Day 1 Saturday, March 15 , 2006  

Dear Diary //I feel really stupid, aish, why do I have to do this again? Stupid Hana. Ouch//,

First off , I think an introduction is needed. At least Hana told me to do it. She's my best friend. The one currently looking over my shoulder while I write. She's literally breathing in my neck. No wonder people are creeped out by her behaviour. //Ouch. That hurt! Hey, don't erase it!!//

Anyway. My name's Yoo Eunchae. I'm eighteen years young, currently attending xxxx highschool in Seoul.

I love taking photos- mostly of Jaejoong oppa.( If you didn't know him- shame on you- he's DBSK's(=Dong Bang Shin Ki) main vocalist.) He's simply too sweet for his own good. I mean it. The way his tongue sweeps across his puffy lips- he blushes, smiles, smirks, breathes, sings, speaks, laughs, just exists- I'm sorry I think I'm getting off topic. 

Anyway. I don't know what to write or how to express my current situation.

It's hard to explain in words- this dark side of me.

Your probably thinking right now: Woah, this chick has lost it.  But stop, don't get a wrong image of me. I'm not a murderer. I'm not that strange.  I'm just- just  kind of different from most fans. And If I could, believe me, I would keep that side locked away, push it deep inside of me so that it can never reach the surface.

But looking at those god like creatures makes me feel so alive. 

I desire to touch and kiss them, make them realize that I exist, that my love is stronger than anything. And that no matter what happens I will always support DBSK. ( as long as they don't get a girlfriend)

I'm what you would call a 'sasaeng' fan. If you don't know what that is, look it up. Google is your friend.

I'm not the only one. There are other people like me.

They break into their dorm, throw rocks at their faces, follow them with a taxi, give their menstrual blood as gifts, write bloody letters about how much they love them etc[... ] Sounds crazy, right? I agree. Following them with a taxi would costs too much money. I prefer my own car and keep it cheap. //Aish! Hana! Stop erasing my sentence! Get out of my room. Get out- finally! Aish, she's so annoying. Seriously.//

Well, where was I? Ah right!

 I slowly realized that DBSK doesn't appreciate our support. At all.

To the contrary, they seem to hate what we do. They appear to loath people like me. And I don't want to be hated. I don't want to see Jaejoong oppa glaring at me. I don't want him to hate me. I don't want him to hate me. I don't want him to hate me. I don't want him to hate me. He can't. He can't. Not him. Not Jaejoong oppa.

The one who can light up my whole world with a single smile. The one who can make me forget all the bad, when opening his mouth and singing from his soul. The one whom I would give my life for without hesitation. The one who picked me up when I reached a point in life where simply existing hurt.

Jaejoong oppa. Jaejoong oppa. Jaejoong oppa. Jaejoong oppa.<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<33<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

I wouldn't be able to endure his hate.

And that's why I need to stop. That's why I'm writing into this stupid diary. To stop myself from hurting the person who I love the most on this planet. 

My Jaejoong oppa.

I love him.