“I love you, giant. Thank you for everything…”

-10080

Chanyeol kept running as the tears kept falling down his face, mixing with the rain that came pouring from the sky. He ran as fast and as far as his legs would take him, not caring where he was going, before finally falling to his knees in the middle of a park. The thought of losing Baekhyun never left his mind and he would be continually haunted by the memories of making his husband sign the divorce papers and vanishing the very next second.

He was never able to move on.

The guilt of not being there for Baekhyun and prioritizing everything else over him and the regret of not spending more time with him plagued Chanyeol’s soul and replaced a once happy man with the miserable he is now. Months have passed and the feelings were as strong as ever, not allowing him to go to work without being punished with the pain of what his work had caused. It also caused a strain in his relationship with Kyungsoo, who he can’t even look at properly without thinking of the pain on Baekhyun’s face that fully enveloped his mind. After several minutes, Chanyeol got himself up from his kneeling position and took in his surroundings. Everything he saw reminded him of Baekhyun and he couldn’t help but cry and cry until his tears ran dry and he had no choice but to go “home”.

The next day came and it was the first time in a while that Chanyeol wasn’t haunted by nightmares of his memories. As he opened his eyes, he remembered that he had slept on the couch as he’d done a few times before, unable to sleep in the same bed with Kyungsoo without a wave of guilt and regret washing over him. As he sat up, he saw the time and realized that Kyungsoo had left for work. Moving over to the bedroom, he caught sight of Baekhyun’s book, ripped in half and thrown across the room. He picked it up, as tears started to fall down his cheeks, and re-read the author’s note, laughing at how he was doing exactly what he had told his husband not to do for so many years. It was then that Chanyeol realized that this isn’t a movie, this is real life, and he was able to end it how he wanted it to end, the way they wanted it to end.

Rummaging through his closet, he washed up and got changed, and before he left his apartment for the last time, he turned off his phone and left it on the kitchen counter along with a note for Kyungsoo and his engagement ring to him. He took in the apartment that caused all of this to happen one last time before slipping on the wedding ring that belonged to him and Baekhyun, nodding to himself and grabbing his jacket. He closed the door and left the city.

“Have the divorce papers been finalized yet?”

“No, Mr. Park, they haven’t. There has been debate on whether or not to continue with the file since your husband has passed away.”

“Can you just call it off then? That will make it easier right?”

“Yes, sir, but are you sure this what you want?”

“Yes I’m sure. And I would like to continue to keep our home. I will pay all the bills.”

Chanyeol arrived at his and Baekhyun’s old estate late in the afternoon, and inhaled before heading inside. The interior was largely unchanged from the last time he was there, but a noticeable silence and somber mood engulfed the entire house. Not even the sun’s rays through the windows on the pastel blue walls of the living room could brighten it back up. There was one other difference in the house. Someone had set up a shrine to honor Baekhyun in the living room and catching sight of one of the photos on the shrine caused Chanyeol’s eyes to fill with tears as he tried to fight off the thought of crying in front of his husband with every fiber of his being, but to no avail. Tears continued to stream down his face as he picked up the photo of him and Baekhyun during their wedding. Both men smiling happily, fully and honestly in their matching white suits in front of a beautiful fountain with Baekhyun wrapped in Chanyeol’s arms. Chanyeol was never able to smile properly ever since the day he left Baekhyun for the last time; most of his smiles being fake and forced out of acting like everything was just fine.

As he continued to explore his old home, he realized that everything was tidied up, and it looked like it had been done very recently. Upon reaching his and Baekhyun’s old room, another wave of memories and emotions had consumed him and he fell to his knees beside their old bed. The thoughts of going to bed with his husband in his arms and waking up the same way. The guilt of making Baekhyun go to bed alone, while he messed around with Kyungsoo in the city stabbed him in the chest as the tears continued to fall while he muttered apology after apology to Baekhyun for not being the husband that he should’ve been.

Turning to the closet, he saw that his clothes that he left behind were still there, washed and neatly folded after he had wore them that week. He picked out an outfit and got changed before heading back downstairs towards the shrine. He cupped Baekhyun’s urn with his hands and let out a sob, a few stray tears rolling down the side of his face.

“How do I look Baek? I still remember this was your favorite outfit of mine. It still is right?”

Some time passed as Chanyeol kept talking to Baekhyun, reliving memories of their time together while apologizing for not being a good husband. He had decided to take Baekhyun on a walk to the tree where Baekhyun had Chanyeol carve out the message that week. Bringing a pocketknife and Baekhyun’s phone with him, he began his walk. The air of the countryside left bittersweet memories and Chanyeol had to resist letting tears fall, remembering all the times they had shared and thinking about all the times they could have shared, had he not taken the job in the city. A few moments pass as he continued to look around the neighborhood, remembering why they had moved there in the first place and Baekhyun’s reaction to it.

“I love it, Yeol…”

“Then let’s get it.”

“But it’s an hour away from your work.”

“If you love it then I don’t mind the commute. It’s only sixty minutes to and then sixty minutes back. It’s not an impossible feat to commute back and forth.”

Chanyeol scoffed, thinking at how stupid he was for thinking it wasn’t impossible. But he remembered that he had done it because Baekhyun loved it. Baekhyun, his husband, his everything, loved it and that was all that mattered. He blamed himself for not keeping his promise and for making the possible impossible.

He arrived at the path that they had gone to and made his way up to the tree that he had carved into at Baekhyun’s request. He gave Baekhyun’s urn a kiss before pulling out his husband’s phone and deciphering the message that he had carved months ago. Uncontrollable crying at the deciphered message followed Chanyeol’s muffled sobs and whispers for forgiveness soon filled the air. By the time Chanyeol had calmed down, the sun began to set. He grabbed the pocketknife and carefully set Baekhyun’s urn down, before using Baekhyun’s phone as a translator and carving out his own message in binary, right under the first message. He finished the carving with their initials and left for home with Baekhyun’s urn in his arms.

“01010011 01101111 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01001001

P.C. & P.B.”*

Chanyeol slept rather well that night. His emotions drained him of all his energy as he fell onto his and Baekhyun’s shared bed. He stayed on his side of the bed while pulling Baekhyun’s pillow into his embrace. Baekhyun’s scent still lingered in the pillow and the blanket, making Chanyeol sigh in content before closing his eyes.

That night, he wasn’t haunted by nightmares, but was greeted by Baekhyun who gave him a genuine smile and a hug in return, burying his head in Chanyeol’s collarbone before looking up and pecking his lips.

“I’ll always love you, giant. Even when I’m gone…”

“There’s food in the kitchen. Please help clean up afterwards.”

“Luna, wait!”

Chanyeol spent the rest of the morning eating breakfast with Baekhyun before cleaning up. He told his husband that he was never going to leave him again and would be the husband that he should’ve been from the start. He was going to be the Chanyeol that Baekhyun fell in love with again and would ask for Baekhyun’s forgiveness until he finally got it.

It was early afternoon when Chanyeol had decided he was going to treat Baekhyun to a meal from a restaurant that Chanyeol had discovered and always wanted to take him to when he first moved into the city. He had taken a bus back to the city, with a picture of Baekhyun framed in his bag as well as their framed wedding photo with it. The ride back to the city was long thanks to traffic and it was late in the afternoon when they had arrived. Chanyeol decided that he would go shopping for the two of them as they waited for their reservation at the restaurant.

Walking down the city streets, he looked down at his finger where his wedding ring sat and closed his eyes as he remembered the day of their wedding and how happy they were to be together as a married couple under the rays of the sun as they exchanged their vows. Chanyeol felt a trickle of wetness on his face as he opened his eyes, unsure of whether or not they were his tears or the rain that began to come down. He looked back down at his ring before muttering another apology to his husband and asking him for forgiveness before shutting his eyes, suppressing the tears from coming out. He was too busy in his apology to realize he was in the middle of crossing the train tracks when the crossing arm was already down. A bright light, a loud whistle and screams from pedestrians around him brought him back to reality, but it was too late. As Chanyeol looked up towards the bright light headed his way, he saw Baekhyun in the light, as he was when they had gotten married, with a smile on his face and his arms outstretched. He noticed Baekhyun mouthing something to him and when he realized what his husband was telling him, he knew that he was given a second chance for a new beginning. A new beginning where he could go back to spending the days with the one person he loved, the one he never stopped loving and the one he’ll always love.

“I love you, Baekhyun.”

“Good morning, giant.”

“Is this real, Baek?”

“It’s as real as you want it to be.”

Taking in his surroundings, Chanyeol cupped Baekhyun’s cheeks and gave him another sweet kiss, his smile never leaving his face.

This, Chanyeol thought, was real, and that’s all that mattered.

“I’m home, Baek. I’m finally back where I belong.”

“Welcome home, Yeol...

Yes…home.”

* The binary Chanyeol carves translates to:

"So am I
P.C. & P.B."

Please read the Author's Note before asking any questions about the last scene. I have explained it there.