O c t o b e r   2 7,   2 0 1 3

 

 

 

 

There comes a subtle knock on my door. I thought it was my mom.

Baekhyun once told me that there is no such thing as inequality. People experience different levels of hardships and it only depends on the impact it brings to a person.

I disagree.

No matter how I stop myself from regretting, I always end up remembering.

 

 

 

 

 

October 7, 2013

 

“I’ll miss you.” I said as I hug Baekhyun tightly. I feel his arms also wrap my body.

Baekhyun needs to go to Canada for a couple of weeks. Experts found a way to make it painless when he speaks. A series of tests will be conducted. None of it is purely 100% effective because Baekhyun’s cancer was one of the rarest. But upon hearing the news, he grabbed it without hesitation. And my support was all out.

I’ll be fine. Baekhyun gestures.

“I know. I’ll just miss you so bad.”

I’ll miss you too.

“Promise, you’ll be back before October 27.”

I promise.

Promises are made to be broken.

 

 

October 9, 2013

 

I was really excited. I wake up really early, today is a special day.

I hear a knock on the door. Finally.

“Good day sir, package for Park Chanyeol.”

“I’m Chanyeol. Where do I sign?”

The delivery guy points at the bottom of the page and I hurriedly write the needed information.

I clutch the package close to my heart. My heart beats loudly, I fail to hide the wide grin on my face.

Slowly, I unwrap it and the most perfect thing welcomed me.

A Tiffany box from Europe came.

Two pieces of white gold molded into fine round jewelry. It has the initials, PC and PB and both dated, 27^th of October.

“Finally. Our wedding bands.”

 

 

 

 

 

October 12, 2013

“Jongdae, I really need your help on this. Please”

“ 5 minutes, Park. That’s the best I can give you.”

“You’re the best.”

 

For months, I’ve been begging my high school buddy, Jongdae, who works at Lotte World for him to stop the Ferris Wheel for a couple of minutes so I can propose to Baekhyun.

 

After days of constant bribing and begging, Jongdae agreed. I know his job is at stake so I’m really thankful he agreed.

“You really are in love, Chanyeol.”

“More than in love.”

 

 

 

 

 

October 15, 2013

I arrive at Baekhyun’s house. His mother greets me. When Kyungsoo and Jongin sees me, they were confused. I am prepared—in suit and tie with flowers and food.

 

“What’s with the attire, Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo points his fingers from my shoes to my head.

“You getting married?” Jongin snorts.

 

Everyone got the idea.

“I’m here to ask for your blessing.” I bow to Baekhyun’s mom. Kyungsoo gasps for air.

I felt soft hands tap my shoulder.

I look up and saw Baekhyun’s mom in tears. “I am more than happy to have you as my son in law.”

A gentle smile emerges from my face.

“Baekhyun will be very happy to be with you.” Then she hugs me.

Jongin and Kyungsoo joins, too.

“A family.” I hear Jongin’s voice.

 

 

October 17, 2013

 

“So, have you memorized your lines?” I ask Kyungsoo.

“Of course. I’m good at this.”

“Jongin, are you sure, you won’t spill anything to Baekyun?”

“I’m an expert in keeping my mouth shut.” Jongin smirks at me and there is something hidden in those.

“Okay, what’s happening? There’s something going on!” I raise my hands in defeat.

Ever since I announced that I will ask Baekhyun to marry me, Jongin and Kyungsoo always had this little conversation all to themselves. Or they will gesture something I can’t understand. Sometimes, I see them looking at each other as if communicating with their minds.

“Nothing.” Kyungsoo says rather quickly.

“What are you hiding from me?” I ask Kyungsoo.

“Seriously, Chanyeol. We’re not hiding anything.” Jongin answers as he looks straight into my eyes

“You sure? You did’nt tell Baekhyun anything?” I ask again.

“I’m sure. I’m really good at keeping secrets. Trust me, you’ll be surprised.” And then, there’s that smirk again.

I was about to ask again when I hear my phone ring. I saw that I had a few text messages from Baekhyun.

 

 

 

From: Baekhyun

 

I missed you. See you in a few days!

 

 

 

From: Baekhyun

 

Have a surprise when I come back.

 

 

 

To: Baekhyun

 

Not a surprise anymore.  You just told me.

 

 

 

From: Baekhyun

 

Though I gave you a heads up to prepare your heart.

 

 

 

To: Baekhyun

 

How big is that surprise that I need to prepare my heart? Will I die?

 

 

 

From: Baekhyun

 

You might! ;)

 

 

 

To:  Baekhyun

 

I love you!

 

 

 

From: Baekhyun

 

I know. I missed you so much! See you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October  21, 2013

 

“Chanyeol, don’t be nervous.” Jongin pats my back.

 

“What if he refuses?”

 

There are so many things in my mind. Like, Baekhyun never told me me he loves me, too, but Jongin assured me that Baekhyun isn’t that kind of guy. He was more of the action-speaks-louder-than words type of guy, but I really can’t shake my feeling over this.

“He won’t refuse. Trust me.” Jongin’s voice was firm and steady and promises stability and assurance.

“Okay.”

 

Jongin was about to go out when I stopped him,

"Jongin." I said softly, "Take care later."

JOngin's smile was the widest I've seen.

"Yes."

 

Before completely going out of my room, I heard him utter,

"I'll buy the best damn ring!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October 25, 2013

Today is Baekhyun’s flight back home. I’m really nervous. I can’t hide my excitement because everything was planned out nicely for tomorrow. Jongin and Kyungsoo will be asking Baekhyun to accompany them to Lotte World.

Everything was planned out carefully. Tickets were reserved. Line arrangements in the Ferris Wheel are planned out.

The rings are safely kept.

My guitar just got a new set of strings and I finished writing it my vow to him.

Baekhyun just boarded the plane.

He leaves a text message confirming his flight.

 

 

 

From Baekhyun:

 

Flight details: KE27

 

Date of Arrival: October 26, 2013

 

Time of Arrival: 21:25

 

 

 

From Baekhyun:

 

See you tomorrow, Yeol. Boarding now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October 26, 2013

 

It’s 4 in the morning and my mind still works fast as it replays the scenario that I hope will take place tomorrow. The proposal will be the best. I know it. I feel it. And I’m sure Baekhyun will be happy. I watched a couple of shows to make my mind think of other things.

Soon, my eyes betray me as I fall into slumber.

I wake up with my phone ringing, the television still on, and a loud knock on my door. I stand up, annoyed at how the person bangs the door in my apartment.

 “I’m coming!” I try to shout but the banging won’t stop.

 

 “What do you ne-”

What greeted me was a broken Kyungsoo. Eyes all red, hair messed up, and body perspiring.

 

“W-what happened?” I ask. “Did you and Jongin… Did he break up with you?”

Kyungsoo keeps on sobbing.

 

“Ch-ch-aanyeol” I hear his voice shaking. I hug him tightly. This is the first time I see Kyungsoo this broken. It cannot compare to the time he cried because of Jongin.

I lead him to the living room, the television is still on but haven’t had the time to turn it off. Kyungsoo sits on the couch, I go to the kitchen to get some water. As I return to the living room, a breaking news suddenly plays. Kyunsoo looks up and horror emits from his face.

 

The reporter’s words are clear and firm.

 

“As of 2:15pm, no survivors were found near the crash site of flight KE27. It was reported that the plane…..”

 

 “No… no… no… ”

 

Kyungsoo looks at me and his cries got louder.

 

“No.”

 

 “Chanyeol.”

 

 “No, no, no.”

 

“Chanyeol.”

 

 “Wait here, Kyungie. I’ll just check Baek’s flight.”

 

“Chanyeol, please.”

 

 “I need to get ready, he’ll be arriving in a few hours. You should, too.”

 

“Please, Chanyeol.”

 

 “Kyungsoo. Just… he has a different flight. Maybe he reported it wrong.”

 

“Chanyeol.”

 

 “I’ll see Baekhyun later. I’ll propose to him tomorrow. We will get married October 27, 2014.”

 

 “I’m so sorry, Chanyeol.”

 

 “We’ll get marri…”

 

 Tears start to fall and this time, only this time, I questioned my life.

 

 “Why me? Why him? Why us?” Kyungsoo walks towards me. “We will get married, Kyungsoo. He’ll have the best proposal because he ing deserves it. Kyungsoo, we will get married. We will have a lifetime together. We will…”

 

               

 

 

 

October 27, 2013

 

Shattered.

My heart won’t process anything. Today, October 27, 2013, is the day I’m going to propose to Baekhyun.

I wasn’t dreaming.

I hope it was just a dream.

 

 

 

A soft knock woke me from my trance.

I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t mind the knocking, but it has gotten louder. And it won’t stop. Anger flares in my body and I rise up from bed and go to the door.

“WHAT?” I shouted.

The man, who was taller than me, does not look stunned from my outburst. He just stands there carrying a box.

“This is for you.”

“I don’t have time for that .” I close my door, but I felt my arm being grabbed.

“Are you Park Chanyeol?”

“What do you need?” I try hard to remove his grip but he wouldn’t budge.

“Are you Park Chanyeol?” He repeats.

“Yes. Yes I am. What the do you need?”

He then gives me the box he carries in his other hand.

“What’s this? I don’t have ing time for this.” I throw the box away. As it clashes on the ground, it reveals what it contains. I look at the scattered things and a small piece of silver catches my attention.

The tab. The ing Coca-cola tab. Our ing tab.

My whole face changes. My knees cannot contain the emotion rising from me as I suddenly slump on the ground, I did not realize I start to cry until the man hands me a handkerchief.

“You might want to get those and start your day or you’ll miss what he had prepared.” I look at him, tears continue to fall.

 

“W..w..hat are these?”

“You have to find out for yourself. I’m waiting. But be quick.”

The man leaves me to process what has been given me.

I gently touch the silver piece of thin metal while clutching the tab in my heart. I hold it close to my heart as the tears fall.

Other things are inside the box. I notice pieces of papers along with it.

I gather all that was on the ground.

 

The first paper I got was dated:

October 27, 2008

“The day I fell in love with Chanyeol.”

 

 

Another one,

 

 

October 27, 2010

“The day Chanyeol said he loved me.”

 

 

 

October 27, 2012

“The day I gave Chanyeol my all.”

 

 

After reading all the papers, I notice the pieces should be combined together. And when formed, the bold letters stand out. It reads:

 

October 27, 2013

 

The day I want Chanyeol to be happy.

 

 I process the words. It was Baekhyun’s handwriting. It had taken a lot of time for me to calm my heart.

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you done?” I hear the man’s voice.

 

“I’m Kris and we have to be someplace. Now!”

 

A limousine waits in front of the apartment.

 

Kris opens the door for me. It’s awkward. “I’m just following last wi..uhm, orders,” And proceeds to the other side.

 

Once settled in, “Park Chanyeol.” I hear him utter my name, I look up at him, “You ready?”

 

I don’t know what’s going on but I feel my heart Baekhyun was all behind this. I softly mumble a “yes” before the guy starts the engine and let the car speed into the road.

 

 

 

A few minutes of silence, Kris decides to hit the break.

He says. “I’m a friend of Baekhyun.”

“You were never mentioned by Baekhyun.”

“Really? Well, maybe he used my other name, that little guy calls me Yifan.” Kris runs a hand through his hair.

 

 

 

 

 

The drive took 30 minutes and familiar buildings welcome me. I see Jongin dressed in a suit and as well as Kyungsoo.

 

When I got off the car, Jongin walk towards me and embraces me. “Chanyeol, be happy. That’s all hyung wants” Then I feel something damp in my shoulder only to grasp that Jongin was crying.

Kyungsoo smiles at me and detaches Jongin.

“I told you I can keep secrets. I kept this for a whole ing year!” I hear him say but still, I was confused.

“Go ahead. He waited for a year. He planned this for a year, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo said with a smile on his face, but tears start to fall from his eyes.

“I know you don’t know me. But trust me on this, all he ever wanted was too see you happy.” Kris pushes me into the entry hall.

I nod and fights the tears that want to escape from my eyes.

I remember this concert hall.

I enter and feel the same feeling I had years ago when I heard Baekhyun sing. The moment I knew I fell in love with him.

 

Once I enter, the sudden move from the video screen startles me.

 

“Hey.”

 

My eyes glues to the screen as soon as I hear a familiar voice.

 

I probably did have a surgery because you’re watching this.

 

Baekhyun giggles. Oh how I miss that laugh. My eyes start to get cloudy, but I wipe the tears away so I can see Baekhyun clearly. I remember this hairstyle. I loathed it because guys and girls were checking him out. It was one and a half year ago when he had this hairstyle. His voice is still pure and rich.

 

“Well, so I had a hard time booking this slot. You know, I planned a year ahead, still it was booked so I begged the school and well, I managed to convince the principal.”

 

And Baekhyun laughs again.

 

If you’re wondering where I am, I’m just around here.

 

My heart overflows with sadness. And now I could not stop the tears from falling.

 

“You’ll see me later, okay? But this time, I need to do this first. I have cancer and it’s either I live or I lose my voice so I had to do this. And from the moment I realized I was in love with you, I know I want to spend my lifetime with you. So for a year, with the help of Kyungsoo, Jongin, and Yifan. We planned this.”

 

Now go, Find your place, I know you will.”

 

And I go to the seat I was in four years ago.

 

A couple of seconds passes.

 

“Hi Chanyeol, you’re seated, right? I recorded this because I thought it might be useful. I wanted you to feel how much I care for you. I at words. But you’re good at it. You never missed a day saying you love me. I know that, I feel that. Thank you.”

The moment when I held your hand—October 27, 2008—my heart went padum padum. This is silly, isn’t it?”

I smile at his face. It’s one of his expressions I love the most. The confused-disgusted, but a happy one.

 

“Probably, I have been in love with you longer than you fell in love me. I was just afraid because my decision was final. I don’t plan on falling in love.   But I did, with you.”

It changes everything. I suddenly want to fight back because I met you.

I want to do this before my voice becomes worn out because I know how much you love my voice, right, right? Well, here it is Park Chanyeol, my last piece:

 

I hope you like it.

 

 With every word.

 

 

I made it for you. I even learned playing the guitar.”

 

 

My heart breaks.

Not because I don’t like this.

 

Baekhyun starts singing. How I missed his voice.

 

 

 

I do believe All the love you give

All of the things you do

Love you Love yo

I’ll keep you safe Don’t you worry

I wouldn’t leave Wanna keep you near

Cause I feel the same way too

Love you Love you

Want you to know that i’m With you

I will love you and love you and love you

Gonna hold you and hold you and Squeeze you

I will please you for all times

I dont wanna lose you and lose you and lose you

Cause i need you i need you I need you

So I want you to be my mine

You’ve got to understand My love

 

 

 

The song ends and my tears won’t stop.

 

 

 

“Well, you know, it’s a special day. It was October 27, 2008 when I first saw you and I knew I feel in love with you. October 27, 2009, when I was so confused whether to live or die, the day I finished the singing during the concert, I knew back then that I was singing for you. I was so happy when you confessed during the night of October 27, 2010 and I hated myself for not saying it back. I know we had a rough year but I gathered all my courage and finally, I was so happy that you still love me, October 27, 2011, the day we shared our first kiss. It’s funny how all our special moments fall on October 27. Well, it was October 27, 2012, the night I have given my all to you and decided I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And here we are, a year after.”

 

 

 

Hearing Baekhyun’s words really pains my heart.

 

 

“Sorry. I know, I have issues. I have doubts. We fought a lot. I hurt you the most. Chanyeol, I really am sorry. Please don’t cry anymore because of me. I know I made you cry so many times and I hate myself for that. This will be the first time of millions times I will say this,

 

I love you.

 

I love you, Chanyeol.

 

I love you so much, Park Chanyeol.

 

I will love you more than I love today.

 

I don’t have my voice anymore today,

 

And I will still try hard to say the words,

 

Because I want you to hear my voice personally.

 

And this part, I should come out now and say:”

 

 

Baekhyun’s words hurt not because I don’t like it, but because, no matter how many times I repeat this video, no one will appear before me.

 

 

 

Because Baekhyun’s gone along with his last words…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Will you marry me?