and Yixing on his own), but it sounded like about thirty when they were all together. They played video games and ate cake and opened presents and everything was fine – no one asked anything about what Jongin had done for the rest of the weekend – until his phone went off. And he didn’t get to it before Jongdae.

“Someone named ‘D.O’ messaged you,” he said. “Who’s that, a secret lover, maybe?”

Jongin snatched the phone away from the older boy, worrying what the message would say. But Kyungsoo had just sent happy birthday and Jongin figured he shouldn’t be so surprised. Still, the message made him smile, and he said Thanks back.

“Look at that smile,” Chanyeol laughed. “Jongin likes someone! Is it your girlfriend?”

“No!” Jongin rebutted. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Who’s this D.O then?” Kris teased. “What’s it mean? Their initials?” Jongin didn’t respond. “You can’t keep secrets from us,” Kris laughed. “We’ll figure out who it is eventually.” Then the conversation moved on. Again things calmed down, but when Baekhyun – laying on the bed with Chanyeol on top of him (which most people were ignoring) – stretched his hands up over his head he felt something under Jongin’s pillow, and pulled it out. A shirt. Kyungsoo’s.

“Yah, Jongin! Is this your boyfriend’s shirt?” Everyone looked up as Baekhyun held up the shirt and Jongin felt a chill of panic rush over him. Kris clapped Jongin on the shoulder, telling him to ‘fess up.

“You keeping souvenirs from your one-night stands?” he joked. But everyone really was curious and Jongin needed to make up a story very quickly. “I didn’t know you were into guys.”

“It’s not a guy’s…”

“That is a boy shirt Jongin, don’t kid yourself,” Jongdae said, grinning. “Welcome to the club,” he added, wrapping his arm around his Minseok. “Guess we’re all gay here except those three.” He nodded at Kris, Tao, and Yixing.

“I’m not gay!” Jongin was insistent. “It was this girl… Her name is Amber, she’s kind of a tomboy. It was just a one-time thing but she left it, so I kept it. What? She was cute.” Sorry Amber, he thought, internally apologizing to his childhood friend who would definitely never, ever sleep with him. But she was the first thing he’d thought of. Again, he successfully evaded the subject.

Many new conversations sprouted up and Jongin chatted with Kris about girls, who they’d slept with, who was good. He wasn’t really paying attention. He saw Jongdae with his head in Minseok’s lap, Minseok’s fingers running through his hair and Jongdae pulling him down by his neck to kiss him. Then he could hear Baekhyun talking to Chanyeol, and they sounded serious. What were they talking about?

“I’ll be back for lunch,” Baekhyun was saying. “I don’t choose when I go. I haven’t seen a doctor since the summer ‘Yeol.”

“But I thought it was over, Baek-”

“Yes and I’ve explained to you before,” Baekhyun sighed. “It could come back. They have to check. If they didn’t I might die. Is that what you want?”

Chanyeol kissed the small boy beneath him. “Don’t be stupid,” he murmured. “I just want it to be done. I hate that they can’t tell you… I feel like I’m just waiting for the day it comes back.”

“It might not come back,” Baekhyun whispered. “But I can’t take that chance. I’m sorry, I know it’s hard for you too.” They continued to whisper things to each other and Jongin stopped listening. He felt bad for them because it was hard on both of them, but unfortunately the situation was out of their control.

“Hey guys, lets tell stories,” Jongdae said suddenly, having broken away from his boyfriend.

“You’re so lame,” Kris said. “What is this, a twelve-year-old girl’s sleepover?”

“Shut up, you don’t even know the topic.” They waited. “Our first kisses.”

Kris rolled his eyes. “You’re so gay.” Jongdae winked at him. “Well Jongdae, when was yours?”

“Fourth grade.” Everyone oooh-ed. “I thought this girl was really cute so I went up to her at recess and kissed her. Then I stole one of her cookies.”

“You’ve just been a since day one,” Kris laughed. Jongdae just shrugged. “For me, it was eighth grade. I was dating this girl and – well it was pretty much your typical, cheesy romantic thing. I took her out for dinner, and then we saw a movie and I took her home. And kissed her.”

“Was it any good?” Tao was pouting beside him.

“I’ve had better,” Kris smirked, and Jongin couldn’t help but think the message was directed at Tao. The way Kris’ eyes were intensely glowering at the younger boy, like he was ing him with his eyes. But maybe it was Jongin’s imagination. As far as he knew Kris was straight.

“My first kiss was this year,” Tao admitted, and everyone started yelling at him about who it was, when it happened. He was very vague though, just saying it had been at a party and it was someone he’d really liked. Then he was bombarded with Did you ?! from Jongdae and Chanyeol but Tao would say no more.

“Alright, who’s next?” Jongdae pressed. “-buddies on the bed, what about you? Are you two each other’s firsts and lasts?”

Baekhyun blushed slightly. “’Yeol wasn’t my first kiss,” he confessed.

“Yah, Baek! But you’re my first!”

“No I’m not! In seventh grade you kissed Park Eunsung!”

Everyone laughed. “You even remember her name,” Chanyeol said. “I didn’t even remember that. Jealous hyung.” Baekhyun kissed his cheek. “Well, you were my second kiss, then. And every kiss since then.”

Jongin made gagging noises jokingly at the cheesy pair. And immediately regretted it.

“What about you then, Jongin?”

“

“Hey Luhan, can I ask you something?”

“You just did, Baozi.” Minseok pouted, and Luhan poked his puffy cheek with a laugh. “What is it ‘Seok?”

“Do you… Have you ever kissed anyone?”

“You mean like girls? Yeah, a couple.”

“Was it – like a big deal?”

Luhan shrugged. “Not really. You haven’t kissed anyone then?” Minseok shook his head. “I’m surprised. I mean, you kiss your friends all the time. You’ve kissed me.”

“Not on the lips!”

“Why’re you asking anyway?”

“I just… I’m almost halfway through high school and I’ve never really kissed anyone,” Minseok explained. “I think about it a lot. I worry… I don’t want it to be – something I regret or something. I don’t want it to be a stranger or something at a party while I’m drunk. I know it’s not some life-altering event, I just don’t want it to be bad, I guess.”

“Baozi,” Luhan said, taking the boy’s round face in his hands. “I promise you your first kiss will not be bad.”

“What makes you say th-”

Luhan pressed his lips to Minseok’s and Minseok’s heart fluttered. His eyes widened but Luhan’s closed, his hands moving down to Minseok’s waist to pull him closer. Minseok’s hands found Luhan’s neck and he allowed his eyes to close too, focusing on the feeling of those soft lips against his. Luhan’s mouth parted slightly and he on Minseok’s lower lip, dragging a soft moan out of the older boy. Luhan pulled back, smiling with half-lidded eyes, and he kissed the boy once more.

Minseok didn’t want him to stop. His skin felt so fervently hot and there were fireworks in his stomach. He wanted Luhan to shove him into the wall and kiss him, touch him, not stop… But Luhan was his best friend. He didn’t feel that way about him. His next words confirmed that.

 “Told you,” Luhan said breathlessly.

“You just-”

“That’s what friends are for,” Luhan said. “To steal their friend’s first kiss so they don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

“

Exams were fast approaching and Kyungsoo was spending all his time studying. He was stressed out about his science exam, not because he didn’t know what he was doing but because of Sehun. He didn’t want to be near Sehun anymore, even though he had classes with him next semester too.

The morning of his science exam he considered not going to his locker, but last minute he chose to drop off his bag and was surprised to find a note from Kai had been slipped into his locker.

“Good luck on your exams, I know you’ll do great. ♥”

Kyungsoo felt his ears growing warm at the sight of the little heart he’d drawn. So cheesy, Kyungsoo told himself but he still sort of thought it was sweet. And something about the note gave him the confidence he needed to go and write his exam without worrying about Sehun too much.

Before the exam started Kyungsoo felt his shoulder being tapped, and looked up to see that for once Sehun wasn’t ignoring him. “Happy late birthday,” he said quietly.

“I’m surprised you remembered,” Kyungsoo returned, less than friendly. Sehun swallowed hard and looked away.

The rest of his exams were easy but he was glad when the week was over. They had a three-day weekend to attempt to recover, only to start over the following week with second semester. Kyungsoo planned on sleeping for this weekend. But he received a message Friday afternoon.

“Hey hyung. Party tonight at Baekhyun’s house. You should come?” Jongin ended the text with a question mark, making the doubt clear in his words. He knew Kyungsoo well enough that he knew he’d say no. So why even bother asking?

“You know my answer will be no,” Kyungsoo texted back.

“I know. Thought I’d ask anyway.”

“Last time I went to a party your friends tried to drown me. I think I’ve learned my lesson.”

“Baekhyun doesn’t have a pool.”

“They’d find a way.” Kyungsoo wasn’t feeling the whole party thing. (He never was.) “Just give up. I’m not going.”

“Okay… I’ll see you on Monday then?”

Of course he would. Kyungsoo didn’t bother answering.

“

“Alright everyone, first day back. I know most of your faces. Let’s start with ten laps and then we’ll go from there. Go!”

Kyungsoo was already regretting gym class. The coach blew his whistle and everyone started running. Kyungsoo felt awkward. He knew too many people in this class. Sehun, Jongin, Tao. And Kris, who was a senior but co-coaching their class. And running alone was uncomfortable when surrounded by people. Kyungsoo didn’t really mind running – he went for runs sometimes after school – but ten laps with a bunch of boys trying to show each other up was not exactly enjoyable. Luckily he wasn’t the last person to finish.

The coach split them into teams and made them play a basketball game. Fortunately, he put Tao and Jongin – two of the best players – on opposite teams. Unfortunately, Jongin was on Kyungsoo’s team. Kyungsoo wasn’t very enthusiastic about basketball – or sports in general – so he just ended up lingering near the opponent’s net, hoping to stay out of the way. But soon the players came down the court and Jongin had the ball, but he was blocked so he shouted at Kyungsoo and passed the ball to him.

Kyungsoo caught the ball and just stood there, unmoving. Then some yelled at him to shoot and he shook his head, sizing up the net. It was all just math – angles and the right pressure – but someone was running at him, and he didn’t have enough time to think so he just hoped for the best and threw the ball.

He didn’t see whether it went in or not because he was tackled to the ground the moment the ball left his hands. Tao fell on top of him and in seconds Kris was there helping the boy up, leaving Kyungsoo on the ground. Kyungsoo pushed himself back onto his feet, glancing at his scraped hands, stinging from the impact of the floor.

“Nice goal, Kyungsoo!”

“Did it go in?” Kyungsoo asked the coach, receiving a thumbs up. Wow. He’d scored. Although he didn’t do much for the rest of the game, his team won by a single point and he felt accomplished for having contributed in some way to their success.

Soon enough they were all heading to the showers, Kyungsoo’s least favourite part of gym class. He didn’t want to shower in front of all his peers; he didn’t want to see all his peers showering. So he kept his eyes on the wall as he stripped, surrounded by twenty other stripping boys, and as he a shower and stood under it. At least that gave him an excuse to close his eyes. He hoped no one was looking at him. Not that he would admit it, but he was self-conscious; his body wasn’t all built and smooth muscles like some of the other boys. He didn’t have abs; he had a soft stomach with a tiny tummy roll and gentle limbs to match. Definitely not ideal. He moved quickly so to be one of the first boys to leave.

Lunch at least was no different than it had been last semester. Kyungsoo still spent his time in the library, and today there was no Jongin. And when he walked into his English class, taking an empty seat at the back of the room, he saw no Jongin again nor Tao or Sehun. Maybe this class would be okay.

He spoke too soon. After the bell rang, a student came in late and took the only seat left, beside Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo didn’t acknowledge him, but the boy nudged him and Kyungsoo glanced to his side. Kim Jongin.

Worse, the first thing the teacher told them was the seats where they sat were the permanent arrangement for the year.

Kyungsoo groaned and Jongin laughed under his breath. “Guess you’re stuck with me,” he mouthed. Why you?

“

The teacher passed out books – one to each pair – and gave them a page number, telling to take turns reading out loud. At the end they would have questions to answer to see how well they comprehended the story.

This is hardly fair for the first day, Jongin thought, flipping to the right page.

“Do you wanna read this first?” Jongin asked Kyungsoo. “내 영말은 싫어.”

“Can you say that in English?” Kyungsoo tested.

“No,” Jongin said, biting back a smile. He tried anyway. “I – no… My – Englishi … very bad.” Kyungsoo snickered and then began reading. Jongin watched, admiring the way Kyungsoo’s lips moved to form the words Jongin didn’t understand. It sounded beautiful when Kyungsoo spoke in English. Jongin didn’t actually know but he was sure his pronunciation was perfect.

Kyungsoo ended up reading the whole story and neither of them seemed to mind. “That was exciting,” Kyungsoo sighed.

“I didn’t understand it,” Jongin said, which wasn’t really a li, but he hadn’t been paying attention to the story anyway. “Did you?”

“Sort of. It’s… this boy. He has a horse and he really loves it, but then he sells it because he’s poor and hungry. But then he starts to regret it so he takes the horse back because he thinks the horse is more important than anything in the world. At least that’s what I got.”

“Hm.”

The teacher began to question the class, and it became clear that no one else had understood either. Even Kyungsoo only barely grasped the idea of the story although the teacher was most impressed by him.

When the bell rang everyone began packing up their books, and in the commotion Jongin quietly asked, “What class do you have now hyung?”

“History,” Kyungsoo responded indifferently.

“You aren’t taking art?” The art class for their grade was this period, and Jongin figured – since Kyungsoo hadn’t been in the class last semester – the boy would be taking it now. Kyungsoo shook his head. “Why not?”

“Who said I even like art?” Kyungsoo said coolly. He did like art of course; he loved it. But his parents didn’t want him taking such a useless class. So instead he was stuck into history.

“Oh, so you draw all the time because you hate it?” Jongin joked. “I’ve seen your room, your drawings are everywhere.”

“I’m just not wasting my time in an art class,” Kyungsoo huffed, standing up and gathering his books. “I’m an academic student.”

Jongin watched as he left.

“

“Hey hyung.”

“Hm?”

Kyungsoo was still getting used to the times when, during the times in their English class that it would go unnoticed by the other students, Jongin would start talking to him quietly. They had reached the end of the first week and Jongin seemed more comfortable with Kyungsoo, although naturally he didn’t show it when others were watching. Sometimes Kyungsoo thought he saw Jongin looking his way in gym class or in the change rooms when he was showering, which made Kyungsoo blush. Don’t look at me! he wanted to yell while covering up his body. But he just ignored it.

“Will you come to my house tonight?”

“Who says I’m not busy?” Kyungsoo didn’t want to give him a straight-up no; it seemed to be losing its effect on Jongin.

Jongin chuckled. “Sorry, I forgot you’re Mister Social. Excuse me for not giving you a week’s notice so you could clear your busy schedule.”

“Fine then, who says I wanna hang out with you?”

“We’re friends,” Jongin insisted. Kyungsoo felt his jaw drop in surprise.

“Since when?”

“Since you said so,” Jongin returned with a smirk. “On your birthday. You said something about me worrying that my friends would find out that I’m friends with you. I don’t know exactly what it was. Your words though. I know you used the term friends.”

“I was drunk,” Kyungsoo hissed under his breath as the class grew quieter. “That invalidates it.” Jongin just shook his head.

“Will you think about it?” he asked. The bell rang and Kyungsoo gave a nod before grabbing his books and hurrying away. He only nodded because he knew Jongin wouldn’t pressure him later – he couldn’t, not if his friends were around. But during last period his phone screen lit up and he saw a message from Jongin.

“Yes or no?”

“No.”

“:( Please?”

“Why?”

“We’re friends.”

“No. No we are not.”

“I like you.”

Kyungsoo stared at the message. What did he mean? He liked him? As a friend, or… something more?

“What?”

“We’re friends, hyung.”

Kyungsoo sighed. “Whatever.”

“You’ll come over?”

“I guess.”

“:)”

Rolling his eyes, Kyungsoo tried not to think too much about it. He would regret it. He already did. Why did he keep giving in to Jongin? He really needed to stop; Jongin was already convinced they were friends.

And maybe some small part of himself was starting to believe it too.

“I’ll meet you on your bus, kay?”

“I thought I was going to your house.”

“You can drop off your stuff and tell your mom where you’re going.”

“What are you planning?” He remembered how Jongin had, without telling Kyungsoo, convinced his mom to take them to his dance practice.

“Nothing, I promise! I’ll see you soon.”

Kyungsoo was not at all comforted by the final text he received, but he tried to focus on his class again. His teacher was nice enough not to give them homework for the weekend, and when the bell rang Kyungsoo felt his stomach clench nervously. Why was he nervous? He’d hung out with Jongin before and nothing bad had happened. But something about the other boy made Kyungsoo worry, as if one day Jongin was going to take him to Kris and maybe they actually would kill him (or something). That’s ridiculous.

Kyungsoo didn’t wait for Jongin today, going right to his bus. But he sat behind the seat where Yixing normally sat and when Jongin and Yixing arrived, Jongin’s face broke into a grin before he could catch himself. Then he slid into the seat in front of Kyungsoo and turned so his back was against the window. To an onlooker it might have appeared that he was turning to talk to Yixing, but his eyes subtly yet constantly flicked to Kyungsoo and even Yixing turned to look at Kyungsoo a couple times before smiling at Jongin knowingly. Kyungsoo wanted to scream at them. They were acting like the three of them had this big secret and it was slowly driving him insane. Eventually Kyungsoo would glare at Jongin whenever his eyes looked his way but this only made Jongin laugh, do so even more, and once he even dared to wink. Kyungsoo started to worry that his face was going to become a permanent scowl because of Kim Jongin.

Somehow that reminded him of Sehun.

Kyungsoo’s mom was of course delighted to see Jongin, assuring him that although last time he’d been he’d destroyed her kitchen with cake she was very happy he was there and wanting to spend time with Kyungsoo.

“You don’t mind if Kyungsoo comes to my house tonight do you?”

“Of course not! He hasn’t be out of the house for ages now!”

Kyungsoo headed up to his bedroom, dropping his backpack on his bed and ping it. He contemplated whether or not to bring his homework with him, and decided that it wouldn’t hurt to take his English work because he could probably work on it with Jongin. But he just didn’t know what else he should take; he didn’t know what Jongin wanted to do.

“Ready to go?”

Jongin was standing in his doorway casually and Kyungsoo jumped slightly, not having noticed him. He shrugged it off, reclosing his bag and throwing it over his shoulder.

“I guess.”

“Your mom said she would drive us to my house,” Jongin said, smiling.

Kyungsoo groaned. “She probably wants to know where you live,” he said grumpily. “Great.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

Everything. If his mom wanted to know these things about Jongin, it meant she thought they were friends and that meant she would be all obsessive over him. She’d been like that with Sehun. Please don’t let this happen.

Kyungsoo refused to sit in the back seat with Jongin, climbing into the front before anyone could argue and tossing his bag at his feet. He had his seatbelt buckled before his mom even closed her door, gaining a disapproving glance from her. You should sit with your friend, she was surely thinking. He didn’t care, leaning his head back against the headrest and closing his eyes, trying to mentally prepare himself for his evening with Jongin.

“

When they arrived at Jongin’s they went up to his room, dropping off their bags. Jongin asked him if he wanted a drink or anything, which Kyungsoo declined. Then Jongin asked what he wanted to do.

“I dunno,” Kyungsoo said. “I brought my English homework.”

Jongin gave him an amused smile and seemed to consider it. On the one hand, he didn’t want to spend his time with Kyungsoo doing homework; that was boring. But Kyungsoo’s voice when he spoke, when he read out loud in English, was so alluring that he agreed to go along with it. So they pulled out their books, and Jongin suggested Kyungsoo read it to them.

“If you don’t ever read, you won’t improve,” Kyungsoo noted.

“I’m really not any good,” Jongin protested.

“At least try it,” Kyungsoo said. “I’ll correct you if you mess up.”

So Jongin stared at the words of the foreign language and started reading out loud. Compared to what they had done on the first day, the work they’d done all week was significantly easier. Their teacher had just been testing them then. But Jongin still struggled his way through the poem in front of him.

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in
my heart) I am never without it (anywhere
I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
                                                                I fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you …

Jongin didn’t understand it very well, but somehow he liked it anyway.

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart …

Kyungsoo didn’t correct him and he wondered how much he was butchering this.

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart).

When Jongin finished, Kyungsoo was quiet. Jongin didn’t speak, waiting for the older boy to say something first. Eventually Kyungsoo gave a sigh, murmuring, “It’s beautiful.”

He seemed very distant, lost in the poem’s words that were all but meaningless to Jongin. Jongin knew Kyungsoo to admire poetry and to write his own poems sometimes too. (He didn’t think Kyungsoo knew he knew though.) “What does it mean hyung?” Jongin asked softly, not wanting to break the boy out of his reverie.

Kyungsoo explained. He told him it was about love, that the poet was writing about someone who meant the world to him, and no other world, nor the moon nor the stars, could ever compare to his love. The poet could face the world, he would do absolutely anything, for his love. That his love was the secret, the answer of life, all of everything.

“난 니 마음을 수행해,” Kyungsoo translated the last line. “난 내 마음에 니 마음을 수행해.”

“That’s…” Jongin trailed off, amazed. “It is beautiful.” He began to read it again, this time appreciating its meaning and magnificence (at least a bit better than the first time). As he read he saw Kyungsoo close his eyes, just listening. He wondered what the boy was thinking of. For Jongin, it was all about Kyungsoo.

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart).

A/n: Wow guys I haven't updated for days I'm sorry! I've been really really busy. Anyways, this chapter... the end scene is unfinished, so expect more in the next chapter about their hang out session at Jongin's ㅋ 

Also, the poem in this story is called I Carry Your Heart With Me and is by E.E. s, if any of you wanted to know. :) The other poem I referred to about the man and his horse is called The Arab's Farewell to His Steed by Caroline Norton. :) New chapter soon, I promise!