Mine

Description

You can run, but you can't hide. We're meant to be together. You're mine. Forever and ever.

Foreword

~Mine~

"Found you."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A/N: Uhhh... I have nothing to say about this fic ._. I know I can be crazy sometimes, I can't deny that. I'm not on my computer right now, so this should be up by tonight, if not tomorrow. Just... forgive me for everything, y'all. XD I'm starting to go insane since school is about to start sjejhfjeifjri

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Comments

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TakeshimaTaki-desu #1
Chapter 1: this is soooo goood!! very much well written!! ugh!! and this is N.A.P!!! is it strange to feel with a psycho C.A.P??? you're good!! please please.... write more of this! i will be looking forward. :))
minhnn2000 #2
uwa. Congrats author-nim, well writen. This was really thrilling.
Can i translate this into Vietnamese plzz?
neon_fighter #3
Congrats! This was really thrilling.
missyupina #4
Chapter 1: god, this was well written! I really liked it! c:
ilovenielie #5
Chapter 1: Holy crap this was so thrilling to read, can I ask for a sequel? Damn! :)
turntop-bigtop #6
Chapter 1: Congratulations on your first NAP fic! :D While it does need a bit of a touch-up, I think this is already pretty good for your first try at a thriller! XD

There's something that comes into mind though (This is just what I've experienced from reading thrillers and tips I saw online >.<), thrillers depend on a sense of urgency, something that keeps the heart pumping wildly. I noticed that a lot of your sentences are a bit long and that can drag down the adrenaline a little. This is fine in the beginning, but once it gets exciting, I suggest sticking to shorter and simpler sentences to get the blood pumping! :D

Also, word choices play an important role in any story. Your choice of words are pretty good, but some of them can be a bit repetitive, such as 'panic'. In some places, they can be replaced with words such as 'dread', 'desperation', and even 'horror'. Some words create more of an impact than others, so keep that in mind as well.

Sorry if I seem nitpicky ^^" But I hope this can be useful one way or another.
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