I'm numb.

I think I would have stood there all night had Chanyeol not grasped me around the shoulders and spun me around.

"Ara? Ara?" He cries, "Are you okay?"

I look up at him, his eyes large and concerned in his face.

My face crumples and I slowly begin to cry.

"Hey, hey don't cry," Chanyeol says softly. Naturally his arms encircle round me and pull me against his chest. "Don't cry."

Chanyeol is like a ball of fire, even in the cold rain the heat emitting from him is like a radiator.

I sense other presences.

"Is she okay?" I hear Baekhyun ask anxiously.

"She's fine," Chanyeol's voice rumbles in his chest against my ear. He pats my back, "She's going to be just fine."

"Sujin's gone to talk to her Dad and tell him Ara's not feeling well so she's gone home." Sehun says.

"Is there any sign of him?" Suho asks quietly. I feel a movement as Chanyeol presumbely shakes his head.

Jongin. They're talking about Jongin.

"You know where he probably is right?" Kyungsoo says,

"Yeah," Suho says after a moment. Then he sighs. "Yes I do."

Chanyeol's hand just keeps rubbing reassuring circles on my back.

"Do you want me to go?" Sehun asks.

"No," Suho says at once, "I should go."

I lift my head off Chanyeol's chest and quickly try to wipe my eyes.

"I just wanted to say thanks guys," I say quietly, looking down at the floor, "For still checking if I'm okay after I decieved you all, but I just want to say from the bottom of my heart that I am very sorry and I-"

"Hey hey stop right there," Chanyeol says.

"Technically you didn't decieve us," Baekhyun says slowly.

"Yeah it's not like we asked if you were rich and you lied and said no," Sehun shrugged.

"It's not your fault that our amount of money didn't come up in conversation." Kyungsoo winked.

"So you don't have to worry about a thing," Suho smiles.

I hiccup a laugh and try and give a watery smile.

"Thanks for putting it like that," I say, "But how come Jongin can't see it like that?"

"Kai is an act first think later type of guy," Kyungsoo says.

"But Jongin knows that you didn't deserve that treatment." Suho shakes his head sadly.

"You talk about him like he's two different people." I tilt my head, curious.

"Honestly, sometimes it seems that way," Suho says softly

->Author

(Third person view)

Suho walks along the streets, the night heavy on his shoulders.

He takes long strides, hurrying towards his destination and apologises every time he bumps into someone after making a sharp turn.

For as long as he can remember, Suho has always been the glue that holds the boys together. Even when they had silly little squabbles when they were younger, he took it upon himself to make sure the two opponents eventually made up. During the Great Argument, as the others liked to call it, when Suho and Kris had had a huge disagreement, the other boys didn't know who to turn to, seeing as Suho, who was normally the peace maker, was now red in the face with anger.

But that was a long time ago, back when they were all together. Suho shakes his head slightly; it seems like ages ago that they were all in one country, in one room. He hopes Kris is taking care of them all in China.

He hopes he is doing an equally good job here in Korea.

Even though Suho doesn't agree with the way Kai reacted, he can understand. He himself feels a pang of disappointment that Ara didn't tell them before, but he knows her reasons. And that pang of disappointment at the time was overshadowed by the way she looked at Kai: her eyes imploring and begging him to see her reasons until Suho could barely look. She seemed so and exposed at that moment, inside he was hoping Kai would see that and forget his anger and hurt to comfort her. And when she cried against Chanyeol's chest, the sound went right through all of them and he had no doubt that it would have hurt Kai the most.

 He enters the shopping centre and walks past the shops, still open and bright. In here it could be any time of day; there are no windows to show the sky outside. He presses the button for the lift, but then decides to jog up the stairs instead.

The stairway is empty and silent and smells fainly of polish. He skips up the stairs, taking two at a time and finally emerges on to the roof car park.

It's quite deserted; why would any car choose to park all the way up here when there were four closer floors to choose from.

Suho zips up his jacket, filling the cold nip at his skin under his shirt, and makes his way to the other end of the car park.

He can see Kai from a distance as he walks over. He's balancing along the railing that runs along the edge of the car park. On one side is a sheer drop that would mean instant death, and although Suho knows Kai will never drop, will never falter with a step, it still makes him uneasy.

"Kai come down from there," He calls out.

Kai stops his movements mid step, one foot placed in front of the other as if he's walking on a bar in gymnastics. Slowly he lowers his foot down and jumps off the railing and on to the floor of the car park. He puts his hands in his pocket, nibbling his lip and waits for Suho to approach. He almost reminds Suho of a young boy, there's something unsure in the way he's standing with both of his hands in his pockets, toe scuffing the floor.

"I knew you'd be here," Suho tries to say lightly, "At our old hangout."

Kai nods once, not looking at him.

Suho sits down, with his back against the railing and leans his head back to look at the sky.

"Ahh the good old times" He sighs, "When we all used to come here. Yixing and Chanyeol would skate down the ramps over there. You and Sehun used to dance sometimes in that corner, when you weren't trying to skateboard. Baekhyun and Jongdae would sing with the guitar- you still have it right?"

Kai nods.

"That's good," Suho pats the space beside him, "Sit down Kai."

Reluctantly he sinks down and sits with his legs drawn up, arms looped around his knees.

"She hates me doesn't she," Kai says finally, his voice thick.

"No," Suho sighs, "No she doesn't hate you. Far from it actually."

"I'm such an idiot," Kai puts his hands over his face and bangs his head back with each word, "I'm such-an-idiot."

"Stop that, you're not an idiot. You shouldn't have ran off, you know that right?"

Kai nods.

"But I can understand why you did. You were hurt, shocked, confused. And you were saying things you didn't mean. And you always try to deal with your emotions alone."

"I'm just so naieve," Kai looks up at the sky as he speaks, showing the definition of his jaw line. The adams apple in his neck bobs up and down as he swallows hard, "I didn't think to ask any questions, I just jumped at the chance and took it. And now I'm stuck in this impossible position, like I seriously don't know what to do. I'm torn."

"Steady on you're making her sound like some villain," Suho frowns.

Kai looks at him as if he almost forgot Suho was there.

"Making who sound like a villain?"

"Ara..." Suho says slowly, feeling as though he and Kai are on completely different wavelengths, "We are talking about her right?"

Kai stares at him for a couple of seconds and Suho gets that little boy feeling again. Then Kai turns his head away and gives a soft laugh that almost sounds like a cry.

"You seem to have so many secrets recently Kai," Suho mumbles, "You used to be able to tell me everything- what's changed?"

The lip biting is getting quicker and Kai won't look up, a sure sign that he's getting more and more upset.

"Whatever it is," Suho begins desperately, "Whatever it is you can tell me, I'll always be here, always stand by you. And so will the rest of the guys. So will Ara."

Kai presses the palm of his hands hard against his eyes.

"You like her don't you," Suho's soft voice isn't raised as a question; he already knows the answer.

Kai nods his head, his hands still pressed over his eyes.

"Yes I like her," He says, his voice chocked, "I really like her."

"The one thing she asked us not to do was treat her differently so you can understand why she's upset right?" Suho says gently.

Slowly Kai nods again.

Suho softens his voice because he knows these next words are going to hurt him hard because Kai isn't some monster, he's just a kid that finds it hard to handle situations, especially involving the ones he cares about.

"Her face when she turned and saw that you'd gone Kai," Suho says, "I think that was the moment her heart broke. She ran and she ran after you, calling your name. And when she couldn't find you, she cried but her cry was...full is the only word I can describe it. It was full of so many things, so many emotions; disbelief and resignation. Shock and hurt. And like." Kai takes his hands of his eyes and looks at Suho. His eyes are bloodshot red and watery and he's managed to mash all his tears so they don't fall on his cheeks. His eyelashes are spiky black and the look in his eyes is tortured; that's the feeling it gives Suho. "Because she really likes you Kai. She really likes you. And you left her standing there."

Kai winces at those words and turns his head away and looks straight again. The lights from the car park and reflected like little dots in his eyes.

Slowly, Kai's head falls gently to the side and Suho feels a warm head land on his shoulder gently, and he scoots over so it fits properly. Heasitantly, he puts an arm around Kai's shoulder and the boy leans in further to Suho's shoulder.

They sit like this for a while and Suho only realizes that Kai is crying when he feels hot wet tears falling on his shirt.