October 27, 2012

The 27th of October

O c t o b e r   2 7,   2 0 1 2

 

 

 

 

 

“It’s over.”

The doctor emerges from the operating room.

Everything stops as I stand up from my seat, eyes dart to that of the doctor’s.

 

This is it; the final test. Everyone is eager to know the answer. Will Baekhyun be given a few more months or years to live?

For months, we’ve been battling chemotherapies and surgeries; Baekhyun looks so frail.

God knows I want stop, but I can’t; we can’t. And with every operation; he loses his voice.

Is it worth it?

 

His most treasured possession; is it really worth it?

 

What if the operation fails? He loses his life; he loses his voice. It’s not a win-win situation, but we take the risk. Baekhyun wanted it because he wanted a lifetime. I, too, wanted a lifetime—a lifetime with him.

 

The doctor walks towards us.

My mind swirls. the doctor kept babbling on words: vital signs, status, cells, cancer, operation, Baekhyun, dies. Too many words, too many unnecessary sentences.

It’s all a blur.

 

Everything is in slow motion.

 

I can’t understand a thing until my mind bolts up and processes the doctor’s last words.

“I think he is going to spend his lifetime with you.” The smile was that of an angel.

 

Kyungsoo bursts out crying while Jongin hugs him tightly. Tears of happiness streams from his eyes. Baekhyun’s mother pats me on the back. The revelation doesn’t sink in yet.

“Thank you.” She softly whispers. “Thank you for everything, Chanyeol.”

 

 

 

“Baekhyun is alive.” His mother softly murmurs while wiping fallen tears.

I clutched my heart tightly. No tears fall.

Baekhyun’s alive. Baekhyun survives.

 

 

 

Everything seems like a dream; It’s like a novel, but a very well-written piece of fiction—a fairytale.

Words burst inside my mind. Scrambled, cluttered, all juggled up, but a sentence echoes above them all.

If I’ll be given a second chance Chanyeol, I want to spend my lifetime with you.

Baekhyun wanted a lifetime.

Though almost a whisper as his voice faltered  Baekhyun’s last words before he underwent his last surgery ricocheted in my mind.

I want to spend my lifetime with him, too. I want to spend my next life with him. I want to spend eternity with Baekhyun.

 

 

 

Everybody’s eyes locks into mine. I am in shock, but in bliss as I utter the words in the sincerest and happiest I’d ever be.

“I want Baekhyun to marry me.”         

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October 28, 2011 (One year ago)

 

The smell of freshly cooked bacon and eggs hugged my nostrils when I woke up.

Everything feels heavy, but calm at the same time. I lie in bed, wide awake, letting the aroma linger as the thoughts of last night’s conversation is on loop in my mind.

I’m dying. I’m dying, Chanyeol.

Still engrossed in the scenario in my head, I don’t notice Baekhyun as he enters the room.

“Chanyeol.”

 

Soft hands on top of mine startle me until I saw him on the edge of the bed.

“I’ve been sitting here quite a while and you haven’t responded to a single question I asked.”

 

“I’m sorry.” It’s all I managed to answer.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Stuff.” I slowly adjust my body until I was completely sitting beside him. “About everything.”

The smile on Baekhyun’s lips falters. “I’m going to try my best, Chanyeol. I promise.”

The feeling of Baekhyun near still overwhelms me, but it seems that everything right, like the puzzle pieces are already complete.

I extend my hands and hug him. We stay like that for a while; me savoring the smell of Baekhyun and toasted bacon.

 

 

“PARK CHANYEOL! YOU DID NOT JUST DO IT ON MY… OH MY GOD! THAT IS MY BED!”

Kyungsoo dashes towards us as he shrieks, all horrified. BAekhyun and I quickly detach from one another, looking confused.

“YOU BETTER CHANGE MY SHEETS, PARK CHANYEOL!”

“What are you talking about Kyungsoo?”

“I JUST CHANGED IT THE OTHER DAY! I DON’T HAVE ANY SPARE LEFT; YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST USED YOUR OWN BED!”

“Wait, Kyungsoo, I think…”

“KAI AND I WERE NOT PLANNING ON DOING IT HERE FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANY SHEETS LEFT!”

“Uhm, Kyungsoo…”

“YOU BETTER BUY ME SOME NEW SHEETS, CHANYEOL”

“Kyunggie?”

“Kyungsoo, we didn’t do anything in your bed…” I try to explain.

I thought I had cleared our side but Kyungsoo’s eyes widen and looks more horrified.

 

“NOT IN THE BED? OH MY GOD! HAVE SOME DECENCY, CHANYEOL. WHERE DID YOU DO IT? ON THE COUCH? OH MY GOD! I NEED A NEW COUCH! WE NEVER DID THAT IN THE COUCH! THAT’S ONLY FOR THE BED!”

 

Kyungsoo’s assumption gets frantic. Jongin comes in only to be welcomed by a panic-stricken Kyunsgoo.

Kyungsoo keeps mumbling about how dirty it was to just do it in unsuitable places. Then, the horror on Jongin’s face was incredible.

Kyungsoo goes on and on about how me and Baekhyun should learn from them to not do it outside the bedroom. I feel ashamed at every word that spills out from Kyungsoo’s mouth. I don’t want to hear about how they do it or how he lectured us on how to do it—it’s just too much.

 

Baekhyun suddenly laughs and clutches his stomach. Kyungsoo stops talking and everyone focuses on Baekhyun, who is now on the floor, laughing his out.

In between his laughs, he tries to stutter some words, but he fails miserably.

“We just heard about your life, little Jongin.”

Jongin’s face was redder than a tomato.

“We didn’t have . Not in the bed, not in the couch, not in the bathroom. NO. ZERO.”

Baekhyun winks at Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun laughs again. Realizing the situation, I start to laugh, too, while Kyungsoo blushes red, which Jongin finds hilarious.

 

 

Over breakfast, Jongin and Kyungsoo happily joins us while I shoot them daggers. This moment should be just for me and Baekhyun, Jongin starts a somewhat awkward conversation.

“So, you two are a thing now?” Jongin munches on his sandwich with Baekhyun’s home-cooked bacon and eggs.

I spill my drink. Jongin really knows when to drop the bomb. I look like a total idiot. Baekhyun sputters a laugh when he sees my state.

“Yes.” He says while handing me a napkin, “Right?” He then asks me.

All eyes are on me. I gulped.

I nod shyly as all the blood rushes through my cheeks.

Me and Baekhyun—a thing now.

Thing, in that concept, means in a relationship. And to elaborate, I am Baekhyun’s boyfriend. I was never happier.

“Took the both of you three ing years and a year of hide and seek.” Kyungsoo mutters under his breath, which Baekhyun found amusing.

“It’s never too late.” I hear Baekhyun say with a smile forming in his lips.

 

“It’s never too late when it’s forever.”

 

Maybe that’s the cheesiest line I ever uttered in my life. I earn a disgusted look from Jongin and a confused stare from Kyungsoo. But I will never regret a thing I said as Baekhyun stands from his seat, reaches for my shirt, pulls me against him seals it with a kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October 28, 2011

 

“Your flight was supposed to be 2 hours ago.”

A voice emerges from my back. Realization sinks in after he utters the words.

 

“I didn’t know you smoke, Jongin.” I try to change the topic but to no avail.

 

“You know, hyung will be devastated if he knew about what you gave up.”

 

I never realized how used to Jongin is on smoking. My eyes scan his hands and it reveals the he had been smoking for quite some time.

 

“Baekhyun’s more important.”

“So are your dreams, Chanyeol.”

“Baekhyun is my dream.”

“Persistent, are we?” Jongin smirks while running a hand through his hair.

“Baekhyun once told me that love can wait while dreams don’t.” I smile sadly at Jongin, “I agreed. But do you think, for us, love can really wait?”

Jongin did not speak a single word after that. Knowing the situation, all of us were tangled. All we really need was to be with each other.

 

Few minutes have passed, none of us spoke. Jongin is on his third stick. I keep on gazing at the moon.

Jongin walks away and I hear the door open. “Make hyung happy.”

And the balcony door closes.

 

 

 

I never studied abroad.

I missed the opportunity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

December 4, 2011

 

“I’ll be fine.”

My hands are squeezed tightly, but it still won’t stop trembling. I feel my body perspire. My mind won’t work. It’s clouded with too many information and processing too many emotions.

Today is Baekhyun’s first operation.

They said it will take quite a few surgeries and chemotherapies. The operation, if successful, will extend Baekhyun’s life, but will rob him of his voice. He is willing to take the risk.

 

“I want to have a lifetime with you, Chanyeol.”

 

This is the last sentence he utters before he was brought to the operating room.

“I do, too.” My line was left unheard.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

December 24, 2011

 

“I hate the cold.”

Baekhyun mutters under his breath while we make our way to my apartment.

“I told you, I can buy food myself. You shouldn’t have tagged along.”

“I want to be near you every time.” He says smiling.

In the next two months, Baekhyun will undergo another surgery. This time, it will be hard for him to speak.

 

“White Christmas?” Baekhyun looks up and happiness paints his eyes as the drops of snow slowly fall from the sky.

 

I can’t help but gaze at the beauty in front of me.

“Merry Christmas, Baekhyun.” Realizing the clock strikes 12. He smiles at me.

“Merry Christmas, Yeol.”

This is the best Christmas I have ever had.

“I love you.” The words perfectly slips from my lips.

But perfection comes when Baekhyun looks at me and seals the gap between us.

Our first Christmas kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

December 31, 2011

 

“5 hours before the New Year.” Jongin shouts from the barbeque grill. That boy sure is excited about this event, the thrill is obvious in his actions. With his one hand carrying all the lightsticks and firecrackers on the other, this is obviously Jongin’s favorite holiday.

“It was a New Year when I met Jongin.” Baekhyun hands me a can of beer.

On the sand,he sits down beside me while watching Kyungsoo and Jongin run towards the water. Jongin protects his firecrackers from the bully Kyungsoo threatening to put them out.

“It’s my favorite holiday, too. New Year means new beginnings.” Baekhyun sips from his ice cold beer. “But you see, though New Year promises new life, it’s just a day in a year. When you want to change something, you shouldn’t wait for a new year. You should start the moment you realize you want some changes.”

 

I didn’t answer because I want Baekhyun to talk. It‘s a routine now—him talking regularly and me listening intently. I want to remember Baekhyun’s voice. I want it to be engraved in my head. I don’t want a recording of anything. I want it to become permanent in every part of me.

“Say, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun starts to get serious.

“Yeah?”

“If the operation doesn’t become successful, what will you do?”

 

It’s the first time Baekhyun opened up about the results of the operation. Normally, he either disregards it or cuts the topic immediately. I was taken aback and can’t reply. Clearly, I don’t know what I would do.

 

He hums a little.

 

“Well, you see.” He starts and I know it won’t be good.

 

“I want you to be happy.” He smiles at me, his hand touches my left cheek. “I want you to find someone else.”

 

My eyes widen.

“What are you saying, Baekhyun? You’re not going to die.” I firmly say, not meeting his eyes.

“Of course, I will not die right after or during the operation. But you see, if it won’t be successful, then well… the cancer cells will pretty much kill me in a couple of years.” Faint laughs, forces a smile.

 

“I want you to love someone else.” Baekhyun clicks his tongue.

 

“No.”

 

“Chanyeol, hear me out first.”

 

“No” I was never surer. “I only want you.”

 

“As much as I want to be all giddy and kiss you right now, I only want you to be happy in case something went wrong.” Baekhyun presses his point. I start to argue but he kisses me. I hear Jongin shout that it’s not yet New Year.

 

“And if you consider loving someone after me, it will be alright.” Baekhyun utters between the kisses but he doesn’t let me respond by showering me with more heated kisses.

 

“I know someone who’ll be perfect for you.” Baekhyun smirks during the kiss.

 

“10 seconds before New Year” Kyungsoo shouts at us.

 

10

 

9

 

8

 

7

 

We stand up while Jongin and Kyungsoo ran towards us. I feel Baekhyun’s left hand into mine.

 

6

 

5

 

“Promise me, Chanyeol.”

 

4

 

Seeing Baekhyun’s eyes plead, I couldn’t answer so I nod.

 

3

 

2

 

Baekhyun smiles widely, genuinely.

 

1

 

“You have to meet Yifan.”

 

 

 

 

 

­

 

February 14, 2012

 

Baekhyun sang until his throat hurts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

February 15, 2012

 

Baekhyun underwent another surgery.

 

 

 

 

 

February 16, 2012

 

Baekhyun was forbidden to sing anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

February 21, 2012

 

Baekhyun and I enrol in sign language classes. He really learns fast and sometimes, Jongin and Kyungsoo would join us.

 

 

 

 

 

March 5, 2012

 

Third operation: Success rate = 50%

 

It caused a significant change. The cancer cells in his throat gradually decreased, but more lumps were found.

 

 

 

 

 

April 21, 2012

 

Baekhyun was not allowed to speak anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

May 6, 2012

Adjusting to a “no talking” rule gave a painstaking problem to Baekhyun. When he tries to speak, he feels so much pain. There are sounds, but the more he tries, the more painful it becomes. It’s like his throat is being scratched by needles.

It’s not that he cannot speak anymore. He can, but only hoarse sounds barely audible can be heard from him. But the pain it brings is immeasurable, so he was not permitted to utter a word.

 

 

 

 

 

August 28, 2012

Another surgery was performed; chemotherapies had been more frequent.

 

 

 

 

 

October 27, 2012

A few hours before the operation.

“They said if this operation will not be successful, then hyung will be…” Jongin does not finish his sentence and my muffled cries replaces it.

We thought that everything went by smoothly. Baekhyun did what he was told, without missing a single task. But despite all his efforts, the cancer cells continue to multiply.

The experts said that if there will be no immediate results today, then they will stop performing chemotherapies and other surgeries in the future. I feel a stab in my heart.

Baekhyun hugs me.

I know I’m the one who’s supposed to be tough, but seeing Baekhyun smile at me made my heart even worse. If this wouldn’t end up well, then how many years more will I have the chance to spend with Baekhyun? 2 years? 5 years?

Kyungsoo’s eyes are red from crying. Jongin stays at the lobby. It’s time for Baekhyun’s last operation.

Before the bed was pushed through the door, he grips my hand firmly.

It’s barely audible but I hear it.

Every word, every letter that slips from his mouth, I can see Baekhyun’s face twitch. If he tries to speak, the pain becomes immeasurable. Tears form in Baekhyun’s eyes because of the soreness from his throat. But he did; he still defies that one rule.

It’s not his voice anymore, not the voice I planted in my mind. It was hoarse, ill-defined, slurred, and out of earshot, but it was his best voice—the voice that came from his heart.

 

 

 

 

“I w-w-want a l-l-l-ifet-t-ime with you.”

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Comments

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Love-Kaisoo-8812 #1
Chapter 8: I like this beautiful story❤️I think maybe baekhyun became an angel and continued to protect chanyeol in another world.I couldn't stop crying when I saw the ending.Thank you for writing this story, which makes my heart feel romantic and touching.
SolJiwan #2
❤❤❤
ByunKyrie48
#3
Chapter 1: reading this again after many yearsssss ♥
hinatashouyouu #4
Aaahhhh im gonna read this again!!!
Your_Anonymous
#5
back here because it's gonna be 27th of october in less than 4 hours in my country ajsdhfkajsdhfa
Broadchanbaek #6
Chapter 8: I read and then I cry at 1 am... my heart aches for them I’m so sad they’re about to propose to eacher other and—😭😭 thankyou so much for this amazing story I’m crying right now
harufezo
#7
Chapter 8: I'm so tired of crying why I'm doing this to myself baekhyun was like an angel he deserved better
anyway you are great and the story was so well written thank you
IceQueenChogiwa
1052 streak #8
Chapter 6: Like I said, I've been avoiding this fic for obvious reasons I finally gathered up the courage to read it now. Maybe i shouldn't have :'( dsafkdhsfr this is too cruel TT

Nonetheless, I'm glad i read this beautiful piece of art. I hope in another lifetime they'll get the happiness they deserve
IceQueenChogiwa
1052 streak #9
Chapter 5: noo :'( "it's like his throat was being scratched with needles" NOOO :'''(((
IceQueenChogiwa
1052 streak #10
Chapter 4: My heart :'''((((