if you feel familiar with the first few paragraphs then, yes, maybe you've read this one. ;D

It never crossed Baekhyun’s mind how envious he would be upon seeing couples go to this festival.

He bit the inside of his cheek as his gaze darted from this to that smiling couple walking past him, all heading to the same direction. Once he reached the park where the festival was held, he finally let his heart crack when he saw many couples under the cherry blossom trees. If only he were still alive…

He stepped further into the park, trying to admire the beauty of cherry blossoms he fancied. This type of flower was the one he liked the most, thanks to his mother who had introduced it to him when he was five. Back then, his mother, who was Japanese, would always say that she wanted Baekhyun to be like sakura that could capture many people’s hearts. Despite the fact that cherry blossoms died fast, it indeed was a lovely flower that stole people’s hearts because of its beauty. She did not want her son to be loved because of his appearance only, though; she wanted Baekhyun to be a person who had a beautiful heart also.

Baekhyun looked around one last time before leaving the festival. The beauty cherry blossom offered this time did not really touch his heart like before. If anything, those happy couples under the cherry blossom only contradicted him.

His heart was undeniably numb.

Baekhyun met Chanyeol for the first time a few days after he came to the cherry blossom festival.

Baekhyun had been doing a part-time job at a flower shop two blocks down from his house for almost a year now. He was far from poor, sure, but he liked the feeling when helping those who could not speak what was in their hearts and chose to put their thoughts on flowers instead. He worked from Monday to Friday in the evening after school and his boss, Yixing, would pay him extra if he worked on Saturday and Sunday with the same hours. Baekhyun only did that when he was free of homework the next week, though.

The bell jingled and Baekhyun immediately shoved a ripped paper he was previously reading into his jeans’ pocket. A tall boy with big, innocent eyes and short honey brown hair entered the shop and Baekhyun automatically greeted him.

“What can I get for you?” he asked while approaching that boy, a forced and practiced smile on his face.

“Umm,” that tall boy puffed his cheeks and looked around before his eyes stopped at the fresh flowers in the corner. “Can you give me twelve red roses?”

Baekhyun’s smile faltered a bit as he made his way to the said flower, body slightly shaking from the sudden wave of emotions. “You want to declare your love for someone?”

The tall boy chuckled awkwardly. “Yeah, you can say that.”

Baekhyun took the exact number of the wanted flowers and brought them to his desk to be wrapped with plastic and red ribbon. He could not help the pain in his chest as he finished tying the ribbon because the bouquet was exactly what his boyfriend gave him on his confession last year. The tall boy paid for the flower and thanked Baekhyun before taking his leave. Right after he was all alone again in the shop, Baekhyun finally let his tears fall.

His boyfriend was dead last February and Baekhyun had not been whole since then.

“Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun ignored Luhan’s calling and just stared at the same ripped paper in his hand. It was Saturday but Baekhyun was not in the mood to go for some extra money at the flower shop so he stayed home instead.

His vision started to get blurred with tears as he scanned the paper over and over. He knew it was a bit of silly to make this kind of thing but, yes, he had twelve things listed on that paper and only number ten was not crossed yet.

 

Things I want from my lover:

Good morning and good night texts Sincere compliments Pictures taken together Surprises, especially little ones Cooking or bringing favourite food A hoodie with my lover’s scent all over it Comfort and patience when I’m in tears Singing my favourite songs, even if it is out of tune Really long hugs Coming to cherry blossom festival together Real, deep conversations but also nonsense ones Telling me how much their love is

 

“Baekhyun, look at me,” Luhan harshly grabbed the list and slammed it down on the table. He had been living with Baekhyun for four years—Baekhyun’s parents never stayed home more than a week in a month due to their business—so he knew what happened to his cousin’s love life. Placing both of his hands on the said boy’s shoulders, he looked deep into a pair of glassy eyes. “Byun Baekhyun, you have to move on. He will not be happy seeing you like this. You have been dwelling on the past too much. Look at yourself losing weight like this, you are practically a walking stick! You are here, but you are not really here. You are like a living zombie.”

“He will never accompany me to the cherry blossom festival, Lu.”

“Baekhyun.”

“He freaking told me he would never leave me but look at what happened, Luhan,” Baekhyun’s voice was almost inaudible. “He left me and will never come back, right?”

“Baek—”

The sudden knocks on the front door stopped their conversation. Although Baekhyun was feeling miserable, he immediately got up from the couch and rubbed his moist eyes before walking up to open the door. It was like a silent agreement between them that whoever knocked on their house’s door, Baekhyun would always be the one opening it. There was no particular reason behind it; he just liked having the honor of being the first to know who the guest was and having the authority to let or not let the guess in.

Baekhyun didn’t know why but his heart just skipped a beat as he saw that it was the tall boy who bought red roses two days ago. He looked fresh—from the shower, perhaps?—and was wearing a plain white v-neck t-shirt with tight dark blue jeans and for a moment Baekhyun was mesmerized.

“Oh! It is you,” the tall boy grinned widely as soon as realization hit him. “It has been a week since I moved in with Sehun but I did not know you liv—oh God, were you crying?!”

The question caught Baekhyun off guard a bit but he managed to look expressionless. “Not your business.”

“Ah, umm, okay,” the tall boy rubbed his nape in embarrassment before holding out a thick book as he remembered his intention to come. “I am Sehun’s friend who lives with him now and he told me to give this novel to Lu…han? yeah, Luhan, who lives here. He cannot do it himself because he will not be back until midnight today and he said Luhan would be angry if the book is not with him by this evening. So, are you… Luhan?”

Baekhyun just blinked before shaking his head no. “But Luhan lives here with me.”

“Oh, good!” the tall boy looked so relieved. “Please give this to him, uh…”

Baekhyun took the book from the tall boy’s hand. “Baekhyun.”

“Baekhyun. I am Park Chanyeol. Nice to meet you, Baekhyun,” the tall—okay, Chanyeol bowed a little. “Well, I will just get going then. Bye, Baekhyun! See you around!”

Baekhyun just stood there, watching as Chanyeol's tall figure disappeared in the corner.

He did not know that by meeting Chanyeol, his new adventure had started.

The next morning, Luhan unmanly squealed and ran back to the kitchen to tell Baekhyun, who was having breakfast, that he found a yellow tulip slipped in their gate with to: Baekhyun from: CY written on the card attached to it.

Baekhyun’s list was then secretly hidden in Luhan’s wallet.

It turned out that Chanyeol was a transferred student in Baekhyun’s school. The third time they met was at the bus stop near their houses a week later and that was when Chanyeol officially asked Baekhyun to be his friend. The new boy was absolutely delighted upon seeing Baekhyun slightly nodded his head although reluctantly.

The shorter boy was already used to go to the school alone—Luhan was graduated last year and his boyfriend had passed away—so he found it weird to have someone excitedly talk to him nonstop during the short bus ride to Seoul Art High School where he studied.

It felt kind of good, though.

Befriending Chanyeol was surprisingly easy.

Baekhyun could not pinpoint when exactly they became good friends. All he knew was that Chanyeol asked for his number one day and he had been receiving simple text messages from him like rise and shine or sleep tight since then. Baekhyun also could not tell when exactly his new friend started showing up at his door at seven every morning with that stupid, endearing grin he started to adore. They would then go to school together even if they were in different classes. If that was not enough, Chanyeol often visited Baekhyun at the flower shop. Sometimes he just hung out there, sometimes he cheerfully helped Baekhyun serve the customers or deliver the flowers.

To Baekhyun, being accompanied by someone unexpectedly felt nice. The question why Luhan or Yixing did not give this effect on him was put in the back of his head.

“What is wrong?” Baekhyun asked as he saw Chanyeol frown while scrolling through his phone’s photo gallery. They were having lunch at the cafeteria, seated at the table far by the window.

Days passed by in a blur and it was already one month after his first meeting with Chanyeol at the flower shop—yes, he counted?—and Baekhyun found himself slowly going back to the Baekhyun in the past before his boyfriend’s accident happened. He might not talk much like what he used to, but at least he talked more than he did in the few past months. He also started giving small, real smiles occasionally to the people around him. Since the day his boyfriend passed away, Baekhyun was mostly silent and looked gloomy, but Chanyeol made it easy for him to open up in just a few weeks.

But no way would Baekhyun admit that he changed.

“I just realized I do not have any photo of you in my phone for your contact,” Chanyeol’s frown only got deeper but somehow it made him look cuter instead. Seconds later, he shrugged his shoulder off and clicked on the camera feature on his phone. “Let’s just take your photo now.”

Baekhyun was still thinking about Chanyeol’s request when he suddenly heard a snapping sound. The other’s bright smile told him that the photo was taken already even before he got the time to pose. It all happened too fast and he actually did not like it, he never did, when someone took a photo of him when he was o’t ready but somehow he just could not find it in him to be angry at Chanyeol.

“Now,” the taller boy sipped on his Iced Coffee before casually draping an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder and pulled him close. His free hand set his front camera on and angled it so that their faces were on the center of the screen. He grinned at the camera before clicking the snap button.

“Oh, we look good!” Chanyeol exclaimed as he saw the result.

“Really?” Baekhyun immediately leaned closer to see it himself and quickly pouted. His blank face did not match with Chanyeol’s grinning one, not at all.

Chanyeol nodded excitedly before angling the camera again for another photo, though. “Once more, Baek! Say chee~se!”

Perhaps it was because of the sunny day, perhaps it was because Baekhyun got an A on Mr. Na’s pop quiz earlier, perhaps it was because Baekhyun did not want any more of his blank face got captured, or perhaps it was just simply because of Chanyeol that Baekhyun’s lips immediately formed a happy smile, showing his pearly whites, and his eyes turned into crescent moons.

“I like this one!” Chanyeol set the newly-taken photo to be his wallpaper and giggled to himself.

In the photo, there was the biggest, real smile Baekhyun made after his boyfriend passed away.

Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol’s happy face as the latter finished his Iced Coffee and he felt warm spreading in all over in his chest. Chanyeol made smiling so easy.

It went unnoticed.

Baekhyun did not know when he stopped having a nightmare about his dead boyfriend. He also did not know how big Luhan’s smile was when he said he needed to buy some pairs of new jeans because the ones he had no longer fit.

On the side note, Baekhyun also completely forgot that Chanyeol came to him in the first place to buy twelve red roses for someone.

It was September already and since two weeks ago, Baekhyun had stopped working on weekends. No, it was not because he had lots of homework or paper to do; it was because Chanyeol always had something for them to do together. Going to the city library, watching sunset, bicycling at Hangang River, you name it. However, today was Saturday and Baekhyun’s phone had not been going off since he woke up. Usually, he would receive a text or call from Chanyeol before nine in the morning telling him where their destination would be.

“You can just text him first, you know,” Luhan commented as he heard Baekhyun release another sigh while looking at his phone. “Chanyeol, right?”

Baekhyun just pouted and put his chin atop his crossed arms on the dining table, earning a mental squeal because it had been so long since he last saw his cousin like that.

After a while, someone knocked on their front door and, just like usual, Baekhyun ran up to open it. He was a bit startled for being greeted by a bouquet of white lilies right in front of his face. What is this? Who brought this? However, he had no time to ask who was holding the bouquet because it was suddenly tilted to the side and Chanyeol’s smiling face came into view. “Tadaaaa~”

Baekhyun’s heart uncontrollably swelled in feels. It was the same reaction his precious little heart did whenever Chanyeol appeared with little surprises. He did not remember the date but it was still fresh in his mind how speechless he was when Chanyeol showed up in front of his front door one day with a huge teddy bear for him. There was also one particular day when the taller gave him a jar of his little handmade paper stars out of the blue. Their impromptu trip to Jeju Island for two days—just because Chanyeol wanted it—was also something worth to be memorized forever.

There were still tons of little surprises Chanyeol had randomly given, though.

“This is for you, Baek,” Chanyeol said as he handed the bouquet over to the said boy. “I walked past your flower shop on my way back from the convenient store an hour ago and Yixing was arranging some lilies into a bucket and I suddenly thought about you so I bought it and I hope you like lilies but if not you can just throw them into the trash can.”

Chanyeol was rambling but Baekhyun could care less. He rarely got a surprise bouquet from someone—the last one being his dead boyfriend; even his parents, his older brother, and his close cousin named Jongin only gave him that on graduation days—and now that someone did it again, he could not help but feeling flustered.

“Baek?” panic was visible on Chanyeol’s face as he saw how the other’s eyes turned glassy. “Baek, if you do not like—”

“I like it. So much,” Baekhyun gave Chanyeol a wobbly smile, trying his best not to be too emotional. “Thank you, Chanyeol.”

“Are you really okay? Reallly really really okay?”

“I swear, giraffe,” Baekhyun giggled before stepping aside, rubbing his eyes to get the tears away. “Come in. Luhan is making lunch.”

“Umm, actually…” Chanyeol trailed off, nervously biting his lower lip. Seconds passed by before he eventually spoke again. “My friend, Kyungsoo, works at the Italian restaurant that serves your favorite black pepper spaghetti and I asked him to teach me how to make that. I… um, I actually have prepared our lunch today.”

“Are you saying that you cooked my favorite spaghetti?” Baekhyun could not help his growing smile. “Is this bouquet the invitation?”

“The bouquet was not planned, I swear.”

Baekhyun softly laughed before telling Chanyeol to just wait at Sehun’s house while he put the flowers into a vase filled with water and placed it on his own dining table. Luhan just playfully wiggled his eyebrows at him in return.

The spaghetti was overcooked and the sauce was too salty but Baekhyun still asked for another plate because Chanyeol made it for him—specially for him. A cute Rillakkuma patterned band-aid wrapped around Chanyeol’s left index finger and its opened package near the used pot did not go unnoticed by Baekhyun.

Baekhyun was known as a bright student and his teachers adored him very much. Logic and finality were always thick in the arguments he spoke in his classes but when it came to Chanyeol… it was different.

He remembered that one day when he randomly asked Chanyeol why he left his hometown and transferred to Seoul Art High School. With a serious face, Chanyeol explained about his dream to be a musician. He wanted to deliver his feelings and entertain people through music. He wanted to express whatever was on his mind through somegthing other people could enjoy as well. The taller boy also said that he even got into a heated argument with his father because of that decision. His father forced him to be a lawyer like his mother, but he really had no interest in it. Chanyeol also added that his mother got paranoid of letting him alone in a big city like Seoul, thus, he lived with Sehun, his close childhood friend who had moved first to Seoul.

Baekhyun did not know how to reply when Chanyeol asked for his opinion about that because he wanted to be a singer and pianist since his parents told him so.

The deep conversations happened once in a while but the type of conversation Baekhyun liked the most was the funny, non-sense ones. He still remembered the day Chanyeol whispered a joke in his ear when they were in the library, studying for their upcoming exams.

“What does zero always say to eight?”

“What?”

“Nice belt.”

That was just one of billions non-sense things Chanyeol said that never failed to make Baekhyun giggle or, when it was just too silly, crazily guffaw like a maniac no matter where they were at that time.

Sometimes, Baekhyun unexpectedly threw a joke back.

“What does O say to Q?”

“What, Baek?”

“Hey, put that thing back inside your pants.”

Chanyeol would then burst out in laughter and clap like a seal and Baekhyun would heartily mirror him. Park Chanyeol unexpectedly helped Byun Baekhyun beautifully blossom once again.

It was finally the day.

Today was the last day of September and Baekhyun felt like burying himself under some blankets, crying his heart out, and not getting up from his bed until tomorrow. If only his boyfriend were still alive, he would eagerly jump out of his bed to take a shower and prepare a surprise for their first anniversary.

It was just a memory now.

Baekhyun did not even get to sleep last night. After having dinner together with Luhan, Sehun, and Chanyeol at the small eatery nearby yesterday, he just curled up on his bed and stared at the starry night through his window, knowing what day today was.

The unwanted tears helplessly fell. All the sweet memories he once had with his boyfriend came flooding on his mind and his chest tightened in such a painful way. It was just way too much.

Baekhyun hated himself. Ever since Chanyeol stepped into his life, the taller’s laughs and smiles occupied his heart and mind to the point that he no longer felt lifeless like before. Yes, sometimes he still thought about the past but it did not hurt so much anymore. He was grateful for finally being able to truly be happy so why was he crying hard like this now?

His phone’s alarm went off at six in the morning as usual, but he just stopped it without showing any sign of wanting to get up and start his day. He even ignored Luhan’s knocks on his door ten minutes later as well.

As predicted, Chanyeol popped up at his front door at seven only to see Luhan being the one to open it.

Without any clear reason, Baekhyun’s tears streamed down faster and he covered his face with a pillow to muffle his sobs, not hearing the sound of his unlocked door opening and closing. He felt the right side of his bed dip and at first he thought it was Luhan but then a familiar deep voice proved him wrong. “Baek, what is wrong?”

Baekhyun’s mind was a mess. Should I just tell Chanyeol everything?

The pillow pressed against his face was slowly pulled away and he could see Chanyeol’s worried face through his blurred vision. Chanyeol then gently pulled him up so that he was now sitting before wordlessly embracing him in a warm hug and rubbing his back in a comforting manner.

That was it.

Baekhyun clutched at the back of Chanyeol’s uniform and cried his heart out against the taller’s shoulder, damping his neatly ironed uniform. He never knew that being in Chanyeol’s arms would feel like this.

Comforting. Safe. Warm.

Minutes passed by and with the continuous soothing rubs on his back from Chanyeol, Baekhyun’s cries slowly died down and he just let occasional sniffles. He reluctantly pulled himself away and was about to wipe his tears when Chanyeol beat him to it. The latter cupped his face in his big, soft hands then wiped the tears away using the pad of his thumbs. He slightly bent down so he was at the eye level with Baekhyun. “Just cry your heart out until you are good, mmkay? Do not stop your tears from falling because, hey, I am here to wipe them dry. I am here to stop the pain whenever your heart hurts, Baek. I may not be the person to make the pain end but I will do anything to never see you cry again.”

Baekhyun just gave a slight nod in reply and Chanyeol embraced him once again, not letting him go even after the smaller had fallen asleep in his arms and realizing that they had skipped school.

The day after his break down, Baekhyun quickly typed a text message to Chanyeol right after he finished his last class, asking if they could go for ice cream feast and head to Hangang Park to watch the fireworks festival tonight. He needed to cheer himself up and the festival had been on his mind for a week but he always forgot to tell Chanyeol. So after the crying he did yesterday, the ice cream and festival sounded perfect.

The reply came in less than fifteen seconds and Baekhyun called Yixing that he would take his break today. After his boss agreed, he also called Luhan to inform that he would not be going home until midnight to watch fireworks festival with Chanyeol.

He did not see the grateful smile on Luhan’s face, of course.

He met Chanyeol at the cafeteria, hearing a few female students not so secretly squeal while ogling at Chanyeol. Yes, his friend was quite a catch in their school, thanks to his towering height and blessed baby face. When Chanyeol finally sat in front of him, he scrunched up his nose in distaste. “You are not that handsome, giraffe, why are girls head over heels for you?”

“I am handsome, shorty!” Chanyeol exclaimed before making some poses he personally thought as handsome poses which cracked Baekhyun up. Flashing a cheeky smile, he then reached over the table to ruffle Baekhyun’s soft brown locks. His eyes softened as he did not find any trace of sadness on the shorter’s face anymore. “I am glad you are feeling better today, Baek. You look prettiest without tears.”

Baekhyun sincerely smiled up at Chanyeol and took the latter’s hand before dragging out of the cafeteria. “C’mon! I can hear my favorite Banana Split calling for me!”

None of them spoke about the shocking electricity they felt when their skins met.

They spent almost four hours at the ice cream shop, trying various types and flavors of ice cream. Baekhyun had a hard time getting up and walking to the bus stop—he was always a few steps behind Chanyeol—so Chanyeol offered to piggyback him in which he gratefully agreed. They took the bus that headed straight to Hangang Park. Baekhyun felt suffocated the moment he stepped in the bus because of how packed the vehicle was. He could not step out since the passengers behind him kept pushing him forward, though.

An arm sneaked around his waist and his body was then pulled forward. The first thing that popped out in his mind was scream at the top of his lungs—he thought it was ’s—but he calmed down when he found out it was Chanyeol’s. They got stuck in the middle of the bus and Chanyeol used his free hand to hold on the pole nearby, the other one still held him close by his waist. He was faced with Chanyeol’s broad chest and only God knows why he suddenly had the sudden urge to just lean against it… in which he did.

Baekhyun thought the bus was not so bad after all.

After alighting at the bus stop near Hangang Park, they walked to the venue and searched for the best spot to see the colorful fireworks. Once they found it, they bought a mat to sit from an old lady and unrolled it. The mat turned out to be not that big and Chanyeol had already sat on it so Baekhyun got no other choice than to sit in between the taller’s legs because, one, the old lady was nowhere to be seen, two, it was getting crowded already, and three, he did not want to dirt his uniform pants by sitting on the damp grass.

Baekhyun fished out his phone to play a game to kill the time but after twenty minutes passed, his back got tired from sitting up straight. He slightly turned his head to peek at Chanyeol only to see that the other was just looking around. He gnawed at his lower lip, tempted to just lean against Chanyeol to rest his aching back but he was afraid that—

“You can lean on me, you know. Your back must be tired,” was all Chanyeol said before encircling his strong arms around Baekhyun’s chest and pulling him backward. Just then, the first firework went off in the night sky with a loud sound. “It is started, Baek!”

Baekhyun looked up and, yes, the colorful fireworks burst out here and there with different shapes. He snuggled more in Chanyeol’s arms until he found the most comfortable position and enjoyed the wonderful show. Years ago, Baekhyun thought that he would always do this with his boyfriend only but now his first boyfriend was dead and Chanyeol was not his boyfriend but he surprisingly was not bothered about it at all.

The arms holding him tightened a bit and Baekhyun smiled to himself before placing his hands on top of them. He felt Chanyeol place his head on his left shoulder so he playfully knocked their heads together, making Chanyeol chuckle and tickle his sides in revenge. He squirmed but Chanyeol did not even loose his hold, not even the slightest. When the tickling stopped, Baekhyun slumped back against Chanyeol’s chest, still laughing a bit, and rested his head on the junction between the taller boy’s neck and shoulder.

The night was getting colder but Baekhyun felt warm in Chanyeol’s arms.