“Lauren…”

Lauren roused from sleep, squinting against the sun the peeked through her curtains.  Stretching, she turned lazily and glanced at the clock on her night stand.  Groaning at the time, she buried her face in the pillows.

It was a little before 11:00AM.  She’d meant to get up much earlier than that but somehow, her summer days often ended up being sleep-ins.  She had her entire day meticulously planned but now she was two hours behind schedule.  Sighing, she grabbed her phone and flipped it open.  No new messages… That was to be expected.  After all, he didn’t know she was even coming.  Flipping open her photo gallery, she scrolled through her folders until she reached her biggest photo collection.  Her lips curved into a smile as she clicked the first photo in the folder. 

It was a photo of a handsome man in his late thirties.  Taken almost three weeks ago, the backdrop was during the day at a park.  The man was smiling into the camera, his eyes emanating warmth.  In his hands was an iced smoothie that was dripping condensation onto his jeans. 

Lauren’s grin widened as she flipped to the next picture.  This one was taken over a month ago.  It was same man but this time, he wasn’t looking at the camera.  In fact, he was looking the computer screen in front him.  The black-rimmed glasses he wore sat on his nose as he appeared to be fully absorbed in the computer.

The next picture was a self-capture that Lauren took of herself and the man.  She had her one arm around his neck and was leaning her head against his.  Both of them were smiling into the camera, their eyes filled with laughter.

Lauren sighed as she stared at the photo.  Her gaze was fixed on the smiling man.  Her heart sped up at the thought of finally telling him.  She wondered how he’d react… probably surprised.  But she prayed that he wouldn’t be too mindful of their .  After all, they were living in the twenty-first century.  Age was just a number anyways… 

Bringing the phone to her lips, Lauren kissed the screen lightly before sitting up in bed.  Suddenly motivated, she quickly raided her closet.  Settling for a pretty white dress, she slipped it on and washed up.  Walking into the kitchen, she spotted her mother on the couch as her father cooked up a storm.

“Oh, Lauren,” her father said, placing a quick kiss on her head, “Heading out?  We’re having lunch in a little bit.”

“Ah, I’m not eating at home,” Lauren replied, picking up a piece of carrot, “I’ll be back later!”

“Are you going over again?  Will you be home for dinner?” Lauren heard her mother call.

“I don’t know; don’t wait for me!” she called before slipping on her shoes.  Skipping down the stairs of her complex, she paused at the side of the road and flagged down a taxi. 

Feeling excited, Lauren took out her hand mirror and checked her make up.  She didn’t wear a lot, opting to look casually pretty, but she made sure her face was freshly made up.  As she rummaged through her purse, she contemplated putting on lipstick.  She didn’t usually wear it but… the thought of giving him a lipstick stain was too funny to give up.  Carefully, she ran the colour along her lips and pressed them together.  Satisfied, she snapped her mirror shut just as the taxi slowed to a stop outside a large apartment complex.

Thanking the cab driver, she stepped out and breathed in the fresh air.  Adjusting her purse around her shoulders, she skipped her way to the elevators and waited.  As the elevator rose slowly to the tenth floor, Lauren checked her reflection in the elevator mirrors.  She ran a finger through her waist-length brown hair and scrunched it a bit to give it more flare.  Adjusting her dress, she nodded at her reflection.

As the elevator doors opened, Lauren pressed her lips together one last time before walking down the hall to the second door on the left.  Touching her hair again, she knocked three times before hiding against the wall.  She heard the soft shuffling of footsteps from within the complex as the doors opened.

The handsome man peeked out from behind door, a puzzled expression on his handsome features.  When he leaned out into the hall, Lauren jumped up from her position and swung her arms around his neck.  She laughed when he jumped and pressed a heavy kiss on his cheek.

“Lauren!” he said in surprise, automatically wrapping his arms around her waist, “I didn’t know you were coming today.”

“Hmn, Seungho-appa,” she said, admiring the set of red lips that was now stained on his cheek, “I’m hungry.”

“When are you not hungry?” Seungho laughed, letting her go.  He closed the door behind her as she stepped inside.  “If I’d have known you were coming, I would have made something.”

“Hmm,” Lauren said, plopping down onto the couch.  She looked at Seungho as he walked into his open kitchen.  Her heart fluttered as he began pulling out pots and pans.  She placed a hand on her chin and admired him from her perch on the couch. 

He looked nice today.  He was dressed down in a red sweater and grey sweatpants.  His hair looked ruffled and unorganized with the occasional lock sticking out the side.  He had his glasses on, which meant he was probably surfing the web before she came.  He wore cute blue socks on his feet and they were safely tucked into soft cream coloured slippers. 

Lauren sighed silently in contentment.  Seungho looked exactly like he did twelve years ago.  Sure his face had aged a bit, but he was still as handsome as he was all those years ago when they’d first met on the set of Hello Baby.  His eyes were still as warm; his arms still as strong.  Lauren had loved the hugs he gave.  Amidst strangers and intimidating adults, he had provided her with a sense of safety.  After filming had ended, the MBLAQ appas had tried to keep in touch.  But as their schedules became busier, their time spent visiting the children decreased.

Lauren, however, had been determined to stay in touch with him.  She didn’t remember much from the filming but she did remember her first kiss.  She remembered because Seungho had tricked her into giving him a kiss.  She didn’t remember how it felt, but she did remember that she had felt amusingly tricked.  That feeling stuck with her over the years and before she knew it, she began seeing him as more than an appa. 

When she’d finally hit puberty, her hormones had kicked into overdrive.  For the first few years of her teenage life, she had seen rose colours around him every time he spoke.  When they hugged, she’d felt breathless and so overfilled with happiness.  As her body matured, Lauren’s feelings did as well.  Her giddiness slowly dissipated, replaced with a sense of longing.  And today, she was finally going to tell him how she felt.

“I don’t have much,” Seungho said as he rummaged through his fridge, “The guys came by yesterday and cleared out the fridge.”  He pulled out a head of cabbage and placed onto the counter.  He shook his head and sighed.  “Those guys, you’d think they never get fed,” he grumbled as he pulled out some eggs.

“The other appas came?” Lauren asked, walking into the kitchen. 

“Yeah,” Seungho replied, glancing at her, “Mir misses you.”  He grinned as Lauren rolled her eyes. 

“Of course he does,” she laughed, fondly recalling her Mir-appa.  “I’m supposed to marry him some day,” she joked, looking at Seungho.  She watched as he scrunched up his nose.

“As if I’d let that happen,” Seungho snorted, shaking his head.  “Besides, his wife would kill him,” he laughed, “She’d sell his manhwa collection and really make him cry.”

Giggling, Lauren leaned against the counter as she watched Seungho push the sleeves of his sweater up and wash the cabbage.  She secretly admired his forearms as he peeled the vegetable into a basket.  “Isn’t it Minwoo’s birthday soon?” she asked, referring to Mir’s son. 

“Yeah,” Seungho replied, sighing, “The little bugger’s getting old enough to be picky about presents.  I got him a remote control car for Christmas; guess what the brat said to me?”  He turned and glanced at her with an amused face.  “Samchon, this was on sale right?”  Seungho mimicked in a high pitched voice, shaking his head, “What a little…”

Lauren laughed, imagining little Minwoo saying the line with a flat expression. 

“You laugh, but you were like that too,” Seungho teased as he began preparing the stove, “Remember your sixth birthday?”

“Oh please,” Lauren said, rolling her eyes, “Not this again.”

“I’m just saying,” Seungho said lightly as he poured the chopped up cabbage into the frying pan, “You were just as picky with the Pororo doll…”

“That’s because I’d wanted something else,” Lauren said softly, looking at his face.  Her eyes flitted briefly to his full lips before she glanced back up. 

“Yeah, and you wouldn’t tell me what it was,” Seungho said, giving her a pointed look.  He stirred the cabbage in the pan and reached for seasoning.

As he went back to stirring, Lauren suddenly felt compelled to give him a back hug.  Without thinking, she walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

Surprised, he turned slightly and placed a hand on her hands.  “What?” he asked, concern laced in his voice.

“Nothing,” Lauren said, pressing her head against his wide back, “Just feel like it.  Chalk it up to my Canadian blood.”  She heard his laughter reverberate through his chest.  She snuggled her cheek against his shoulder blade and breathed in his scent.  And there it was again… that weird sense of longing.  It was almost like a craving that she couldn’t satisfy.

“Seungho-appa,” she said softly, placing her chin in between his shoulder blades and looking up at the back of his head.

“Hmm?” Seungho replied, tasting a piece of cabbage.

Lauren mouthed the words ‘I love you’ silently before a rush of giggles hit her.  She snuggled her face into his back as she couldn’t help the burst of laughter.  Her face turned a soft shade of pink and her heart raced against her chest.

“Hmm?” Seungho said again in amusement as he tried to turn around.  “Why are you laughing?” he asked, his face puzzled, “And why are you so red?”

“Mehrong,” Lauren said cutely before skirting out of the kitchen and into the bathroom.  Closing the door behind her, she sat down on the toilet cover and let out a deep breath.  She hadn’t even confessed yet and her heart was already ready to jump out of .  How was she ever going to do this?

A soft knock came from the door, making her heart skip a beat.

“Lauren?” Seungho said through the door, “You okay?”

Taking a deep breath, Lauren stood and placed a hand over her heart.  Looking in the mirror, she nodded confidently and exhaled.  “Yes,” she called, relieved her voice didn’t shake.

There was a brief pause of silence on the other side before Seungho said, “Okay; lunch is ready.”

Opening the bathroom door, Lauren walked back into the kitchen just as Seungho began pulling out bowls.  He glanced at her with concern on his face.  Setting the bowls on the counter, he waved her over.  Lauren walked over obligingly, her heart beating a mile a minute. 

Her heart fluttered when Seungho reached out and placed a hand on her forehead.  He placed the other on his own and checked her temperature.  Frowning, he pulled her face to his and placed his cheek against her forehead to double check her temperature again.

“You’re a little hot,” he murmured, “Are you sick?” 

Lauren couldn’t contain it.  She was so close to him… she felt as if her heart would burst.  Leaning in, she closed the gap between them and placed a soft kiss on his lips.  The touch felt heavenly.  Her lips tingled at the contact and her hands trembled as they gripped his sweater.  She pulled away, however, when she felt Seungho stiffen.  She looked at him, her heart sinking fast. 

Seungho’s expression was one of shock as he stared back at her.  Unsure of what to say, he opened and closed his mouth like a fish before he stuttered, “Lau… Lauren…”

Lauren felt her stomach drop to her feet.  His shock was somewhat expected, but she thought he would sweep her up in his arms.  Instead, he just stood there stiff as a board.  After a brief moment of awkward silence, Lauren quickly put a grin on her face and said, “Why are you so surprised?”  Jokingly, she kissed him again before turning away.  Her heart in , she used every muscle in her face to maintain her smile.

Seungho gaped as she grabbed the bowls and pulled out a rice scoop from the drawer.  “I…” he said, unsure of what to say.

“It’s not the first time we kissed,” she said, rolling her eyes dramatically.  She tried to shrug off her rush of emotions but she could feel the tears stinging the back of her eyes.

“No but…” Seungho said slowly, watching her carefully, “You’re… older now so…”

“If you don’t want to kiss, just say so,” Lauren said, trying to keep her voice light.  She turned her back to him and made to scoop the rice.  She could feel hot tears burning her eyes.  She bit her lip in frustration as a tear leaked through her eyes.  She couldn’t let him see…

“Lauren…?” Seungho said, taking a step forward.

Silently, the tears streamed down her face as Lauren tried to scoop more rice into the bowl.  Putting the bowl down, she tried to make a dash for the bathroom but Seungho’s hand on her arm stopped her.

“Lauren,” he said softly, confusion in his face, “Why are you crying?”  He pulled her into a hug and soothed her by running his hand up and down her back.  “Did I do something wrong?” he asked, concern in his voice.

Lauren sniffed as she rubbed her face into his sweater.  It was now or never… “I… I don’t want to call you appa,” she said quietly, her voice muffled by his sweater, “I don’t want to be your daughter.”

Seungho’s hand faltered as he looked down at her, his face more confused than ever.  Silently, he waited for her to continue.

Looking up at him, Lauren placed both hands on his face and said, “I want to call you oppa.”  She searched his eyes as they widened in surprise.  “Do you understand?” she asked, her voice cracking a little bit.

“Lauren…” Seungho said, taking a hold of her wrists.  He bit his lip as she stared at him.  He opened and closed his mouth but wasn’t sure what to say.

Lauren felt her knees buckle as she suddenly fell to her knees in a crouched position.  She lowered her head into her arms and hid the fresh tears that poured down her face.  She knew exactly what he was thinking.  This would never work; she would never be considered by him as a woman instead of a daughter.

“Lauren,” Seungho said softly, crouching down to meet her, “I’m sorry.”  He pulled at her arm gently but she didn’t look up.  Sighing, he took her hand and said,  “Lauren, I’m sorry.  I… I’m your appa-”

“But you’re not!” Lauren interrupted, lifting her head up and glaring at him, “You’re not my appa!”

Seungho was at a loss for words.  Taking a deep breath, he said, “You’re right.  I’m not your real appa.  But I can’t be your oppa either.  You’re… you’re a daughter to me.  That won’t change.”  His expression softened as he tried to convey his feelings.  “It makes me happy that you’re giving me your affections but I can’t return them.  Not this kind.”

Lauren’s lips trembled as she stared at him.  She’d wanted to tell him for so long but now that she had, she wished she’d never opened .  She wished she’d never kissed him twelve years ago; she wished the seed of longing had never been planted. 

“But I like you so much,” Lauren murmured, wiping her eyes with her sleeve, “You’re… my first love.  You think I’m too young…”

Seungho smiled and pulled her into a hug.  “Age… we do have a big but that’s not why.  I feel so honoured,” he said sincerely, “But Lauren… you’ll find someone who’s going to fall head over heels for you one day.  They’re going to sweep you off your feet and make you forget all about me.”  He placed a gentle kiss on top of her head.

“But what if I don’t?” she murmured into his chest, “What if there isn’t anyone better than you?”

“There’s always someone better,” Seungho said gently.  He pulled her away and smiled the warmest smile she’d seen in a while.  “Thank you for liking me,” he said.

Lauren looked back at him, her feelings much lighter than they had been.  As she took in his soft and handsome features, she felt another feeling rush through her.  She felt so grateful to him for being who he was.  And as he pulled her up, she smiled gently and wiped her tears.  He always knew how to make her feel better. 

“Now,” Seungho said, ruffling her hair, “I don’t know about you but I’m hungry.”  He waited for her answer, still a bit unsure of himself.

Lauren nodded as Seungho pinched her cheek.  She watched as he turned and scooped out a second bowl of rice.  As she watched him bring the bowls to the table, she still felt the same longing she had felt before.  But now, she felt an affection that was somewhat different as well. 

As she watched him set the table she knew that, no matter what he’d said, Seungho would always have a special place in her heart.  It was true that he was her first love.  And he may have been right about someone coming to sweep her off her feet.  But she knew that Seungho would always be the first man she fell in love with.  And although he couldn’t return her love, she knew that she had a special place in his heart too.

THE END

Author's notes:

appa - father, dad

oppa - brother, also a term women call their boyfriends

A bit of a weird pairing huh?  I thought of this last night as I was falling asleep because I'd been browsing through Hello Baby episodes.  Lauren's relationship with Seungho was my absolute favourite.  I thought I'd fast forward 12 years and see what happens... BTW, I solidly believe Seungho will be just as hot as he is now in 12 years.