“There will be a scar, won’t there?”

The nurse had taken down the bandage on Mei’s head to treat her wounds before they’d depart later that morning to leave for Kunming. Mei could see it in the woman’s gaze, the surprise, insecurity and the touch of pity reflected in her orbs. It was the look a woman gave another woman when she felt sympathy for her, the compassion coming along with this feeling. The nurse hesitated for a moment and it was probably the only answer Mei needed to get her thoughts confirmed.

“Can you give me a mirror?” Mei pleaded with a crackly voice and throwing another pitiful look at the girl, the woman went away to the bathroom. The few seconds that the nurse took to get the mirror, the moment between her leaving and return, were seconds of trembling uncertainty for Mei. She knew the answer, she knew the consequences of her childish act, yet what made her so insecure and worried was that she didn’t know the extent of it. How bad was it? Would it get better as time passed? (And what would Ren think of it?) Mei had never really been confident about her looks, but now that a flaw would trace her face forever, how was she able to cope with it? It would decrease her self-esteem which had never been higher than moderate.

When she looked into the hand mirror, she pitied herself too and gave her own reflection in the mirror the same gaze as the nurse had given her. It was a finger-long wound on her temple, treated with surgical tape to fix the spot since the wound was still open. Slowly, Mei put the mirror down, the thought of how bad the scar could look lingering in her head.

“You don’t know how it’ll look since the wound is still new,” the nurse started and swabbed the spot with cotton on which she had put lotion on. It was a sharp pain first, making Mei gasp silently. “But unfortunately, yes, there will be a scar. The skin on the face is very thin and sensitive. I have brought you some salves for the after-treatment, but it’ll be better if you let it be checked by your doctor too when you’ve reached home.”

A knock broke the silence which followed after the last sentence, the door swinging open and showing a blonde tuft stepping into the room. The nurse greeted Luhan with a friendly good morning and lastly, she put the soft, white plaster on Mei’s wound to keep it covered and protected from dirt and further outer influences which could worsen the full healing process. Knowing that she might be undesired right now, the woman grabbed her things and bid both of them farewell.

When the nurse was gone, the new situation pulled Luhan and Mei into an unwanted silence. Slowly, he approached her and seated himself on the chair beside her bed. She didn’t look at him, keeping her gaze fixated on a spot on her lap, but he was staring at her, studying every feature on her face and wondering what she was thinking at that moment.

“It looks awful, doesn’t it?” She asked with an awkward smile on her face and unlike the nurse before, Luhan didn’t even need to hesitate, because the answer would always be the same. (Because she would always be the same. It didn't matter how she looked at all.)

“It doesn’t look awful at all. You’re still beautiful.” His voice was soft and his fingers traced fondly over the plaster on her wound. Mei knew that he was telling the truth, at least the truth which was for him the truth. Yet, she couldn't make herself to believe him, partly because her own view on it was different and partly because believing him would make everything so much harder than it already was for them.

“Don't lie to me,” she returned slightly, finally looking up to lock their gazes. It was then when Luhan saw how devastated she actually was. Whether it was now because of her scar only or because of the whole situation, or whether even both combined, he couldn't really tell. All he knew that it was wrecking her inwardly and that it only needed a little more time until she'd fully break down. He didn't want that for the girl he loved. He wanted to make it a little better for her, even with words only.

“But Mei,” he started again brushing over her hair and tucking some strands of her bangs aside to get a better sight at the spot, “It's really not bad, you'll always be beau--”

“Stop!” She yelled and slapped his hand away, lowering her head to fixate a spot on the sheet again, her hands clutching the fabric tightly. It was the first time Luhan saw her that upset and it hurt him more than it worried him – because usually, Mei wasn't like this. Quietly, she then whispered, “I don't want to hear this.”

Then, Luhan realized that this surely wasn't mainly about her wound only. Deliberately, he withdrew his hand, yet he shifted a little nearer to her as he got up and seated himself on the bed, right in front of her. Although she didn't make a move to face him again, Luhan sensed and felt her fears and doubts she held towards the situation, because her thoughts were the same as his own. They were both aware that they had ruined a lot with their selfish acts and they were both aware that it couldn't go on like this forever. They blamed each of themselves for a situation neither of them was responsible for.

Feelings had its own strange way to flourish during the most unexpected times.

Those four weeks were full of bliss and love, but now, what did they have left? Every journey had it ends, regardless of how impressive the ride was.

Mei didn't want to hear his words anymore, because they were wholehearted, she didn't want him to touch her anymore because it felt so good and she didn't want him near her anymore because she had gotten too used to his presence. Mei had reached a point where it was quite hard to cut everything she had ever felt and experienced with Luhan off, and yet, she still tried because she didn't see another way to fix the whole situation. And neither did Luhan.

“What are you afraid of?” Luhan then asked quietly. He wanted to hold her hand, but he knew she wouldn't let him although she wanted it as much as he. He didn't want to worsen the situation if it wasn't what she wanted or needed right now. Instead, he stayed quiet, waiting for her answer.

“I'm afraid of our love,” she confessed and once she had spoken it out, she noticed how stupid that actually sounded. “It's too much. Everything I am feeling. Everything you are feeling.” She shrugged, rolling her shoulders. “I am giving you as much as you're giving me. It's wrenching and plaintive and at the same time so beautiful that it makes my heart ache. I don't know whether I can keep doing this because it would require everything from me. You and me... it's a future I never dared to imagine.”

Then, she finally lifted her head and the tears which had been filling her eyes made their way down her cheeks, passing over her skin, tracing down her chin and dripping on the white sheet on her lap. One droplet after another formed a wet spot on the white fabric. Luhan wanted to hold her, to wipe away her tears and to give her soothing kisses, telling her that he was sorry, but he was certain that it would break her even a little more. He was the one who made everything a little worse just because of his presence.

And Luhan wanted to embrace her, to tell her that everything would be fine – but each of them knew it certainly wouldn’t, it couldn’t, regardless of which direction or which way they'd choose. They could either go the long difficult path, the one to an unsearchable future with each of them side by side or they could go the easier path, the one to go back, to fix all the issues as good as they could and walking along the way which had been set for them right from the beginning.

“I'm not sure whether I can do this, Luhan,” she then continued with a voice filled with so much sorrow that he felt his own heart crackling bit by bit. “My life was good and then came you and it was suddenly such a mess. It was such a good, powerful and loving mess that I actually thought I don't want to go back. There were times I imagined you were the one I was going to get married to and this shouldn't be.”

The longer Mei spoke, the more Luhan saw that the girl he turned her to be during the road trip vanished bit by bit. The more her courage faded away, the more the Mei from four weeks ago made her way to the surface again. It was also the Mei Luhan loved, but it was the Mei he could never be with, the Mei that could never be with s