Chapter XI

Miscalculation

A/n: I really need to stop writing so much omg I'm going to die guys but I just am so into writing this fic. Also, laughing forever because I asked my friend who she thought had given Sehun his bruise and one of her three guesses was Baekhyun. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Minseok approached Jongdae fearfully where the younger waited for him – outside the change room, before Minseok would go to soccer practice, as always. Jongdae would be angry. Maybe he would yell. Maybe he would cry, but likely not.

"Jongdae? Can I talk to you?"

"You look so serious, hyung. I'm worried." Jongdae was teasing.

Minseok gave a weak smile. He didn’t know how to do this. He didn’t know how to make it easy for either of them. Looking at Jongdae, all he could see was the past few months they had spent together, all burning up in flames. Because of him. ”I have to tell you something. I... well... I think-"

"Are you breaking up with me?"

Jongdae’s voice was unreadable. Minseok's eyes dropped to the floor, and he gave a tiny nod.

"You and Luhan made up, huh?" Jongdae gave a sigh. "I guess I'm not surprised."

Minseok glanced up, surprised he’d figured it out so quickly, and Jongdae was smiling sadly. "Honestly, hyung, I've been waiting for this for a while. I know you're in love with him. I know you've just been using me. It's okay!" he said hurriedly as Minseok tried to object. "I'm glad you worked things out. And you’re together now. He makes you happy, and that’s what I care about. Can you just tell me one thing?"

"Anything."

"Was it ever real for you?" Jongdae asked quietly, and he wasn’t the light-hearted jokester that he’d always been now. Minseok bit his lip, seeing Jongdae's gaze fall. He took a step forward, wrapping his arms gently around the younger boy.

"Yes," he whispered into his shoulder. "It was. I do love you, Jongdae. It's just..."

"Not enough," Jongdae finished for him. He turned and brushed his lips against Minseok's temple, kissing him for the last time.

"I'm sorry."

Jongdae let him go. "I know." Then he pushed Minseok away gently, and playfully hit his arm. "I guess I have to go find someone to cry to now. And you need to go to Luhan. You've been away from him long enough."

Minseok nodded again, adding a final apology before beginning to walk away. Jongdae felt a lump in his throat, and it seemed as if the world was falling from beneath his feet.

"Minseok!" he choked out. The boy stopped and looked back at him. There was a lot he wanted to say. I love you. I need you. I'm sorry. He didn't. "We're still friends right?" He needed to know the boy wasn't walking out of his life forever.

His hyung looked surprised, but he said, "Of course!" and his smile told Jongdae he meant it. Jongdae returned his smile, as if he was okay, as if it was no big deal. Still friends.

He wished he could believe that would be enough.

Kyungsoo went to their gym teacher to ask if he could take Sehun out of the class, and he just nodded, then yelled at everyone else to start their laps. When Kyungsoo was walking back to Sehun, he passed Jongin, and anger flared up in him.

“You knew,” he hissed as he went by.

“What?”

“You knew Luhan broke up with him,” Kyungsoo said snappily. “And you didn’t tell me. When did you find out?”

“Hyung-”

“Answer me.” Kyungsoo spun to confront the younger to his face, not caring if others were watching.

“Yesterday,” Jongin told him under his breath. “When Minseok broke up with Jongdae.”

“And what, it never occurred to you to tell me? That my best friend had his heart broken and might need me-”

“He hasn’t been your best friend!”

“He’s always been my best friend!” Kyungsoo was struggling to keep his voice down, but he added quietly and venomously, “Don’t act like you know me just because you kissed me. Just because of what I told you. You might remind me of him, but you could never replace Sehun.” Jongin gaped at him, and then Kyungsoo realized something with disgust. “You didn’t tell me – you were trying to hide it from me! Because you’re a jealous little prick and wanted to keep me for yourself!”

Kyungsoo his heel, tuning Jongin out and returning to his Sehun. “Come on, Hunnie, let’s get out of here…” He took the boy’s hand and hurried him out of the gym, deciding to go to the cafeteria. It was empty, because everyone at school was in class. When they arrived, Sehun practically collapsed at one of the tables, and Kyungsoo sat beside him, wrapping his arms protectively around him. Unfortunately, it felt that, rather than blocking out the pain, he was only trapping it in.

Sehun cried for a long time, and Kyungsoo just waited. It was hard – he was impatient and he found the boy pitiful, because surely he’d seen this coming. But maybe Sehun had convinced himself – maybe Luhan had convinced him – that the feelings were mutual between them, when everyone in the world knew that wasn’t true.

Eventually, when Sehun was at least slightly calmed down, Kyungsoo said, “What happened, Hunnie?”

“L-Luhan…” Sehun broke down again, and Kyungsoo decided that this was going to take a long, long time.

“Did he…” Kyungsoo tilted the boy’s face up, tracing the bruise that painted itself across his skin. “Did he do this?”

“What? No, no!” Sehun was quick to defend the boy who had broken his heart. “I – I didn’t want to come to school today. I stayed in bed, but my – my dad got angry… He told me I had to stop being such a child, and – and go to school…”

Kyungsoo nodded in understanding. Sehun’s dad could be violent like that, he knew. He was relieved it hadn’t been Luhan, otherwise he would’ve gone after the boy.

“Tell me what happened, Hun,” Kyungsoo said, rubbing Sehun’s back comfortingly.

“Y-yesterday – after school, I go home with him every day,” Sehun told him. “I met up with him. Things seemed normal… But then h-he pulled the car over, a-and told me he needed to tell me something… He – he told me he’d made up with Minseok. I didn’t think… But then – he said h-he was in love with him. I guess I knew all along, but – he told me he was sorry – he said, he had started to fall in love with me, but it – it wasn’t fair of him… He said he – he’d only been using me at first…” He choked, and Kyungsoo his hair. “But he s-started having feelings for me… and he was sorry – he just kept saying he was sorry – but he… we couldn’t… he chose Minseok – he didn’t want to choose, he – he didn’t want t-to hurt me…

“He said the w-worst part was that he did love me, and he – would never forgive himself for hurting me,” Sehun sobbed. “He was crying a lot – I should’ve said something, but I was crying too… I just… It’s over…”

“He didn’t deserve you,” Kyungsoo said, squeezing him tightly.

“He always wanted Minseok… I could never compare…”

“But he lost you,” Kyungsoo told him. “He never deserved to have you, even if he was just using you. You’re better than that. He should feel bad. But… Sehun, it was always Minseok. I had hoped you would realize that before you got in too deep. But it wasn’t fair of him to fall in love with you-”

Kyungsoo cut himself off, and was grateful Sehun’s face was hidden in his shoulder, because Luhan had just walked into the cafeteria with Minseok. And there was no way they didn’t see Kyungsoo and Sehun in the otherwise empty room. He was glad to see that neither of them seemed overly happy, but instead were rather somber, the way one might be at a funeral. I hope you’re suffering.

Luhan’s face only looked more upset at the sight of his ex-boyfriend crying. Kyungsoo’s jaw clenched as Luhan seemed to pause, looking like he wanted to come over, and Kyungsoo shook his head with a deadly glare.

“What did I do wrong?” Sehun said without looking up.

“It’s not your fault, Hunnie,” Kyungsoo promised soothingly, eyes shooting daggers at Luhan.

“I just – love him so much…”

“I know, and he doesn’t deserve it. He deserves to suffer.”

“No!” Sehun glanced up to give Kyungsoo a surprised, teary-eyed look. “No, he doesn’t! I – I should’ve known, I shouldn’t have let him… I just wanted to believe in him, Kyungsoo. I wanted to believe that I really had a chance with him, that he really did love me. It was stupid, I know…”

Yes it was, but that doesn’t mean you should have to go through this. “You aren’t stupid, Sehun. You just… put your faith in the wrong person.”

“You’re terrible at this, hyung,” Sehun told him, giving a weak laugh.

“I know,” Kyungsoo said with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m doing the best I can here. I just want you to feel better.”

“I know, hyung. I’m h-happy you’re here.” Sehun hugged him again, holding on somewhat desperately. “I’m sorry about how – how I’ve treated you lately… I was really stupid… I-I thought, maybe if I – if Luhan left his best friend for me, I should do the same, to – prove I loved him and no one else… It never mattered anyway.”

“It’s my fault too, Hunnie,” Kyungsoo said. “I shouldn’t have bailed on you. It was just too much for me, but it wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry. I won’t leave you again.”

Sehun kissed his cheek. “Maybe you should stay away though. I’m – I’m not going to get over this, hyung. I don’t think I’ll ever feel better, and I don’t want to – put that on you.”

“No, no, no,” Kyungsoo argued immediately. “I’ve been away long enough. And I can’t make you go through this alone. I’m your best friend.” I can’t lose you. My world’s turned upside down since you’ve been gone. Please, please stay with me.

“Thanks, Soo.” Sehun was still crying, and Kyungsoo tried to brush the tears off his face before more took their place. Then a thought occurred to him, and he abruptly pulled Sehun’s face towards his, closing his eyes and brushing his lips against the younger’s. I hope you’re watching, Luhan. He heard a gasp to confirm it.

Again, this kiss was different from his others. Sehun’s mouth wasn’t as rough as Jongin’s, nor as sloppy as the girl’s had been. And Sehun was confused, but he didn’t pull away. The contact was brief, and it was nice, but it didn’t seem right. Somehow, he’d thought if kissing Jongin had felt so good, kissing Sehun would feel even better. Because he liked Sehun. But… not in that way. It felt wrong, like kissing a brother.

He heard the cafeteria door close, and slowly pulled away, Sehun’s eyes wide with shock. “Don’t tell me you’re in love with me, hyung.”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “I thought maybe, but it – no. No. Definitely not.” He glanced over the room, and yes, Luhan and Minseok had left.

“Well that’s good, because I don’t feel that way about you either.” Kyungsoo was relieved to see that apparently the shock of his best friend kissing him had made Sehun stop crying. “But you just kissed me. I never thought you’d be the one to kiss me!”

“Just taking you up on that offer you made me,” Kyungsoo lied smoothly. “You said you’d give me a better kiss than my first one. Are we good now?”

“Yes.” And Sehun hugged him for the hundredth time. “I really missed you, hyung. And – I didn’t mean anything I said, that day when I yelled at you at my dance practice. I’m sorry. I wanted to apologize as soon as I said it, but Jongin wouldn’t let me, and then you two left…”

“Jongin?” Jongin had stopped Sehun from talking to him? That . He’d been trying to covet Kyungsoo from Sehun all this time. Unbelievable.

“Yeah, what’s going on there anyway?”

“Nothing,” Kyungsoo snapped, the apologized to Sehun when he looked surprised and hurt. “Sorry. He just bullied me into hanging out with him, mostly. He’s an . I’m done with him.”

Sehun spent the night at Kyungsoo’s, where Kyungsoo made him tea, snuggled with him in his blankets and watched movies, let him cry a lot, and just talked. It felt so great to fall asleep with Sehun again. And to have him sitting on the bus the next morning, at the back of the bus, not behind Yixing. At least for Kyungsoo, it felt like things were going back to normal.

But at school, for the second day in a row, Kyungsoo found a note from Kai in his locker. One that made Sehun burst into tears.

Happy Valentine’s Day!”

The note was heart shaped, the words written in red marker. And it just reminded Sehun that Luhan had broken up with him, two days before Valentine’s, and Luhan wouldn’t be spending the day – or night – with him but instead with Minseok. And it took a while for Kyungsoo to calm him down so he could go to class. The next time he saw Sehun – in gym class – the boy was a bit red-eyed, but he smiled half-heartedly at Kyungsoo, and they ran their laps together, and had each other as partners when the class went to work out in the weight room. Sehun didn’t crack jokes or say stupid things like he used to, but Kyungsoo knew it would all start to come out in a matter of time. Meanwhile, he just appreciated that he had his best friend back at last.

It was already Valentine’s day. Chanyeol was frosting off of Baekhyun’s lips – frosting from the cupcake he’d given to his boyfriend for the occasion – and Jongin wondered if that had been the plan all along. Once they began to make out, Jongin couldn’t take it anymore, looking away from the lovey-dovey sight.

“Didn’t think I’d be single on Valentine’s this year,” Jongdae sighed, glancing over to Minseok, who sat at a table with Luhan and a group of other soccer players. No practice today.

“Yeah, well, we’re all alone here,” Jongin muttered. Then he nodded at Baekhyun and Chanyeol. “Except those two.”

“Yixing will be my Valentine. Right, Xing?” Jongin was glad Jongdae hadn’t lost his cheerfulness in his breakup, although his eyes had a seemingly-permanent sadness to them now. Yixing gave the younger boy a nod. He probably didn’t care either way. And neither did Jongdae seem to, because he kept staring at Minseok.

“Why don’t you go talk to him?” Kris said. “I mean, the guy said you’re still friends, right? Friends talk to each other. ’s gonna get awkward if you just pine over him and don’t actually interact with him.”

Jongdae sighed. “I know. I don’t want things to be awkward. But he’s with Luhan.”

“So?”

“So, you’re right, I guess.” And Jongdae seemed to gain courage, standing up and making his way over to Minseok. When his hyung saw him he jumped up, and Jongdae hesitantly held out his arms to hug him. Minseok gave a huge smile and threw his arms around him, and Jongin saw his mouth make the words Happy Valentine’s Day! Then he tugged on Jongdae’s arm, seeming to be asking him to sit with them, but Jongdae shook his head, eyes flicking to Luhan, who was glowering, but doing his best not to show it. A moment later, Jongdae returned, and was all smiles.

“Thanks, hyung,” he said sincerely to Kris. Kris just laughed.

“I told you,” he responded. “He still likes you. You don’t just have to cut him off because he’s got someone else. Just, don’t forget he has someone else.”

“Hey guys,” Baekhyun piped in, his face finally detached from Chanyeol’s. “We’re going out for dinner tonight, do you guys wanna come?”

“No!” they all chorused, breaking out into laughter.

“No one wants to be around you two on Valentine’s,” Kris said. Then he leaned over the table and punched Chanyeol’s arm. “Get it in though, kid.”

“What about you, Kris?” Baekhyun wondered. “You got a Valentine?”

“Jongin, would you be mine?” Kris turned to him and said cheesily, batting his eyelashes.

“Hell no!” They all laughed again.

“Then I guess I’m stuck with Tao,” Kris sighed theatrically. “You’ll take me, right Taozi?”

“Of course.” And none of them could tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

“Too bad, Jongin,” Kris teased. “Now you’re the only one who’s got no one. Unless you’ve still got that secret lover thing going.” Jongin had to put up with them poking fun at him over the mystery D.O, and he played along, but his eyes wandered over to Kyungsoo, who was sitting at his table where he used to sit, with Sehun and Joonmyun. As if nothing had changed. As if the past few months had never even happened.

His gaze returned to his friends, and from a glance, it seemed like nothing had changed. Chanyeol was still in love with Baekhyun, and crazily over-protective of him; Yixing was still quiet and sweet, and would go along with whatever the rest of them were doing; Kris was still their tough-looking softie leader, with the lethal-looking Tao by his side. But there were little differences. The way Tao looked at Kris – it was hard to tell with Tao, because he was very mysterious, but when he looked at Kris, he became even more confusing; there were just so many emotions in his eyes that Jongin couldn’t decipher. The way Kris looked at Tao; Jongin really couldn’t doubt it anymore – it was like he was devouring the younger boy with his eyes, and the vibes between them were so purely electric and intense. Jongin was certain they were hiding a lot between them, but he wouldn’t press it. Jongdae, of course, was sadder. He’d had Minseok, and now he’d lost Minseok, and it was like a light bulb dimming. He didn’t radiate his joyfulness, wasn’t as sarcastic and playful.

Jongin wondered if he himself was also different. He couldn’t know, but he guessed that his attitude had changed somewhat lately. He was more on edge, because only Yixing knew his secret, and Jongin was really dancing around it. But he couldn’t admit it to any of them. They wouldn’t understand, they would take it the wrong way… And Kyungsoo was pissed at him anyway, he might not even have a secret to keep anymore.

So much was the same, but more than that, everything was different.

Baekhyun missed three days in a row after Valentine’s Day, not returning until Friday and leaving Chanyeol very, very angry and upset. He didn’t speak to Baekhyun all morning, but confronted him immediately during their lunch break, dragging him along wordless away from the other kids.

“What the hell, Baekhyun?!”

“I was sick, Chanyeol!”

“You said you wouldn’t be here on Valentine’s, not that you’d be gone all week!”

“I didn’t know I would get sick!” Baekhyun tried to make his voice sound strong, but it cracked anyways. He was still recovering, but he knew he couldn’t miss an entire week of school. This was part of the side effects, he knew. Migraines and throwing up, amongst other things, had kept him bedridden for days after Valentine’s.

There were other things that Chanyeol could easily notice too. Baekhyun couldn’t put the effort into dressing in anything less comfortable than sweat pants and a baggy sweater; and his hair was parted differently.

“Why are you acting so strange?! Why are you keeping this big secret from me? Everything you do lately is about this thing. Whenever I wanna hang out, you can’t, because of your stupid alter-life! I’m sick of waiting for you to tell me – because clearly you aren’t going to if it’s on your own time! So just spit it out, damn it!”

“Chanyeol-”

“No, Baekhyun!” Chanyeol yelled. “No more excuses! I’m sick of you not telling me about whatever it is! Why are you being like this? Why are you dressed like this? And your hair-”

He reached up to mess up Baekhyun’s stupid, pushed-over hair, to ruffle it out of it’s stupid perfection, and his hand fell away with the delicate, sandy gold strands pulling out effortlessly between his fingers. Chanyeol’s face went blank as he noticed what the hair had been hiding – bald spots, patches of missing hair, thinned out in some places more than others, like a child had gotten hold of a pair of scissors, and Baekhyun’s hair had been the victim.

“Baekhyun-” Chanyeol stared from wisps of hair in his hand to the horrified boy in front of him, and as soon as he spoke, Baekhyun tried to scurry away, meaning to put as much distance between Chanyeol and himself as he could. But Chanyeol took a step forward, taking a tight hold on him. He was speechless, but he stared down at his small hyung and wordlessly begged him for answers.

“I’m dying, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said in a strangled voice. “I have cancer. I’m gonna die.”

All the oxygen in the world disappeared at his words. Chanyeol stared at him, not believing. “No. No you don’t…”

“I have for a while. That’s my big secret, ‘Yeol. Now you know.”

“Baekhyun, no,” Chanyeol pleaded, though with whom he didn’t know. “Oh God, please no. It’s a joke, right? Ha ha. It’s not real, please say it’s not real.”

“It is,” Baekhyun said, voice cracking. He could see the younger boy’s jaw quivering, tears forming. “No, don’t cry, Chanyeol, it’s okay…”

Chanyeol’s legs felt like jelly, and he let himself fall to his knees. Baekhyun kneeled down beside him, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s torso and holding him close. He refused to cry, not wanting Chanyeol to know how scared he was. But Chanyeol’s sobs came freely, and it was so hard to keep it together when the boy held him and cried and prayed for this all to just be a dream.

“It’s all gonna be over soon,” Baekhyun whispered, his vision blurring, and he blinked away his own tears. He didn’t know if he’d even meant for Chanyeol to hear it, or if he was just trying to reassure himself. That Chanyeol wouldn’t have to worry for much longer, and he wouldn’t have to keep struggling through this.

“No, Baek, don’t say that!” Chanyeol pushed Baekhyun back to look him in the eyes. “You still have a chance, don’t you?”

“I can’t keep doing this,” Baekhyun whimpered. “I can’t, ‘Yeollie.”

“Please,” Chanyeol begged. “Please keep fighting. You can make it through this Baek – I know you can! Baek, I mean it.”

“It’s just so hard, ‘Yeol…”

“I’ll do anything, Baek! Please don’t give up. I can’t – I can’t even imagine life without you. Please, I need you. I need someone to put up with my terrible dancing at grad, and crack jokes with me in class, and be by my side in high school. And it has to be you, Baek. I need my best friend. Please.”

Baekhyun rested his forehead on Chanyeol’s shoulder, and felt his tears slip past his lashes. He wanted to be there for Chanyeol. He wanted to live his life with Chanyeol, enjoy the world, have fun, just be with Chanyeol. His best friend, the guy he loved more than anyone. The guy who couldn’t dance, but could always make Baekhyun laugh. The guy who stuck up for him, and who Baekhyun stood up for too. Chanyeol, whom he was inseparable from. He needed him too. “What if I can’t beat it, ‘Yeol? What if I lose? What if I…” He couldn’t bear to say the word, and Chanyeol couldn’t bear to hear it.

“You at least have to try,” Chanyeol croaked. Baekhyun nodded, then lifted his chin to rest on Chanyeol’s shoulder. They stayed there for a long time, and if either was uncomfortable, neither said so. This was what Baekhyun needed. His rock; Chanyeol. Baekhyun finally released him and Chanyeol fell onto his back, pulling his hyung to lay beside him, Baekhyun’s head leaning on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“I really thought it was drugs,” Chanyeol uttered after a while. Baekhyun snorted, grateful that Chanyeol was back to being Chanyeol. That their fight seemed to be over, with each other anyways. And it was such a relief not to have to hide anything from him anymore.

“Do you know how hard it’s been, not telling you?” Baekhyun shot at him teasingly. “You can be the nosiest person when you want to be.”

“Well, you should’ve told me when you found out. If I’d known-”

“I know, ‘Yeol,” Baehyun assured him. “I should’ve. I wish I had. I was just afraid to. No point beating ourselves up over it though.”

“I thought I was gonna have to beat you up,” Chanyeol told him. “Because you were selling heroin or something.” Baekhyun slapped his stomach, chastising him mockingly.

“Yah, I wouldn’t sell heroin! I’m strictly a coke-dealer!”

They both howled with laughter, and Baekhyun felt a million times better. He could fight the world, he could fight cancer, with Chanyeol by his side.

A/n: When was the last time I had a Baekyeol interlude? It was like chapter 7, gosh. We reached Valentine's day, and that's where the last BY interlude left off, so it seemed fitting. Anyways, I guess we all know Baek's secret now. And Kyungsoo's made up with Sehun and told off Jongin, and everything seems to be back to square one. I wish it could be that simple ㅎㅎ

Thanks everyone for so many reads, comments, subscribers, upvotes, like wow! You're all wonderful! I might not write for a couple days now, just because I have so much school work that I've been neglecting to write this. I'll do my best though! Thanks again :)

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Logged in after years and am so happy to see people are still reading this. Thank you all <3

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Galaxyboo_
#1
Chapter 39: Wow jongin you jerk you coward. You deserve that stoopiddd
Galaxyboo_
#2
Chapter 21: Wah it's quite dark...
Galaxyboo_
#3
Chapter 5: I really don't understand why they beating him. Hopefully can see some light
ChikenBang #4
Chapter 41: came back to re read this and i loved it ❤️ it was honestly hard to read some parts cus of how dark they were and i even cried reading some chapters 😭 why were these kids so mean to kyungsoo? ;___; i think i first read this years back when i was a fishy in college~ reread this after seeing an announcement that you were writing again on here! thanks for this story, it was a RIDE, and for giving us a happy ending ❤!!!
shonwanigop
#5
💙
Parkkyungsoo12 #6
Chapter 41: Thank you so much for writing this, i love your story<333
Parkkyungsoo12 #7
Chapter 40: AAAAKKKK I HAPPY THEY MADE UP!!!! i love the ending🤩
Parkkyungsoo12 #8
Chapter 39: oh.. my.. god.. jongin you're messed up again
Parkkyungsoo12 #9
Chapter 37: Wow.. i didn't see it coming
Parkkyungsoo12 #10
Chapter 36: ajsjsjs sehun is so cute 😂