“Come on Jongin you need to eat something,”

“Not hungry,”

“Just one more mouthful?”

“Nope,”

“Come on, just this last spoon,”

“No thank you,”

“I can’t believe I’m even entertaining this childish foolishness. Eat the last spoonful before I ram it through another opening.”

“I don’t want to.”

Jongin’s dark eyes are lowered and his bottom lip is pouting. He won’t even look at the vegetables in the bowl, as if they’ll leap out and jump down his throat with just a glance.

“You must have been a hard kid to feed,” I sigh, putting down the bowl and spoon. Jongin relaxes and leans his head back on the pillow, grinning.

“It wasn’t that hard, I used to eat all my vegetables.” He smiles.

“So why won’t you eat them now!”

“Because I get nothing in return,” He rolls his eyes, “When I was younger, if I ate my vegetables my sister would give me something in return.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Like a sweetie or a computer game or she’d take me to the park to ride my bicycle or something. Just something like that.”

“Okay I can do that,” I put on a sweet smile, “Jonginnie if you be a good boy and eat all your vegetables I’ll take you to the park when you get out of here!”

“Ah ah ahh,” Jongin wags his finger with a wide smirk on his face. “That was then, this is now. And besides, you’re not my sister.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” I huff.

“It’s going to cost you a lot more,” The smirk stretches wider still. I have a feeling I know where this is going.

“So what does it cost then,” I ask, rolling my eyes so hard it hurts.

In reply, Jongin taps his lips with a knowing smile.

“Fine,” I sigh, “Fine.”

I scoop a big spoonful full of the vegetable stew and lead it to Jongin’s lips. He winces as he chews looking utterly disgusted, but finally he swallows.

“Come on,” He says, “Pay up now.”

Putting down the bowl, I lean on to the bed. Jongin shifts himself up, his face already assuming that lustful look that happens before we kiss. He my cheek and pulls me closer until I can feel his shaky breath wash over my lips. Just as our lips are touching, just as I’m about to seal the deal, I whisper against his lips,

“I don’t think I can kiss you. I don’t want to make your heart all nervous again.”

“Oh for-”

Jongin pushes me away in disgust as I splutter with laughter, clutching my stomach and rolling around on my chair.

“You have to admit it was so funny,” I say, gasping for breath, “You got caught out in style.”

“I didn’t get caught out for anything,” He snarls, “My heart was obviously still stressed out from my wound and not anything that you’ve done.”

“Yeah yeah tell it to someone who believes you. But that,” I point to the heart trace machine, “And me know the truth.”

“But that and me know the truth,” Jongin mimics in a high pitched voice.

There’s a knock at the door and then it opens, Suho peeking his head around the door.

“Ahh you’re awake,” He smiles, holding the door open so the rest of the boys can all troop in.

“But you’re not looking very happy,” Baekhyun says. “What’s up?”

“That demon over there is making fun of me,” Jongin glowers at me, “Even while I’m sick on my hospital bed she still finds opportunities to laugh at me.”

“Why what happened?” Kyungsoo asks. Jongin flushes such a deep shade of red that I actually have to lean on Chanyeol for support, weak from the laughter overtaking my body.

“So what have you guys been doing?” Jongin hurriedly changes the subject. “Since you left.”

“Sleeping you’d be surprised to know,” Sehun sticks his tongue out.

“I got you a change of clothing,” Suho says, placing a carrier bag in Jongin’s bedside draw.

“Ah thanks hyung,”

“Have they said when you can leave?” Chanyeol asks.

“The nurse says possibly tomorrow if my vitals stay good,” Jongin smiles.

“Even though his heart’s been looking a little jumpy,” I say innocently, fighting to keep a straight face. I can feel Jongin’s glare heating the side of my face.

“I guess that must be to do with the stress his heart has been under,” Suho muses, wondering over to the heart machine, “Due to the massive amount of blood loss and everything.”

“Possibly…” I say. I can see Jongin pleading with me to keep quiet and I roll my eyes and decide to let the subject drop. “It probably is to do with that.”

Jongin releases a sigh of relief.

“So where are my hospital gifts then?” He claps his hands together and looks around expectantly.

The boys all look away, whistling and scuffing their feet on the ground.

“Yah,” Jongin says slowly, “Really? You guys didn’t even bring me grapes?”

“You don’t even like grapes!”

“That’s not the point, it’s the principle! You always bring the patient grapes.”

“Ah we’ll know for next time,” Suho smiles sweetly.

“Next time!” Jongin throws himself back on the bed with a sulky sigh. I’ve never seen someone act so childish all in one day. “You guys are meant to take care of me; I’m practically the maknae…”

“I’m the maknae Kai,” Sehun pipes up rolling his eyes.

“Minor details minor details,” Jongin waves the comment away with his hand, “The point is you guys are meant to take care of me when I’m in Hospital and I-”

“Yah yah yah stop already,” Suho says, “We get the point.”

He dumps a carrier bag on the bed. Jongin’s face immediately brightens like the sun coming out after a rainy day.

“Oo what’s this? Oh wow are these those snacks that I used to eat all the time back in the day? I didn’t even know they still sold them;  I haven’t had these in ages! This is so cool.”

“You guys can never call me the childish one after this,” Chanyeol shakes his head in wonder.

“I’m going to nip to the cafeteria,” I say, putting on my shoes.

“Someone go with her,” Jongin calls out immediately, unwrapping his chocolate snack.

“What? No it’s fine I’m sure I’ll find it by myself,” I say.

“Chanyeol can you go with her?” Jongin says as if I’d never even spoken.

“Jongin,” I say slowly. “It’s fine.”

Chanyeol’s looking from me to Jongin with wide eyes, unsure of what to do.

“You could get lost-”

“It’s a hospital, there are signposts everywhere-”

“It’s unsafe, what if something happens.”

Everyone turns to look at Jongin as if he’s lost his entire mind.

 “I’ll go with her,” Suho says before I can begin questioning Jongin’s mental state. “I could do with a drink anyway,

Jongin visibly relaxes and goes back to un-wrapping his snack as if nothing’s happened.

“Yah Kim Jongin,” I begin, “How do you think I managed before when you weren’t-”

“Come on Ara,” Suho says, tugging me out the room and carefully shutting the door behind him.

“What’s wrong with him,” I huff as we begin to walk down the corridor.

“Sounds like he’s just being protective,” Suho shrugs good-naturedly.

“But to that extent? Don’t get me wrong,” I hold my hands up, “I think it’s kind of cute when a guy’s protective over a girl but I was going to the café Suho. Not a club at four in the morning.”

“He’s probably just feeling anxious that you’re leaving him, you know after you guys have been apart for quite a while...”

“But I’m going to the café; it’s probably around the corner from his room. Unless I’m missing something and it’s actually out of the country.”

“Hey,” Suho admonishes, nudging me gently, “Try and see it from a different point of view. Remember before how it felt when Jongin wasn’t there? He could have been hiding around the corner from your apartment every day but it hurt just the same as if he’d left the country. Distance isn’t a measure of how much you should miss someone.”

“I guess…I guess I hadn’t even thought of it like that. That was pretty poetic Suho.”

A tinge of pink appears on Suho’s cheeks as he shakes his head, smiling. His smile is one of the loveliest things.

“No not really I…”

“Trust me,” I interrupt, “I’m the one studying literature here, I think you’re going to be the Korean Shakespeare, writing sonnets about the pain of separation and all that tragic stuff.”

“I think my shoulders just cracked from the weight of the pressure you just placed on my shoulders,” Suho laughs, holding the door open as we enter the café.

It’s quite empty apart from a few families sitting scattered at various tables. I decide to get a plate of fries and Suho buys a coffee. We sit down at one of the tables and Suho blows his coffee cool while I dump sachet after sachet of tomato sauce on my fries.

“I was wondering if,” Suho begins, carefully, biting his lip, “I was wondering if perhaps Jongin mentioned anything to you. About where he’d been…”

My shoulders droop and I sigh, listlessly dabbing a chip into the sauce.

“I understand if you don’t want to mention anything,” Suho says quickly, “If you feel uncomfortable with talking about him like this. I was going to ask him myself but he looked so happy at the moment, so full of life that I didn’t want to ruin it.”

“No it’s fine Suho honestly,” I say, “I was going to mention it to you anyway.”

I tell him about what Jongin said, about how he left to clear his head for a couple of days  and ran into a gang on his way back home who’d turned nasty in the blink of an eye it seems.

“And that’s it?” Suho clarifies.

“And that’s it.”

“It doesn’t sound right,” He shakes his head, “It sounds too simplified. Something’s missing.”

“That’s what I was thinking,” I sigh, “He made it all sound so casual as if this kind of thing happens on a daily basis.”

“But why,” Suho clutches at his hair, his eyebrows furrowed with confusion. “Why is he making it sound like this? What is he hiding?”

“Do you think he’s in trouble?” I ask hesitantly. Suho immediately shakes his head.

“No. Kai isn’t like that,” He says firmly, “He doesn’t get involved in things like that. Even when we were younger and there was a fight happening in school he wouldn’t even watch. He prefers to keep himself to himself and stay out of things.”

“So what could it be then,” I say desperately.

“I don’t know,” Suho’s dark brown eyes reflect the coffee he’s staring into. I imagine his thoughts must be swirling around just like liquid in the cup. “I don’t know but it’s really bothering me. I used to think I knew him inside out and could figure out what was going on inside his head. But now…”

“It seems like he’s trying to deal with everything by himself,” I sigh, “Carrying everything piled on his shoulders alone.”

“To an extent he’s always been like that,” Suho smiles softly, “He’s always been reluctant to admit his problems or feelings to us. Although it sounds selfless and admirable now, there’s a point where it will become destructive. He’ll start thinking that he has to do everything alone, that he shouldn’t bother anyone with his troubles or worry anybody. It’ll make him feel lonely; he’ll close up even more, trying to keep up this happy façade where everything’s fine and he’s completely normal. When in reality he’s…”

“….Falling apart,” I finish quietly.