Written Letters

Written Letters to Romeo

His eyes wandered throughout the building as he turned the corners of labyrinth-like hallways. The curiosity was evident when he paused at bulletins and posters streaming events coming to pass on each wall. This was a new place for him, and he felt rather excited whereas usually he would feel a ping of nervousness.

"Pick up your feet, Lu Han." the teacher said in a low voice, words dipped in slight annoyance. 

It was true that Lu Han was falling several meters behind him, because a colorful banner presenting the school's logo caught his attention. "Ah, so sorry." he mumbled as he jogged his way up to his teacher's pace.

A few strides later, they both end up to a brown door with audible chitchat leaking through the white walls. The teacher sat his hand over the doorknob and turned it slow enough to let Lu Han take in a good amount of air to fill his lungs, before opening the door and stepping a few feet into the room. He looked over his shoulder at Lu Han, gesturing for him to come into classroom. Lu Han took a quick breath and stepped into the class. The mild audible chatter quickly ceased, as he looked outwards to the class, catching each captivating pair of eyes. It was a good minute of silence before the class erupted in a loud chatter. Causing Lu Han to strain his ears; leaving his efforts faulty because he could only get "boy or girl?" out of the whole thing.

The teacher grew angry and slammed his hand down on his desk, hard enough that the papers tumbled down on the floor like leaves in the wind. As expected, the students became dead silent. "Is this how you treat a new student? With such disrespect?!" he yelled and Lu Han could have sworn that his veins were about to pop out from his head.

The class responded in unison, "No, Mr. Kim."

"Very well then," he cleared his throat while adjusting his tie. "This is your new classmate who will be joining your Sophomore class. He moved all the way from Beijing, China. He does not speak fluently yet, so I expect you all to be pleasant to him. Please introduce yourself, Lu Han."

Lu Han, paying no attention to the teacher, skimmed his eyes over the classroom at his fellow students until they came in contact with a boy. A student sitting in the very back of the class by himself, despite the empty chair sitting next to him. The boy was nonchalant about this sudden eye contact so he continued locking eyes with Lu Han fiercely, refusing to be the one who first turns away.

"Lu Han?" suddenly called Mr. Kim irritably.

Lu Han was viciously snapped away by his heated staring contest with the unnamed boy, that his cheeks quickly blushed, giving them a rosy tint. "Yes?"

Mr. Kim grumbled. "Introduce yourself."

The class chuckled slightly, resulting in Lu Han's cheeks becoming more red. "Hello, my name is Lu Han. Please treat me well." instantly he bowed in a 45 degree angle, a sign of etiquette used when meeting someone.

"Chink."  a low voice said over the silence.

The students roared with sudden immature laughter, despite Lu Han not knowing what 'chink' was; just stared at the laughing crowd with a confused look plastered on his face. He peered over to the teacher who was to Lu Han's surprise, trying to contain his own laughter. Suddenly, all the excitement and charisma he had, quickly diminished and Lu Han felt truly small. What could have been so funny? In this situation he cursed himself for not studying as much Korean as he needed. As the laughs died down to a mere giggle, Lu Han was still standing awkwardly in the front of the room.  

When the teacher recomposed himself with coughs and smiles, he glanced over at Lu Han. "Lu Han, please take a seat...," he quickly scanned the classroom for a clear spot, "Next to Oh Sehun. Sehun, please raise your hand."

Sehun with a slight sigh raised his hand lazily, leaving Lu Han wide-eyed when he found out exactly who Sehun was. The boy who stared at him from the back of the class. Lu Han took his first step toward the suppose table and was encountered with harsh whispers as he made his way through the aisle of desks.

"You're sitting next to Sehun?"

"That must ."

"He's such a nobody."

Lu Han bit his tongue in order to not snap. Even though he didn't know Sehun from a hole in the wall, it does not excuse the fact that they were blatantly insulting someone. Sehun did not seem like such a bad person but rather kind, because when Lu Han finally reached the table, he pushed over his own books and binders to make room for Lu Han's own materials. They only exchanged slight glances as Lu Han sat himself on the chair and situated himself. When Mr. Kim begin to lecture the class about  the due assignment, which Lu Han was excused from; he peered over at Sehun. Lu Han was slightly awed by his appearance that he couldn't help but gawk at him. Sehun shifted his eyes over to an open mouthed Lu Han with a spaced out expression.

Lu Han fake yawned, "Hi, I'm Lu Han. Nice to meet you!" he said with a friendly smile.

Sehun just stared blankly and nodded before continuing to take notes in his notebook.

'Well that was awkward.' Lu Han thought to himself as he tapped his pen on his own sheet of paper.

They both sat in silence while jotting down words being said from the teacher as he explained the lesson swiftly.

"I'm Sehun," he finally greeted back, his pen still working at the paper, "I didn't find their joke so funny."


Sehun was sprinting down the sidewalks of a busy street downtown, glimpsing over his shoulder occasionally to see a disgruntled Lu Han behind him. He was several feet further away, but you could see him struggling to keep up with Sehun's pace by the expression of determination on his now reddish face.

"Sehun!" Luhan called after in a breathless tone, "Where are we going?"

Sehun turned his direction to Lu Han with a small smile, his feet now leading him to walk backwards. "My favorite Ramyun Shop," he explained. "It's about to close soon, so hurry up."

With those words said, Sehun faced the front, earning a mutter of annoyance from Lu Han, which made a small smirk dance on Sehun's lips. They both walked eagerly to the shop, which was now in full view to them. Sehun made sure Lu Han was still walking behind him by straining his own ears to hear the rhyme of Lu Han's footsteps. They were several yards from the shop, when Lu Han's steps abruptly stopped. Sehun turned to see what the problem was, only to spot Lu Han talking with Jongin, a well known kid from their school. Seeing Lu Han speaking with Jongin, with exactly the same smile he would give Sehun, made his stomach churn. Sehun's face pursed into a frown when he watched them share a laugh.

Sehun was oblivious to his caution of Lu Han befriending others besides himself. Not that he wasn't willing to share Lu Han, he just had a fear of losing him. Which was an odd feeling, since Sehun lost many friends during his lifetime, which led him to stop caring eventually.

But with Lu Han,

It felt different.

He wanted to share his happiness and sadness with him. There was just this thing about him that made Sehun crave to be the only thing on Lu Han's mind. A vicious feeling which made efforts of containing it futile. 

The fear of losing him struck Sehun hard when the realization that he, himself, was not exceptional in any way. Sehun had no obvious talents. He wasn't very good with school work. He was an outcast and driven to the bottom of the social class. The only reason why Lu Han and Sehun became friends was because they just so happened to be table partners and Lu Han was new to the school, basically the whole country as well. How they remained friends for five months surprises Sehun, because wherever Lu Han went, he would always attract a crowd. He was naturally a likable guy and was fully capable of finding new friends. So in such a way, Sehun didn't want to share Lu Han.

After awhile of conversing with Lu Han, Jongin held eye contact with Sehun for a split second before saying words to Lu Han in a voice low enough that Sehun couldn't understand what he was saying. Sehun saw Lu Han looking over at him with a blank face, before returning his attention to Jongin while scratching the back of his head. Their conversations suddenly built up to one with hand gestures, mostly all directing over to Sehun. Sehun just shifted his weight awkwardly to one leg as he watched Lu Han give the boy a goodbye wave before jogging back to meet up with Sehun. They walked silently amongst themselves, and the only sounds were  the engine of cars and random babbling of strangers filling the air.

"What was that?" Sehun asked. He did not intended for those words to come off rude but the irritation in was clear to his disdain.

The disapproval of the sudden outburst was evident on Lu Han's face when he furrowed his eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"

"What were you two talking about?"

"He asked if I wanted to hang out with him and his friends sometime."

"And you said?"

Now Lu Han was the one getting aggravated. "I said yes," his tone sharp. "Is that a problem?"

Sehun glanced at Lu Han who was facing the front coldly with hands in his back pockets; an expression of exasperation.

He shrugged. "No." he answered.

The tension between them was thick enough that you could have cut it with a knife. Lu Han ignored Sehun's presence until a cough erupted from Sehun's chest. It was powerful enough to stop Sehun in his tracks.

"Sehun?" Lu Han said as he rushed towards his side with concern written all over his face.

Sehun stifled another cough and took a deep breath. "I'm okay now."

Lu Han nodded and waited until Sehun felt ready to move on again. Sehun tasted bitter metallic on his tongue, but just swallowed it back down and didn't think much of it after that. The two continued to walk in silence as they approached the Ramyun Shop.

Lu Han's eyes scanned the small building, noticing the wore out sign and the chipped walls that was desperately in need of a paint job, before looking at Sehun. "Is this the place?" he mumbled.

Sehun nodded at him and reached for the front door. He opened it, causing the chimes to ring a sweet sound and glanced at Lu Han with a smirk.

"Ladies first."

Lu Han's face morphed into a peeved off expression. He resumed to take a deep breath before giving Sehun a fake eye smile.

"I'm going to spit on your food when you're not looking." he responded.


The weekend morning was incredibly difficult for Sehun. As his eyes fluttered open, he was greeted with immense stiff pain from his neck to the joints of his toes. A whimper escaped his lips when he tried to move his legs off the bed. The attempt was successful, but there was no doubt that Sehun felt like he awoken straight out of dried concrete. It was a deep struggle to force his body out of his bed and even more of a hardship to retain his balance. As he stood on his feet without wobbling, there was a pressure on his chest, causing his intake of air to be very limited.

Sehun inhaled slowly as he took his first step towards the bedroom door. Suddenly he was devoured by dizziness, causing his legs to wobble and making him trip on his own feet. Sehun crashed into the nearby wall with a painful thud and held his position of his arms outstretched, gripping on the white wall as his room spun erratically. It was several minutes until his dizzy spell decided to wear off. With a huffed breath, Sehun's feet led the way out his bedroom and into the silent hallway. The only sound was his heartbeat beating into his eardrums while Sehun took cautious, yet agonizing steps.

Somehow, Sehun made it into the bathroom and stared at his reflection in the clear mirror. He couldn't recognize himself at first. He had a rosy color on his cheeks to his now pale skin, Sehun's lips turned into a shade of a light pink-purple, and there was dark circles under his eyes. His hands were shaking when he set them down the table and hunched his body forward. His fingers clenched and unclenched when cold sweat start to break out on his forehead. A sudden feeling developed in the pit of his stomach resulting Sehun to let out a throaty groan. Already realizing what will occur next, he tumbled to the floor and lifted the toilet seat up. Sehun had little time to prepare himself before his body hurled forward and continued to vomit chunks of his yesterday meals in a staggered flow, which made his throat burn. When the trail of vile upchuck ended, Sehun gagged; his bodily system wanting to empty itself out of more crucial nutrients. But by now, there wasn't anything left in his stomach to throw away. His mind became clustered and foggy. Surely, Sehun just consumed bad food and happen to get food poisoning. Sehun spat some left over pieces of throw up into the toilet bowl and flushed.

He then decided to lay on the cold floor for a while.


Lu Han and Sehun drifted into the hallways of their high school. It seemed wherever Lu Han stepped foot into, he would be acknowledged by the bodies of strangers. None which would give Sehun a second glance. Lu Han would then greet them with a wave and a wide grin.

"You seem so popular now..." Sehun trailed off, adjusting his long sleeved uniform shirt.

Lu Han, being oblivious to Sehun's comment, greeted another classmate before returning his attention to Sehun. "What did you say?" he asked.

Of course Lu Han wasn't listening. For the past couple weeks Sehun's just felt like an after-thought to Lu Han, and he hated it with passion. Yet, Sehun just shook his head, too weary to repeat himself. Lu Han stared at Sehun and examined his appearance. He noticed Sehun's skin, which was a shade too light and the way he would cough into the crease of his elbow now and then. Seeing Sehun like this, pinched something in Lu Han's heart. A feeling he couldn't exactly lay his finger on.

With a concerned voice,  Lu Han asked, "Are you okay, Sehun?"

A tone in which Sehun haven't heard escape Lu Han's lips in such a long time.

God, how much he missed it.

Sehun smiled faintly and replied, "Yes."

"Really?" the doubt was clear in Lu Han's voice.

"I'm fine," Sehun reassured. "Would I ever lie to you?"

Lu Han paused and his mouth opened in an attempt to answer, until two girls started to walk past them. Lu Han gave them a wink, which led the girls giggle to one another. As a result, a wide smirk appeared on Lu Han's face. Seeing Lu Han acting so flirtatious made Sehun's heartache, so he bit his lip. An action that been developed into a habit. There was a silence between them, something that Sehun was ruefully use too. With each second of quietness, there was words that needed to be said. Sehun just wanted to tell Lu Han to stop flirting with others, to stop hanging out with other people, to stop being so distance, to pay attention to him.

Yet the words that seemed to stumble out of his mouth was, "I'm going to the Doctor's soon."

"How come? Oh hey, Jongin." Lu Han addressed the classmate who was now walking over to them with a handshake.

After Jongin joined the two, his whole 'posse' seemed to follow and proceeded to gather around Lu Han; pushing Sehun slightly to the lockers. Even though Lu Han was several people away, Sehun still attempted to carry out the conversation.

"Because I think" he stopped mid sentence realizing Lu Han wasn't listening. He was talking to Minseok, another student from their class. They joined in a laugh, which Sehun was unaware of what happened to be so funny.

"Lu Han." he called out once more.

Lu Han quickly bent over to have better view of Sehun.  "Oh really? That's cool, have fun." He then resumed the conversation between himself and the other boy.

He didn't even listen to his full sentence. He didn't pay attention.

He didn't even care.

Sehun stopped walking and watched Lu Han leave with the other boys, without even turning to glimpse at the friend he left behind. Sehun was everything to Lu Han that he feared to be. A no one.

"Because I think I'm sick." Sehun finished under his breath, to no one in particular. He should be getting used to this by now. Yet the empty feeling in his chest didn't seem to hurt any less.

Sehun let out a harsh cough into his hands and felt a liquid fall onto it. There was a large amount to the point when his eyes drifted towards the ground, he noticed red dots, drops of blood dripping from his hands and onto the marble floor. His legs rushed him to the men's bathroom, his hands still covering his mouth while knocking and almost trampling students on his way. To his luck, there was no one else in the bathroom. He walked over to the sink and unfolded his hands, letting the blood run down into the sink. Sehun was in the process of washing his hands when he suddenly spluttered a brutal cough which made his throat hurt. A crimson red spilled from his mouth in series as he continued to cough and retch monstrously.

"Oh god." was the only words that could come out from his mouth as blood continued to flow out of his mouth. After a few gags and noises of terror, Sehun's cough stifled to a complete stop. The metallic taste in his mouth was immense and it disgusted him. He gasped for air and stared as his reflection with wide eyes . His hair was now in a giant matted mess and his eyes were full of tears. His face have completely took a shade of  a pinkish-purple. The whole general area of his mouth was covered in a mix of dried and fresh blood. He looked like he stepped out of a horror film. Thoughts and concerns was flooding Sehun's mind and felt as if it was about to explode like a dam with a large crack being chipped away every now and then by the waters. Though a question seemed to circle around Sehun's brain.

"Why?" he said.

"Why?" he repeated.

Why does all types of misfortune seem to find their way towards Sehun? What did he ever do to deserve this punishment? This pain?

Sehun panted and whispered, "What is happening to me...?"


Lu Han was seated at another table next to Jongin in the classroom. And like most people in the class, they started to chat amongst themselves. When Mr. Kim entered the room, the conversations came to a stop. The teacher brought out a thin sheet of paper and announced that he was about to do roll call. He then called after the names listed on the paper in alphabetical order and the students would respond with a 'here' or a 'present'.

"Oh Sehun?" called Mr. Kim

No answer.

'Sehun's not here?' Lu Han pondered to himself. Mr. Kim continued down the list after a short pause to mark Sehun absent. Hushed gossip was spreading around the room.

"Where is he?" one female said.

"He hasn't been to school in two weeks!" exclaimed another.

Lu Han eyes widened. 'Two weeks?' He turned his neck to glimpse at the back of the room; his eyes landing on the desk belonging to Sehun. Obvious dust seemed to be gathering onto the table, emphasizing the lack of human touch. Lu Han felt his stomach drop. How come he didn't notice until now? He was too caught up in his popularity at he didn't realize his friend, his best friend was missing for several days now.

"Have you heard anything?" asked Lu Han to Jongin urgently.

Jongin shook his head blankly, causing Lu Han to curse under his breath as he sunk into his chair with clenched fists. He couldn't focus on anything besides Sehun's well being. 'Is something wrong with him?' He fidgeted in his chair, anxiety covering him like a blanket.

"I think he changed schools, thank god. He was such a waste of space." said a voice.

Lu Han turned in the direction of the voice so quick, he almost fell out of his chair. He could recognize the voice from anywhere. It belonged to a student named Park Chanyeol; a close friend to Jongin but a stranger to Lu Han.

Lu Han glared coldly at the boy. "Sehun is not a waste of space. Don't you ever say that again."

Chanyeol sneered. "Of course he is. He should have stopped coming to school awhile ago. I can read people, you see. He obviously is not capable of accomplishing anything great."

Lu Han tilted his head to the side with a poker face. "Really? I can read people too," he continued. "The wrinkles of your still damped shirt, shows your mother didn't have time to dry the laundry. And by the stretch of the seams, it seems like it was yanked out of her hands. That stain on your right sleeve? Beer. My conclusion is that your mother is in a domestic relationship with your hopeless drunk of a father. You said you had an older sister? One could only conclude that she is now an addicted user to harsh illegal substances. You come from a broken home. Am I right?"

The particular situation belonging to Chanyeol was not a laughing matter, but rather the dumbfounded look on his face is what made Lu Han smirk. The class was looking over at the two when Chanyeol stood up from his seat and walked over to Lu Han, who was still sitting down on his chair.

He towered over the boy and hissed, "Why do you care so much about him? Are you two gay for each other or something?"

Lu Han chuckled slightly as he stood up on his own two feet. Chanyeol was still taller than Lu Han, but that did not intimidate at all; so Lu Han just looked right back at a glaring Chanyeol with an unfazed smile.

Mr. Kim sighed out loud and started to raise his voice, "Boys! Sit d"

"Why, are you angry, because no one loves you?" Lu Han replied with a grin, with something dark flashing behind his eyes.

Those words were now the breaking point for Chanyeol. His hands balled up into fists and with one swift motion, connected his punch to Lu Han's cheek. The impact staggered Lu Han a few steps back. He put his hands to his mouth and notice he was bleeding from a cut Chanyeol inflicted. 

He laughed at his blood filled fingertips and stared back at Chanyeol with a smile. "How cute," he lapped on the still flowing blood on his lip with his tongue. "Is it my turn now?"

Lu Han's appearance was shocking. The strands of his hair was up and pointing in all types of direction, while a string of blood dipped from his lip to his own chin like a river. His eyes were wide and dilated. As of now, Lu Han did not look like the picture perfect flower boy anymore. He looked like he escaped out of an asylum. Lu Han inched towards Chanyeol, whom was backing away from him with his hands up; a gesture of surrender. The voices of the students and Mr. Kim begging him to not touch Chanyeol, was just sounding like a faint buzz in Lu Han's ears as he reached the other boy. Without any much time for Chanyeol to prepare himself, he was encountered with a fist square in the jaw.

Chanyeol hit the ground with a thud. Lu Han quickly got on top of Chanyeol and threw punch after punch at his face repeatedly; ignoring the painful throb on his now bloody knuckles. He felt his built up anger being released in every powerful hit. Students swarmed around the fight, and several attempted to yank Lu Han off of the unconscious Chanyeol. He refused; but after getting a few more punches and kicks in, he let them drag him away.

"Is he even breathing?!" a student yelled and rushed to the fallen boy's side.

Lu Han watched from a far as they checked Chanyeol's pulse. He was alive of course. And by the sound of his whimpers and whines, it was evident that he regained consciousness.

Jongin looked over at Lu Han with a cautious glance. "Why did you do this to him? You could have killed him."

Lu Han stared at Jongin with unamused eyes and responded with, "If Chanyeol continues to speak about Sehun like he is a worthless human being, next time I will kill him."

They held a terrifying gaze for several seconds until Jongin joined the crowd who was helping Chanyeol stand. Lu Han took several steps to his desk and swung his backpack strap over his shoulder, before heading towards the door.

"You can't leave now! Not until we inform the principal." said Mr. Kim carefully, fearful of having the same violent actions being done to him.

Lu Han looked at his teacher and smirked. "Watch me."

He pushed the door open and left the room without looking back.


"Lupus." said the Doctor as he looked up from the clipboard with tired eyes.

Sehun stared at the doctor and noticed the creases and wrinkles on his face, yet he seemed young. The days of reporting terrible news to families probably aged him significantly. Sehun however wasn't really sure how to respond. You could say he saw this coming from the beginning. As for his mother? Well, she was in denial. Spitting up blood and vomiting repeatedly all seemed like a part of the spreading flu to her, not a life threatening disease.

"What...?" she asked, not because she didn't hear him the first time but rather she didn't want to believe it.

The Doctor started to scribble down words on his paper filled clipboard. "I'm diagnosing your son with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus."

Sehun stared at his hands; eyes tracing over the lines of his palms. He was lost in his own thoughts. All mainly about his awaiting future. One the other hand, his mother was in total hysteria. The words 'oh my god'  left periodically in strings.

"How?" she pondered. "How could this happen to my son?" It was a total rhetorical question, so she wasn't expecting an answer.

But yet, the Doctor replied, "Lupus isn't something you can catch like the common cold, Mrs. Oh. His own cells and organs are attacking him, which will later lead his body to shut down as a result. And by the blood work we did on your son, we come to conclude that his Lupus is genetically transferred. Two dominant chromosomes. Meaning you and your husband both had the Lupus cell which emerged a spike within Sehun."

Sehun glanced over to his mom who was now red faced and teary-eyed. "Mom, it's okay..." he spoke, refusing to let his voice crack.

Mrs. Oh just stared at his son with tears now rolling down her cheeks. "You shut your mouth."

Sehun's jaw fell open at his mom's outburst. He closed his mouth and remained silent.

His mom refocused her attention back to the doctor and asked the dreaded question, "How much time does he have left?"

"Well," started the Doctor. "His body is already unusually close to the final stages of the disease and if you add the months of not receiving treatment which would have been beneficial, Sehun will pass away in less than a year."

This snapped Sehun back into reality with a short gasp. He could have guessed he was going to die, but never did he think that it was going to be so soon.

The Doctor continued on speaking, not really giving them the appropriate time to recover, "As of quality of life? Sehun will be given several prescribed medications for his intake; to lesser the effects of the Lupus symptoms such as joint pain, skin rash,  fatigue, depression, to slow organ damage, etcetera. He will also be expected to participate in routine checkups to see the progression of the disease. Sadly, Sehun is beyond saving, so we can only do so much. We can only try to make it as painless as possible."

Sehun's mom croaked, "What about his education?"

The Doctor scoffed. "What education? What does he have to live for? He's going to die."

Mrs. Oh and the Doctor resumed to exchange words to each other on the topic of Sehun's limited life, as the voice level of their conversation started to raise. But as usual, Sehun was lost in his own thoughts. His life was never really meaningful in any way. So what did he have to live for exactly? What was his reason for refusing death so passionately? Promptly a name revolved around his subconscious. A simple word that brought him pure bliss.

Lu Han.


The sounds of the shoe material, belonging to Lu Han, hitting the pavement periodically, was the only noise ringing through the quiet neighborhood. Normally at this time, there would be kids his age flocking around the streets. But today was a school day, which would explain the unusual emptiness. Lu Han would have been at school also, if he didn't get suspended for beating up Chanyeol like a rag doll. Recalling the memory of feeling the adrenaline rush within him while he rammed his fists into Chanyeol's head, left him with no guilt. He actually enjoyed it.

Lu Han's walk ended in front of a familiar two story house, painted in a tan color. He strolled over to the porch swing and sat down with a sigh. Lu Han fumbled to reach his phone in his back pocket, before letting his fingers scroll lazily through the contacts. Finally he stumbled upon the name he was searching for,

And after rewriting his greeting several times he finally texted, "Hey Sehun."

Going over his planned words as he awaited a reply, his eyes scanned the flower bed before him. He noticed the wither of a particular flower's petals falling slowly on the mulch. Normally, Sehun's mother would take good care of the lawn. So seeing a dead flower seemed odd and out of place.

A sudden vibrate in his hands notified him that he received a text, "Lu Han? Oh, hi."

'Way to be so enthusiastic.'  he thought before texting back. "Can I come over sometime?"

"Yea sure."  Sehun replied so fast that it made Lu Han laugh lightly to himself.

Lu Han stood on his feet and made his way to the front of the door. "Well, can you open the door? It's hot outside."

After a minute or two there was shuffle of footsteps and keys unlocking before the front door started to open. It finally unveiled a semi-shocked pale Sehun with a gray blanket over his shoulders. His hair was a shade lighter and he looked thinner than the last time they saw each other. At first, Lu Han almost didn't recognize his friend.

"Lu Han...," Sehun breathed, making Lu Han smile softly. "What happened to your face?"

Sehun was speaking abut the cut on his lip which didn't heal fully yet. But because of Sehun's blunt greeting, it made Lu Han burst out into a laugh. "Perfect thing to say to a friend you haven't spoken with in a while."

A small smile crept onto Sehun's lips, making Lu Han grin. "Can I come inside?" he asked.

Without a word, Sehun just opened the door for Lu Han to step inside; then locking the door from behind him. The boys made their way to Sehun's room, after greeting his mother, who seemed to be in joy that Sehun was talking to friends again. His room felt oddly warm to Lu Han, but he brushed it aside when he sat on Sehun's swivel chair and actually spun around. The chair rotated to a halt in front of Sehun's desk, and there stood an open textbook.

He peered over to the book and read out loud, "'Symptoms of Lupus'."

Sehun was getting two drinks from his portable fridge gingerly, when Lu Han read off the page he was on before. Sehun dropped the sodas on the ground with a clank. Lu Han looked over to the ruckus and saw Sehun curse under his breath as he picked up the fallen sodas.

"Why are you reading about Lupus?" Lu Han asked.

"I'm not," he lied. "I was one the other page."

Lu Han looked over to the next page and snickered. "'Yeast infection'?"

 Sehun's face went red, making his pale face bloom like a rose.  He didn't say anything, but only tossed the soda can weakly to Lu Han.

Lu Han easily caught it in his hands and watched Sehun sit on his bed casually. He could understand by his body language that Sehun wanted to change the subject. So that's exactly what Lu Han did. "Sehun," he started while opening the can with a pop. "I'm sorry about completely ditching you. If I could make it up"

Sehun held up a hand, stopping Lu Han mid-sentence. He smiled lightly and said, "It's alright, I forgive you. Now tell me what happened to your lip."

Lu Han obeyed the boy's request and told him from the beginning, quick to not forget each detail. Through out the story Sehun was trying not to crack s smile. No, he didn't like that he punched Chanyeol to a pulp, but the fact Luhan did it for Sehun; brought him satisfaction. Sehun told Lu Han that he'll be right back and dashed out of the room. This gave time for Lu Han's eyes to examine Sehun's room while taking a sip out of the fizzy drink. Sehun didn't have much in his room, which amused Lu Han. He admired the simplicity of Sehun's life. Sometimes Lu Han wished to trade places with him. Only if he knew exactly what the current situation was for Sehun, maybe he would take it back.

Sehun came back into the room caring Vaseline and packets of rubbing alcohol. He then set the materials on the desk.

"Did you clean the cut?" Sehun questioned.

Lu Han shook his head, causing Sehun to click his tongue in disapproval. He took a packet of rubbing alcohol and tore it open, dropping the paper on the floor. "This is going to sting a bit." Sehun said, as he moved closer to a sitting Lu Han. Sehun bent over as he took Lu Han's chin in his fingers and lifted it up slightly, before applying the cold wipe to his lip.  Lu Han flinched at the pain for a quick second but then his attention drew to Sehun's face, which was only a foot away from his own. His stomach started to flutter.

"Stop getting into fights because of me. What if you got a more serious injury?" Sehun mumbled under his breath, his fingers still working at Lu Han's lip.

"Would you even care?" Lu Han replied quietly.

Sehun paused and blinked at him. "Of course I would."

Lu Han pressed. "Why?"

Their eyes locked for a while and was only broken when Sehun reached for the jar of Vaseline behind Lu Han. He opened the lid before saying softly, "You're my friend, right? Isn't that what friends do?"

Those words displeased Lu Han. He didn't know what he expected, but it just wasn't that. He knew he saw the way Sehun's eyes lit up when he talked to him. There should be something more than he was saying, right? As Sehun applied a finger full of Vaseline to Lu Han's bottom lip, for reasons unexplained to him, Lu Han felt his heart race. He felt a tug of disappointment when Sehun removed his cold hands from Lu Han's face and watched him rub off the excess Vaseline on his own faded blue jeans. Lu Han's eyes traced over each part of Sehun's face slowly. He wondered if he grazed his fingers on Sehun's face, would he be greeted with soft skin or something different. His mind wandered off to a fantasy of Sehun's lips. Would they also be soft? He pondered if Sehun's hair would get tangled or if it would just flow through like the Han River if Lu Han traveled his fingers through it.

A blush appeared on his cheeks when he realized he was thinking about Sehun in that way. And remembering the times he would catch Sehun staring at him made him think that could he also feel the same way?  Lu Han couldn't imagine this being a one sided liking. They both had obvious feelings for each other. Right?

"Sehun, can I ask you something?" Lu Han quickly blurted out. Is he really going to do this?

When Sehun nodded, Lu Han proceeded on, "Do you like me?" A thick silence appeared between them, making Lu Han regret opening his mouth.

It felt like years before Sehun slowly replied, "You're my friend. Of course I"

"You know I didn't mean it like that," Lu Han cut him off. "Sehun, do you want to be only mine?"

There was a long irritable pause before Sehun let out a short breath, avoiding Lu Han's pleading eyes. "Lu Han..."

Lu Han felt his voice crack, dreading the answer that was going to be stated. "Please..."

"I only think of you as a friend, Lu Han," he lied, staring at the boy in the eyes. "I'm not gay."

Lu Han's head drop and his eyes was focused on the ground. The rejection felt like he was hit with a bus and an unanticipated heartache engulfed his chest. It suddenly felt hard to breath. "You wouldn't be lying to me, would you?" he smiled at Sehun, with tears threatening to fall.

The boy shook his head, his voice shaky, "Would I ever lie you?"

Lu Han laughed ruefully as the first hot tear rolled down his cheek. "Forget that I even asked."

Sehun was now completely looking away from Lu Han, probably refusing to see the boy crying. Lu Han got up from his seat, and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "I'm going home now."

He started towards the door and paused while his hand rest on the door knob. "I hope this doesn't change anything between us...See you at school next week...?"

That's right, Lu Han was suspended all this week. "Yea." Sehun answered, still refusing to turn to see his friend.

Without another word or glance, Lu Han left Sehun's bedroom. While Lu Han walked the hallways alone, he was greeted with unwelcoming thoughts. He didn't want to forget the feelings he has for his friend. He didn't want to lose Sehun. Lu Han finally approached the front door and opened it, letting the warm sun touch his face. He continued out of the house and felt more tears developing in his eyes.

And this time, he didn't try to stop them.


"It's unbelievable that we're graduating High School already." Lu Han said to Sehun as they grabbed their assigned seats in the auditorium.

"Lu Han, you were suppose to graduate years ago. You should rephrase the sentence with 'finally graduating High School'." replied Sehun with a laugh.

Lu Han elbowed Sehun in the ribs jokingly, but it caused Sehun to erupt in a cough. "Wow, you seem to always catch the cold now."

His cough subsided and he gave Lu Han an assuring smile. "Yea, but I'm alright."

"Sure." Lu Han gave the boy a look.

"I am!" he exclaimed. "Would I ever lie to you?"

They stared at each other with the intent of Lu Han speaking, but they were cut off by the principal's words blaring through the speakers; indicating the ceremony was about to start. The principal went on in a lecture about  the meaning of education and how this graduating class is about to take a huge leap in their lives. There was a few spoken words from teachers and chosen graduating classmen, but Sehun wasn't paying any attention. His mind was off somewhere else. It's been about two years since Sehun was diagnosed with Lupus. He remembered back way in his Sophomore year when the Doctor told him he had less than a year to live. But here he was, still breathing. Medication helped him diminished the effects of the disease, but it didn't make it disappear. A couple of months ago he had to check into a hospital for a night, because of a spike in his disease. The chance of Sehun dropping down to the floor dead, right at this second, was extremely possible. It made him think about the feeling of death. Would you feel your heartbeat stopping? Would it be too difficult to breathe? Would you see the timeline of your life flash behind your eyes? He guesses all of his questions will be answered in due time.

A couple of weeks after Sehun's diagnosis was Lu Han's confession. They haven't spoken of it since it happen, but Sehun still thinks about it all the time. He thought about how he rejected Lu Han heartlessly. He thought about how he made Lu Han cry. Sehun refused to forgive himself since then. The image of Lu Han's tears falling was still branded in Sehun's mind like a stamp. It ate him up inside. He ached to tell him the reason for his rejection. That it was not because he didn't love him, it was because he was dying. Sehun didn't want to bring Lu Han into the grief of Sehun loving him one day, but then take part watching Sehun being buried six feet under the next. It was Sehun's suffering and it should stay that way. Yanking others into his own excruciating pain would make him a selfish bastard. 

Lu Han tapped Sehun on his shoulder, snapping him out of the thoughts. Their row had stood up and was starting to form a line to go on stage. With slight embarrassment, Sehun rushed to the line and stood where he was assigned. The row was in alphabetical order, so he was in the way back. The line was moving up significantly as people were getting their names called one by one. Sehun's eyes glanced over the crowd for the first time and was slightly taken back by the large amount of people. But then, of course it was a graduation ceremony.

"Lu Han." the principal said into the microphone. It was the boy's turn to accept his diploma.

He quickly looked behind him to find Sehun, and with a grin he said, "Meet you on the other side!"


Sehun carried a box of his stuff through the campus apartments with audible grunts here and there.

"Do you need me to carry that?" said his father with a warm smile.

He looked at his father and huffed. "I can do it. I'm not dead yet."

Jokes like those used to be a saying, but it ironically became quite a reality for Sehun. They approached his apartment door and let his mother opened it with the key because Sehun's hands were already full. The smell of his new apartment smacked his nose with a great force that it made him gag. He set the box on his already made bed with a sigh. By the lack of items on the other side of the room, Sehun concluded that his roommate hasn't arrived yet.

"The apartment seems pretty big" he heard his mom say from a different area.

Sehun joined his parents in the living room and his eyes skimmed over the area. It did seem like there was a lot of room, which was surprising. He expected much smaller.

Sehun glimpsed over to his parents who were staring at him worriedly. "Are you sure you're going to be okay here?" his father asked.

A groan was heard from Sehun's throat, a sign of his annoyance. "Yes! I can't live with my parents forever."

Even though he was getting slightly irritated by his folks' distressed glances, he understood their situation. It was hard enough to let go of your child so they can go to college, but to let go of your child who's dealing with a life threatening disease? Almost impossible.

His mother chimed in. "Do you have all of your medication?"

"Yeah." Sehun answered coolly.

"How much are you suppose to take?" she tested.

He rolled his eyes. "Twice a day."

"When are your refill dates and doctor appointments?"

Sehun stared at his mother with a raised brow. "You're doing it again."

She laughed lightly, realizing she was taking it too far, and took a few steps forward to wrap her arms around her son. A worried mother's hug always seemed to be the most comforting. Sehun wasn't going to lie, he was going to miss their affection and the way they nagged at him for almost every little thing. He seemed to now cherish is family more in each of second of his limited life.

"You're going to keep us updated right?" his father asked while the Oh family started towards the front door.

Sehun shooed his parents out of his apartment and said, "I'll call you if anything happens."

They started to exchange friendly waves before Sehun watched his parents walk out of sight, while leaning on the door frame. He was oblivious to the people who passed by, glancing at him now and then. Sehun seemed to be in his own daydream until something dropped several inches in front of him. Sehun glimpsed at the left to see a male figure walking away, not realizing he left something behind him. What the man dropped was a photo, protected by the scratchless glass and the black frame. Sehun picked the item in his fingers and his eyes widened.

It was an old picture of Sehun and Lu Han at the moon festival. Lu Han was shoving his mouth with mooncake while Sehun was smiling widely at the camera. He could remember the event like it was just yesterday. It was almost the end of the year and Lu Han started to feel homesick. So Sehun persuaded Lu Han's mom to help him throw a moon festival party just for him. Sehun could remember the trouble and research he had to go through, but seeing a smile appear on Lu Han's face made it all worth it.

"Sehun?" a voice said.

He could recognize the voice from anywhere. "Lu Han?" he said, pulling his eyes away from the photo.

Their eyes met and a toothed smile bloomed on Sehun's face. Lu Han walked to him with a box full of his own belongings in his arms. The distance between them decreased; soon Lu Han was right in front of his friend. Sehun set the picture on top of Lu Han's box carefully and watched a grin develop on the boy's face.

"What are you doing here?" Lu Han asked.

"Well that's a stupid question". "I live here now." Sehun replied, still smiling.

"Of course," he chuckled. "I never expected you to get accepted to this University."

Sehun scowled at him. "What's that's suppose to mean?"

Lu Han smirked and ruffled Sehun's hair, still gripping on the box with his other arm. "It means we'll be seeing each other's face more often."


Sehun was awoken by the rustling and bustling of Lu Han shifting briskly between rooms. He yawned audibly as he dragged his body off from his bed and covered his face when he was met with the hallway lights; too bright for his adjusting eyes. As his eye finally adjusted he saw Lu Han pass by him in the halls, side-stepping, quick to avoid crashing into Sehun. Sehun could see that Lu Han was well-dressed in his new spiffy black suit jacket with matching trousers, completed with a light blue dress shirt. He was looking pretty lavish, which only left Sehun to wonder on why he's looking so posh at 6 in the morning.

"Where are you going?" Sehun inquired with another yawn.

Lu Han didn't answer and continued on to search for an item Sehun was unaware of.

Sehun lazily followed the man's steps throughout the apartment, while rubbing his eyes. "Lu Han." he repeated.

"Tie. I'm looking for a tie." he grumbled as he turned into his room.

Sehun watched with an amused look as Lu Han literally flipped his mattress upside down. "Why are you looking for a tie?"

Lu Han threw a t-shirt over his shoulder as he rummaged through his dresser while muttering, "Job interview."

Sehun coughed in the crease of his elbow and watched how Lu Han dropped to all fours before peering under his bed. "Why are you going to a job interview at six in the morning?" Sehun asked.

Lu Han paused his search to stare at Sehun. "Because we're not in college anymore. We graduated. That means we actually have to get real jobs!" he sighed, calming himself. "I'm not in the mood for twenty questions."

A silence emerged between them before Sehun spoke, "Why"

"Sehun if you say 'why' one more time, I swear to god, I will punch you in the face."

A small chuckle manifested in Sehun's chest when he saw Lu Han's face altered into a frown. "Why aren't you looking at your closet door? There's a tie right there. It's mine, but I'm letting you use it."

Lu Han's eyes widened and he quickly hauled his legs over to the closet before grabbing the black tie in his hands. "Thanks." he simply said.

Sehun nodded his head with a smile and left the man's room to attend making coffee for Lu Han; so he wouldn't be too tired before his interview. The moment his hand poured the first pack of sugar into the creamy substance, an exhausted scream echoed through the halls.

"How do you tie this damn thing?!"

Sehun snickered and shouted, "Don't break anything! I'll be there in a sec."

To his own amusement he decided to take his own sweet time walking back to the bedroom, only to meet an aggravated Lu Han glaring downwards at his tie, which was laid casually on the carpet. A visible smile was on Sehun's face as he reached down for the tie. Sehun twirled the material in his hands and outstretched his arms until the tie wrapped around the nape of Lu Han's neck. Unpleased with the distance, Sehun yanked on the tie, causing Lu han to stumble forward with a small, surprised gasp. There was enough space difference to almost stop them from bumping heads. Almost. At this rate Sehun's heartbeat was beating erratically, but he couldn't seem to let go of Lu Han. He inhaled slowly and the scent of Lu Han's cologne filled his senses, almost making his knees weak. Sehun was trying to distract himself by mumbling the steps of tying the tie under his breath, but found himself trailing off.

He finally finished tying the tie with shaky fingers then stared at Lu Han. The man's eyes were already gazing at Sehun thoughtfully. Sehun dropped his view to Lu Han's lips and felt his heart flutter. He wanted to kiss them. He wanted to feel those pink lips wrapped around his; to test if they were just as soft as they appear. Without realizing, their faces have started to inch closer to one another, and Sehun tapped his forehead to Lu Han's. Lu Han didn't flinch. He wanted this. He been waiting for this. Lu Han's hands found Sehun's waist while the man's lips started to hover over his own. Sehun then proceeded to ghostly trace Lu Han's lips with his, resulting in them brushing against each other occasionally; which sent shivers down Sehun's spine. At this moment, their breath was heavy and Sehun's hesitation was obvious. The in the air was almost suffocating. Who was gonna make the first move?

Sehun let out a deep sigh and pulled away from Lu Han's grasp. He saw the way Lu Han's eyelids flickered open and witness his face radiating an expression of confusion, masked with hurt.

It took everything in Sehun to turn away. "I...I'm going back to sleep," he announced, his back still facing Lu Han. "Don't forget your coffee."

Soon after, his legs led him towards his own bedroom, and paused mid-stride as soon as he entered his room, to hear the shuffling of footsteps filling up the hall. Soon after, the sound of the front door closing bounced off the walls, creating a slight echo. The impact of the door wasn't extremely loud, but rough enough to show Lu Han's own displeasure. Sehun slid down the wall slowly in a seating position and put his head down. He sat in the darkness for a while. What was Sehun thinking? He shouldn't have led Lu Han on like that. He wasn't even suppose to love Lu Han, let alone show affection. He can't; his Lupus wouldn't allow it.

But he did anyway and ironically,

It will be the death of him.


Several weeks have passed since Lu Han got hired at a top notch company in Seoul. Since then, he been drenched in unforgivable hours and been expected to finish months worth of projects in a handful of weeks. He was tired and unmotivated, but what ever pays the bills will have to do, he would tell himself. When he raced through downtown with his black Hyundai Azera, he honked at reckless drivers and cut others off with a smirk. Every now and then he would exchange strings of profanity at others and almost decided to get out of his car to deal with them personally. He would of, if he wasn't on his break. Lu Han had to report back to his office in thirty minutes; he didn't have time for such foolishness.

With a mutter he parked his car in front of a coffee shop and stepped out of his vehicle, before slamming the door close. He headed towards the coffee shop while locking his car with the small remote, resulting in the headlights flashing and a quick blare of the car horn. He walked to the front door and opened it, making a buzz, a signal to the employees that a customer was present. When he noticed there wasn't a line, it brought a faint smile to his face. He wandered towards the front and sat at a coffee stool. He cleared his throat, an attempt to get the male employee's attention; who's back was turned away. The employee didn't budge an inch.

Lu Han furrowed his brows together. "Hey you. Can I have my coffee?"

The male employee turned around to face Lu Han and his eyes widened. "Lu Han?" he said.

"Sehun." he replied with a little smirk. "You never told me you worked at this coffee shop."

Sehun rubbed his hands on his black apron and gave Lu Han a sheepish grin. "I told you I worked at a coffee shop downtown."

A scoff was let out by Lu Han, followed by an eye roll. "There's fifteen other possible shops, Sehun."

The younger scratched the back of his head still grinning and leaned onto the bar table elbows first. "So tell me how's your job doing for you, Mr. Buisnessman?"

Abruptly, Lu Han let out a sharp laugh. "My sector manager is a deranged as usual," he continued. "The other workers are horrible at their jobs, and I'm still wondering how they were even accepted into the company in the first place. Not to mention a female secretary being overly flirtatious to me."

Sehun was wiping the bar counter with a rag when he suddenly tensed and stared at Lu Han. "What would she do?"

"Lu Han," he started to mimic with a wink. "Can you help me carry these papers? They're really heavy."

"Would you help her?" Sehun asked after howling with laughter.

Lu Han shook his head and flashed him a smile. "Nope! I have better things to do."

Sehun let out a quick breath, what Lu Han would swear was a sigh of relief; but decided to ignore it. He tilted his head slightly. "Sehun, why are you working at a coffee shop?" he said. "We both graduated at the same University, with the same degree in Finance. I know I can somehow persuade the CEO to hire–"

"Stop," Sehun said with a small smile unravelling on his lips. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'm fine here."

"So are you just gonna stay at this shop forever?" he responded softly.

There was a short pause, in which Sehun replied with, "No. In the end I'll be going to a place some people could only dream of." There was a foreign tone to his words, making his phrase a little more personal and meaningful. Lu Han couldn't tell.

Instead Lu Han said, "Sehun, can you waltz your over to the coffee maker and make me a cup already?"

Sehun laughed, making his whole body shake. Lu Han wasn't smiling however. He just stared at Sehun with a bored expression.

"I'm serious. I been sitting here for twenty minutes."


It was a silent late night in Seoul. The usual noise of the busy streets was just a roar of an occasional care engine. You could almost infer that everyone in the city was slumbering peacefully. Everyone except Oh Sehun, who was laying casually on the couch, watching TV, making its flickering lights illuminate the dark room. He wasn't really watching what was being presented on the screen; he was just using it to stall him from sleeping. There was much more important things on his mind. Love. Life. Those words feeling suddenly inadequate and out of reach for him.

A ruffle of footsteps breaking close to the living room, drove Sehun's attention towards the halls. He craned his neck upwards to see a silhouette standing in the dark side of the hallway.

"Lu Han...?" he called as he started to sit up for him seat.

The figure slowly appeared out of the shadows and made Sehun jump to the edge of the couch in shock. It wasn't Lu Han. It was Sehun— well an identical clone of him. The characteristics of each feature was precise and on point. Scrambling towards the wall with a gaping mouth, Sehun felt as if he was looking through a mirror. He noticed the clone's eyes was lacking in color. No iris, no pupils; just the white of the eyeballs remained. It made Sehun gagged in  disgust.

"W-Who are you?" Sehun stuttered, his breathing heavy.

The clone blinked, before chuckling darkly. "What type of question is that?" it said as its feet traveled a bit closer to Sehun.  "I'm you."

Sehun gulped and pressed his back further to the wall, in hopes that somehow it would save him. "How can..." he trailed off in a hush whisper.

Every step the clone took, felt as if the ground was rumbling before them. But it was just Sehun's heart beating into his ears. He watched as the clone took in a breath that elevated its chest so far, Sehun thought it was going to combust. "I'm everything that goes on right here," it said as it tapped its temple. "I'm all your sadness. Your disappointment. Your wanting. Your lies. Everything that you try so hard to hide."

"Why...why are you here?" asked Sehun hoarsely

The clone smirked before suddenly disappearing into air. Sehun drew a sharp breath; he thought he was finally free of the antagonizing clone. The first thought on his mind was check up on Lu Han, so Sehun took his first step forward. Unexpectedly the clone reappeared directly in front of Sehun, making him lurch backward painfully to the wall once more.

"Just to give a word of advice," the clone started with a tilt of its head. "Do you think Lu Han still wants you? Do you possibly think you still mean anything to him? You're just a reminder of that past. Something that could have been; worthless. Save everyone their time. Go ahead and overdose on your medication. You're just going to be dead pretty soon anyways. Might as well get it over with."

Sehun listened to the clone's word intently with a scoff. He wouldn't kill himself. There was no need if he was just going to die later on. Sehun acted as if the clone didn't strike terror in him, when in reality, Sehun was shaking. All he could stumble out of his mouth was, "Why don't you have any eyes?"

"You're blinded from the truth and live in the lies. Ignorance. It's like walking with no eyes." the clone replied in a gruff oice as he slowly made his way to Sehun.

The space between Sehun and the clone was disappearing rapidly to Sehun's displeasure His eyes quickly scanned the room, searching for anything tangible. Anything that's able to become a weapon. His view landed on lamp making Sehun sighed; it would have to do. It took perfect timing for Sehun to grab the lamp in his hands and aim it carefully at the clone with hopeful wishes.

Too easily the clone caught the item with its left hand. It glanced over at the lamp in his eyes before slowly bringing back his attention to Sehun. The television screen became static and spilled white noise from its speakers. "Do you really think," the clone started, his voice suddenly sounding demonic. "You can destroy me, with a lamp? You're really that idiotic."

With a simple clench of the fist, the lamp shattered into bits; tumbling on the floor with scrapes and clanks. The clone disappeared once again with a sharp flash. The loud volume of the white noise escaping the TV, brought Sehun to his knees. His ears were in a fix with trying to block out the deafening noise, but at the same time dissecting the words from the clone that was tumbling into darkness.

"Useless." it yelled.

"Lu Han doesn't care anymore." it continued.

Sehun curled into a fetal position on the cold floor and pressed his palms against his own ears in desperation as the clone still spoke. "You're only holding him back."

 

A drop of sweat dripped off of Sehun's forehead as he sat up from the couch with a gasp. 'The same nightmare?' he thought to himself while wiping his face with his shirt. His nightmare has been repeating for days now; of the identical clone with the colorless eyes. He wondered to himself of the deeper meaning behind his dreams, but just thinking about the interpretation gave him a migraine. Somehow, he would rather not know. He was doing exactly what the clone accused him of. Living in the lies. Sehun also noticed he fell asleep on the couch, once again. The TV wasn't on, which was strange since he didn't recall turning it off.

Hushed foot steps awoke in the kitchen which made Sehun turn his head towards the direction of the sound. Suddenly Sehun's mouth felt dry when he saw a shadowy figure come into view. "Who's there?" he asked into the darkness.

More steps skipped across the floor before Sehun was greeted with the blinding glare of kitchen lights. When his eyes eventually adjusted, he was relieved to see a man named Lu Han, with bed hair and eye bags. His ill fitting shirt loosely attached to his upper body, and was completed with black plaid boxers. Lu Han was gazing lazily at Sehun with a tired expression. It was obvious that Lu Han was still half-asleep.

"Oh it's just you." Sehun said with a yawn and stretching his arms wid. Lu Han muttered something under his breath that sounded like "We're the only people living here."

Sehun acted like he didn't hear what Luhan said and just asked, "Why are you awake already?"

Lu Han was in the process of getting a cup from the shelf when he replies, "My throat hurts," he glanced at Sehun quizzically. "Why are you still up? You don't seem to ever get any sleep anymore."

It was true. Sehun hardly ever got a goodnight sleep. It was a reason of personal choice, not because he couldn't sleep. As his life ticked away like a clock, Sehun felt as if he was wasting time, rather than cherishing it and treating it as the fragile being it was. "Life's too short," he said softly. "Just spending minutes in the day and losing those hours of the night is misusing a lifetime; something we been graciously given. I want to cherish living in each second of the morning and evening. Even if time moves on, memories last forever."

The man in the kitchen just stared at Sehun nonchalantly before saying, "Such a deep philosophical answer," he snorted. "What, are you dying or something?"

Sehun forced a laugh that rung in his own ears. How true Lu Han was. Sehun witnessed his roommate poured himself a cold glass of water before drinking it in gulps, then letting out a refreshed sigh once he finished. "I'm going back to bed." he announced and started his way to his room.

"Turn off the light please." Sehun said after him. The lights turned off as Sehun requested. He then laid down on the couch with a sigh, and stared at the white ceiling. What was the point of falling back to sleep if he was just going to be in sheer terror once more? He didn't want to turn on the television so here he was, wide awake, staring blankly at the dark ceiling.

It was a boring quiet night.


The rattling of pills in their bottles was made by Sehun when he set the containers down on the counter. He popped off the caps and spilled the prescribed amount out of all four bottles. Sehun glimpsed at the motley medication before him with a sigh. They all had their own particular name and what each of them do to his system, but it was too much of a hassle for Sehun to remember them all. All he knows is it's suppose to somehow suppress his Lupus. Not cure it. Sehun already got his water at the ready, and set two pills on his tongue. With the help of the water, he gulped it down. Sehun repeated the process to the other pair of medicine. Later that day Sehun will have to retake the same amount of pills. One word he would use to describe his view of the medicine intake schedule? Troublesome. Sehun gathered the bottles in his hands and realize he was running short. A trip to the pharmacist later was in his incoming future.

Sehun was in his bedroom and placed his medication in a box, before putting a picture frame of Sehun and Luhan smiling in front of it. Sehun was hiding his medication from his roommate. He was already directly lying to Luhan's face about his disease, so it was just common sense to stash away the prescriptions. There was no need for Luhan to know that ingesting drugs became as frequent to Sehun, like breathing in air. It was easier now to sneak the pills around, considering the fact Luhan is on a business trip to Prague. Though the weeks since his departure, Sehun felt alone. He ached for the man who would stay late to finish a project for work. He yearned for the man who would always ask if Sehun was okay when he let out a cough. Sehun missed his smiles and missed the way Lu Han's laugh would light up his world. Sehun needed Lu Han by his side. He was like Sehun's other half, and now Sehun didn't feel complete.

'He should be returning any day now' Sehun thought to himself as he wandered out of his own room.

The ring of the doorbell suddenly sounded through out the apartment, followed by two rough knocks. The pattern in which those noises occurred, signaled to Sehun that Lu Han was now back from his trip. And well, currently at the doorstep. With an excited grin, Sehun dashed towards the front door, before unlocking it quickly. When he finally opened the door wide, there stood Lu Hanstill in his black suitsmiling brightly while one of his hands gripped tightly to the handle of his black luggage suitcase. It felt like it been years since Sehun saw Lu Han's eyes twinkle like that. Sehun almost forgot what Lu Han's smile did to him. But now that Lu Han was back, it was almost like he never left. Their arms wrapped around each other's sides in such a way normal roommates wouldn'tnevertheless friends. The hug lingered for a while, more than it was appropriate. They just didn't want to let the other one go.

"I missed you..." Lu Han murmured in Sehun's ear.

Hearing those words made Sehun's heart flip. "I missed you too." he breathed back.

Finally the hug ceased and the two man's made their way inside the apartment and into the kitchen, with the sound of the wheels from Lu Han's suitcase rolling across the floor. Sehun grabbed a bottle of unopened Champagne from the fridge, which he was saving for Lu Han's arrival. Sehun worked his hands to pop the cork without using a corkscrewwhich went missing last New Yearas the roommates exchanged happy smiles.

Successfully, Sehun popped the bottle without spilling the liquids all over the counter. He proceeded in pouring the wine in one glass while striking up a conversation with Lu Han. "So how was Prague?"

"Well," Lu Han started, loosening his tie. "It's an extremely beautiful place. Some of their buildings lack in reconstruction which is actually pretty interesting, since they seem to still bask in the olden times. Walking through the streets of town square was almost like walking back in time."

Sehun poured himself his own glass and replied, "Sounds cool."

Lu Han nodded before taking a quick sip of the alcoholic beverage. "We should go together one day. It felt really lonely without you there." Their eyes locked intensely for a good minute until Sehun peered down to floor, in attempts to hide his blushing face.

Suddenly, Lu Han's face lit up like a light bulb. "That reminds me. I got you something." He crouched to meet his bag, which was now laying on its back. Lu Han's hands fumbled with the zipper, before ping it to the end of the suitcase material.

He reached his hands into the bag before bringing out a brown box as he stood up. The item in Lu Han's hands looked like a vintage jewelry box at first sight, but there was too much details surrounding it, to be simply a box for jewelry. The box looked like it was an item of the Victorian era. It was made from what it seemed like polished wood, sculpted at the edges to give it a wavy appearance. On the top and sides of the box was also carved, this time with swirls and lines interlocking with one another. Whatever you decided to put into the box would be visibly seen, thanks to the patterns.

Lu Han handed the brown box to Sehun, who was now in awe. Sehun glanced at the gift in hands and saw there was enough room on the top of the box for a simple gold engraving. He traced his fingers over the cursive script as he read out loud, "Romeo.

A smile appeared on Sehun's face as he said with a small laugh, "Are you supposed to be Romeo?"

With a grin, Lu Han shrugged. "I wouldn't mind." he stated with a chuckle.

Sehun gingerly flipped the lid and examined the box thoroughly. By the advance craftmanship of the gift, surely it would have cost Lu Han a decent amount of money. "How much did this cost you?" muttered Sehun.

"Don't ask such questions." Lu Han answered with a faint smile.

Sehun sat down his present on the table counter and the sharp intake of breath he took, it was obvious that Sehun was about to yell at Lu Han for wasting his pay on him. Exactly what Lu Han did during Sehun's birthday. But Lu Han stopped the man before he could let out his first word. "Sehun, I have to ask you something." he said softly.

Lu Han's eyes searched the floor shyly before glancing back to Sehun. The expression on Sehun's face showed he could continue to speak. "Remember that night when you told me to always be by your side? And I didn't respond?"

Sehun nodded slowly and watched as Lu Han spoke carefully, "Well," he said as he went down on one knee and looked up to Sehun, who was wide eyed. "I always want to be by your side."

Tears were developing in Sehun's eyes and with a shaky voice he started to say, "Lu Han please"

Lu Han cut him off harshly. "I want to come home every night knowing you're mine." He reached inside of his suit and pulled out a small black case. "I want to know your laughter and smiles belongs to me and no one else. We can accomplish everything together and there's nothing that can stand in the way of that. You shine brighter than the stars on a clear night sky. You're the only reason I still have hope in this world. Hell, you're the only reason I wake up every morning; why blood still pumps in my veins. I love you more than life itself. I cherish you more each day and hold you closer to my heart. Sehun...Will you marry—"

"Idiot!" Sehun exclaimed as hot tears rolled down from his cheeks. "Stop this! I told you before I don't love you. Why don't you get that through your head, damn it!" Sehun sobbed loudly as he furiously wiped his eyes on his shirt. Lu Han stood up to his feet and grabbed both of Sehun's arms roughly.

Sehun try to free himself, but Lu Han did not let Sehun move an inch away from him. "Luhan, let me go"

Instantly, Lu Han ferociously pulled Sehun towards him, before slamming his own lips on Sehun's. Lu Han bit down on the man's lip, a little too rough, making Sehun gasp. Lu Han moved his mouth against the other man's with such intensity, that his longing for this exact moment was clearly evident. The kiss tasted like a mixture of alcohol and salty tears. Sehun's arms were awkwardly stuck to his side and he didn't return the affection. By his quivering bottom lip, Sehun wanted to kiss back. He was dying to have both of their lips move together like ballroom partners dancing tango. Something was stopping Sehun. Something that was warning him to not give into the heated lip lock. 

Lu Han stopped attacking Sehun's lips and tried to bring air into his deprived lungs with a pant. Lu Han stared at Sehun with a menacing look as the other man tried to regain his own breath. "Tell me," he whispered threateningly, his nails slightly pinching into Sehun's arms. "Tell me that you don't feel anything between us. Look at me in the eye and say it. "

There was deep tensions between them when Sehun's eyes landed on Lu Han's. It felt as if the world stopped when Sehun started to speak slowly and intently, "I don't feel anything. I never felt anything" he lied bitterly. "Don't you ever kiss me again."

Lu Han set his jaw and released Sehun for his grip. He then threw the ring case on the floor in anger. Sehun could see tears shimmering in his eyes. "You are unbelievable." his voice cracked, letting his own tears spill from his eyes. "Do you even know what love is? How it feels?! You're so blinded that you can't even realize your own emotions. I pity you."

With a powerful stare off, full of tear-stained cheeks, Lu Han his heels. He started towards the front door in strides and yanked the door open by the knob. "Where are you going...?" Sehun asked quietly.

"Out," Lu Han answered in a grumble. "Don't wait up for me." he then slammed the door from behind him, forceful enough that it made the apartment shake and caused Sehun to flinch.

It felt as if the wind was knocked right out of Sehun. His heart hurt and his mind was fuzzy. Sehun collapsed to his knees in disbelief. He couldn't believe Lu Han proposed to him, but Sehun didn't want to believe that he just rejected the love of his life. A sudden light-headed feeling hit him in waves and his chest pounded. He lied to Lu Han. But this wasn't just any white lie. Sehun told the older that he never and will never return his love. When in reality, Sehun was drowning in it. He wanted to scream. Sehun's eyes found its way to the case that was laying effortlessly on the floor. His hands scrambled across the floor until he cupped the item in his hands. With a sigh of curiosity, he opened it and his mouth fell open. The band was a gorgeous gold with seven small diamonds lined up across it. This ringthe ring he was supposed to havewas something he only dreamt of. He could only imagine the amount of cash Lu Han set aside to buy him this. 'That's why he worked overtime' Sehun thought hazily. More tears flooded his eyes.

He got up from the floor as he blinked back tears. Sehun caressed the case lovingly before his eyes landed on the box which was still sitting on the counter. With a breath he the polished wood once more, before flipping the lid. He then decided to insert the ring case into the left corner of the box. Sehun thought if Lu Han wanted the ring back, Sehun would give it to him. And this way there wouldn't be a chance of Sehun misplacing it. But yet, Sehun still felt like something was needed. Lu Han did deserve the truth. If there was only such way to tell him how he truly felt. His real feelings. Sehun immediately got an idea and sprinted through the apartment for materials to turn his idea into a reality.

Finally he founded a pack of parchment paper as well as a fountain pen which spilled black ink. He could recall getting these items at a Historical Fair last summerwhich he dragged Lu Han toobut he never found any reason to use them. Atleast till now. Sehun could write honest letters written to Lu Han which he would place in the victorian-like box. Somehow later on, when Sehun is ready to admit his true feelings and the reason he been denying them, he would send the box to Lu Han. It was a perfect plan. He just hoped his Lupus wouldn't get in the way. "It won't, I still have time left.' he thought hopefully to himself. Sehun shook the fountain pen before scribbling readable words onto the paper.


Dear Lu Han,

I'm sorry that I can't love you like the way you love me.


Sehun was hopelessly checking his medication for the sixth time, hoping that pills would just magically fill the bottles. They were still empty. They been empty for the past week. He was too busy worrying about Lu Han's well being, that his own health was in the back of his mind. Lu Han hasn't come home in two weeks, nor as he returned Sehun's calls or texts. He needed to know if Lu Han was all right. As for Sehun's medicine? He could get in his car and drive to the pharmacist. That wouldn't be such a hassle if his gas tank wasn't entirely empty. That's why he normally used Lu Han's car. Sehun's body felt too weak and fragile to ride his bike two miles to the nearest doctor's office anyways.

The symptoms were reappearing and there wasn't anything Sehun could do to stop it. That's how he ended up in a familiar position on the floor near the toilet. He hunched over the seat and emptied his stomach out in chunks and spurts. A sudden tasted of metal disguised in acid overwhelmed Sehun's mouth. He stared dizzily at the foul substances in the bowl and noticed a large amount of blood swum around the undigested food that he vomited. A whimpered escaped his mouth when white blotches continued to cloud his vision.

"Lu Han..." he whined loudly, on the brink of tears. "Please come back."


Dear Lu Han,

I noticed where there is joy, despair will also arrive. Surely at this moment you must be in happiness, or at least attempting to forget the sadness I caused. It would explain why contact between us suddenly ceased and why you haven't arrived back home in weeks. I'm not angry. I understand. I guess, I'm just in disbelief that I may be losing someone who I had so much compassion for. Today felt so strange. It felt so...foreign without you here with me. I felt so vulnerable. Every time that I would wake up after you, even though you were at work, you always seemed to greet me in a text message packed full of different smilies. It was outright silly and immature, but I never complained. Because, it always brought a smile to my face. Even though chances were slim, I decided to wait for your message with my cellphone clenched tightly in my fist. But, with each passing hour, my heart sank into my chest. As the early seconds of the morning turned into the late minutes of the afternoon, I had as much hope as a farmer waiting for crops to grow during a drought. Midnight is creeping closer and yet no reply from you. I can't say I'm shocked. But, the pain doesn't sting any less.


Lu Han was typing away at the keyboard quickly, with eyes glued to the computer screen before him. He had to finish a project on ways to improve the company, which deadline was this afternoon. Admitedly he been slacking. There was just too many things on his mindlike Sehunthat he hasn't been giving his work any avid attention. That's all going to change soon enough. He worked too hard to let all of his accomplishments slip through his fingers like sand. There was a look of pure determination on Lu Han's face when his fingers quickly ravaged individual keys. His eyes glanced down to the time on the bottom right of the computer screen. Three minutes before afternoon. With a thankful sigh, he dragged his mouse downwards and clicked on the icon that said 'send'. When the computer loaded completely and notified him that the project was sent successfully, he laid back on his chair.

Lu Han's hands cupped his mug of coffee from the desk and took a long sip. That was when his eyes landed on the picture of Sehun; which was in a white frame and surrounded by pens and stack of papers which needed to be filed. Without an expression he lifted the item and faced it downwards on the table. It was just too soon for Lu Han to be brought back in unnecessary feelings.

"Lu Han." a male co-worker said as he peered over the cubicle wall.

"Hm?" Lu Han replied, taking another sip of the black coffee.

"Mr. Kim wants to speak with you."

Lu Han's eyes widened. What would the CEO of the company want to do with him? He sent in everything on time and not once been late for work. Why would he be called to his office and not just his sector manager? Nevertheless, Lu Han got up from his seat and made his way through the mazes of cubicles, greeting other works with half-hearted smiles. He finally arrived at the elevator in what felt like years. Luckily, there wasn't any traffic at this time so when Lu Han pressed the 'up' button, the elevator opened in response. His feet made its way into the relatively large elevator and watched as the doors closed before him. He glimpsed to the control panel, which looked freshly cleaned since his reflection bounced back at him from the stainless steel. His eyes skimmed over the options on the control panel and pushed the button which would lead him to the 48th floor. Where Mr. Kim's office resided.

It was a long wait, considering the fact Lu Han was assigned to the 35th floor. The only sounds were Lu Han's occasional breathing and the horrid tune of the elevator ringing through. A considerate amount of time passed before the steel doors opened. Lu Han walked out with his eyes examining every inch of the space in front of him. He never been to this floor so it was only natural for him to take in an eyeful of everything The walls were plain white with a single blue stripe striking in the middle of each walls. The velvet couch which was also white, was accompanied by two plump blue pillows. On the wall near the couch was an elegant art piece, consisted of mystical pattern and loops, all splashed with color. The coffee table which stood in front of the couch was also whiteas expectedand was covered in stacks of newspapers and business magazines, all in which Lu Han would call uninteresting.

"Can I help you?" a light female voice asked, drawing Lu Han's attention from the interior. The female was sitting behind a white desk and was wearing a sleeved black lace dress that stopped mid-thigh, completed with black high heels. Her clothing was entirely inappropriate for the workplace, but Lu Han digressed.

He could have guessed this was Mr. Kim's personal secretary. "Mr. Kim wanted to see me." he said blandly.

The secretary nodded and stood up from her seat. "Right this way." she stated and led Lu Han to the far back of the room. Her shoes were clicking sharply and she was overworking her hips, but Lu Han was either not amused or he just wasn't paying any attention.

The two stopped at a relatively large glass door. The secretary opened the door widely for Lu Han who walked in the room nervously. He was going to speak to the CEO of something he wasn't informed of. Of course the anxiety was going to get to him. In the room Lu Han noticed three people staring from a large desk as he walked towards them in a diligent manner. Lu Han examined the face of the man in the middle and because of pictures he saw, concluded that he was the CEO of the company. But, if this was a private manner, why are two other people with them in the room. The person on the left of the owner was also wearing a fine black suitwhich looked extremely expensiveand he seemed to look slightly older than Mr. Kim. Then there was a female, who looked younger than Lu Han, was standing on the other side of Mr. Kim. She had a floral spring dress, completed with a belt which was buckled tightly to her waist. She reminded Lu Han of girls he saw back in his High School days. That was such a long time ago.

"You must be Lu Han." Mr. Kim said as Lu Han bowed towards him.

Lu Han looked at the company owner in the eyes with a forced smile and said, "Yes I am, Mister"

"Please call me Joonmyun," the owner interruppted with a faint smile. "We're all friends here, aren't we?"

'No.' Lu Han replied, "Yes, MisterJoonmyun." he corrected himself.

"How are you and your roommate doing? I heard there was an issue between the two of you and you left the apartment." there was a caring tone in the businessman's voice. But, what was his concern about Lu Han's personal life? Who even informed him about that situation?

Lu Han started to mentally list off people who he would have a chat with. "We're both alright. I moved back in, so everything is resolved."

Joonmyun gave the other man a smile of approval, which just led Lu Han to tap his foot impatiently. "Joonmyun, why did you call for me?" Lu Han asked, his words sharp enough to cut metal.

"Oh that's right." Joonmyun started with a smirk. "I have a proposition for you."

Now Lu Han was listening with arms crossed around his chest before asking, "What is it?"

"You're aware of our company's 'rival', correct?" Lu Han nodded carefully, letting the CEO continue. "Well, I would like to introduce you to their owner, Seo Jae Hwa and his beautiful daughter Seo Eun Kyung."

Respectfully, Lu Han bowed to the both of them. He noticed Eun Kyung's eyes were lingering on him, which Lu Han ignored, not in the mood to lock eye contact with strangers. "A connection between the two companies would stimulate a climb in stocks and popularity, you would agree?" Joonmyun asked rhetorically.

Jae Hwa chirped into the conversation with a smile, "How would you like to court and marry my daughter?"

Lu Han's jaw dropped in shock. He couldn't, he didn't want to believe what just came out from the elder's mouth. Lu Han searched the eyes of the two CEOs before him, seeking for the slightest give away to tell Lu Han that this was just a sick joke. Their eyes held no humor.  They were actually serious. 'An arranged marriage?!" he thought to himself in disbelief.

"What? Why was I chosen?" Lu Han blurted out, trying to hold in his strong disapproval.

"We know you're one of the most hardworking workers we have in this company, and who's more perfect for this job than you?" Joonmyun replied it in a matter-of-fact tone.

"If everything goes well, you'll get that raise you surely deserve. What could be stopping you?" Jae Hwa cooed, his lip curling into a smirk.

'Sehun' he answered to himself immediately. Lu Han stared at Eun Kyung once more, and for the first time, actually noticed the way the curls of her brown hair fell on her shoulders effortlessly. Her face was subtle and clear, only light makeup such as mascara and lip gloss was noticeable. She was a natural beauty. But, yet, Lu Han felt no attraction what so ever. By Eun Kyung's soft smile, she didn't seem like she really cared that her father was forcing her to marry a stranger. Lu Han bit the inside of his cheek as the memory of when he proposed to Sehun flashed behind his eyes. Lu Han remembered when Sehun screamed that he didn't love him back. Sehun swore that there wouldn't be any mutual romantic feelings between them, so why would Lu Han let a fantasy stop him from receiving what he outright deserved? Ruefully, Lu Han pushed his feelings for the other man aside and ignored how distraught his heart felt.

Jae Hwa noticed Lu Han's hesitation and commented, "I could always take my offer somewhere else."

"Lu Han," Joonmyun warned, his eyes flashing. "What is your decision?"

Lu Han tore his eyes away from the female, and with a slight tilt of his head he responded, "I'll do it."


Dear Lu Han,

It's been a couple of days since you returned home, and I'm glad you did. But, things have honestly changed between us. You don't laugh like you used to nor do you hold my gaze. Your smile doesn't acknowledge me like the way it used to. I feel...distant with you. It's not a feeling I enjoy. Sometimes, I would catch you staring at me, with those eyes that were desperate to say words. But, you never do. Today I simply just wanted to know how your work was doing. All you did was glance in my direction with sad eyes and mumbled that you were going to sleep early. Even if my rejection was about a month ago, I still wonder to myself if what I did broke you.


Sehun was preparing dinner for himself and his roommate, Lu Han, who still haven't returned from work yet. When Sehun added the final spices into the pot full of homemade ramen noodles, he peered at the time which was shown on the stove clock. 'He was suppose to be home an hour ago.' he thought to himself, 'Maybe he just got stuck in traffic.' Sehun stirred the noodles around the pot gingerly, before he heard the doorbell, followed by two knocks. Knowing who was at the door made him smile. He wiped his hands on his black shorts when he made his way to the front door.

Sehun paused to fix his hair, before unlocking and opening the door with a sigh. "It took you long enough! I started making food..." Sehun trailed off when he saw Lu Han wasn't alone. A female he didn't recognize was accompanying him.

"Oh, who is this?" Sehun asked in a low voice. 'And why is her arm wrapped around yours.'

Lu Han walked into the apartment with Eun Kyung following after, arms still holding on to the man protectively. Lu Han spun around to Sehun, who looked as if he was shooting mental darts at the woman. He successfully attracted Sehun's dreadful gaze towards him, and cleared his throat before responding, "Sehun, this is my girlfriend, Eun Kyung."

'Girlfriend?'

"Eun Kyung, this is Sehun, my" he glimpsed over to flustered Sehun and their eyes locked. There was a hush silence between the two of them for a good minute, before he continued, "Roommate."

'Roommate?' Out of everything they been through, the only word Lu Han could say was 'roommate'. Sehun couldn't help but be baffled. And the fact that Lu Han now has a girlfriendsomeone Sehun never saw in his lifemade Sehun's heart wrench in pain and despair.

Yet, he blinked back the tears and took a breath to control his voice. "Nice to meet you Eun Kyung," he stared at the ground. "I have dinner prepared, I guess there's enough for three"

"We already ate." Lu Han said with the scent of alcohol smacking Sehun in the face. Lu Han shifted Eun Kyung's arm so that he was holding her hand. The sudden display of affection made Sehun scowl for a quick second.

"But..." the other man trailed off quietly. Without any other word, Lu Han gently pulled Eun Kyung through the hallways of their home. Sehun heard the sound of a door closing, which he speculated to be the room door.

Sehun was now busy pouring himself a bowl of ramen, when a moan echoed through the apartment. He paused in his tracks and strained his ears. Nothing. Sehun shrugged and thought his ears were deceiving him, so he continued pouring his ramen. Then another moan was heard, this time it was drawn out and high pitched. Sehun dropped the bowl on the floor, shattering into bits making the noodles swim in the crumbled remains. He clenched his fingers around the edges of the table counter and grind his teeth.'They're having in this apartment? Couldn't they do it somewhere else?!' he yelled in his thoughts angrily. As the next wave of an ecstasy filled scream, mixed with husky grunts,  bounced off the walls, Sehun felt disgusted. Not because they were having when he was actually fully present, but more because, Lu Han was pleasuring her and not him. Eun Kyung was being touched, stimulated and pounded into in such a way by Lu Han, something that Sehun could only fantasize being done to him.

It brought enough jealousy in Sehun that it made his skin crawl, but yet the heartache in his chest still remained.


Dear Lu Han,

I feel like it's time to let you go. But, every time I contemplate doing such thing, I'm met with a gnawing feeling in my gut. A vicious feeling which is relentless. There's an intense craving for you to be mine, and not Eun Kyung or anyone else you might meet in the future. It's not possible for me to simply let you slip out of my hands like sand. But, as the days of my life stretch, I feel I'll be forced to do just that.


"Are you sure you want to go to the states alone?" Lu Han asked in a worried tone, loud enough to bypass the noise from other strangers in the airport flocking around them, in a hurry to catch their own plane.

Sehun just nodded reassuringly which let Lu Han to ask once more, "Why are you leaving, again?"

He pursed his lips. Sehun wanted to say: 'I'm going for better hospital treatment, because the Doctor said I have less than two years until my Lupus kills me and you're too busy talking about marrying Eun Kyung, even when you confessed your undying love for me shortly before.' but yet the words that came out was, "I told you that I found a oppurtunity to work with a company." It was just another lie added to the list.

Lu Han bit his bottom lip as he ran his fingers through his tangled hair. "Do you really want to go?" Lu Hun murmured with a breath. For a split second, in the tiniest fragment, Sehun heard a tone of love dip from Lu Han's words. It was a shock for Sehun to hear it return, because he thought it just died along with Lu Han's feelings for him.

But nonetheless, Sehun didn't let the man persuade his already thought out decision. "I'll be fine. Besides," Sehun nudged his chin towards Eun Kyung, who was standing meters away. "You have her. You'll be alright."

Lu Han drooped his eyes and mutter something under his breath, which was inaudible for the other man. Sehun turned his head to the left, to see the large electronic board which displayed planes which was arriving, loading, and departing. His plane was currently loading its passengers.

With a sigh, Sehun flashed Lu Han a sad smile. "I guess this is goodbye." This would be the final time for Lu Han to see Sehun alive, and him being oblivious to that, made tears develop in Sehun's eyes. The two men spent the last several minutes finding a way to say goodbye. Sehun wanted a hug, but somehow Lu Han felt uncomfortable with that and forced the other man to settle with a loose handshake. Sehun was greatly disappointed, but at least he still got some type of contact, so he bit his tongue in silence.

After a small wave, Sehun turned from Lu Han and headed for the gate while yanking on his luggage carriage. He only brought one bag with him; which wasn't even filled to the brim. He didn't need much of anything. Sehun was just going to check into a hospice and kill over. What was the point of bringing luxuries?

Sehun glimpsed over his shoulder, in hopes to catch Lu Han's eyes one last time. But, the man's back was turn away from Sehun and his arms wrapped around Eun Kyung's small frame in a loving hug. Sehun's lip quivered in a whimper as the first salty tear fell on his cheek. He wiped it quickly on his gray sleeve with a slight sniff and chugged along into the jet bridge alone, without looking back.


Dear Lu Han,

When I remember the memories of our happiness together, I realize it's been just that. Memories. That's the only thing they are to me. Painful reminders of a broken past.


Sehun slipped his thumb and index finger underneath both golden prongs of the envelope and pulled it outwards. He reached his hand inside of the brown envelope and felt paper-like material brush against his fingertips like bristles. Sehun grabbed a handful and examined it when the item came into view. US Dollars. Basically a stack of it which was brought together tightly by a firm white paper in the middle that only read '$100 dollars' in gold font. Normally, Sehun would be shocked about the amount of money before him, but that changed after a few months. The envelope was filled tightly with the same stack of a hundred dollars. How Sehun expected, only a sheet of folded lined paper disrupted the sea of green cash. Sehun opened the paper carefully and read the context of it to himself:

'Dear Sehun,

This envelope contains a thousand dollars. It should last you about a month.

From,

Lu Han.'

Of course the letter wasn't anything personal; it even lacked the closing 'love'. But, Sehun was thankful for anything, nonetheless. The money Sehun's been receiving was supposed to help him be comfortable until he get's a reasonable raise in his company. Or so Lu Han thought. Sehun actually been using the profits to pay off his medical bills as he stayed in a Hospice in Long Island City located in the state of New York. Sehun didn't think of this as manipulating Lu Han, but rather taking advantage of the current circumstance he's in. He has no job here nor insurance. The only thing he's living on is Lu Han's steady stipend. Sehun would be lying if he said he didn't feel an ounce of guilt.

"Mr. Oh, can I come in?" a female voice echoed from outside Sehun's door.

Sehun said, "Yes, you may."

The door slowly creeped open and a woman who looked like a freshly new grad walked in. Her delicate pale fingers gripped on the clipboard tightly to her chest, with a soft smile. The woman's golden curls spilled over her shoulders like a waterfall and her eyes glimmered like sapphires; slight freckles danced on the apples of her rosy cheeks. She of course was not of Asian descent, but spoke fluent Korean, which Sehun was thankful for. Originally, when Sehun entered the hospice, he had no intention of remembering names. They all seemed to look alike to Sehun, with the same blue uniforms and dreadful faces. Yet, Sehun took the time to learn the face of this particular woman.

"Good morning, Jenny." he greeted lightly.

Jenny acknowledged the man with another smile, before striding across the room towards the window. She tugged on the green curtains letting the sun shine into the darken room, illuminating it. She then straightened the pillow that rested behind Sehun's head, with a quick fluff. Jenny's eyes landed on a beautifully carved box which stood on a white table near Sehun's bed.

With a gentle voice that rung like bells in a crisp air of a winter afternoon, she asked, "No visitors?"

Sehun shook his head slowly, which made Jenny wrinkle her nose. She noticed that Sehun never had anyone visiting him. Normally, that wouldn't be much of a concern if this was his first month at the hospice. But, Sehun been residing in this facility for over a year now and the only contact he would receive outside from these white walls was a general cellphone call from someone named Lu Han. Those calls only lasted for maybe five minutes, then Sehun would go weeks without hearing from him. And it seemed that whenever the call ended, Sehun would always shed a few tears. Jenny wasn't sure if Sehun befriended anyone besides herself in this hospice. He was normally just cooped up in his room, writing thingsSehun would say was letters he hoped to sendand set them inside the same brown box. Sehun would never tell her what exactly he was writing, although he promised Jenny that she will know soon enough.

Jenny fidgeted with a clickable pen in her left hand for a while until she spoke up, "Do you have the money to pay off for this month?"

Sehun smiled faintly at the woman and handed her the brown envelope. He didn't have to worry about how he was going to pay for these services anymore. Well, not until next month.


Dear Lu Han,

I hope you're doing better than I am.


"Eun Kyung?" Lu Han started to say in monotone with one knee down, "Will you marry me?"

There was no affection or amusement in his voice. No love. Just scripted words he was forced to repeat to the woman before him. There was no reason for Eun Kyung to be surprised, because she already knew this was going to happen. Heck, she even followed Lu Han to pick out the ring. Yet, here Eun Kyung was, with a somehow shocked expression and her arms wrapped around the man's neck like an anaconda. Lu Han stared over Eun Kyung's shoulder to see her father, Jae Hwa, looking at them with a smirk of approval.

"Yeah, I hope you're happy." he spat underneath his breath to himself.

Lu Han would kill anything for the opportunity to wipe that smug look off of Jae Hwa's face. With his fists. 'All this for a raise?' Lu Han thought to himself ruefully. In that moment, Lu Han regretted ever agreeing to do this. He didn't want to be married to a woman he had no obvious feelings for. Lu Han wanted to be married to the only person that actually meant something to him. Sehun.


Dear Lu Han,

Sometimes in the darkness of my room I hopelessly wonder to myself if you still love me.


Sehun held a purple sheet of paper in his hands, and examined it for the fifth time. A fancy white bow was attached to the top, and the words on the paper was designed in cursive writing that read: You're presence is requested at the ceremony in which Eun Kyung will wed her devoted fiancé, Lu Han on the 20th in the month of April. RSVP will be acquired to hold your guest seat.

'April 20th is Lu Han's birthday.' Sehun thought to himself as he reached over to the table and set down the invitation on his brown box. There was no tears left for him to cry the amount of rivers that he deeply needed to let out. There was no possible words to explain how Sehun is feeling inside. Before, he just felt like someone ripped his still beating heart out, but now the fact Lu Han is getting married sooner than Sehun ever thought, felt like his heart is being crushed by a steam roller. He tried to let out a whimper, but it only came out as harsh cough. With a small gasp, he sat his head down on the white pillow and clutched on the bed covers tightly to the point his knuckles turned white.

There he laid underneath the sheets of his bed in deep thought. Sehun was thinking about Lu Han, who surely must be excited to get married to a girl of his dreams. To finally settle and probably start a family. Sehun's was sick to his stomach when he though about Eun Kyung possibly getting impregnated by Lu Han. Sehun took one shallow breath, and realized his fatigue. He realized that a sharp pain spread throughout his body and he felt like his lungs were burning. The constant beeps of the cardiac monitor was the only thing that broke into Sehun's thoughts. He peered over to the machine next to him, and remembered how the doctors said he'll be closely watched by the staff. Sometimes, Sehun would feel himself slipping away, but like an elastic band, he would snap himself to hold on. But, it just felt more difficult each time. Sehun was in the end of his days; he never thought it would be so soon.

"Jenny." he said in a low whisper to the female that was snooping around in his room. Jenny jumped a little in surprise and turned to look at the tired man lying down in his bed.

"Happy Birthday, Mr. Oh!" she exclaimed with a light smile.

It was Sehun's birthday but it didn't feel like a cheerful one, but one full of misery. Nevertheless, Sehun chuckled to himself and thanked the nurse for remembering. "Jenny, I have to ask you something." said Sehun hoarsely.

The nurse brought a chair from a small table and placed it next to Sehun's bedside, before sitting in it with a flop. "What is it?"

"You can write in Hangul, right?"

The woman nodded slowly and Sehun continued, "Remember when you asked me what I was writing in those letters." he tilted his head towards the box on the table. "How would you like to write one for me?"

Jenny did her trademark wrinkle of her nose. "Why can't you write it yourself?"

"I'm just a bit tired now," Sehun forced a laugh. "Please? You just write what I say, okay?"

The woman eventually agreed with a sigh and grabbed one parchment paper of the desk along with his fountain pen. She sat down the paper on the clipboard and waited patiently for Sehun to start to speak. Immediatley, Sehun started to speak what he wanted to be written down softly, that Jenny almost had to strain her ears to hear him. There would be occasional times when Jenny would tell Sehun to slow down or repeat his words, all those interruptions would have made him annoyed before, but now he had the uttermost patience. Jenny had to stop and wipe the tears that decided to fall when she wrote some sentences. Jenny was questioning if she could still write this letter without breaking into a deep cry. Yet, she pushed on until the very last word, and let out deep breath, wiping her tear-stained cheeks.

"Thank you, Jenny. For everything." Sehun said with a ghostly smile.

Jenny nodded and reread some parts of the letter before saying, "So I take this Lu Han person means a lot to you?" Jenny would never find out his answer, because the overly rapid beeps of the cardiac monitor interrupted her sentence. She flew out of her chair and stared at Sehun whose eyes were closed before looking at the machine with wide eyes. The monitor continued to show lines that looked like long mountains and deep slopes too close to another, throughout the screen.

"Someone help me, his heart is beating too fast! V-tach! V-tach!" Jenny screamed into the halls and automatically several doctors scrambled into the small room, one pushed a cart that had a defibrillator attached to it to Sehun's bedside, yanking the chair out of the way. Jenny watched them from a far intently and saw how the Doctor's quickly tore Sehun's shirt apart. A male doctor rubbed the black paddles together and told the others to clear away before setting the paddles right on Sehun's chest. Sehun's body twitched upwards before quickly laying back down on his bed. Nothing. The Doctor asked everyone to clear once more and shocked Sehun again and glanced at the cardiac monitor. Nothing. The Doctor set his jaw and repeated the process ten more times, determined for a regular heartbeat. After the tenth shock of the defibrillator a single, drawn-out beep echoed through out the room. A flatline.

"No..." Jenny whispered as tears developed in her eyes. She watched as the Doctor shook his head sadly and Jenny suddenly felt like the wind was knocked out of her, so she leaned on the white wall for support. Sehun is dead. As more tears pooled in her eyes, she watched as a group of nurses dipped a long white blanket over Sehun's lifeless body. Jenny just saw a quick glimpse of his face, which already seemed to have lost color. He looked more peaceful now, than the past times Jenny saw him. And even though Jenny was used to this type of job of seeing people's life diminish, it still broke her heart.

Jenny looked down to her hands and saw the letter that Sehun made her write, was still in her hands. When she wiped her tears she walked to the box that still remained on the white table. She saw a purple wedding invitation resting on top of the box. Because of her curiosity, she read what was written and fell open a little. 'Lu Han's getting married already?' she thought to herself in disbelief. Sehun did say something about this in his letter, but she didn't realize it was literally next week. Jenny turned the paper to look on the back and saw an address, probably where the wedding will take place. She stared at the invitation and down to the box. 'Sehun wanted to send these letters to him...'

"I'll be taking his belongings to the warehouse." a slim, tall male came up to Jenny and prepared to take the box in his hands.

Jenny's hands flew over to the box protectively, blocking the man's view of the item. "No you can't! This belongs to someone who is very important to Mr. Oh..." her eyes followed the nurses who were carefully wheeling Sehun's corpse out of the room. "Mr. Oh wanted to send this back to that person. With everything fully intact."

The man furrowed his eyebrows, confused by Jenny's sudden stubbornness. "There isn't anyone of such importance listed under his contacts. Matter of fact, there isn't anyone in his contacts."

"Please," she breathed. "Please just trust me."

The male worker stared at Jenny and noticed her sincere blue eyes, that was red from crying. He sighed deeply in defeat. "Okay. But if something goes wrong it's your problem. Do I make myself clear?" with several nods from Jenny, the man his heels and walked out the door.

Jenny sighed as he looked down to the box on the table. She opened the top gently and finally put the letter into the bottom of the box, passing a jungle of other messages. Her eyes glimpsed to the right and normally Sehun would be lying cozy in a bed with a tired smile. But now, he wasn't nor was his bed remained. The room felt too empty for Jenny's liking and an eery feeling hung in the air. Jenny bit her lip as she set the lid back down. Her fingers found their way to the golden script and traced it with her fingertip lazily.

"Romeo." she said to herself thoughtfully.


Oh Sehun pronounced dead at 7:30 military time on the twelfth of April.

Cause: Cardiac Arrest from years of suffering with SLE.


Dear Lu Han,

Sometimes you reach a part of your life in which you just want to let go of all the lies; to free yourself from all the guilt. A crave to make things right again. I want to tell you all the untruthful things I told you in chronological order, in hopes you'll forgive me. I been diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus. Which basically means, my body is attacking me, resulting in my organs slowly failing. I been diagnosed with this disease since the Sophomore year of High School, which was about eleven years ago, give or take. It's amazing how we look back at the time and never realize how quickly our life passed by. I remember a week after my diagnosis you confessed your love to me for the first time and I said I didn't feel the same way. Please know those were lies and I did share your feelings. Know it killed me inside when you started to cry.

Fast forward a couple of years later when we started to live with each other. Remember how I would accidentally wake you up at the early dawn of the morning because of my treacherous coughing fits or the sound of me vomiting my food in the bathroom? I remember how I would assure you with a fake smile and tell I was just sick or ate something rotten. You were always skeptical at first, but then later you would always find a way to believe me. I want to let you know, those were also lies. I was not okay. I was feeling the horrid effects of my immune system killing me. You're probably wondering why I wasn't just outright honest to you from the very beginning. Well, it was because I didn't want you to suffer with me.  I didn't want you to always have the thought in your mind that you'll soon be alone, since I was going to die in the matter of years because of an incurable disease. I especially didn't want you to pity me. My own ego is one of the reasons I decided to keep you in the dark.

Now let's move on to the dreadful marriage proposal. Lu Han, please understand  that the doctors told me I had less than five years to live. Please know, my love for you was suffocating me at this time that it almost crippled me to pieces when I rejected you. The ring...The ring you gave me, or wanted to give me was beautiful and I adore it. I never actually put the ring on my finger because it didn't feel right. When you kissed me, know that I wanted to wrap my arms around you and kiss you back. Even though the affection was brief, I still cherish every second of it till this day. I guess we were both on okay terms with each other when you returned from god knows where after I angered you. That was before Eun Kyung entered the picture. I would be lying if I said I supported your relationship with her. How could you randomly just say at one night that you were in a relationship with her, and you never even spoke about her to me in your life. I didn't even know you had other friends. I thought you didn't. Somehow I wanted to tell you my real feelings right then and there, but then I realized it would be selfish of me. Of course you love her a lot, right? You wouldn't be having a wedding so soon if you didn't. Though you can't judge me for wanting you to belong to me and not her. Since it should have been that way from the beginning.

Another lie of mine is, I'm not in New York because of a business opportunity. I'm here because I decided to check myself into a hospice. I'm in my last days, Lu Han. Sometimes it's hard for me to see into the next morning, since I might just die the night before.

Which brings me into my final lie. I know when you called me earlier today and asked me if I would be able to make it to your wedding, and I said yes; I want to tell you I can't. Not that I don't want to, which a good part of me doesn't, but because, I don't think I'll be able to make it; Due to my health. Lu Han, I been holding on furiously for eleven years trying not to die. I been gripping on my life and I refused to let go. I did it for you. I wanted to be there for you for as long as it was physically possible. But now I don't have you. Not that I ever did anyways. You belong to Eun Kyung, your heart doesn't, or well it shouldn't beat for me anymore. And that reality, makes me lose strength. You were my hope and reason I spat in death's face. Without you, it's getting more difficult to breathe or think or even eat. I can't hold on like I use to. Every time I close my eyes , I see a bright light tempting me to cross, but I refuse to leave . Lu Han, I don't think I'll live to see another sunrise or sunset or have my final sip of the bubble tea I love so much. When it's your wedding day and you receive this box full of letters other than my face, I want you to know I have died. I can't tell you not to cry, but I want you to know I'm not feeling any pain. The doctor's have numbed me so my passing will be painless. Please live on for me, okay? Please achieve everything I couldn't. Please be something I wish I could have been. A lover, a father... Do whatever makes you happy. Remember I love you more than anything and anyone in this world. Remember my love is like a flame that will never die out. Even though I might pass on, the memories, and my feelings for you will always be right with you. Ironically, I never really thought about the afterlife and I'm not sure what's there waiting for me. But no matter if it's heaven, hell, a new life, or just a plain white void; I will always be watching over you. Don't forget me, okay?

Forever and Always,

Sehun


Lu Han stood near the bar, sipping on his glass of red wine, as he gazed out to the reception with uninterested eyes. He glimpsed at his silver watch and cursed under his breath. Lu Han just wanted to get this night over with so he can return home, and thoroughly forget this ever happen. Plus, to finally rip off his god forsaken tux and throw it in the fire. The tuxedo would just bring him memories of this day, which he hopes to not remember, and it's making  him sweat like he's in a sauna. Lu Han watched as his newly wedded wife walked towards him, not in her traditional wedding gown, but now in a short length white dress. Which frilled at the edges and had sequins attached, which shimmered in the light. It looked slightly tacky, but it wasn't coming out of Lu Han's wallet, so he didn't say anything.

"Lu Han, come dance with me." Eun Kyung said with a gentle smile.

The man avoided her eyes and with a quick sip of the liquor, said, "I don't feel like it. Go dance with someone else."

Eun Kyung her teeth at Lu Han and yelled, "Who do you think you are?! This is my special day. Mine. And if I'm not mistaken, my father holds your raise in his hands. So, if you don't want to lose the position that you worked oh-so hard for, you're obligated to do whatever I say."

Lu Han cracked a mischievous smile, slightly amused to see the perfect princess breaking. "Well," Lu Han started to say as he sat his glass of wine down on the table, and stared at his wife with a grin. "I don't give two s and a flying about what your father is capable of. You should know that this, all of this," Lu Han gestured around him, symbolizing the whole wedding ceremony. "Is suppose to be with someone you honestly love. Someone you want to marry. Not an arranged one. It's odd that you even blatantly agreed to let your father force you in a marriage with someone you don't even know. And you act like everything is okay and normal, when it's totally far from it. Do you even know how love actually feels? Well, I'll give you a pointer," his lip morphed into a snarl. "I don't love you and I will never love you. Because of your of a father, I'm sorry that you'll never feel real affection."

Eun Kyung was speechless as her eyes held in angry tears. Her face was red and her fists were tightly against her side. "That's not true. Don't act as if you're the only one that knows the pain of not being with the one you love!"

Lu Han stared at the woman who refused to let tears fall and just said, "Go manipulate someone else."

Eun Kyung let out an exasperated shriek and stormed off, her heels clicking furiously at the marble floor. Lu Han sighed in annoyance and turned back to his alcohol beverage and gulped it down quickly. He then asked the bartender for something more stronger, and was delivered with two shots of vodka. Lu Han quickly took in the alcohol and his face grimaced at the bitterness. A wedding staff suddenly made his way up to Lu Han with a fairly large package in his hands, and tapped the groom on his shoulder.

Lu Han glanced over at the worker before taking a swing of his other vodka shot. "What's that?"

The staff replied, "It's apparently a present. I'm not sure who it's for though."

"Set it over there, somewhere. I'll deal with it later." Lu Han gestured lazily, his back still turned.

"It says its to 'Romeo'..." the staff trailed off as he examined the package.

Lu Han raised an eyebrow and looked at the man over his shoulder puzzlingly. "'Romeo'?" he repeated.

The staff nodded and scanned the package thoroughly and said, "From someone named 'Oh Sehun'?"

Immediately, Lu Han turned and stared wide eyed at the package. Sehun didn't make it to his wedding, and Lu Han found it quite odd how he just decided to deliver a present, instead of just showing up in person.

His stomach started to flip in anxiety and he looked at the staff in the eyes. "It's for me."


Because of the sudden showing of Sehun's present, Lu Han simply walked out of the reception hall, oblivious to his wife nagging and the threatening voice of her father. He just got in his car and drove off with the package in the passenger seat. When Lu Han thought he was at a fair distance, he parked a few meters away from a train crossing. That's how Lu Han ended up underneath a Weeping Willow tree, tearing the package open with his bare hands. When the item came into view, Lu Han couldn't help but chuckle.

"Romeo." he read the cursive writing out loud.

By the carvings of the box, it showed the contents that were inside of it. 'Paper? Why would he send me just paper?' Lu Han pondered in confusion as he gently flipped the lid over, exposing the items. He saw that the paper were carefully folded and neatly organized within the box. Lu Han picked a paper from the very top and unfolded it gingerly, when he noticed there was writing. 'Letters?' He laid back at the tree while loosening his tie, and started to read each letter slowly. Lu Han's heart started to pound when he got to the letters that were written after Lu Han's proposal to Sehun. He was baffled by the words grazing over the parchment paper, some short, and some quite long. Each imprinting on him with the same amount of force that he found himself biting his now swollen lip when he got to the section of letters acknowledging Sehun's jealousy for Eun Kyung. Rather than sympathy for him, anger flashed behind his eyes. If Sehun, actually felt that much resent of Eun Kyung and Lu Han's relationship, he would have decided to do something about it, wouldn't he?

Lu Han was generally still peeved as he read each letter, until there was only one still remaining. The letter wasn't the only thing left in the box, either. It was accompanied by a black fountain pen and blank paper, along with a small black ring case. Lu Han could recognize the case immediately and gathered it in his hands. He flipped it open and saw the gold band, still stainless as it was when Lu Han first bought it. It didn't look like it was even worn once. With a tight grip on the case in his right hand, Lu Han grabbed the final letter, and with a deep breath, unfolded the parchment. His eyes started to scan each word inked across the paper in an intent gaze.

Lu Han gasped audibly, his stomach suddenly feeling queasy. "Lupus...? Eleven years ago?" he muttered, his throat feeling abruptly tight. Lu Han remembered it was at that period when he started to ignore Sehun and replaced him with others. The fact that Sehun had a life-threatening news being delivered to him, while Lu Han was at party with his friends, made Lu Han feel deeply disgusted with himself. Memories of how sick Sehun looked leading up to his two week absence made him Lu Han truly sick. He didn't say anything nor did he really ask. Sehun was dealing with his disease by himself while Lu Han treated him as a no one.

There were aready tears welling up in his eyes as he read the third paragraph. "It makes sense now." he croaked, choking on his own falling tears. It was getting hard to see the letters because of the constant flood in his eyes, but he still carried on. Lu Han's hands started to shake as he read the final paragraph, and the streams of his tears became rivers. His body shook when he read the last words on the page. Sehun didn't show at his wedding. Which means.

"He's dead." Lu Han bluntly said to himself. A hysterical laughter filled with the eruptions of sobs burst out of Lu Han's mouth. "You idiot!" he whined. "Why didn't you tell me earlier!?" he screamed. Lu Han's body collapsed to the grass and bawled deeply into the Earth. Mumbled words and sharp screams was heard from Lu Han along with his fist pounding on the ground, to the point he probably sprained something. "You should have told me!" he yelled, digging his fingers into the dirt. Lu Han's heart did not even feel shattered. The pain just made it feel as if his heart disintegrated without a trace. Lu Han sat up straight, breathing heavily as tears still slipped on his cheeks. His lungs felt like it was on fire and his head pounded like a hammer. Lu Han slipped his dirt stained fingers through his now messy hair and whimpered.

'Would I ever lie to you?' those words Sehun would always say when he denied something, which Lu Han never truly answered, echoed in the man's head. "Yes, you would lie to me." Lu Han whispered, as if Sehun could hear him. Lu Han sniffed and wiped his eyes with his tuxedo sleeve. That didn't help a bit, because the tears continued to flow down without his content. Lu Han's eyes loomed over to the paper and pen still laying in the box. Without thinking, he grabbed the material and used the box as support. He started to write, not caring that tears were clouding his vision or that they would drip onto the paper now and then. Lu Han finally finished his own letter and sat it into the box with the others, before he heard the sudden blare of a horn from a train. He turned his head to the right and noticed a train slowly gathering up speed in the distance.

Hazily, Lu Han got on to his feet and stumbled forward, feeling the effects of the alcohol in his system. Careful to not trip over his feet, he made his way to the railroad; Lu Han looked back and saw the red and white gate slowly fall from behind him. He looked to his right again and saw the train was closer than it was before. With a breath he stepped onto the railroad. Lu Han tilted his head back to look at the sky and noticed the sun was setting way to the west. The clouds already started to disappear and the night was leaking into the blue sky. It was a beautiful scenery and Lu Han wondered if he ever actually looked at the world for this long. By now, the train was repeatedly blasting its horn, urgently wanting Lu Han to get out of the way. But, his mind was just rapidly showing all the memories between Sehun and himself. The way they would smile and laugh together. They were something other's would call as inseparable. Perfect for one another. Lu Han saw the memory when he pranked Sehun by putting peanut butter on everything he owned. Lu Han laughed lightly to himself as he remembered Sehun's irritated red face. The reminiscing of the olden days made a genuine smile appear on his lips. 

Lu Han stared at the incoming train heading for him, hearing the horns and the sounds of the wheels working at the tracks. He closed his eyes and a single tear rolled down his cheek. "Sehun." he breathed.

Somehow, Lu Han didn't even feel the impact of the train.


Dear Sehun,

I apologize for every type of hurt I caused you when we were younger. I apologize for making you think that I somehow stopped loving you. I never stopped. It was always there. All you had to do was search for it once again. I don't love Eun Kyung as much as I love you, matter of fact, I never loved her. You're not alive for me to tell you that it was just a scheme that my company tempted me into, just for a raise. It was entirely selfish of me. And because of that, I didn't spend the last minutes of your life with you whole-heartedly. If I could go back in time, I would stop this from ever happening. I don't know how it would be possible, but I would try to stop the Lupus from interfering with your life. Then we could have married one another and lived our lives together, like it was supposed to happen. I read your letters and I read how you wanted me to live on. Even though that was your dying wish, I don't know if I can.  Actually, I don't know if I want to. You were the only reason for everything, Sehun. My life's purpose. Without you it just feels like I'm going to be forever caught in a vicious storm. I can't think of the future without you. A life without the person I met and fell in love with since Sophomore year, is a life I don't want to live in. It's sort of funny how we have our own Romeo and Juliet story, right?  Star-crossed lovers. It's sad how fitting it is, but, I guess we can't choose our own destiny. Some birthday it's been for the both of us. Make sure you save me a seat wherever you are. I'll be meeting you soon.

Always and Forever,

Lu Han


Lu Han pronounced dead at 13:30 military time on the twentieth of April.

Assumed dead on impact of the train.

Cause: Presumed accidental, since alcohol was present in bloodstream.

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Comments

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TheLow95
#1
Chapter 3: This is such a masterpiece. Thank you for sharing.
OhJehunnie
#2
Chapter 3: thank you for this wonderful story
i was literally a crying mess during, and most especially after reading this.

it just keeps on tugging at my heartstrings and I can't control my emotions.
i hope you'll be inspire to do more stories that so just that. hopefully there'll be more hunhan :)
misskila #3
Heartbreaking. Somehow I could relate sehun's feeling with mine. Hmmm
arellaisapotato #4
Chapter 1: Okay so usually I don't cry when I read angst, sometimes I tear up, but with this fic, tears actually fell on my face. Your writing is beautiful, and this one shot is incredible, you have an amazing talent.
maudy21
#5
Chapter 1: U make me cry :"(
hunhansbae
#6
Chapter 1: WHY DID THEY DIE ON THEIR BIRTHDAYS IM CRYING THIS IS SO HEARTBREAKING
LUHAN IS A SEHUN IS A I HATE BOTH OF THEM WHYYYYYYYYYY
bbykhyun #7
Chapter 1: it's 5:20am, I have an exam in less than 4 hours and I'm sobbing what
hunphrodite
#8
Chapter 3: and now i'm such a crying mess thank you very much
yehethml #9
Chapter 3: OMG I cried so hard I had to put my phone down to calm myself down because I couldn't read because all of the tears... But this is really one of the best things I've ever read so I'm really thankful to you for creating this!!!
EXO12nat
#10
Chapter 3: It hurts me so much to that stories like that truely exist and people live it and i just want to cry forever because that's not fair... i feel sick right now, but i always feel sick after a good angst story haha. One of the best, thank you so much for that.