A/n: I'm so sorry I haven't updated in like 800 years. I don't know if this chapter made any sense but it is dripping with foreshadowing (I made a blog post about all the foreshadowing if you wanna read that when you're done this). Enjoy!

Key was pissed. Not in an end-of-their-friendship way, but more like a keep-Kibum-away-from-Jongin-or-he’ll-rip-his-head-off kind of way. To say he didn’t take the news well was a severe understatement.

It wasn’t like Kyungsoo told him that he and Jongin had had – well, he had, but only after Key had badgered him into ‘fessing up the news. And it wasn’t out of jealousy or anything like that (as far as he said, and Kyungsoo believed it). Key had apparently become Kyungsoo’s very over-protective hyung that he’d never had – or needed – before.

“You had ?!” Key cried out when he got it out of the younger. They were on the bus on the way to school Monday morning, and it was a bit early to be so loudly confronted about this. “That’s why you’re in such a good mood?” Kyungsoo nodded, not wanting to tell Key that he’d actually had twice this weekend. He wondered where Sehun was, not having been on the bus when Kyungsoo got on. He couldn’t even imagine how his best friend would take the news, if he told him. “I thought you were mad at him! You were supposed to go in and talk to him, yell at him, hit him, not have with him! You’re just encouraging his crappy behaviour!”

“He’s working on it,” Kyungsoo defended his boyfriend lightly.

“That’s not what you said before you screwed him!” Key seethed. “Ugh, just – are you okay? Are you in pain? Did you use protection? Was it your first time?”

“What are you, my mother?” Kyungsoo asked sardonically.

“You answer me, Do Kyungsoo, you owe me that much.”

Kyungsoo gave him an exasperated sigh. “I’m not in pain. Should I be?”

“You’ve had before then? It usually hurts the first time,” Key told him. “The first few times. Until you’re stretched out.”

“I… had once before,” Kyungsoo said quietly, not wanting to think about it. “But… I was – this weekend, he didn’t-”

Key’s jaw dropped, and he gave an amazed laugh. “He let you? Wow, he must have been really trying to make it up to you. That’s good, though, I guess. You used lube, right? And condoms?”

“Why would we use a ?” Kyungsoo wondered, confused. “We’re both guys.”

Key gaped. “No. No, no. Please tell me you’re joking right now.” Kyungsoo frowned, not understanding. What need did two guys have for birth control? “Kyungsoo, you innocent baby, no. STDs, Kyungsoo! Have you been checked? Has he? Do you one-hundred percent know that he hasn’t had his in some ’s and contracted something? Unless you’ve been tested, you use a damn , Kyungsoo!” It hadn’t even occurred to him. His eyes widened, and Key was shaking his head. “I know you’re new to the whole thing, but he should know better!”

“He didn’t,” Kyungsoo said weakly.

“How do you know?” Key shot at him. “Seriously, who says he just didn’t have a on him, and he wanted you too bad and just didn’t bring it up? Unless you’re a mind reader, how can you possibly know?”

It planted a lot of doubts in Kyungsoo’s mind. Maybe Key was right. Maybe Jongin had only one thing on his mind, and he’d carefully avoided any way of talking Kyungsoo out of it. Had Jongin taken advantage of the thoughtlessly hormonal Kyungsoo, having finally gotten him to say yes? He wanted to believe that Jongin wasn’t like that, but he had no way of knowing. The boy was complicated. There was a definite chance that he could stop thinking when he was having . Kyungsoo wasn’t sure. He was just so unsure…

“I’m not trying to break you two up or anything,” Key was saying. “But I’m serious, if I see him, I might kill him.”

“No,” Kyungsoo told him. “I’ll talk to him, okay? Let me talk to him.”

“You’ll talk to him,” Key scoffed. “Just like Jongin’s gonna talk to Kris about the whole little side thing he’s got going with you, right? I bet he told you he’d talk to Kris. How many times has he told you that one now? Nothing’s changed, Kyungsoo. He’s not changing, he’s not trying. He’s keeping you his dirty little secret because he’s too ashamed to be the cool guy dating the total loser. Not that I think you’re a loser, but his friends do, and he knows it, and he’s embarrassed. Honestly, Kyungsoo, not to hurt your relationship or anything, but you can see how messed up that is, right? You’re the closest friend – the only friend – I have; I wouldn’t be telling you this if I thought it would hurt you. But I mean, if it does, I think it’ll be better than how potentially much Jongin could hurt you if he keeps this up.”

Kyungsoo was speechless. Because Key was saying everything he buried in his own head. All the thoughts that crept up and he pushed back down, because he didn’t want to think about it. Because it was Jongin. Jongin, the boy who had been there for him the past few months, when no one else had. Jongin, who, despite how different they were, had sacrificed his pride and time and so much to be with him. Who had fallen in love with him. Jongin wouldn’t hurt him. He refused to believe it. But now Key was voicing it, and it was hitting him really hard that maybe, just maybe, Jongin might. He might not even be trying to, but Jongin most definitely had the power over Kyungsoo, the ability to hurt him. And it would be so simple, especially now. Because Jongin was building up a home inside his heart, and Kyungsoo was getting really, really cozy in it, and Jongin knew all the weak spots. Jongin was the only one who could break everything down, effortlessly. The whole idea freaked him out because how had it taken him so long to notice this? How had he never even had an inkling of a thought that he was endangering himself. And now, now he’d gone and taken it further with Jongin this weekend…

He tried to tell Key to stop, or to help, he didn’t really know, because the words choked on the way out, and he became painfully aware of the tightness in his throat, his chest, and every muscle. Key began to apologize immediately, saying that he shouldn’t have said anything, but Kyungsoo just fell into his arms and tried to keep it together, while attempting to assure the other that it wasn’t his fault. Even though it had been Key who had brought it up, it was Kyungsoo’s fault for not realizing before how deep he was digging this hole.

This was how his good mood was ruined before he even got to school. His happiness always seemed awfully short-lived. He met up with Sehun at lunch, and didn’t tell him about his weekend with Jongin. The younger wasn’t that chatty anyways, for once, and Kyungsoo didn’t care why. He didn’t want to talk, he didn’t want to think, he didn’t want to feel. What he did want was to go home and burrow in his blankets and sleep for twenty years. He wished that was an option. He couldn’t do this whole dating thing, giving his heart to someone else and trusting them not to break it. It was too much of a mental roller coaster for him to handle.

“Meet me now. Library.” He texted Jongin and then got up from the lunch table, telling his friends he was off to go study, and he wanted to be alone. No one argued it. He hurried out of the room and made for the library, going to the bookshelves where he’d spent so many lunches the previous year. Jongin would know to go there. Kyungsoo only waited a few minutes before the boy showed up, looking relaxed at first and then his brow furrowing at the serious look in his boyfriend’s eyes.

“What’s up?” Jongin asked, concerned. Kyungsoo didn’t speak, moving to the very end of the row before turning around and opening his mouth. He couldn’t meet Jongin’s eyes.

“I – I don’t think this is working,” he said carefully, and wanted to smack himself for it. He sounded so weak-willed, so uncertain.  In his mind, he knew what he had to do, but his emotions that rose up at the sight of Kim Jongin held him back. But he knew there would be no headway made if he wasn’t firm doing this. He tried again. “You and me. This relationship. It’s not any good for me.”

Jongin paled. “What? What are you talking about?”

“I don’t – us being together, it’s not working,” Kyungsoo stated, trying to make the words come out stronger than the mush he was feeling inside.

Jongin looked nauseous and terrified, staring wide-eyed at Kyungsoo as if he the boy were speaking another language. He shook his head. “Where did this come from? Why – why are y-”

“I think we should end it,” Kyungsoo told him. “We should end it,” he repeated, the phrase sliding around in his head but not holding on to anything, refusing to sink in. “This – us – we should-”

“No!” Jongin cried out. Somewhere, someone shushed him. “Don’t say that to me, please don’t say that to me,” he begged, trying to keep his voice down as it cracked and he tried to control it. “Is it about this weekend? I’m sorry – I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have forced you-”

“It’s not that. I just can’t. I can’t do it, Jongin. It’s too much for me.”

“I won’t make you do it again,” Jongin said pleadingly, eyes tearing. He stepped forward, taking hold of Kyungsoo’s hand, and Kyungsoo knew he couldn’t allow Jongin to get close, to hypnotize him back into this mess. He needed to keep his head on straight.

“It’s not about ,” Kyungsoo said, snapping his hand away from Jongin. “I can’t handle being in a relationship with you, that’s all.” Jongin tried to interrupt, but Kyungsoo shook his head. “I’m sorry, but it’s done between us.”

It was so hard. He couldn’t even look Jongin in the eye to say it. He didn’t want to see his words crushing their happiness. Everything they had managed to overcome, everything they’d managed to build, he couldn’t watch that world come crumbling down. It was so sudden, Jongin didn’t even have a warning. He never had a clue, never had the time to prepare. And neither did Kyungsoo. Just cutting it off like this, it all seemed so fast. The world was spinning, but Kyungsoo needed to go. He had to. He had to get out before he really got hurt. He wished Key had said something sooner. He wished he had never gotten into this. And he wished he wasn’t hurting Jongin in all of this too. Neither of them expected this – though maybe Kyungsoo at least should have – and neither of them wanted to let go. Kyungsoo couldn’t stop him at first when Jongin moved forward to kiss him, to hold him tightly and make Kyungsoo lose himself in the feeling of the other boy. But then Kyungsoo pulled himself together, and pushed Jongin away.

“This never should have happened,” Kyungsoo told him. “We never should have happened. It’s done.” He moved past Jongin and left the library, brushing by people wordlessly and holding in tears.

Why did I do that? His mind eventually caught up with everything, when he’d locked himself in a bathroom stall and was sitting on a toilet, tears streaming.

I had to. Key is right. I’ve been thinking it the whole time but I refused to accept it. Jongin’s not good for me; he was just going to hurt me, disappoint me, leave me. It’s better to leave than be left. I had to break it off before I got too attached. I was already too far in. I couldn’t let it keep going…

He told himself that it was foolish to cry, to pity himself for his loss. Because what was he losing – the possibility of Jongin hurting him? This had to be done, for the sake of his own happiness and health. It was dangerous. He’d known it from day one, and he’d let the game go too far. Now both of them would suffer. Which was stupid. What was the point in crying over something like this, something that would have inevitably ended anyway?

But it’s Jongin. It’s Jongin. It wasn’t even a reasonable argument, but the thought made him resist his rational, logical mind, the flow of tears and emotion blurring everything beyond sensibility. It’s Jongin. I can’t just lose him. I can’t just say goodbye…

He returned to the library before the bell rang, but Jongin was gone. When class started, he felt sick, wishing someone would hold him and make him feel better. He couldn’t believe what he’d just done. Ended it, just like that. I need him. I need him to hug me, to tell me it will all be okay.

In his class after lunch, he sat in the back of the room as usual, lying his head on his desk and trying to get it together. As he attempted to compose himself, he felt someone tap his shoulder and take a seat in the desk in front of him. He glanced up, and saw the face of Byun Baekhyun staring at him. The boy didn’t look cold or disgusted to be in close proximity to him, wearing a mask of professional features.

“Was that you in the library?” he asked in a cool tone. “With Jongin?” Kyungsoo didn’t speak. The name stabbed in his ears, straight to his heart. “I saw you two. You’re together, then.”

“We’re not,” Kyungsoo muttered. Anymore.

“I’m not here to judge,” Baekhyun told him. “It’s his choice. And I’ve never hated you, Kyungsoo.” With that statement, he got up and went to his usual seat, leaving Kyungsoo alone in his misery. His heart felt heavy. It doesn’t matter what you think, he thought. It’s all over now anyway.

In art class, Kyungsoo didn’t even look Jongin’s way, but if he had, he likely would have broken down at the sight. Jongin held the bracelet Kyungsoo had given him in his hands, turning it around and round endlessly, tears pouring down his face in silence. Kris asked him what was wrong repeatedly, but Jongin never said a word, eventually dropping his head down on the table and continuing to cry. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo tried to channel his emotions into his art, taking water-colour paints and painting an array of brightly coloured, senseless shapes that ended up looking like some beautiful, abstract art. Then he took out a can of black acrylic paint, dipped his hand in it, and smeared it all over the pretty colours, leaving an ugly black mess in its wake. It made him feel ready to throw up.

He raised his paint-covered hand, asking to be excused to go to the washroom and clean it off. The art teacher granted him permission, and for a brief second he glanced Jongin’s way, only to see the boy had disappeared. Kyungsoo supposed it shouldn’t matter what had happened to him, and escaped from the room, heading down to a bathroom. He reached the sink, washing off his hand while looking in the mirror, wanting to smash the glass so he wouldn’t have to see his horrible reflection. When he shut off the sink, he heard a sniffle, and in the mirror he noticed that one of the stall doors was closed.

Kyungsoo’s stomach dropped. Was it… He went over to the stall, knocking on the locked door. “Go away,” a voice croaked from inside. Kyungsoo gasped, lifting the door with his foot (in doing so, he lifted the bar of the lock over the metal bit keeping it in place, so the stall could be opened freely) and bursting in, seeing Jongin sitting inside, face buried in his hands. Jongin looked up at the sound of the door swinging open, eyes bright red and face dampened. Before he could even give Kyungsoo a confused look, the older boy threw his arms around him, falling into his lap and holding onto him tightly.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said it! I’m so sorry Jongin! I don’t want to lose you, I’m sorry…”

Jongin’s arms looped around him, holding him so constricted that Kyungsoo couldn’t breathe, but he didn’t care. They stayed there for a few minutes, both just crying. “I’m sorry,” Jongin echoed back. “I’m sorry I messed up.”

“No, it’s not your fault,” Kyungsoo promised, squeezing him assuringly. “I was just being stupid for a minute and I took it out on you instead of thinking it through and it was really stupid and I regretted it as soon as I said it and I can’t even go an hour without you, Jongin. I’m sorry! I never should have said anything…”

“It’s okay, hyung,” Jongin said, even though they both knew it wasn’t true. “Just – just… why? What did I do? Tell me what I did wrong, why I upset you…”

“It was stupid,” Kyungsoo told him, finally pulling back slightly to kiss his cheek, before tucking his chin back into Jongin’s neck. “I was just mad because we didn’t use a and I started thinking and doubting and I don’t know, it was just stupid. It made sense at the time… now all I can think is how horrible it would be to be without you. I’m afraid you’re going to hurt me, but I’m more afraid to lose you, and I know it’s not healthy but I can’t stop wanting to be with you anyway. I should’ve just told you this to begin with. I’m sorry, Jongin, I really am, and I don’t want to break up with you.” He took a deep breath, because he’d said all of that really quickly and he wasn’t even sure if it had made sense.

Jongin seemed to understand though, and gave a half-laugh, half-sob. “That’s good,” he said. “I’m glad, because I didn’t want you to break up with me. I think I’ve just gone through the tiest two hours of my life.”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay,” he sniffed. “We should probably, I dunno, talk about these things more, instead of just, like, waiting until it gets like this.” He wiped at his eyes, then pushed Kyungsoo back to look him in the eye. “This has been terrible,” Jongin said, a half-hearted smile on his lips. “Let’s not ever do it again.” Kyungsoo nodded, and Jongin reached up to rub at the tears leaking onto the older’s cheeks. “Can we talk? And explain everything? I don’t want you being so upset over me not using a , but I don’t know why I shouldn’t not be using a . And if there’s anything else that might trigger you to break up with me, I need to know, okay?”

Kyungsoo choked out a laugh. “It’s not that… It was – ugh, I can’t take this seriously right now. We’re in a bathroom stall.” Jongin laughed, genuinely laughed, and Kyungsoo joined him, feeling relieved that he’d been able to fix this mess so easily and quickly. When Jongin leaned in to kiss him, Kyungsoo pressed back, and he knew that this was right. It was right to be with Jongin, not doubt him.

Suppressing rationality and ignoring the facts, Jongin was the right choice.

“

“Is Jongin dating Do Kyungsoo?”

“What gives you that idea?”

“I know he is, Jongdae. I’m just wondering if you know.”

Jongdae looked up at Baekhyun, sitting in front of him and staring expectantly. Their last period class would be starting in a few minutes; this was their time to chat as they normally did, but Baekhyun’s choice of topic was taking Jongdae by surprise. “I know,” Jongdae confirmed quietly. “What are your plans for this information?”

Baekhyun shrugged. “Does Yixing know?”

“Yes.”

“Anyone else?” Baekhyun probed.

“Jongin. Kyungsoo and all his friends. Minseok.”

“Kris doesn’t,” Baekhyun noted, not having time for Jongdae’s jokes. Jongdae shook his head. “Neither does Chanyeol.”

“Are you gonna tell him?” Jongdae asked. “Chanyeol, I mean.”

“I’m not sure,” Baekhyun admitted, biting his lip.

“You shouldn’t,” Jongdae told him. “It’s up to Jongin, don’t you think? How did you find out anyway?”

“I guessed. You confirmed it.” Jongdae rolled his eyes. “You’re not going to tell anyone then? Kris or anyone else?”

“Wasn’t planning on it,” Jongdae said indifferently. “I don’t care about protecting Kyungsoo, but I respect my friend. And Jongin should be the one to get the balls to open up to Kris about it. And…” He paused, and Baekhyun frowned.

“And?” he prodded. Jongdae gave his mysterious smirk.

“I wanna see how it unfolds.”