Even though Kris had agreed into accepting my money for the plane tickets ages ago, it still took me ages to coax him into giving me an actual date of departure.

But finally it’s set.

Three weeks time.

"Three weeks time?" I wailed, "Are you joking me Kris? By that time Jongin will probably be back and everything will be fine! Three weeks is so far away!"

"I know I know I'm sorry," Kris sighs, "But that's the only time when we can all get away from either studying or working."

"And you're only going to stay for 2 weeks?" I weedled, "I can't convince you to stay for a couple more?"

"Hey we're meant to be visiting not moving in remember," Kris laughs.

"Unfortunately," I sigh, "I'm really looking forward to meeting you guys."

"We're looking forward to meeting you too," I hear the smile in his voice, "It's crazy, it feels like we've met already."

"I know what you mean," I laugh, "I think it's the way I shouted and cried on the phone."

"It might just have something to do with that," Kris chuckles deeply.

It's true. Since that episode when I practically broke down, me and Kris have stepped into a comfortable friendship. When he was the first name I'd dialled that night, I realised how comforting I actually found it to speak to him. He had this calm easy way of talking as if nothing could faze him. It reminded me of Suho's peaceful reassuing way of speaking; even though his voice had taken on an edge of tight stress since Jongin's disappearance.

Jongin.

College days pass by in a blur of essays and debates. Teachers are setting as much homework as they can before Winter break makes an appeareance and I feel like I'm going to drown under the amount of pieces of papers.

Instead of being alone all the time I spend my days mostly with Sujin or Chanyeol. Chanyeol tries to make me laugh and smile and I'm getting better at giving him what he wants. Suho takes me out for coffee every couple of days and makes sure that we talk about normal mundane things and not the fact that Jongin is missing.

Jongin.

I'm getting good at pretending.

But sometimes Kyungsoo comes round in the evening and we sit on my sofa and the air becomes full of Jongin's name as Kyungsoo tells me stories about him and I tell Kyungsoo things I've noticed and we both laugh and cry and sit with the ache in our hearts until the sun showers light in the room and Kyungsoo says, "Time flies so fast sometimes," and gets up and leaves me apartment and I watch him walk down the street with his hands in his pocket and his head hung low with the weight of pretending pretending pretending everything is fine.

Because it is all just pretending.

When Chanyeol smiles softly and says, "I'm so glad you're happier these days Ara," do you really think it is because I'm happy?

When the frown of concern begins to leave Sujin’s face because I’ve begun to eat more, do you really think my appetite has come back?

Don't believe for a second that I'm starting to accept the fact that Jongin's gone.

He is on my mind every single second of the day. That night when I cried on the rooftop made me realise it’s not fair to make other people worry so much about you.

I wish Jongin would realise that.

I will never accept that he will never come back. He told me to wait and I will wait, and if that makes me a fool then a fool I am because he is something I can not let go of.

The smiles for Chanyeol, the laughter with Sujin.

It's all pretence, distractions.

And flying 6 boys over from China provides the best kind of distraction.

"What do you think he's doing right at this moment?"

I'm sitting against the wall, Saja and looking blankly at the flashing colours of my television.

Kyungsoo is sitting on my sofa. I love the neat way he sits, with his legs carefully together. He never allows himself to slob out at my apartment, it's like he's somewhere posh and formal where he must show his best manners. Not like Jongin who likes to throw himself down on to the sofa so hard one day he's going to throw himself right through it.

"I like to think he's inside somewhere warm," I sigh, "And that he's okay. Maybe watching TV like we are."

Kyungsoo bites his lip, nodding.

"I'd like to think that maybe he's thinking about us. You know, like how we're thinking about him."

"If he was thinking about us that much he would just come home," I rest my head against the wall and close my eyes.

There’s silence for a long while, apart from the gentle murmur of the television and Saja’s content snuffles.

"Yeah," I hear Kyungsoo whisper eventually, "I guess you're right."

In the morning I awake to the soft thud as the door closes. A blankets been tucked around my neck and I hug it close to my body while I stand up. I walk into my room and look out the window.

Sure enough I see the small figure of Kyungsoo walking down the street. He pauses at the corner and brings up a hand to wipe his eyes.

Then he continues his journey..

"Just two weeks," I say to Jongdae on the phone, "Two weeks until you can see your home country again,"

"I can't wait," He says happily in his sweet voice. He has the sort of voice that you know would sound good when used for singing. I've tried to get him to sing on the phone for me but he always says "No no no," with an embarrassed laugh.

“Sometimes I get so excited I can't sleep," He confides sadly, "But then I remember the reason why we're coming and then I really can't sleep because of the worry."

"I'm sure Jongin will turn up one day," I try and say lightly, "Especially when he senses that you guys are in the country!"

"He better come running," Jongde continues the joke, sensing I don't want to start getting all emotional, "I'll expect to see him at the airport."

"I'm sure he'll be ready and waiting with a sign," I say. Then, because I'm starting to feel sad I change the subject, "So do you have any fun plans for this evening?"

"Nope not really," Jongdae muses, "We're all just going to chill at Kris'. What about you? You better be eating properly and taking care of yourself,"

"I am I am!" I roll my eyes, "I’m at home right now but I'm just going to meet up with Suho and Baekhyun actually for some coffee,"

"Coffee in the evening, how sophisticated," He laughs.

"So are you going to sing for me Jongdae?" I say sweetly.

"Absolutely not-"

"But Suho and Baekhyun and Kyungsoo and everyone say you're such a good singer why won't you sing," I wail. I walk over to my front door, resting my phone on my ear and shoulder so I can slip on my big furry coat.

"Oh wow would you look at the time," Chen says suddenly and loudly.

"You sneaky little-"

"I'll talk to you another time Ara, goodbye!" He says cheerfully before hanging up the phone.

I tut loudly at my screen and then pocket my phone with a smile. I go and switch the television off and grab my bag, slinging it over my neck.

"I shall be back soon Saja," I call, unlocking the door.

I pull it open.

And there is Jongin.

Lying crumpled and broken on my doorstep, his hair plasted to his sweaty forehead. His right t-shirt sleeve is drenched in a dark red liquid that's seeping on to the floor in a little puddle and his eyes are fluttering beneath closed lids. I can only just about see the rise and fall of his chest as his body strains for each breath.

------------------------

A/N: I am supercallafrajalistically evil