’m sorry Chanyeol,” Baekhyun sobbed, tears rushing down his cheeks, “I’m so sorry.”

Baekhyun felt lost. His eyes never left the gash on Chanyeol’s arm that was leaking red. He can’t believe he was the one to inflict that wound…to stain his angel with the soil of blood. Baekhyun knew that he had lost himself as soon as Chanyeol returned to his side and held him in that familiar embrace. Almost, he had almost convinced himself to leave with Chanyeol, to turn and never look back.

He had fallen deep within Chanyeol’s words and promise. Smile again. Chanyeol could teach him to smile again. But in the end, Baekhyun could not find the strength within himself to betray his emperor. He owed his kingdom too much.

Baekhyun continued to sob. He was never truly heartless, he had simply hidden his heart away, pretended that it didn’t exist. But in the instant Chanyeol’s arms wrapped around him, the disguise he had wrapped his heart and soul within faded. Love had revived his humanity. But at this moment he wanted to go away, to die forever, so that he would not have to bear the pain of being ripped apart any longer.

“Baekhyun…it’s alright, it doesn’t hurt…”

The way Chanyeol even now tried to comfort him broke Baekhyun even further. How could he hurt the man that loved him so? Why was he so bloody sinful?

His fingers drifted towards Chanyeol. Baekhyun wanted desperately to touch the male in front of him, to stop the blood of the wound he had inflicted…to kiss the lips of the man who he had missed. But he forced his hand back. He could not. He had to restrain himself.

His lip quivered, his voice trembled lightly as tears continued to fall from his eyes, “I didn’t mean to, Chanyeol, if you had released me…”

But that was a lie, because Baekhyun had meant to. He had actually meant to kill Chanyeol instead of slashing the man’s arm but had found himself unable to. If he had been braver, Chanyeol would not be alive.

“It’s alright, Baekhyun, I’ll heal if you are by my side.”

Baekhyun shook his head. Chanyeol’s every word cut into him like knives. He could not stay by Chanyeol’s side. Even now they stood in the middle of a battleground that served as ultimate proof of their conditions. They were leaders in a war that would commence regardless of anything else and they were enemies.

The battlefield had no room for love.

Baekhyun backed away slightly, trying to put distance between the man that pulled at his heart in a magnetizing manner. He feared that if he stayed any longer, he would be unable to leave.

Chanyeol made an attempt to reach for him with his uninjured arm but then stopped. Despair filled his eyes. Chanyeol had given up and that, for some reason, hurt Baekhyun most. This was the end to them…Chanyeol had stopped trying.

The one man who had ever cared for him had ceased to hope.

“Chanyeol…I…” But there were no words Baekhyun could say to mend the distance he had created between them.

Chanyeol shook his head and Baekhyun stopped, perhaps it was better to say nothing at all. After all, it seemed as though everything he did only ended up hurting his love. Baekhyun thought back to the words of the Seer. He didn’t deserve Chanyeol’s love…he should leave before he hurt the man even further.

Baekhyun turned, desperate to get away, but before he could take even a step away, Chanyeol’s voice froze him in his spot.

“Baekhyun.”

The way Chanyeol said his name scarred his already broken heart. Only Chanyeol could break him so completely. No sword could reach Baekhyun’s interior, no weapon could harm him; but Chanyeol’s words, his words could annihilate Baekhyun entirely.

Baekhyun turned.

Chanyeol approached him and wrapped his arms around Baekhyun’s neck. Baekhyun did not understand until he felt cold against his chest. The necklace.

Automatically his hand went to the carved agate. Baekhyun felt trapped by it, bound by the love that tied him and Chanyeol together, at the same time he felt freed by it, released from the chains that he had once locked his heart inside. This agate, this necklace that he had once refused and left behind, was once again with him.

“Tomorrow,” Chanyeol whispered, “we will meet on this field no longer as lovers but as enemies.” His words were strained with weary tones and bitter sorrows, “But Baekhyun, this necklace is proof of my eternal love for you. No matter what you may do to me, no matter how many times you destroy me, no matter how many times I must be betrayed by you, my love for you still stands, as permanent as the agate on this necklace.”

Chanyeol paused before pressing his lips to Baekhyun’s own. It was a brief kiss, lasting only long enough to remind Baekhyun of the magnitude of his loss. Never again would he taste the sweet and freedom in Chanyeol’s soft kisses.

“Let it protect you so that tomorrow it will be I who dies instead of you.”

Chanyeol turned then and walked away from Baekhyun, leaving the Shanxue general shaking in the broken dawn. The agate burned harshly against Baekhyun's skin. The tears once again started to fall from his eyes. Chanyeol’s love for him was so selfless – Chanyeol would rather himself die than Baekhyun, Chanyeol was giving permission for Baekhyun to take his life – and that made Baekhyun die a little more inside.

His courage would never match Chanyeol’s, his love would never be as strong; he would never be as good as his lover that now disappeared completely from sight, lost in the chaos of battle. Perhaps that was the true reason Chanyeol wielded the Bow of Courage – not because of his strength but rather because of his heart.

Chanyeol saw in the universe what others were incapable of seeing. Chanyeol found in human nature what others would never discover. Life, love, humanity…Chanyeol had mastered it all.

That was Chanyeol’s courage and Baekhyun wept as he realized that his courage, when compared to Chanyeol’s, was nothing but a mask for his cowardliness. Baekhyun never was brave; always, he was always reliant on external sources of strength. During his time in Chunyu it was Chanyeol, during his time in Shanxue it was his sword, and right now, it was the agate that hung around his neck.

At this moment, the necklace was the only thing left of the love he had once had. That and broken memories.

For a while longer, Baekhyun allowed himself to stand frozen to the spot where Chanyeol had left him. In those long seconds he thought only of Chanyeol; his smile, his laughter, his voice, the way his eyes would sparkle. He knew then that no matter how hard he was willing to try, he would never be able to erase Chanyeol from his mind.

Baekhyun also knew that he would never be able to forget sight of blood dripping down Chanyeol’s arm…blood that had been spilt by him.

Thirty long minutes, Baekhyun stood, blind and deaf to all else around him. But at the end of those thirty minutes, Baekhyun forced himself to move. Walk, Baekhyun told himself, move.

In the end, despite all else, he was still Shanxue’s general, still Emperor Kris’ warrior, still his people’s hero. Despite all else, Baekhyun still had loyalty to uphold. Unlike Chanyeol, Baekhyun didn’t have the strength to betray his kingdom.

Tomorrow, tomorrow he would return and at that time, he will not hesitate to take Chanyeol’s life. Even if it meant killing his own self and destroying his soul completely, Baekhyun would kill Park Chanyeol, because that was his sworn duty.

Perhaps fate was unfair, perhaps the heavens were cruel, perhaps the gods themselves were evil; but regardless of why their story had unraveled as it did, Baekhyun would walk it to the end. That was his form of bravery. Chanyeol could betray for love, Baekhyun could kill for his lord. In the end, they were not so different.

He hoisted himself back onto his silver mare and called to his soldiers. Today they would retreat; both sides had suffered heavy casualties, but they would be back tomorrow and tomorrow, all would come to an end.

“Back to camp!”

His soldiers followed after him as he whipped his stead, riding away into the distance at a terrifying speed. Baekhyun let the wild wind bite at his face, allowing it to dry his tears. The agate hit repeatedly against his chest as the horse galloped towards its destination.

Chanyeol, his heart whispered, I love you, too.

That night Baekhyun entered into Yixing’s tent. The man looked at the tired, red eyed man curiously before retrieving a chair for the general to sit on. Baekhyun gave Yixing an appreciative look as he sat.

“Why are you here, general?”

“I’m tired Yixing.”

Baekhyun remembered what Yixing had said earlier that morning. He spoke as Yixing was in the middle of pouring him a cup of water, causing the man to stop.

“Does confiding in someone really lessen the pain?”

Yixing looked back towards him, surprised. “I, myself, do believe that.”

“Can I ask you a question, Yixing?”

The musician nodded, slightly unnerved by the polite attitude of the normally stringent general.

“What do you live for?”

Baekhyun watched as the musician pondered the question for a moment. Yixing looked first at the guzheng that sat on a stand within the tent before returning his gaze back to the general, a serene look now painted on his face.

“I live for music, sir.”

Baekhyun nodded, he had suspected as much. There was undeniable love and joy that poured out of Yixing’s face whenever his fingers strummed those delicate guzheng strings.

“If one day, you were asked to make a choice between your kingdom and music, what would you chose?”

Yixing’s response was instantaneous and without hesitation, “Why, I would chose music of course. I will always chose music.”

Baekhyun cocked up an eyebrow. He didn’t understand how Yixing could be so convicted of something; how the man was able to so easily choose between his love and his country. Baekhyun himself could not make that choice.

“And why is that?”

Yixing finished pouring the cup of water and handed it to the general before taking a seat in front of Baekhyun. His words were measured and chosen carefully as though he was worried that he would express his feelings as less than they were actually worth, “It’s simple, sir. What matter is my country if what I live for is music? Music will always exist even if my country is destroy…but if music is destroyed, that would mean the end of my entire world. How can I go on living in a world without music? I would rather die first.”

“But is your country not also important?”

“It is, of course it is. But no matter how important it is, it will never garner to same value as the strings of any guzheng, the keys of any flute, the skin of any drum. Within each of us, there is something we treasure above all else; it is only a matter of identifying it. Once we fight that object we are willing to die for, it is then that we become truly brave.”

Baekhyun sighed, slightly jealous of Yixing’s ability to love and sacrifice so easily. If only he could do the same. “Perhaps, Yixing, perhaps, but unlike you I cannot abandon my kingdom and emperor so easily.”

Yixing nodded as he rose and retrieved his guzheng from the stand. He placed it in his lap tenderly as he sat back down. His voice was soft when he spoke, “Perhaps, general, perhaps you are right. Not everyone in the world can have the freedom to abandon all else in the pursuit of the one thing they’d willingly die for. If everyone did, the world would fall into chaos. Some people must sacrifice their own happiness in order to protect the happiness of others – perhaps you are one of those people.” He paused as he set his fingers on the guzheng strings, “But you are tired so let’s talk no more of this. Shall I play for you instead?”