O c t o b e r    2 7,   2 0 0 8

“Park Chanyeol.”

I hear Kyungsoo, my best friend for seven years, calling out my name.  I slowly turn my back and see him grinning teasingly.

This is not good.

Letting out a heavy sigh, I wave back weakly, my arms shaking a little. I know then an impending tragedy, worst than a character death in fictions will happen. Or to put it simply, an embarrassing moment which the protagonist will be no other than me.

Kyungsoo always does these kinds of things to me.

I remember when he signed up for drama club back during our first year in high school because he liked this guy named Kai who jhappened to be the drama club’s vice president. He didn’t want to sign up alone in fear of being judged by the other members of the club but it was a drama club, no one will supposedly judge anyone. When I refused him straight away, he pulled off a guilty act. My ears got tired of hearing him say, “It’s okay, I can do it alone. ALONE. A-L-O-N-E. Alone with no friends, No one, no one but me.” Or something like: “For seven years we’ve been together, I never left your side. When you were chased by the dog and you tripped, I went back to help you. I would literally take a bullet for you.”

I ended up joining him. What can I do?

But regrets always happen in the end. The drama club? It was hell.

I knew since the beginning that drama club was not for me.  First, I don’t know how to act. Second, I don’t know how to ing act.

I’m too tall for my age, so whenever I have to perform a piece in front of the group all eyes are on me,  my left eye would twitch uncontrollably because of the anxiety emitting to my nerves and muscles. My body would shake immensely—and would creep everyone out. I really don't know how to act. But hey, during the drama club's yearly school event, I participated and our adviser praised me.

He said I was good.

I was casted as a tree.

The second time Kyungsoo placed me in a tragic occasion was when Kai signed up for dance class. Kyungsoo signed the both of us up for dance class without my knowledge. I really didn't have a choice that time. Kyungsoo was shooting deathly daggers at me, I was afraid of my bare existence and I ended up  joining him. The dance club was cool, I met a lot of people but it really who was I kidding, dance club was worse than the drama club.

I was supposed to be dancing to some sort of techno beat, but all I did was move both my hands and my feet deprived of grace. The other members said I was just wiggling.

I slipped, I tripped, I pushed someone, and I even knocked down our dance professor. So, I ended up dropping from class after a week.

The third time was when Kyungsoo set me up with a date for a ball where Kai was invited. Kyungsoo wouldn’t shut up about me having a date, it was his mantra for days. He went on about how we would look like a couple if we both go without a date.  Kyungsoo doesn’t like the idea of us being a couple because Kai might misinterpret our friendship. 

The ball came and it went pretty well within the first five minutes of the event. I was proud of myself. I have never been so proud.

I asked Sulli, my date for that night, for a dance—which turned to be the biggest mistake of the night. I should have just stayed seated. 

I accidentally stepped on her left foot, making her trip. Then, I spilled wine on her 600,000 won dress. With my attempt to help her clean the mess I made,  I accidentally ripped her dress in the process. Eventually, she bid me adieu. And yes, everything happened in less than half an hour.

I could go on and on with the list of Kyungsoo's deatly adventures with me in it, but sharing more about my upsetting life would only put me at more misery.

So here I am, scared out of my wits because I don’t know what’s coming. Kyungsoo has that look—cheeks puffy, lips smirking, eyes sparking—and I could not really say no to Kyungsoo because he would just do his signature pleading look or guilty talks afterwards.

“Hey,” I mumbled weakly when Kyungsoo approached me, handing the lunch box he prepared. Of course, he prepared food.

“Why the long face, Channie?” said Kyungsoo still grinning. I can feel the shivers run down my spine. I’m at a loss for words. I don’t know what to say.

“Well, I have a favor to ask.”

I knew it. I ing knew it.

And I knew it won’t be easy. Hence, it might be the reason for my death. God, I dont want to die. I still want to teach music.

I am literally scared, “W..what i..is it?” I gulped anxiously for Kyungsoo’s answer.

“Make Baekhyun your boyfriend.”

Kyungsoo said the words calmly, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I paused for a second, barely processing what just happened.

            “Excuse me, who?” I asked.

             “Baekhyun,” he said as he rolled his eyes.

            There are a lot of things going on in my head, but one thing is for sure.

“Make what? Who? Boyfriend? Who the hell is Baekhyun? And Kyungsoo, I’m straight!”

Everything came running in my head simultaneously. This was the most absurd thing Kyungsoo has ever asked. What the hell? I don’t even know who Baekhyun is.

“Geez, Chanyeol, you’re not straight,” Kyungsoo said, seeming a little pissed off. I don’t know why he was the one getting annoyed.

 “I am,” I firmly said.

“No, you’re not. And Baekhyun is a really nice guy. He is overly handsome with just the right feminine features, just about the perfect height for you. And he has this amazing voice that you will love for sure. He is a great dancer too. Milky skin, kind, sweet, has a great sense of humor and everything. You know, he’s an ace student, friendly, kind...  He’s perfect. He is ING PERFECT, CHANYEOL! ING PERFECT!”

Kyungsoo lost his breath.

“Okay, okay, Kyungsoo. Relax, breathe in, breathe out.” Trying to calm a rattled Kyungsoo was hard. When he came back to his senses, I asked him carefully. “Okay, so what’s with this Baekhyun and what happened?” I looked at Kyungsoo’s eyes and all I saw was desperation and desolation.

“That Kim ing Kai likes Baekhyun” Kyungsoo inhaled heavily.

 “I liked Kai for years already, Yeol. You know I really do,” Kyungsoo said while fighting his tears. “But why does he have to fall for someone else?”

I don’t know what to say. I never knew what love is. I haven’t experienced what Kyungsoo was feeling, so I don’t know what to do. I feel at a loss because I can’t console my best friend. 

“Does Baekhyun like him too?” I asked, not really knowing why.

“No. Yes. I don’t know.”

“How do you know if Kai likes Baekhyun?” I asked.

Kyungsoo looked at me with glassy eyes. He took a deep breathe and was stuttering with his words.

“Baekhyun calls him Jongin.”

Kyungsoo covered his face with his hands and started to sob.

“Baekhyun calls him Jongin, Chanyeol. I heard it. And Jongin was ing smiling and blushing!”

Kyungsoo buries his face into his hands. He curls into a ball and just sobbed. Luckily, only a few students passed by this area of the university and no one truly paid attention to the sobbing little boy.

My heart clenches for Kyungsoo.

Is it really painful to fall in love?

***

            Kai, the hottest boy in our university, would never let anyone call him Jongin. No one was allowed to call him Jongin except his mother—or so we thought. No one knew the exact reason why Kai doesn’t allow anyone to use that name. Kyungsoo once said that Kai only allowed his loved ones to call him Jongin. I really don't get it.

            Kyungsoo, the weeping tiny boy curled up into a ball, liked Kai since high school despite it being a one-sided love. In those four years that Kyungsoo loved the ravishing man, not once did Kai enter into a relationship, nor was it rumored that Kai liked someone. Thus, Kyungsoo always has this hope of him and Kai being together. The problem lies on the fact that Kai does not know Kyungsoo exists.

            Watching Kyungsoo as he sobbed continuously, I felt my heart sadden by the turn of events. I pity my best friend because no one knows better how Kyungsoo loves Kai other than me; I don’t want to waste my best friend’s 4 years of effort.

            I wanted to offer my handkerchief, but I don’t have one. I never bring one. Maybe I should run to the cafeteria so I can grab some tissue? But I don’t want to leave my best bud alone. I was just awkwardly sitting beside him and watching as people walked past us. I kept my head down, refusing to see the pitying stares they gave my friend. And I don’t like that.

A few more minutes passed until I see a pair of red Converse in front of my black ones.

“Here, take this.”

I looked up and saw a man extending his hand to offer a handkerchief. He has milky white skin and crescent moon eyes, just about Kyungsoo’s height. Kyungsoo looked up and the guy wiped Kyungsoo’s tears. I can’t remove my gaze from the guy. It’s amazing how a stranger would come to us without a hint of mockery on his face and extend a helping hand.

            “Thanks,” Kyungsoo uttered between his tears and softly got hold of the handkerchief.

            “I gotta go. I have to go to class. You can keep that Kyungsoo. Don’t cry anymore, okay?” the guy said as he patted Kyungsoo’s head and waved a gentle goodbye. Kyungsoo just bowed his head. When the guy left, Kyungsoo spoke with such sadness.

            “You know what’s funny? I can’t hate Baekhyun. I really can’t Chanyeol.”

            I was wondering why Kyungsoo suddenly acting like this until I realized…

            “Baekhyun! Hurry up or you’re gonna be late for class.”

            And for the love of God, Baekhyun was the kind hearted stranger.

A few minutes after, Kyungsoo began to pat his face gently. He usually does this to calm himself.

            “Okay, let’s go now. I think we’re late.”

            I nodded and followed him to Music class. It’s Kyungsoo’s favorite and I hope it brightens his mood even for a while.

***

We were 20 minutes late but luckily, Mr. Lee,our professor, is apparently running late as well. We sat on our usual place, not minding the curious peeks from our classmates, eager to know why the eyes of the wide-eyed Do Kyungsoo are puffy and red.

Mr. Lee arrives minutes after. “Sorry for being late class. I was held up in the principal’s office. So today, we’re going to discuss about the upcoming Christmas program. But before we start, I’d like to introduce to you a transfer student.” Mr. Lee signaled for the student to come in. And he walked with his red Converse, smiling genuinely.

“Hi, My name’s Byun Baekhyun. Nice to meet all of you.”

“Okay Baekhyun. You may seat anywhere you like.”

I prayed that he would not choose the sit near us. But my prayers were left unanswered as a familiar voice echoed in my ears, “Hi Kyungsoo. How are you feeling?”

Kyungsoo smiles a little, “I’m fine. Again, thank you.”

“No need. I like helping my friends,” Baekhyun winks and slumps into his chair beside Kyungsoo. I gave Kyungsoo a questioning look. Right now, confusion is an overrated statement to describe my state.

“Do you have a class after this?” Baekhyun asks Kyungsoo.

The boy shook his head.

“Oh good. ’Cause the dance department doesn’t have any activities today. So, you wanna grab some coffee after this?” Baekhyun chirps.

***

Actually, Kyungsoo and I never agreed to anything, but we found ourselves sipping large caramel lattes with Baekhyun; the only thing good about this whole arrangement is the explanation behind Baekhyun and Kyungsoo’s friendship. Apparently, it’s because of the dance club. Baekhyun joined in, too, and Kyungsoo was the one who helped him process his papers a week ago.

“So, both of you are Music majors?” Baekhyun starts our conversation.

Kyungsoo and I nod together.

“He’s focusing on voice though; I concentrate on guitars and drums. You?” I find myself asking.

“Voice too. I guess, Kyungsoo and I will spend most of our times together.” Baekhyun was playing with his phone, then it rang.

While Baekhyun was busy talking on the other line, I catch Kyungsoo’s attention and softly asks him, “Are you okay?” I am really worried for him; this whole Baekhyun thing makes him uncomfortable, but he assured me this is harmless. I doubt it.

My little conversation with Kyungsoo distracted us from other things making us jolt from our seats. When a guy suddenly barges in and seats next to Baekhyun.

“Jonginie!” he said stern and firm; not the usual bubbly and endearing tone Baekhyun uses.

I shift my gaze to Kyungsoo and saw the shorter boy wanting to rise from his seat. Calling Kai as Jongin is more than a hard blow. But Jonginie? It is definitely something.

“It’s rude to barge in and sit here. I’m not the only one here you know. I have friends,” Baekhyun told Kai. I am surprised that Baekhyun called us “friends” when we barely know him. Well, Kyungsoo does. I don’t.

It’s not that I don’t like him or I don’t like to be friends with him. Well, I do. It’s just that we don’t know each other well enough, but I do like to get to know  him better. I need to stop, do I?

Kai lifts his head and sinks his strong gaze to me, then to Kyungsoo. Sighing, he said, “I’m Kai.”

Kai looks at Baekhyun, as if expecting some approval, but it was denied as the latter delivered a piercing gaze authorizing Kai to proceed further. 

Sighing again, “I’m sorry for suddenly appearing without a greeting. It was very rude. I’m sorry.”

Baekhyun smiles, “It’s not that hard, isn’t it?” He then ruffles the boy’s hair. “Good boy.”

I don’t think it was just my imagination, but I saw Kai blushed. Kyungsoo holds my hand under the table. I look at him and he is on the verge of crying; and a crying Kyungsoo is a no-no, especially when Kai is here. Without thinking, I try to gather the attention and speak out loudly.

“I’m Park Chanyeol,” I said loud and clear. I move my hands along with my introduction, but ends up failing miserably as my hand hits a glass of water and messes up the whole table. Kai stands up from his seat to avoid getting wet.

“I’m sorry.” Startled, I pick up the napkins and started to wipe the liquid on the table. Baekhyun helped as he reaches for napkins and wipes the mess I created. The waiter arrived shortly to finish the cleaning.

That moment bought Kyungsoo some time to compose himself. It was a good move, despite being embarrassing.

“He’s clumsy.” Kyungsoo speaks for the first time since Kai arrived. Baekhyun laughs softly. Kai has nothing to being happy.

“Oh right, he’s Chanyeol and he is Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun introduces us formally now as he pokes Kai encouraging the latter to look at us. Kai obeys like a little boy and nodded at us.

We spent our twenty minutes chatting. Well, Baekhyun did most of the talking and the rest of us just nods. I tell you, Baekhyun talks a lot. A lot. A LOT. It’s kind of refreshing to hear him talk and makes us comfortable. Though, he mainly talks about Kai.

In fact, Baekhyun tells us information too intimate about them. I always squirmed in my seat whenever Kyungsoo will excuse himself. I know my best friend is in pain. I wanted Baekhyun to stop talking, but I like hearing him talk to me us.

We learned that Kai is a Performing Arts student majoring in dance, but I know Kyungsoo already knew about it. Kai has a fear of heights and he is not fond of the dark. Kai looked ashamed and kept pulling the tip of Baekhyun’s sleeve, begging to stop, but the latter just shooed Kai and continued his stories. Baekhyun also mentioned that Kai is a really shy person, contrary to popular belief.

“He is usually seen as the guy with oozing confidence,” Baekhyun babbles. “And when you look at him, he is like a picturesque symbol, but really, this kid here is pure innocence. Jongin spells PURITY.”

I laugh at his comment, earning me a glare from the picturesque god. I am hooked with the way Baekhyun tells his stories. Not that I am interested in Kai, but the way Baekhyun moves his lips to make his voice vibrate through my ears. I almost forgot that Kyungsoo is having a hard time dealing with this.

Kyungsoo is learning new things about his only love. Sadly, the one providing the information is his beloved’s lover. It’s infuriating for him.

“Jongin here is a bab..”

Kai’s phone rings, interrupting Baekhyun’s story telling.

“Yes, mom.” Kai started and Baekhyun closed his lips, listening intently into Kai’s.

“I’m with hyung. Yes, he’s alright. Okay, I’ll tell him that. Yes. Yes. Uhm, he’ll love that. Yes mom. Okay, take care. Uhm, I love you too.” Kai struggles to say the last words.

Baekhyun giggles as he wraps his hand around Kai’s shoulder. “My Jongin is shy.”

I twitch from the word, “my.” Kyungsoo pinches my hand under the table. I winced.

“Mom said you need to come home later.” Kai continues, not focusing on Baekhyun’s teasing. But I really feel sorry for Kyungsoo, witnessing this lovey-dovey flirting unveil before his eyes.

“Do I have too?” Baekhyun releases Kai and pouts.

“Yes hyung. You can’t say no this time.” Kai looks at his watch. “I have a class in ten minutes, so I’ll pick you up later at six, hyung. Take care on your way home, okay?” Kai smiles and caresses Baekhyun’s cheek before bowing to me and Kyungsoo to head outside.

Kyungsoo’s grip on my hand tightens—too hard that I feel my hand will bruise. Kyungsoo is on the verge of crying.

“That kid… He really does what he wants. I feel like I’m not older than him.” Baekhyun sighs. “Can you believe that, Chanyeol? My little brother just ordered me around. I don’t even want to come home.”

I did not process anything other than the words “little brother.” I look at Kyungsoo and he was staring at me too.

“Little brother?” Kyungsoo and I spoke in unison.

“Yes. Jongin’s my brother. Well, step brother. Same mother, different father, thus, the Kim Jongin and Byun Baekhyun.” Baekhyun explains. “Wait, didn’t I mention that?”

We both shook our head, “You did not,” Kyungsoo softly mumble.

“YOU DID NOT!” I shouted. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo are startled.

“Woah, come down, buddy.” Baekhyun tries to calm me down.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Baekhyun stares at us puzzlingly with his eyebrows wrinkled. We gave him a refusing look. He sighs and continues, “We’re really close, so I thought you knew? What would we be then if we’re not related? We really are close like…” He stops realizing something, “You thought we’re lovers!” He declares and laughs hysterically.

“It’s not funny.” I cut him, my temper getting over me. It’s not funny because Kyungsoo suffered too much because of this misunderstanding.

Baekhyun stops laughing and wipes the tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He says. No one spoke, so I guess he realized the hint that we really are not pleased.

“Well, I really am sorry. This is a misunderstanding. And why are you angry, anyway?” He starts to ask.

“We really thought you’re lovers.” I said as Kyungsoo tugs my shirt, stopping me from making an argument. “You should have informed us. Like, ‘Hello! My name’s Byun Baekhyun and my little brother, Jangin is coming over at the café’ and not misleading us that you’re his lover. It’s frustrating. Do you know how Kyungsoo fights his urge not to cry? Do you know how much he likes….”

Baekhyun suddenly stands up and places his finger on my lips cutting my monologue.

“Kyungsoo likes Jongin?” He asks and I hear Kyungsoo gasps. I realized I said too much. I was frozen in my seat, because I revealed his big secret in front of Kai’s older brother.

Baekhyun did not wait for me to respond, he shifted his attention towards Kyungsoo, “You like my brother?”

Kyungsoo’s lips seems glued together as he starts fidgeting in his seat.

“You like my brother.” Baekhyun tells himself. “Wait, were you jealous of me?” Then, came another question which was left unanswered. Pieces by pieces, Baekhyun puts it together. Still, nothing came out from Kyungsoo’s mouth.

“You were jealous of me. How long have you liked my brother?”

Still no response from Kyungsoo. Baekhyun decided it was best if another will answer for Kyungsoo that's why he diverted his attention to me.

“How long has it been since he liked my brother?” He asks me. I did not answer. I am not planning to. But Baekhyun looks at me in the eyes, his eyes were so beautiful, my lips started moving and found myself answering. “Since highschool.” Kyungsoo released a sound—half scream, half grunt.

“Oh my God. Is that why you were crying? You think we were too close? Is that it? Right? Oh my god. KIM ING JONGIN will kill me.” Baekhyun starts panicking and I don’t even know why. We don't even know what's happening anymore.

“He will murder me in my sleep. My body will not be found. Oh my god. I’m so dead meat.”

I don’t even know what Baekhyun is talking about Jongin killing him. I tap Kyungsoo’s shoulder and our eyes met, I mouth a sorry for revealing his secret but he shrugs. His eyes reveal a glow that was once there and I knew then Kyungsoo was more than happy to know that Jongin is not in a relationship with Baekhyun—or anyone for that matter.

Baekhyun finally stops his rambling about Jongin killing him.

“I am going to make this clear. You have to answer me. I need an answer. You like Jongin, right?”

Kyungsoo was left with no choice and decided to jusr confess. He nods slowly.

“Kim Jongin? You like my brother, Kim Jongin?”

Kyungsoo nods again.

One thing question leads to another. Baekhyun’s hands wrap around Kyungsoo while blurting out the words, “I love you. Thank you. And this is amazing.”

“I’m really confused.” I cut his little banter with Kyungsoo short. I was a little bit annoyed at how close he got with Kyungsoo.

“Okay, okay. Let me explain. I’m sorry for the sudden outburst. I am just happy.” Baekhyun goes back to his seat, but he plasters a big smile on his face.

“I kept on telling stories about my brother right? My little Kim Jongin? Well, this cute little thing here.” He points at Kyungsoo, “I want him to realize” still pointing at Kyungsoo, “how amazing my brother is.” Baekhyun nonchalantly proclaims.

“But why?” I ask.

“Because for the longest time, my brother has secretly liked you, Kyungsoo” Baekhyun smiles at Kyungsoo. The latter gasps and clings on the table. Surprise rise from his face.

“Since highschool, Do Kyungsoo.” Still smiling, Baekhyun continues, “But he thinks Kyungsoo doesn’t know him. But he’s an idiot for not talking to you. But he’s just shy.”

Kyungsoo became dumbstruck. My jaws hang widely open. All the tears, the things I did for Kyungsoo— efforts wasted. And to think they secretly like each other for years. This is out of the ordinary.

After a few minutes, Jongin suddenly appears before us again.

“Class got canceled.” He declares as he sits beside Baekhyun again. The latter smirks earning a questioning look from Jongin.

“What?”

“Oh, I just remembered. Chanyeol and I needed to go to the bookstore.” Baekhyun says with a smirk on his face. I look at him confusingly, but he returns it with a convinced one. I realized what he was trying to do.

“Ah. Yes, yes. I need to buy a certain book.” I stand up casually, reach for my bag, and desperately disregard Kyungsoo’s pleading look.

Jongin, on the other hand, looked horribly stunned, “I.. I. hyung! I’ll go with you.”

Baekhyun pushes the almost standing Jongin back to his chair. “No, stay. Don’t leave Kyungie alone. Yeollie and I can take care of this. We’ll be back.” Baekhyun grabs my hand and sprints out the café, leaving a flustered Jongin and an incredibly wide-eyed Kyungsoo.

Hand in hand, we ran two blocks away until the café was nowhere in sight. Baekhyun stops and so do I, while Baekhyun’s hand was still on mine. He looks at me with the brightest smile I ever seen, “That was fun.”

The words seem to fit the smaller boy’s lips. As the words process through my mind, I know they are perfect. And something at the back of my mind tells me that the syllables patched together are meant to be.

Still hand in hand, we continue to run as snow starts to fall.

Yeah, it was fun.