prologue; 

joonmyeon holds jongdae in his arms as the child drifts off to sleep quietly, smiling to himself as he places him gently onto a large pillow that was settled on his bed. he stares at the boy, admiring his angel-like features before rubbing his hands together and standing up from his bed and walking out of his room to the living room, plopping down onto the couch. he takes out his phone and sighs. 

"maybe something came up..." he said out loud to himself. "something important..." he slid his thumb over the screen of his phone, examining how the oil from his skin transferred onto the matte screen. with a discontent sigh, he tossed his phone beside him and unconsciously looked up at the photos that decorated the wall in front of him. biting on his bottom lip, he stood up and walked over to the wall, and with a bitter smile, he ripped the taped pictures off of the wall and let them fall onto the floor. tears were rolling down his face as he stared at the bare wall, hands balled up in fists, clenching and unclenching in anger. "that ." he mumbled. "she just decided to leave jongdae and i?" he glanced at the door that led to his room. "well, i won't leave jongdae. i won't be like her." he swallowed his saliva as he collapsed onto the ground, sobbing uncontrollably. 

he picked up a picture that had fallen earlier and chuckled, ripping it up and letting the remains fall onto the floor. "." he mumbled again, the same bitter smile plastered onto his angelic face. 

-

a few days after joonmyeon had brought jongdae home, (or maybe perhaps a week after) he received a call from one of his high school friends, one that he hadn't talked to in two years since they graduated and went their separate ways. his friend had asked if he wanted to meet with him (as friends) to catch up. and after joonmyeon had mentioned his current situation he was in, it only furthered his friends' eagerness to come and meet them. 

it was a cold thursday. joonmyeon was contemplating on whether he should go or not, but since he had basically no close friends or close family, he decided he should go. maybe he won't regret it, he thought. he entered a casually looking coffee shop located a few minutes away from his apartment. he was carrying jongdae in his car seat because he didn't own a stroller and he didn't want to hold him for the whole time. jongdae was sleeping comfortably until he was startled and started crying. joonmyeon who was also startled (but by jongdae's crying) immediately paused while opening the door to pick up jongdae and rock him back and forth gently. 

"yah~" he heard behind him once jongdae had calmed down. "you haven't changed at all, joonma~" joonmyeon turned, eyes wide as he saw someone that looked foreign yet familiar at the same time. "yo~" the man cooed as he winked, slightly waving. joonmyeon smiled slightly and bowed his head as a greeting, scared that if he were to talk, jongdae would wake up and start crying again. 

-

"so she just, left you?" kris asked, way too engrossed into the conversation to notice that their drinks were placed onto their table. joonmyeon shyly nodded, keeping an eye on his sleeping son. "wow." kris said rolling his eyes. "i told you that dating older women was a waste of time..." he said, not noticing how joonmyeon was chewing on his bottom lip until he heard a sniffle from the other. "awh... dude... i'm sorry... i didn't mean it like that."

"no, it's fine hyung... you're right about that..." joonmyeon replies in a sad tone. he sighs and gives the older male a small smile which kris returns. 

"oh, is that your son? jongdae?" kris asks, trying to change the touchy subject. joonmyeon nods. 

"do you want to see him?" joonmyeon asks and kris nods, pulling his chair next to joonmyeon's. joonmyeon picks his son up and smiles down at him, placing a kiss on his forehead before carefully handing him to kris. "support his head with your- yeah, that's correct. and -"

"i know how to carry a new born, joonma." kris replied with a smug smirk. joonmyeon chuckles, as he watches kris hold his son carefully. "wah~ he looks nothing like you!" kris comments as jongdae wakes up, giggling. 

"yah... you're supposed to make me feel good... and he's still a new born... he could look like me when he's older..." joonmyeon mumbles causing kris to laugh. 

"i was joking. he really does look like you." kris says as he smiles at joonmyeon and then down to jongdae. 

joonmyeon chuckles. "thanks." 

- 

"since you're on your own... just call me if you need anything. especially when you need a baby sitter who you don't need to pay. i mean, jongdae already loves me." kris smirks as they're walking up the stairs to joonmyeon's apartment. 

"thank you, kris hyung. really... but... i can't do that... we just met up today and-" 

"nonsense. we've known each other since junior high. and by the looks of it, you'll need all the help you can get." 

joonmyeon could only nod. "th-thanks..." joonmyeon says as they had finally reached his apartment. 

"no problem. well, once again, just call me if you need anything and nice seeing you and meeting jongdae. bye~" 

"bye, hyung~"