{5}

Hardships and a Photobook

      h  &  p        c h a p t e r       f i v e


 

30 April | Cold

 

It's hard being left behind,

 

 

 

 

It's harder when you're the one who stays.

 

 

 

And sometimes, I say

 

 

"it's okay"

 

 

 

 

 

more than i should

 


 

D a y 1

 

"Okay, is this okay?"

 

Seo Eun tilted her head and scanned the big coconut tree up and down with an exaggerated judgemental stare. The huge tree stood strongly rooted as though it was undergoing a strict attire check by Seo Eun. Obediently, it had spreaded its cool shade on the soft sands. She nodded ecstatically and clasped her hands. Baekhyun chortled happily in agreement. He loved Seo Eun so much. Much to the extent that whatever she did, it'd take less than two thoughts for him to agree. 

 

The golden beach stretched into the distance, as far as the eyes could see. Like an expert, Baekhyun swiftly settled the red and white checked picnic mat on the soft beads of sand like a magician. 

 

"You may take a seat, my Princess." Baekhyun wiggled his brows cheekily as he gestured towards the mat, slightly bending his kness.

Seo Eun forced back her gleeful laughter. It was such a funny sight watching Baekhyun fighting his balance on the slightly tilted shore. Wanting to continue the silly play they were performing at the beautiful beach, she bowed gracefully and carefully sat on the mat. 

Then the two let out a chorus of merry laugh. They were like children - Free from the entrapment of harsh reality.

 

"You brought a new camera?" Seo Eun asked as her boyfriend took out an expensive looking camera over his neck. He nodded simply with a smile.

As the foamy waves crashed gently on the shore, Seo Eun could resist no longer.

She elatedly combed the beach for seashells as Baekhyun sat on the mat, holding his camera at his eyes. And very often Seo Eun would return excitedly to show Baekhyun what new shell creatures she had discovered and the lovely shells she collected. As soon as Seo Eun saw the camera in Baekhyun's hands, she naturally posed while holding her shells and Baekhyun was more than delighted to take the shots, for the only purpose of spending so much money on his high-quality camera was to capture the lovely memories they would forge together. 

And Seo Eun didn't ask to view how the picture turned out, because she trusted Baekhyun's skills, and she didn't care if she looked like a mess, because Baekhyun was laughing at her poses and he loved it. 

 

 

And that was all that mattered.

 

2 years had passed.


 

1 May | Cloudy

 

The vicinity of the sea is desirable, and every grain of sand has a story on earth, each valuable and different.

 

And every breath I had with Baekhyun was different too. 

 

And just one breath alone that he took away from me, is worth a thousand more than the breaths I take in this brief life I've lived.

 


 

From the time Baekhyun and Seo Eun left their last messages on the Graduating Board and stepped out of the gates, they weren't carrying their high school memories with them either.

 

They were both so glad to leave that place of judgemental freaks. And they were both ready to start anew in University. Seo Eun had worked tremendously hard during her final year exams just so she could be make it with Baekhyun to an excellent university. Of course, Baekhyun made it so smoothly with no sweat. Everything was so easy for him, the equations and physics all too easy to comprehend, the complicated literature and mind-blowing standards were just not tedious enough for Baekhyun. He never failed his tests or examinations, it was the tests and examinations that failed to fail Baekhyun.

 

Burning midnight oil and having to cope with 9 extra classes, Seo Eun was still unable to even attain a 'Pass' to the grand university, while Baekhyun effortlessly earned a 'Gold with Honours' award. Even if he didn't, they would glady take him in with open arms for he possessed outstanding awards for his photography skills.

 

Thankfully, being the witty and smooth-tongue scholar he was, he persuaded the school leaders to take his hard-working princess in, just by slipping in beautiful compliments about her diligence and displaying some of her commendable art works she had done in high school. After much consideration, the school leaders sent her the acceptance letter, with a little tone of warning that she had to pull up her socks or she wouldn't make it for her second year.

 

Seo Eun owed so much to Baekhyun. Amazing. She thought. She didn't know how he did it.

 

He's magic. And I love him.

 


 

D a y 8

 

"This sandwich is perfect!" Baekhyun exclaimed as he chewed on the smoked salmon sandwich Seo Eun had prepared. 

Seo Eun broke into a grin as she watched the charming boy munch on the crust, leaving crumbs on at the side of his lips and some on his nose. 

"You are such a kid," she murmured as she reached for his face. "Or are you doing this deliberately?" Seo Eun chuckled as she gently swept the crumbs of his lips and soft nose. Baekhyun was stunned for a moment. Then he rolled his eyes and controlled his grin.

 

 


 

Day 13

 

The two were at a famous family park where they had settled on a green flowery hill with their baskets and smiles. From a distance, the crystal clear lake shimmered like a mirror, reflecting the clouds and birds that flew past. There were old couples happily doing yoga by the lake and children were playing a squealing game of tag, not forgetting their parents and young couples holding hands and sitting by the wooden benches, talking about everything under the sun. To put things all together, the park was blessed and enchanting ; the warm and lovely atmosphere infectious. 

 

"Let's play a game." Baekhyun lit up with animation as he sipped on their lemon tea. "Have you heard of 'The Loud Word' ?"  

 

Seo Eun nodded, she knew how to play. But she was suprised that her well composed boyfriend was going to play a game like this.

The rules are simple - Someone chooses a word or a short phrase , then players take turns to shout the word out. The players had to outbeat one another in their loudness, thus shouting even louder than the other player.

Obviously, it was commonly played outdoors to increase the challenge of the simple game.

Then Baekhyun placed their shared lemon tea back into the basket.

"Okay, I choose your favourite phrase," Baekhyun's sarcasm made Seo Eun cringe.

"Oh! My! God!" Baekhyun suddenly yelled, making Seo Eun burst out laughing. Baekhyun raised his eyebrow proudly. He wasn't going to lose.

"Yah, you know I don't like saying this." Seo Eun glared, but Baekhyun shrugged and smiled.

Seo Eun winced as she sat up straight, trying to project her voice to the audience below the hill. "OHMYGOD!"

She rushed through the phrase and prayed to the heavens immediately for forgiveness as she had shouted His name playfully. It wasn't exactly a great sin, but it wasn't polite to throw His great name whenever and wherever.

Baekhyun's face broke into laughter as he started clapping at her cute attempt. 

Eventually, Baekhyun won at that phrase. 

"Okay, my turn." Seo Eun crossed her arms, her revenge up her sleeves. Then she whispered quietly into Baekhyun's ear. And immediately Baekhyun's champion grin turned into utter suprise. 

"Are you serious? There are children here." Baekhyun breathed against her neck. 

Even though they were together for 2 years and counting, believe it or not, Seo Eun's heart still clenches with euphoria whenever Baekhyun whispered against her skin.

"It's disgusting alright. But I don't really care anymore." Seo Eun said with a smirk, she was geared up.

Baekhyun stared in awe at her sudden boldness.

 

 

"." She calmly said. Baekhyun almost choked on his drink. Then he knew this was a serious match, then he cleared his throat.

 

"!" He shouted, gaining the attention of a couple below the hill. And Baekhyun immediately pulled Seo Eun's dress to cover himself from the dying embarrassment.

 

"Ha ha ha ha!" Seo Eun laughed hysterically. Then she shouted the private word again. It left an awful taste in , but she was not going to let the cheeky boy win.

Baekhyun covered his eyes before he shouted even louder. Then Seo Eun slapped his mouth and burst out laughing again.

Then Seo Eun and Baekhyun exchanged playful glances. She chuckled evily. And Baekhyun shook his head in disaproval.

Seo Eun in a heavy amouth of air. 

"Oh my...you are not going to." Baekhyun said.

"Watch me." Seo Eun challenged with a naughty grin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"PEEEEE!!!!!! -" Seo Eun screamed like mad at the first syllabus before Baekhyun immediately covered with his hands, choking with laughter. 

"There are children here!" Baekhyun scolded, his tone joking and ecstatic. 

Seo Eun didn't retort but erupted with laughter along with Baekhyun. A few adults turned to look at them, and Baekhyun and Seo Eun huddled their heads together like embarrassed turtles, trying their best to suppress their dying laughter.

 


 

1 June | Stormy

 

Our little games, our special rules.

 

Life is a chess game. It's black and it's white. 

 

Don't lie to yourself about how good and colourful life is, because it isn't.

 

It's unfair.

 

 

 

Because fate changes the rules everyday.

 


 

Day 17

 

"Pick a fruit. Any fruit." Baekhyun said as he videod Seo Eun checking the freshness of the apples in the supermarket. 

It had been raining for the whole week and it was chilly. With her fovourite winter hat, Seo Eun ventured to the vegetable corner after picking the Rose Apples. 

 

"No, no. I won't eat that bitter stuff even if you cooked it." Baekhyun hurriedly said the moment he saw Seo Eun checking the diameter of the vegetables and its leaves. Baekhyun was still recording and taking pictures. But Seo Eun threw them in her plastic bag anyway.

 

"Bitter is good for you, Baek. Sometimes too much sweetness isn't good." Seo Eun cooed. 

 

"Okay, what else do we need for the cake?" She chirped but Baekhyun was pouting. Then he sighed and pulled out a relatively crumpled paper out of his pockets. 

 

"Hmph... Unsalted butter." 

 


 

Day 20

 

Seo Eun sat obediently at her study table, wrecking her brains and memorizing the necessary Math formulas. She had kept her phone far away from her reach to prevent any distractions. But her fingers mingled and her brain was unfocused as she only thought of Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun's smiles. 

Baekhyun's laughter.

Baekhyun's eyes.

Baekhyun's jokes.

Baekhyun's voice.

Baekhyun. Baekhyun. Baekhyun.

 

But Seo Eun's exams were approaching and Baekhyun had taken up a job at his father's big company. He finished all his revision very quickly and would rush to the huge famous office building. Thinking about how independent and filial Baekhyun was, she smiled to herself, uncapping her pen and closing it.

 

Then she rememberred that she had not finished the lovely chiffon cake they had baked. As she got up from her seat, a wave of giddiness hit her, making her trip on her toes. But she regained her balance.

 

And as she took a mouthful of the soft lemon cake, she smiled to herself. She recalled Baekhyun screaming and laughing as they the radio. Their favourite old songs were playing one by one in coincidence. They were both dancing wildly and singing high-pitched until they knocked over the egg mixture and spilled milk everywhere. And thus they couldn't follow the recipe and the cake had a weird lemon flavour.

 

Seo Eun thought about it laughed. Baekhyun's clumsiness.

 

The cake turned out wrong, but it tasted better than all the other cakes Seo Eun had eaten in her life.

 

Seo Eun realised she had not posted a comic for a week already due to her busy University schedules. Automatically, like old times, Seo Eun picked her white fresh paper and pencil. 

 

This time, she decided to add some colours to her comic unlike her usual shading of grey with over 5 different pencils. Her drawing was about Baekhyun and her 'cake adventure'. Carefully, she traced the stripes of Baekhyun's T-shirt with red and added pink to her kitchen. She didn't have to exaggerate the smiles of the characters in the comic, because they were really that happy. 

 

Sometimes Seo Eun would think about how she admired Baekhyun quietly for so long and now they were actually building memories and futures together. Amazing. She thought. Simply amazing, how life changes within a year

 


 

Day 28

 

"It's starting..." Baekhyun said, his voice amplifying the quiet house in the night.

 

Baekhyun had a tiring day at work and was ready to drop with exhaustion. But he had an in-house movie date with Seo Eun, and that lifted his enthusiasm a thousand levels higher. She is my strength and my vitamin, of course. Baekhyun smiled to himself.

 

Seo Eun beamed with excitement as the movie started. She pulled up the blanket high up to her neck and munched on the popcorn Baekhyun had brought over to her house. 

 

Halfway through the show, Seo Eun's face was tearstained and her eyes were red. The movie was too mournful and heart-breaking and Seo Eun could not withstand it anymore. She rested her head on Baekhyun's shoulders and sobbed sorrowfully. Every little contact with Baekhyun's neck rubbed off a tiny spark of her scent, a tantalizing mix of flowery soap, faint sweat and a desire to be hugged by him. 

 

Baekhyun looked at her with a curious face. And to which Seo Eun shot him a glare. 

 

"Why aren't you tearing?" She lifter her mournful face. 

 

Baekhyun didn't answer but her hair and hugged her shoulders in comfort. Seeing Seo Eun cry her heart out made him afraid because he realised he had never seen her cry. And only then he realised it was torturing and miserable to see a cheerful person, his wife-to-be, cry aloud. Quickly, he offered her a tissue, hoping she would stop.

 

Then he pulled out another tissue. Then another. 

 

 

Until Seo Eun realised her tissue was growing red and sticky. 

 

She was nose bleeding. 

 


 

5 June | Rainy

 

All the tears I cried to sleep, I could taste it in my mouth. Salty.

 

Leaving Baekhyun made my soul weep tears I couldn't comprehend so well.

 

 

 

And they weren't made of salt and water.

 

I think they were made of blood.

 


 

Day 33

 

"Promise me you have to visit the doctor. It's your second time this week." Baekhyun reminded her strictly as they walked out of school, books in their hands. 

 

Seo Eun nodded grumpily. It's the weather!  She recalled telling Baekhyun not to worry. But the weather was chilly and freezing. Not a likely climate to cause frequent nose bleeds. 

 

Baekhyun would have taken her to the doctor, but he was busy with his work schedules and revision and his father was not someone Baekhyun wanted to disappoint. Waving goodbye, Seo Eun got onto her bus. It was sweet of Baekhyun to send her off at the bus stop.

 

As usual, Seo Eun chose her favourite seat by the windows. As she turned to wave goodbye again, Baekhyun pointed at her like a fierce teacher and motioned some hand actions that she must visit a doctor. To which Seo Eun rollded her eyes and chuckled. Baekhyun couldn't pull off his stern acting and let out a grin too. With the bus sound alert, a little snapping of the doors, the bus's engine groaned and left. 

 

Baekhyun checked his watch. He was running late for work.

 


 

Day 40

 

Seo Eun was groggy. Be it from depriviation of sleep or whatever, her brain felt as though it was slipping here and there in her head, unable to remain in its fixed position. It was dizzy and the words on her textbook were stacking onto one another. She was seeing doubles and the room was spinning. She couldn't concentrate very well from the beginning anyway, her new-born eczema was killing her with the itchines and she had used every ounce of will to stop scratching. 

 

I think exams are killing me. She thought as she staggered to her bedroom. 

 


 

Day 42

 

Seo Eun went for a checkup. It was nothing serious. The doctor said she had most probably been too drained from her studies thus causing the exhaustion, and the nosebleed was due to her genetic sinusitus. 

 

Smiling, she texted Baekhyun about the news of relief.

 

 

To which Baekhyun replied hours later at midnight :

 

 Sorry for the late reply, I'm really glad to hear. You must be asleep now.. so.. Good morning ^^ 

 


 

7 June | Drizzle

 

Hah. 

 

That was the most stupid doctor.

 


 

Day 46

 

"You're not eating? Really?" Baekhyun asked as he sliced his beef and carrots skilfully with his silver utensils. 

Seo Eun shook her head and lied on her arms as she watched Baekhyun chew on his food with great relish. It was an entertaining sight for her and she was happy. They were dining at a Western restuarant which they frequently go to. 

Baekhyun frowned, "But you always order your favourite Salmon Spaghetti Cream." Then, he put down his fork and lowered his head to the table as well, looking at her eyes. "Would you like some of my bacon?" 

To which Seo Eun let out a laugh. It was a joke that caught her all the time. With a quick poke of his fork, he fed Seo Eun some strips of pink barbequed bacon. Seo Eun really didn't have the appetite that day, but Baekhyun smiled, eager to watch her eat. Not wanting to disappoint him, she pecked the bacon like a shy bird, slowly chewing on it reluctantly.

 

 

"You're weird today, Seo Eun." Baekhyun said as he started swinging her hand higher in the air. 

"I'm weird everyday." She replied merrily.

"Smell my hair." She told Baekhyun as she twirled a small bundle of her curls. Baekhyun smashed it on his whole face like it was an air freshener and inhaled deeply. 

"Smells like.." He thought for a while. 

"Sweet marshmallows with a scent of flowery soap." He answered confidently.

"I haven't bathed today." Seo Eun replied with a mischievous smirk. Baekhyun stared for a while before he burst out laughing. 

"Yah!" He shouted while smiling at her. 

"What? You don't like me anymore?" 

Baekhyun rolled his eyes and pulled Seo Eun closer. It was already evening and the streets were crowded. 

 

 

"Whenever you bathe, whatever you do to me. I'll still love you." He gave her a quick peck on the cheek before he wrapped her in his woolen scarf. 

 

Seo Eun had been shivering non-stop even with her thick pullovers and high boots. With Baekhyun, I'll be warm. I'll be okay.

 


 

23 June | Sunny

 

Did you see the clouds today? It is amorphous. 

 

And when you see them tomorrow, they are still amorphous and undefined.

 

They are not the same everyday.

 

 

 

And sometimes, they are grey. 

 

And then they turn black.

 

 

And then they dissolve in mist and the rains fall.

 


 

Day 50

 

Seo Eun rested on the beige leather sofa, her legs crossed and dangling with a rythm, her study book on her stomach. She felt as though each melodious key that Baekhyun touched on the piano fell on her eyes, nose, chest and mind like snowdrops, weighing her down to sleep. 

 

Baekhyun was tutoring Seo Eun as their examinations were coming. But the young girl was so mesmerized by the beautiful piano that she begged Baekhyun to play her a tune. He let out a sheepish grin and nodded. 

 

Seo Eun then recalled the heart-breaking drama they had watched. She excitedly told Baekhyun to play it for her as he had a special talent of playing by ear. Meaning, he could play the melody of the song just by hearing its tune, there wasn't a need for score sheets. Baekhyun didn't exactly liked that theme song as it reminded him of Seo Eun's puffy cheeks and tear-stained face. But he still did anyway, diligently rememberring the tune. Skilfully, his tactful fingers streamed from one chord to another. 

 

He told her he would need some time to make up the accompaniment for the left hand. And Seo Eun said she'll be more than patient.

 


 

Day 60

 

Seo Eun couldn't go to school. Her head was burning with a temperature of 42.9 degrees. Everyone knew how fair Seo Eun was. She was the fairest everywhere she went. But it was easy to tell that not only was she fair today, she was pale. White as a fungus.

 

 

Usually, Seo Eun could even withstand 43 degrees without consultation as it was somehow part of her own pre-menstrual syndrome. But this time, she actually insisted on visiting the doctor as she felt like she had been paralysed, her joints so stiff and tensed. Knowing that her filial daughter wasn't someone who gave in to doctors so easily, Seo Eun's mother anxiously drove her to the doctors.

 

 

On top of the usual antibiotics, the doctor gave her steroids for her skin. It was red, sore, and dry. The skin had peeled fresh open from all her uncontrollable scratching. 

 

 

Her legs were no longer smooth, they were now scarred, raw and open.

 


 

Day 70

 

Seo Eun nose bled on her papers. It wouldn't stop.

 

The exams were nearing and her brain was drained. She tried to call Baekhyun. But the phone rang importunately. No one picked up.

 

A text message came. Baekhyun apologized, saying he would call later when the meeting with the Head Directors was over.

 

But the call never came.

 

And Seo Eun's fatigue won over her fragile body, switching off her energy buttons, turning her to sleep.

 


 

Day 77

 

Seo Eun sat at the counter of the hospital now, no longer a clinic. The smells was mingling with antiseptic and stale flowers, all masking something much more unsavoury. 

 

 

She had been scheduled for a Complete Blood Test. 

 


 

Day 78

 

Sitting and staring blankly at her medication, she sipped on her water, unable to open up the new package of stronger pills. She avoided it with exasperation. 

 

 

She had not heard Baekhyun's voice for days. She only received messages from him. Mostly were apologies about late replies and that he'll call. Then there were some that were his caring concerns about her absence from school, saying he'll pay her a visit when he could. 

 

 

Seo Eun replied instantly after the beep sounded. She said that it was okay, and that she was just tired. She also encouraged him to stay strong at work and that this would bring them a good future, to drink water, and to sleep early. 

 

 

Seo Eun wasn't angry or upset that Baekhyun was now a busy young man. A bright future awaited him. And soon he would crawl up to the grand chair of his father's company, and by then he had pledged he would have married Seo Eun.

 

 

But Baekhyun didn't quite realise that if there was a moment Seo Eun needed him most, the time would be now.

 

 

Seo Eun lashed at herself for having the slightest selfish thought of Baekhyun not calling her.

 

 

With dark circles weighing her eyes, her fingers tried to tear open the new package of pills. But she couldn't no matter how forcefully she tried. Her fingernails had been cut short to the skin and it hurt. Irritated, she threw the disgusted bottles and tubes across the marble floor. The cap opened and the horrifying bright coloured pills scattered, ringing like coins on the white, cold marble. 

 


 

Day 78  :  3  AM

 

Only Seo Eun's  head shivered, her feet thrashing her thick comforter. Her eyes were shut as she was asleep, but her eyebrows were deeply narrowed, her eyes strained from the wincing. She was having a dream, or a nightmare. She wanted to escape from the sleep entrapment. But she couldn't. She was tangled and she felt as though a demon's hands were pulling her, dragging her, about to throw her down the hill into the sea...

 

 

"Okay, listen carefully about what I'm going to say," The doctor said slowly, his eyes soft behind the frames. "The blood test results are out," He paused. "We detected some cancer cells in around your lymph nodes." His voice was as calm as the waves, yet thrashing and wind-driven as an approaching storm. 

 

 

Then suddenly, the walls of the hospital collapsed, bringing her to the top of the hill Baekhyun and her always went for their picnic dates.  Everything seemed familiar. The trees, the children. Only one thing was missing, the different colours. They all turned ashen grey, their shades dark and sombre. But now, the hill was more than 100 feet of the ground. It wasn't a hill. It was a cliff. And now Baekhyun and her were in a little boat. His expression was dead. He said he couldn't be with someone who had cancer. He said he had to move on, and so did she. And he suddenly gripped Seo Eun in his arms, standing close to the boat, about to throw her deep into sea. 

 

 

 

And on her bed Seo Eun actually held her breath for as long as she can, until she was breathless.

 

 

Seo Eun's eyes flashed open. Her heart beating extremely fast, the valves in her heart flipping over and over. Her eyes were half-opened and blurred. She had cried. Strands of hair was stuck on her cheeks, they were wet with a mixture of cold sweat and tears from the overwhelming fear she had just dealt with. But it was just a nightmare, and the doctor had never said that.

 

 

It is a dream, a nightmare, you are okay. She told herself as she sat up in the dark, quiet bedroom. I am okay.

 

 

She turned to her mini side table and grabbed her phone. Seo Eun couldn't take it anymore. There was still a deathly echo of the doctor, so close to her ears. And the room was very silent, except for the rattle of leaves and strong howling wind blowing up against the windows. It was as though a monster was outside knocking impatiently outside her windows, wanting to bash in and engulf the young girl off her bed, out of her comfort life.

 

With cold trembling fingers, she dialled for Baekhyun's number. It rang and rang. And Seo Eun felt that if Baekhyun didn't pick up this time, she would have lost her mind. Every ring sounded, her hope dropping bit by bit.

 

 

Baekhyun groaned from his exhausation and the ache in his back and shoulders. He picked up his phone not looking at the blinding light of his phone screen.

 

 

"What?" His voice clearly spelling out his annoyance, his tone wasn't warm at all.

 

 

Seo Eun half expected it as it was not even dawn, the streets were empty and people were asleep - It was absolutely okay for Baekhyun to be angry and frustrated. And somehow the ends of her lips still curled into a gentle smile, she was finally hearing him speak. 

 

 

"B-Baek..." She whimpered.  

 

 

Baekhyun's eyes shot open as he quicky sat up. What happened? Why was she calling at this time? And what kind of hell tone did I just use? 

 

 

"Seo Eun? Seo Eun, are you crying? Are you okay?" His tone immediately lowered from backslapping and petulant to soft and caressing.

 

 

And for three long seconds, Seo Eun froze, her sullen face turned stricken. Was she okay? When did she start crying? She held the phone pressed against her ear, her eyes fleeting with anxiety on the dark walls as she didn't know what to say, like an actress who had forgotten her lines.

 

 

"Seo Eun?" Baekhyun cried again. "Dear, answer me! You're making me dead worried!" Baekhyun raised his voice.

 

 

He wasn't angry at all, not in the tiniest bit. He meant what he said, he was worried to the core. His heart broke as he didn't know what was happening on the other side of the line. He felt so useless that all he could do was to pick up the phone, yet Seo Eun was more than thankful he did.

 

 

"C-Can you sing for me?" She managed to croak, a lump in . She had tried her best to exstinguish her snivel.

 

 

Baekhyun was stunned for a while. Seo Eun never ever asked much from Baekhyun. She was a simple and easily contented person, forever forgiving, never asking for more. But now she had called at 3 AM, requesting him to sing. How could he say no?

 

 

He pinched his nosebridge wearily. He realised he had not talked to her for a while. And that her voice had a tinge of foreign sense, but it grew on his ears now in the dark, and the rush of familiarity came back.

 

Baekhyun cleared his throat a little as it was butter-thick when he just awoken. Seo Eun waited.

 

Then quiet was amplifying before Baekhyun dismissed it with his voice. He began to sing.

 

 

Living without you, living alone,

 

This empty house seems so cold,

 

Wanting to hold you, wanting you near,

 

How much I wanted you home,

 

 

Baekhyun continued singing and Seo Eun felt like she was rising to life again, yet her body was extremely tired and sore. Her eyes relaxed and her shoulders' turgidity loosened. The smooth tenor of Baekhyun's voice soothed her to sleep again. Clutching onto the phone as though holding on to dear life, young Seo Eun closed her eyes, and fell asleep again.

 


 

Day 79

 

Baekhyun had not put down the phone at all, he didn't sleep a wink. He listened to the rhythmic ebb and flow of Seo Eun's breathing as she fell asleep. And he realised he missed her a lot. Baekhyun made up his mind that he would skip work that day and bring Seo Eun to the sea aquarium. 

 

Baekhyun now had a car, a sleek black expensive one. And he was frenzied with excitement, offering if Seo Eun wanted to sit in for a ride to the aquarium. And to his utmost suprise, Seo Eun said she preferred the bus, kindly saying she would have many chances in the future. 

 

Giving in the window seat to her, Baekhyun sat on the outer seat beside Seo Eun. They sat close enough that their hipbones were touching. But Seo Eun inched away slightly. And Baekhyun noticed. But she was still smiling like last time as she leaned her head on Baekhyun's soft clothed shoulders. It fit her head perfectly. Only for her. 

 

Baekhyun wanted to ask her what had happened the previous night, but seeing that Seo Eun was still groggy with her heavy lids and eyes closed upon his shoulder, he kept his questions in his throat. Maybe another time. He thought.

 

Seo Eun slept throughout the journey to the grandest sea aquarium. It was the most famous sea aquarium with over 100,00 different sea creatures. All of their species unique and special. 

 

"You shouldn't have brought me here," Seo Eun glanced up at Baekhyun. "I'll keep looking at the fish, I would forget that you were here." She sighed and smiled at him.

 

Baekhyun tilted his head and chuckled. "Then forget me."

 

He let lose of her fingers and grinned heartily. As Seo Eun walked in the crowd of people, Baekhyun took out his camera again. Even though she seemed to have dissolved into the busy excited crowd, he spotted her easily.

 

And he took many pictures of her. He didn't really take any of the fish, he took pictures of Seo Eun looking at the fish. 

 

Seo Eun waved at him many times like a child who discovered a treasure, asking him to come and watch how the dolphin jumped above the water, or how the jelly fish moved like an angel. 

 


 

30 June | Windy

 

Many people take pictures of what's happening in their lives for the sake of taking a picture.

 

Adventures aren't adventures unless posted on Instagram. 

 

You didn't eat your food unless you shown people the great delicacies you had for lunch.

 

 

When Baekhyun  brought me to the aquarium, many people were pushing and rushing, eager to get the perfect shots of marine life. And when they were done, they left hastily for the next sea tank, ready to unleash their impatience once more.

 

I was thinking. 

 

What's the point of taking a nice picture and finally catching your breath when you finished the tour? Not rememberring what you've seen, but blindly taking the pictures for a quick view later on. And then what?

 

"Oh, it's colourful" and "The fish swam too fast."

 

Is that what you're gonna say as you flip your photo album? 

 

I was so confused. Why wait for the future when you can grasp the chance in the present? The fish is in front of you. Admire it. Not take a blind snap and disappear.

 

I know you think that taking pictures are for reminiscing. True. That's what Baekhyun does and I approve. But maybe you should've just kept your camera aside. Enjoy the moment. 

 

 

Because no matter how many nice shots you've taken, if your camera is lost later, you are going to feel like an idiot. For there is nothing amazing anymore about the pictures you took.

 

 

But let me get this straight. Baekhyun is different. He isn't like those physcos. He loves the things he sees. He admires it live before taking a picture. He's just different and I know. 

 


 

Day 85

 

Baekhyun skipped his extra revision class because he knew that Seo Eun's classes ended early that day. Flushed with excitement, he called Seo Eun to meet him at the music room. He had worked hard on the song Seo Eun wanted him to play.  

 

It was a very good day for Baekhyun, because he had printed all the photos he took in his camera, and they were colourful and in excellent quality. 

 

Too delighted from Baekhyun's call, she had forgot about her appointment with the doctors. She had to collect her results. 

 


 

When she rememberred, she called back for a re-scehdule and apologized.

 


 

3 July | Cloudy

 

Sometimes you miss things because you didn't know or you were careless or you forgot, but you can still opt for it again.

 

But some things that you missed, will not come back to you.

 

When I had nightmares, Baekhyun always comforted me, saying that once you talked out your fears in your dreams, the nightmare would vanish, never to be true. And so I spilled all my nightmares to him. And he always listened with open ears.

 

How I regret I didn't talk to him about my nightmare at the hospital. Maybe things would have been better.

 


 

Day 90

 

Seo Eun sat on the chair and waited. Her eyes were drawn to a display case of butterflies on the wall. Beautiful and colourful butterflies. Dead ones. 

 

The doctor came in with his clipboard, his coat so white. And Seo Eun felt her skin crawl down to her spine as her dream seem to have replayed.

 

The doctor seemed to have followed the script in her dream, saying the same words at the beginning, and saying the same at the end - When he broke to her about the results, it was no different.

 

 

It was her 90th day of having Acute Myeloid Leukemia.

 


 

Her breathing was heavy, her dreams had dashed, everything was black and white. It all seemed so unreal.

 

And Baekhyun was standing in front of her, still unaware of her illness. Seo Eun had been thinking for a long time, before coming to such a disgusting decision.

 

Seo Eun had prayed that no one would ever have to be in her shoes, circumstances threatening her to make a choice.

 

She cried and she bled. She pulled her hairs and screamed. And every time she had to eat her steroids for her skin that never seem to recover, it was the worst. She would slide her glass of water over the table, over and over again, the silver shards reflecting nothing but her hysterical self. 

 

And her care taker, Sora, would come in sweeping again, pouring her a new glass. 

 

 

"Yes, Seo Eun? I'm in meeti-" 

 

She shut her phone off. Seo Eun didn't dare to hear the last of it. She cried and tore her bedsheets. She loved Baekhyun so much, more than she ever loved herself. She had many things on her mind. And Baekhyun and her future was all about them. She thought about everything and all the consequences. She knew very well it'd hurt more than a thousand splinters through her skin, but she had no choice. 

 

After a while, Seo Eun calmed down, pragmatically putting everything into its proper place in her head.

 


 

She called for a break up, with a strong pretense that it was because she no longer felt that Baekhyun cared about her. It was childish as , but she had no choice.

 

If she had a knife, she would have stabbed herself, because she knew that Baekhyun sincerely loved her very much, more than anyone ever could.

 

Because Seo Eun knew Baekhyun so well, she knew how he would react if she told him about her illness. Baekhyun would shake his head and say that it didn't matter. He would still pop a ring, marry her, and shower her with love more than ever.

 

That's childish talk! Don't ever do that! She thought. 

 

If Seo Eun had to summon her sword, it would be now. She had chose to hurt Baekhyun now, not because she was selfish or cruel, but because she rather hurt Baekhyun for just this period, and when she was gone, time would heal, and Baekhyun would find happiness again. Without her. 

 

Every one says time will heal a broken heart, but no one said how long. But Seo Eun took all her chances, as it was better for Baekhyun to be hurt temporarily, than to stay legally attached all his life. Alone.

 

 

Seo Eun had deliberately dyed her hair all sort of colours, re-styling them in different hair salons. Baekhyun hated it when girls wore stockings, but now she wore thick black ones everywhere, hiding her scars and blood. She was going to change herself to become everything Baekhyun hated. And when Baekhyun saw, he plainly said she had changed in person. To which Seo Eun cried back mentally. "I'm about to change into something you've never imagined. And you will hate me and forget me."

 

 

But her change didn't work, they failed to scare Baekhyun. He came back every time, hurt and desponsdent, begging Seo Eun that he would change and that he was wrong. To which Seo Eun could only slide her curtains and lock her windows and switch off her phone. She hid in her room, her face puffy and swollen from the overdose of steroids. Her life had changed.

 

 

She was different now.

 

 

She had cancer.

 

 


 

It's beautiful to see the waves crashing against the shore over and over again, even afer being pushed back away every single time.

 

 

But Seo Eun wished Baekhyun would stop coming back.

 

 

The cold air sliced Baekhyun at his neck and racted him with another shudder, sending him nearly crashing on his knees. When triumph should have reached its apogee, did everything change? 

 

He recalled calling Seo Eun a thousand times, demanding for an explaination. He even stomped to her house, banging on her doors like a mad man. To which Sora would tell the pitiful boy to 'Go home.' 

 

From angry shouting that burned his throat came helpless painful strains of desperate cries and damage.

 

Baekhyun felt torn apart. He was torn apart.

 

From what was and what could have been.

 


 

Even though Seo Eun was ill, she found time to do her comics while she was at the hospital for her chemotherapy treatment. And still, she posted them online on her webcomic blog. It was the only thing that remained unchanged. The subscribers she had increased tremendously, the comments ever so beautiful. Often pushing up her thick glasses again, she smiled and drew some flowers. 

 

The doctors told her that patients with leukemia had chances of recovering fully, and that she should never let go any threads of hope. The stability of Seo Eun's emotions were improving, because now she had allowed the nurses to share some miraculous stories about how one's optimism had saved many cancer patients. 

 

Seo Eun listened attentively. She nodded, watching them talk, but her eyes were vacant. 

 

She wanted to see Baekhyun. It killed her everyday because she rememberred how she pushed him away without an explaination. She was suprised guilt hadn't killed her while her cancer cells were.

 

The first chemotherapy she had undergone was okay. Seo Eun thanked the doctors.

 

But subsequently as she entered the doors of the hospital, she came out looking different.

 

Seo Eun was slowly losing her hair, and her skin was turning white and flaky. She avoided the the mirrors at all costs to the fact that she couldn't pinpoint where her eyes were now. 

 


 

Day 120

 

Baekhyun watched his colleagues and the guests smiling, hand in hand with pretty gowns and suits. But he sat there cross armed, the soft jazz music in the background. Like a cold-blooded zombie, he told his colleagues he had to leave for a while.

 

He straddled his tie off his neck. He headed to a nearby family bar, where a familiar face appeared. 

 

It's been long ever since he last heard of or seen Jae Yi.

 

She had cut her straight black hair below her shoulders, her lipstick still red with the accompaniment of dark eye-liner. 

 

"Baekhyun?" She called as she put her glass of wine away.

 

He recognised her. But Baekhyun let out a dry, short, humorless laugh. He wanted to stay far away from people he knew. 

 

"Seo Eun told me you never come to places like these." Jae Yi said, her scent wafted nearer. 

 

Immediately, Baekhyun shot Jae Yi a glare. He didn't want to hear Seo Eun's name unless it was him who called her. Every time he heard people calling that name he felt as though a part of his body died. 

 

"Seo Eun!" He shouted rashly, some chattering in the bar turned silent. But Baekhyun didn't care at all. Nothing else mattered.

 

"What happened to her? Something is wrong. Isn't it? Tell me. I beg you. What the heck is going on?" His voice choked, his face was purple from the strain of all his turbulent feelings.

 

Jae Yi was taken aback as Baekhyun never raised his voice like this before. She knew how he was.

 

Baekhyun was composed, clean and well-mannered. But now he had changed. With his tie strewn on the floor, his eyes were red and his fists were clenched. Realising he had scared Jae Yi, he looked down in shame and apologized. 

 

"Seo- S-She..." Jae Yi's eyes searched for the warmth in Baekhyun's eyes., but it was all gone. It had turned icy and cold. And what Jae Yi said later made Baekhyun lose more colour in his face. 

 

 

 

 

"She's in love with someone else."

 

Jae Yi had no choice. She gulped down the truth like as though it was a hard rock. It was what Seo Eun wanted Jae Yi to say. That she was already in love with someone else who could offer her better attention and concern.

 

The young man in his suit was spellbound, Baekhyun's brain couldn't process properly.

 

Baekhyun didn't want to acknowledge the dreadful words Jae Yi was saying. He blocked it out with all he could, but they somehow wormed in his ears, embedding themselves on his body like stitches to a lifeless toy.

 

He recalled himself telling Seo Eun how he would love her regardless of whatever she did to him. Little did he know that what he said were just words. 

 

Those were words anyone could say, anyone could spell. And the promise could be broken by anyone then, except for Byun Baekhyun.

 

As Jae Yi left, she handed Baekhyun a name card. And Baekhyun called her to wait.

 

Carefully taking out a thick book from his black suitcase, he told Jae Yi to hand the velvet covered book to Seo Eun, that it was meant for her to keep only. He said he wanted to give this to Seo Eun earlier, but of course, he didn't have the time. 

 

Jae Yi held her heart together, it was hurtful enough as a outsider to witness the painful present they were going through. She couldn't have imagined what it felt like to be either one of them.

 

Taking the book from Baekhyun, she left the bar, her heart heavy as she couldn't tell Baekhyun the truth - That Seo Eun only loved Baekhyun, and that Seo Eun was sick.

 

 

And that Seo Eun couldn't afford Baekhyun to leave her side.

 


 

One's attitute towards change has to be immovable as a rock, yet fluid as the sea. If a chance of embracing change was here, you had to hug it and prevent it from slipping away. But if change was a negative encounter, then you had to adapt to it, live with it. 

 


 

The bar wasn't the right place for Baekhyun and so he left shortly after Jae Yi did. He thought that giving the bar a try would make him feel better just like it always did in the movies he and Seo Eun watched together. But it didn't offer Baekhyun the solace he desired.

 

Nothing could.

 

Baekhyun felt as though his heart had sank into an unknown basement, and that he had been ripped apart cruelly, his body mauled and torn apart before being stepped and crushed on. And so he stood there as he watched the bell jingle and ring, a new group of boisterous adults strolled in.

 

Fighting terribly hard from the tears that threatened to fall, he gulped down the last bit of wetness in his dry throat, bending down to pick up the tie he had aggressively thrown before.

 


 

Baekhyun didn't drink much and he was sober. But sometimes even if you are sober and good, that doesn't mean other people are. And that is when collisions occur.

 

 

 

Baekhyun was hit by a drunked.

 


 

Day 135

 

Seo Eun woke up panting again. She was hearing the deafening sirens of ambulance amplifying in her ears.

 

"It's a nightmare, you're okay." Jae Yi stood up immediately from her chair seeing that Seo Eun's eyes were big with fear and anxiety. 

 

"Thanks....." Seo Eun let out a weak whisper. Jae Yi smiled and adjusted her Seo Eun's bed, such that she could sit a little. 

 

"Baekhyun wanted me to give you this." Jae Yi said softly as she passed the heavy book to Seo Eun. Sighing with her head bowed, she quietly left the room for Seo Eun alone. 

 

Mournful bells rang around the room, and Seo Eun stiffly placed the book on her lap. It had beige and pink colours on the front. A cute drawing of two young children together. The chubby boy with a red cap worn the other way, and the girl with oversized glasses. Both of them had their hands placed on their hips, overlooking the scenery from a hill.

 

Suddenly, Jae Yi pushed the doors open again, giving Seo Eun a little scare. Jae Yi's eyes were fleeting with worry, her lips crooked with dismaying shock. Her hands never left the door.

 

"B-Baekhyun got into an accident. He's here now."

 


 

10 July | Rainy

 

No one told me when to build walls around me, I just did. 

 

But I forgot that if one day I had to break the walls down again, no one would tell me when too.

 


 

Baekhyun was exiting the carpark and was on the road. He was tired, most drivers were. But he made sure the light was green before he picked up speed again. But a man from the bar was dead drunk, and he accelerated like a rocket from the other side of the intersection, colliding with Baekhyun's car. 

 

The doctors explained to Seo Eun that the inertia was too strong and overwhelming, and that Baekhyun had too much blood loss in his head, suffering from hemorrhage. Seo Eun sensed movement all around her, their bodies and her skin whirling and spinning, but deep inside her, there was a part that held completely still.

 

 

Baekhyun, you have to wake up. 

 


 

He was in coma.

 


 

Day 145

 

It was a second blow for her. She felt like the last thin strings of her hope had been cruelly cut off. She sat in her bed, her toes curling beneath the covers. She hugged her knees, unsure of what else could be worse. There, in the silence of the night, she walked up to the windows of her ward. 

 

She clasped her hands together and shut her eyes. Praying solemnly that Baekhyun would wake up soon, and that good health would veer around him once more. The stars twinkled brightly, cruelly oblivious to the pain and damage she had been shot with.

 


 

Day 150

 

Seo Eun flipped the pages of the photobook, every picture perfectly taken - Every shot taken by Baekhyun himself. 

 

There were images ranging from the past few years, everywhere they had gone, Baekhyun took all of it, and it was all kept inside one special book. And beside the pictures were word bubbles and cute fonts.

 

Seo Eun could see how hard he tried to imitate her style of writing, and it made Seo Eun laugh suprisingly. Baekhyun had also pasted many pop-up stickers, different colours and shapes. And his handwriting was elegantly slanted.

 

Seo Eun by the bench reading with thick glasses, he took a picture. Seo Eun with her hair down, Seo Eun with a seashell, Seo Eun holding two tomatoes, Seo Eun with food in , Seo Eun yawning - Baekhyun got it all.

 

 

She was swollen with grief as tears cascaded down her bony cheeks like pearls of a broken string necklace - Her soft whimpering in the quiet room, so distinctly amplified.

 

 

She flipped the page.

 

 

Baekhyun had pasted a series of photos in a straight line, with red balloons drawn at the top of the corners. 

 

The first picture was Seo Eun mixing the flour. The second was Seo Eun turning on the radio. The third was Seo Eun laughing at the camera with her ladle in the air. The fourth was Seo Eun passing the ladle to the camera, asking Baekhyun to sing along. And the fifth picture was the funny mess they made. And lastly, the sixth was a cheerful Seo Eun smelling their weird looking cake. 

 

Then there was a photo of Seo Eun and Baekhyun posing peace signs with the lovely sunset behind them. Beside the photo, Baekhyun had written in bold, "The sunset is ours, the future is there for us to take! :D "

 

Seo Eun didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. What had happened to that future?

 

 

She couldn't bear to flip the pages anymore.

 


 

Day 156

 

It was already the third week of Baekhyun's coma. Seo Eun stood by the windows again, this time, on a wheelchair. She was too weak, her eyes drooped and was sullen. She closed her eyes and prayed.

 

God, I know you can hear me. Please, I beg you, let Baekyun wake up. Make his fingers move, make his eyes twitch. Something. Anything. 

 

Her voice shivered in the quiet. 

 

Whatever it takes, make him wake up. Baekhyun's a good man. The best man you'll ever find. 

 

Then, she breathed heavily, her voice was hot, her hands were cold.

 

I don't want to ask for anything more. This is my last wish. Take me away, and let Baekhyun wake up.

 

She opened her eyes. 

 

A star twinkled.

 


 

And just like she had prayed, Baekhyun awoke the very next day. He was alright, he rememberred everyone else clearly. But when he saw Seo Eun, he profoundly swore he had never seen her before.

 

And on the spot Seo Eun actually cracked a smile, telling everyone she was okay. 

 


 

Day 160

 

Seo Eun had received the last lap of treatment. By now, she had lost all her hair, her fingers were skinny and her skin was thinned by many layers. Her wig brown and curly, just like how she liked. Sora said she looked lovely as a flower as she helped Seo Eun wear her red beanie over her fake locks.

 

And Seo Eun smiled. 

 


 

On a particular visit, Seo Eun actually asked Jae Yi if she kept in contact with Baekhyun ever since they had met at the bar. Jae Yi nodded as her cousin who was now pale and thin.

 

And to her utmost suprise, Seo Eun requested Jae Yi if she could ask Baekhyun to pay her just one visit. 

 

Jae Yi smiled and placed her warm hand on her younger cousin's knobby shoulders. 

 

"Sure."

 

 

Jae Yi also realised that there was a brand new piano standing at the corner of her living room, the photobook placed on top of the maroon glossed covers. Jae Yi was very curious at the sudden purchase. And Seo Eun noticed and smiled.

 

 

 

"It reminds me of Baekhyun."

 


 

Jae Yi couldn't take it anymore. Her cousin's life was seeping every day. She knew that Seo Eun didn't want Baekhyun to remember her. But the doctors said that Baekhyun would remember it all one day if he ever came across something familiar from the past. 

 

 

"Baekhyun, let's meet." 

 

Baekhyun was still his charming self, always smiling, always kind. His graciousness and efficiency had led him smoothly to the ladder of success, earning a big title in the huge company. But deep down, his heart knew something was amissed ; there was a small fire struggling to survive.

 

Jae Yi was clever. She knew that ever since he had woken up from his coma, he had never been to familiar places where he had went with Seo Eun, nor did he see any pictures he took of her.

 

She had called Baekhyun to the western cafe. 

 

"Bacon and Steak set, please." He casually told the waiter as he returned him the menu.

 

"Salmon Spaghetti Cream for her." He said unknowingly.

 

Jae Yi stared in shock. Baekhyun let out a laugh, what was he saying? And suddenly, it felt as though the woman sitting across him wasn't Jae Yi. It was someone else.

 

Baekhyun cringed and shuddered, his head had hurt. 

 

Soon, their food arrived. And Baekhyun tucked in, his appetite somehow eroded away, his mind still in a state of confusion.

 

"Baekhyun, remember how everyone was telling you that you actually once loved a woman dearly named Seo Eun?" 

 

Baekhyun nodded casually, not thinking much about it.

 

"Well," she said as she wiped folded her napkin. "You and her dine here almost every week." 

 

Baekhyun cleared his throat and put down his silver utensils. Then it hit him again. This time, harder and more impactful.

 

An image of a girl with her chin on the table flashed, blurred and gone. His head had echos, voices and noise.

 

"And," Jae Yi realised Baekhyun's face had evolved into another book of  a different language, his face scared and his eyes worried.

 

"We're going to visit her today."

 

Baekhyun coughed with sarcasm, "No, I'm not-" 

 

"You have to!" She suddenly banged the table. Both their plates rattled with objection. 

 

 

"She doesn't have much time." 

 


 

As they waited for the door to open, the few seconds were intimidating and fearful. 

 

"I hope you remember what I told you in the car." Jae Yi mumbled to Baekhyun. He nodded and adjusted his cuffs and straightened his collar. Then he noticed the warm-hearted 'Welcome' sign elegantly fixed onto the top of the door. It was familiar, yet he had never seen it before.

 

Sora opened the wooden door, "The doctor's here as well for her jab." Sora smiled and turned to Baekhyun, "It's nice that you came, she'll be happy."  

 

The living room sparked a smell of mild lavender soap and it tickled Baekhyun's senses.

 

His feet touched the cold marble floor, sending him electric shocks. Then he saw a familiar looking book on the beautiful piano. He commanded his eyes to shut, but his body disobeyed.

 

He had no idea what was going on in his head, it was too painful and uncontrollable.

 

He wanted to put on his shoes and drive far away. But Jae Yi gripped his arm and nudged towards the second storey. Baekhyun observed the interior of the house, and unknowingly, he traced his fingers on the remote control. 

 

 

"Yah! You give it to me, now!" The young girl yelped in between her laughter.

 

"No! We're not going to watch this sad awful drama anymore! You'll end up crying all over again!" With that, Baekhyun tossed the remote control behind the sofa, the batteries spilled.

 

"YAH!!!" The girl screamed and tackled Baekhyun against the handrest of the sofa. They both laughed playfully as Baekhyun embraced her from hitting him.

 

 

Baekhyun stood rooted. He didn't want to move. He was scared as he had no idea why his head was functioning in such an awful way. 

 

"Hi there, quiet guy 1 2 3 4." Seo Eun chirped when the door opened. Baekhyun's face was written with confusion, he quietly bowed. 

 

"I'm s-sorry, what?" Baekhyun asked in shock, this was no joke. 

 

Seo Eun hit herself from her carelessness. "Nothing." She smiled as she stuck out her arm for the doctor. Baekhyun noticed her arms, they were so thin, as though it would snap if she fell.

 

"Don't look at the needle," the doctor advised as he pushed up his sleeves with rubber gloved hands. Seo Eun looked away, to Baekhyun's face, but her eyes were distant and unfocused, her mind somewhere else as the doctor stuck the needle into her skin. As Baekhyun watched him depress the syringe, he unknowingly fantasized that it was a cure for her - liquid summer injected right into her veins. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, she made a funny face at Baekhyun - The weird smirk she always did in the past. 

 

After the doctor left, they returned to the family room. As Sora carefully poured them tea, Baekhyun rememberred about the strawberry cream cake he had bought from the cafe down three lanes Seo Eun's house. He slowly took out a pretty pink box and placed it in front of the frail Seo Eun. Immediately, she recognised the lacy paper bag. 

 

"I-Is this from-" Seo Eun's eyes brightened as she stuttered, her fingers feeling the smooth texture of the lavendar paper. 

 

"It's from Sweet Creamier." Baekhyun completed, his voice steely and calm as took out the triangular chiffon cake.

 

Even though Sora saw how bright Seo Eun seemed to glow at the sight of the familiar dessert, she couldn't help but say aloud that Seo Eun was strictly not allowed to eat sweet stuff. But Seo Eun shook Sora off, telling her that she wanted a fork.

 

 

 

Baekhyun turned to Sora in alarm, as though asking if he should just throw the cake away. But Sora didn't say anything in response. Instead, her eyes lost life before heading to the kitchen, downcasted with melancholy.

 

 

"I'm fine, you can continue the movie without me." Seo Eun managed a wink as she cheekily shooed Sora away when she returned with a fork. 

 

Baekhyun stared in awe. Someone who had cancer, someone who suffered a lot - She was smiling as though she won a lottery.

 

"Do I look skinnier?" She asked as she stretched her arms outward. Baekhyun opened his mouth, but words couldn't come out. Jae Yi nudged him from behind. She had already told him beforehand that Seo Eun would ask such questions, and told Baekhyun how he should answer appropriately.

 

Baekhyun's face turned stoic, he gulped and shook his head, "No, not at all." And for the first time, he managed a warm smile, something Seo Eun had not seen in forever.

 

"Can you play the piano?" Seo Eun asked. Then before Baekhyun could nod, she slapped her head gently, "Oh, silly me. Of course you can." Then she stood up from her chair, her hands shivering as she supported herself.

 

Unknowingly, Baekhyun jolted up, reaching for her wrists.

 

"I'm okay." She said as she stared in his eyes. 

 

Lock.

 

Baekhyun recognised those. Even though she wore her black geek spectacles, behind them were the kindest and softest hazel eyes he had ever seen. Then Seo Eun turned away and pointed to the piano, and whispered her request of him playing her favourite tune - The favorite theme song of hers that Baekhyun had composed the melody of the left hand.

 


 

Everything in the house was familiar except the piano. 

 

To his suprise, he asked, "Is this new?"

 

And Seo Eun nodded.

 

Baekhyun removed the red cloth from the shiny keys. They were still untouched, not a single fingerprint on it.

 

He in air and turned around to see her face once more. But Seo Eun had already shut her eyes, waiting for him to start. Baekhyun turned around, and as he stepped gently on the pedal, he placed the first touches on the keys. 

 

As Baekhyun played, his heart beat increased, and another memory occupied his mind. There were sounds of laughter, crying, whispering, singing.

 

The loud echoes all collided together in his head, making him wince in pain.

 

There was an image of a tearful girl beside him on the couch replaying over and over again, and no matter how hard he tried to focus on the pressing the correct keys, a vivd mind video was playing, flashing a smiling Seo Eun, her eyes forming crescents. 

 

 

And if anyone thought things were going difficult for Baekhyun, it was harder for Seo Eun.

 

She let the sound of the piano seep into her ears, her dying cells, her heart. It was a sweet and precious moment for Seo Eun, but whatever endearment the moment held, it was going to plunge into darkness and calamity when the song was over, never to be fixed again.

 

And even though Baekhyun was closing his eyes as he played, even though the house was filled with nothing but the smooth echoes of the piano, he could hear her sniffle against her clasped hands.

 

She was trying very hard to stop the wetness from flowing out of her dying eyes, but it was beyond control as she strictly wrapped tightly with her hands, forcing herself to shut up.

 

As he approached the chorus, Baekhyun braced himself, though he wasn't sure what for.

 

He stepped on the pedal longer, fighting the tightness in his throat, dreadfully trying to escape the sounds of Seo Eun's weak choking. 

 

But as before he could even play the chorus, Seo Eun's legs gave way.

 

And as a tear cascaded down her cheeks, she fell to the ground too.

 


 

One drip. 

 

Two drips.

 

The doors opened.

 

Grim and sombre, they said she couldn't make it.

 


 

200 days of genetic cancer had killed her. And Baekhyun recalled everything then, the memories had hit him harder than a vigorous truck. 

 

Seo Eun's nosebleeds. Seo Eun asking him to sing at 3 in the morning. The fatigue that sliced her wounds. The colours in her hair, she had wanted to do crazy things to them before she losed them all. The black leggings she pulled over her thighs even in times of the hot weather.

 

Seo Eun's health was deteriorating and her life was like sand in the hour glass. Yet he had the cruel mind to say those three words when he woke up from bed ; Who are you?

 


 

With the morning papers in his hands, he climbed up the hill of the family park. Alone. 

 

There was no mat, there was no basket, there was no camera. Just the papers he had bought from an old man at the subway.

 

He took out a pair of familiar glasses and put it on. And when he flipped the newspaper open, he saw a huge comic strip at the front coloumn. For the first time ever, @pinktips_  artwork was published for all to see.

 

That evening, Baekhyun looked at the sky and the sunset, tears streaming down his face, drips of tears submerged in the black and white newspaper. Below the cartoon was a small text that read : 

 

 

 

@quietguy1234  isn't quiet.  He's really funny and smart. He gave me strength more than anyone did. And I love him, more than anyone else can.

 

 

 

Seo Eun had drewn a cute comic of the two of them. But this time, the last picture showed a backview of Seo Eun in a bridal gown, leaning on Baekhyun's shoulder as he drove his black car with one hand on the stirring wheel, the other over her shoulders. 

 

 

And even though the characters were backfaced, their expressions not drawn, Baekhyun knew very well how they were like -

 

 

Smiling merrily like little children.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Kristiful
Since some of you were asking me about what it meant by Baek still texting Seo Eun, I editted it a little now, hope it's clearer! ^^

Comments

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Baekhyunsoul
#1
Chapter 6: So many ideal ways to have a first crush turn to first kiss and boyfriend
Baekhyunsoul
#2
Chapter 5: That was a cute start to their friendship 💕
xunqii
#3
Chapter 9: Oh my god!! I don’t think I have cried this much for any story. I’ve been avoiding reading this for so long knowing that it’s a sad ending but it is so beautiful and painful I literally have no words. The characters felt so real. The story is so well written and it’s not confusing at all. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be thinking about this for the next few days 😭 my heart
vanillavanilla
#4
Chapter 5: Oh my gosh. This was 2013??? If you were this good at 2013... Then you must be a monster now at 2022. LOL
So I just saw the year this was posted. Amazing.
vanillavanilla
#5
Chapter 5: When you said the chapters were all flashbacks, I don't want to think about anything but I could feel more angst coming from this story. It's so beautiful. This one. It's like staying at a little quaint coffee shop with a mini library. That's what this overall feel of the Foreword till this chapter gave to me. I'm surprised there are people who didn't like this fic. They way you express from Seo Eun's perspective was very profound. I'm actually reading this right now with IU's My Old Story piano cover as background. It somehow fit this story. This chapter is so beautiful. It's in the perspective of a student who likes making art. Do you make doodles and drawings, as well? I can't help but feel Seo Eun is you. But seriously, it's so amazing to see from artist's perspective what love is. I'm an artist too and I'm so excited to read the next chapters. The angst also, I could feel it and maybe because of my song choice haha
Baekkyoongja
#6
Chapter 9: <span class='smalltext text--lighter'>Comment on <a href='/story/view/553062/9'>{ last of sets }</a></span>
I just read this eventho I’ve subscribed to it for a while ago.. particularly because am afraid since am such a weak for angst and definitely story about separation >__<. Authornim u did great.. i was crying like a mess in the middle of the night >__<. They loved each other so much but yep hardships will find a way umm.. such a harsh reality indeed. How I wish they didn’t go through that harsh break up tho >__<. Thank you for sharing this story authornim!
kawaiianimae
#7
I have been reading this yearly ever since this came out and it still makes me cry. Best story ever!!!
dwiindahno #8
Chapter 9: I'm crying at the end of 2020
SwgNorlin852
#9
Chapter 9: ahh i already know its gonna be a sad ending but still!!! very very beautiful :')