whoaaaa okay okay it’s been a while since i last posted here, no? ;A; now i have something for you all~~~~

psstt this is originally written by elchando! i just helped a bit here and there hahaha.

enjoy! <3

I remember how everything always went well when that boy was still in my life, when he was still persistently orbiting around me. I remember everything, although maybe he thought I would never do.

I, Park Chanyeol, may also be the one and only person in this world who can laugh at the memories of him, the one and only person in this world who can feel his presence here although he is now far away from me. He is always with me, has been and will always be.

Right here and now, the faint music of Thunder playing in the practice room is still heard, but my mind is wandering to somewhere else—some place where it is just two of us, holding hands and smiling warmly at each other; some place where we live together with each other for a long, long time.

But I am not going to lie that whenever his part in that song comes, everything that happened on that faithful day replays in my head. I know he hates to see me cry, so I smile. I smile, because he said he loved my smile the most no matter how much it made me look like an idiot.

I remember when the members said that it was not the end, that our career must go on. I remember shouting at them in anger, telling that it was the end of me, of Park Chanyeol.

I lost my sunshine.

Well, people say that regret always comes too late, no? I was a fool back then for not believing it, but now I understand, now I feel it.

He, the boy I have mentioned before, the boy who is still occupying this special spot in my heart, mind, and soul until this very moment, is the one who made me regret one thing.

So yeah, that boy named Byun Baekhyun, is now my everything.

ℓℓℓ

Have you ever had any idea about the real identity of some idols when the cameras are not rolling and when they are not performing on the stage? Playboys, jerks, es, you name it.

I used to be one of them.

In a month, I could be dating more than fingers in one hand could count. It could be with some popular female or male idol, stylist noona, or even the manager of another boyband. As long as they were fun to be with, then I would definitely go for them.

Back then, it was something I considered normal because, like I said, I was a jerk—an insensitive one at that.

I am sure my fans would flip if they knew.

However, there was this one boy who would always wait for me by the door, staying awake until very late at night so that he could greet me when I entered the dorm. He would give me a smile, a really nice one, although I reeked of alcohol.

Chanyeol-ah, are you okay? Did you get hurt on your way home? Those questions were the ones he always asked whenever I got home after clubbing. His slender arms would always support me whenever my drunk-self stumbled, and he would go all worried like a mother would. When it happened, I would always yank his arms off me and curse at him, telling him that I was fine on my own, that I would never need his help. And instead of getting upset after what I did, he would just flash another smile before saying okay.

I was so stupid.

ℓℓℓ

There were times when I hated Baekhyun, one of them being when I was arguing with Junmyeon, the leader of EXO. As a leader, it is just right to take responsibility of everything about your group members and tell them what is right and wrong, no? A selfish me in the past did not know that.

I still can remember that one summer day when I was in a heated argument with Junmyeon hyung because I was caught by sasaengs when having a car date with a girlband member. Junmyeon hyung was reaching his limit and he was about to throw a punch at me, but Baekhyun swiftly hugged me tight and turned us around with his back facing the raging male, clearly trying to stop our leader from hurting me. Junmyeon hyung gritted his teeth before taking his anger on the poor coffee table standing nearby, kicking it as hard as he could while saying how stupid Baekhyun was for always protecting someone as careless as me.

You are so ing stupid, Park Chanyeol. You will regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. I remember hearing those words right before Junmyeon hyung disappeared into his own room and slammed the door shut, and I also remember how I just laughed it off before pushing Baekhyun off me and going to the bar for a good drink.

Junmyeon hyung was right, I regret everything now, I really do.

ℓℓℓ

I remember how everyone around me always said that Baekhyun was the best person alive and I inwardly agreed that he indeed was a really, really good boy. Sometimes I even asked myself, how is his heart so pure and just… precious?

More often than not, I harshly snapped at him, spurting out profanities stored in my mental lexicon that probably would hurt his feeling. But guess what he did in return? He smiled; he just smiled at me even after I hurt his heart. He still helped me, still let me order him around.

I remember there was this one night when our manager informed us that one of my members decided to leave the group. Tao, our youngest Chinese member, could not stop crying and screaming at the news in the practice room. I noticed everyone looked so goddamn tired and exhausted, both physically and mentally, everyone except him.

I was about to stand up and leave the room to have fresh air when I saw Baekhyun scooting closer to Minseok, our oldest hyung, and reaching out his hands to wipe th