TRIGGER WARNING: mention of selfharm

Taemin laid on top of the covers of his bed, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about how the day have been. He had fought the urge to cut back in the corridor but as soon as they got back to the dorm he didn't even try to fight it. When he had closed the door to his room and was all alone he had given in to the sharp object as all his thoughts attacked at once. 

His brain bought it up slowly. Starting off with how his hyungs now hate him, how he was almost caught by Minho, to doubting his relationship with Jongin and lastly to how he had lied to Jongin. The lies almost felt like the worst thing of all the above. So he simply gave in and accepted the pain that took away his thoughts but this time on his stomach as he didn't want to go through the same troubles as today with his clothes and almost being found out. 

Taemin looked back on how his life had changed so much. A month ago he swore he was the happiest person on earth but now he can't even feel a bit of happiness, not even when thinking about Jongin because all that came up in his brain was how he had lied and how all those things happened because of their relationship but he soon dismissed those thoughts since he didn't regret loving Jongin.

Taemin closed his eyes for a bit and told himself he wouldn't sleep even though it was past midnight. It was all to much to take in on how everything has changed. The gap between him and his hyungs had become too large to even try to fix anymore. He missed those times when they all would buy pizza and watch a movie together and later just mess around until it was time to sleep, or how he wouldn't have been afraid to talk to them about anything.

Taemin chuckled bitterly to himself when he realized he may never experience that again. A tear unconsciously rolled down his cheek and a weak sob left his lips. Why does it have to be so hard? Can't he just be accepted as he is? Taemin rolled over to his side and tried to breath normally. As his breathing returned to normal he started slipping into sleep and before he knew it, it was a new day and for him a new day meant a new hell.

He had already told Jongin before that he's free this day and could meet up with him later on but... Is it wrong that he doesn't want to meet him now? Don't get Taemin wrong, it's not that he wants to distance himself from Jongin, but it's more like he wanted to stay in bed all day, never get up again and never see anyone. He's also a bit ashamed of how he's lied about the situation. 

Taemin stayed in his room until it was time to go. His hyungs were in the dorm when he went out of his room but when he walked past they would only glance at him and return to what they were doing. Taemin sighed and went out to get his car since he fe
T energy drained and barely had the energy to get out of bed let alone walk all the way to EXO's dorm where they had decided to be. As Taemin drove he started getting bad thoughts again and thought that maybe breaking up with Jongin would solve his problems. He loves Jongin dearly but his life is a hell at the moment and he just wants everything to get back to normal.

But all those thoughts disappeared when He arrived and Jongin opened the door and greeted him with a hug and a kiss. It felt safe in Jongin's arms but they had to let go so Taemin could get inside.

"You have no idea how much I missed you, baby", Jongin said as he watched Taemin take off his shoes and jacket. He's not blind to not notice the empty look Taemin has in his eyes or how he's became thinner but Jongin kept quiet and hoped Taemin would tell him what's wrong.

"But you saw me yesterday. It hasn't been so long so long since then, how will you survive when we get full schedules again?" Taemin said and stole a peck from Jongin before he went to the living room, only to find it empty. "Where is everyone?"

"They went out. I decided to stay home to be with you today. Besides, the whole dorm is for us only", Jongin said and winked. Taemin only rolled his eyes and sat on the couch.

"Wanna watch a movie?" He asked as he eyed the movie folders on the shelf above the TV. He saw some new popular movies and thought he could give it a try and see why they're so popular.

"Sure, I can make some popcorn. Chose a good movie!" Jongin said as he skipped into the kitchen. Taemin chuckled a bit and went over to the movie shelf to grab some movies and choose from. He read on the backside for each one but didn't know which one he should pick so he just picked out one randomly. By the time Taemin had the movie playing, Jongin came with the popcorn in a bowl.

"Which one did you pick?" Jongin asked with a mouth full of popcorn. Taemin couldn't help but laugh lightly from the way Jongin looked with cheeks full of popcorn. 

"First of all, don't talk with food in your mouth. Second of all... I didn't know which to pick so I chose one randomly and didn't pay attention to the title." Jongin gave Taemin a look when he said he didn't read the title. "It'll be more interesting this way!" Taemin defended himself before Jongin could speak. Jongin chuckled a bit and shoved some popcorn in Taemin's mouth.

"Alright, but if it's boring then we'll do something I want", Jongin said in a seductive tone. Taemin knew exactly what he meant but honestly he didn't feel up to it, what he really felt up to was being in Jongin's protective arms and forget the world and its problems. And that's exactly what he did; he took the bowl from Jongin and placed it at the table in front of them, and cuddled himself into Jongin's chest. Jongin put his arms around Taemin's thin figure and just to be annoying he said "but my popcorn..." Taemin hit him lightly on the arm and shoved a hand full of popcorn in Jongin's mouth.

"Don't destroy the moment, idiot", Taemin mumbled to himself and Jongin chuckled at his cute reaction. He kissed Taemin's cheek as an apology and Taemin smiled to himself at the gesture.

Their attention soon went back to the movie playing. The scene started getting hotter between the male and female lead and Taemin started feeling a bit awkward, especially since Jongin's hand started traveling under the back of his shirt. Taemin wanted to push his hand away but before he could, Jongin tilted his head up to kiss him. At first it was slow but it started getting more intimate after a while. Jongin shifted them so Taemin was laying under him and didn't break the kiss. Taemin didn't feel comfortable and wanted to push him off but he felt too weak to do so. 

Taemin's mind became cloudy and didn't comprehend what's happening at that moment. Before he even knew it Jongin's hand had traveled up his stomach but stopped once he felt something weird under the shirt. He broke the kiss and raised himself slightly so he could lift Taemin's shirt a bit to see what that was. Taemin didn't have time to react to what got Jongin's attention until it was too late.

"What the hell is this, Lee Taemin?!" Jongin exclaimed horrified as he saw the bloody scars covering Taemin's stomach and looked at Taemin who had an equally as horrified look. 

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I am so so so so sooooo sorry for taking a whole five months to update this short chapter when I said I would try to update every month! I know I'm a crappy author and I have no excuse except that I've had an authors block and I lost inspiration and had some issues with some people but this week that I've spent writing most of this chapter I've realised that it's pretty fun to write and I'll try to write more since it's summer break. Once again I'm really sorry and I want to thank everyone who put up with me until now. On another note, I edited chapter 9 a bit(the chapter with Himchan kissing Taemin). I took away Himchan and replaced him with Heechul since it sounded more real then and I think I had a b.a.p period when I wrote that chapter .-. I also put a trigger warning in this chapter and in chapter 17 in case of sensitive readers :) Anyway see you in next update! Comment and tell me what you think! ^^