She never thought parties were so cumbersome
StayWhy hello there, you. Still reading this huh? Anyway, half-day at work today so I managed to gather my thoughts for an update.
Her palms were sweaty.
Very sweaty.
The animated surroundings seemed mute to her ears as she could only hear the frantic thrumming of her heart in synch with the mild yet growing throb in her head. She huffed for the umpteenth time that night, as if huffing would lessen the nervousness b inside of her.
She could feel a headache about to kick in.
She thinks of possible ways to escape this sticky situation. When Sunkyu told her that Tiffany's back in town, she grew restless, in her idle times, it's all she could think about. What's the proper way of greeting her again? Should we hug or just give a small nod or maybe i should just bury myself alive, she thinks as she presses a certain button on the elevator and hopes that the other girl left behind would move faster so she won't have to face it alone.
Coward. she says to herself but quickly takes it back.
No, i'm not the coward one. It's you.
Each step seemed heavy, as if she's walking with metal weights clasped on her ankles. It was like a death sentence, the doomed destination is where she will die.
Two years.
Two long years of misery and here she is, about to see the cause of all those. It was one of the most nerve-wracking situations she's been in, she had barely made it alive after the infamous ditch, she actually thought it'd be possible to die of excessive heartache.
They were on constant watch by the public, they're fans especially. She and Tiffany were pretty famous and a good portion of they're fans already deemed that they have been dating for years, although that was somehow true.
She had analyzed it long before, when she was still in the stages of questioning her own feelings and trying to decode Tiffany's. Looking back, she herself, would find it skeptical.
The things she had done with Tiffany.
Maybe the other people were wrong about calling their couple pairing fans delusional. Because she thought that she herself, seriously doesn't know how she could look at the two of them and their interactions and say they're just best friends. I mean, constantly stealing glances at your best friend and blushing when they notice isn't exactly the behaviour of someone who thinks of their best friend as just a friend.
Right?
Not to mention the never ending stare down, like they're seeing right through each other's soul, the subtle hand gestures whenever they're standing next to each other or even sitting, their bodies would always automatically find a way to link the both of them.
Like magnets.
And neither found it awkward. It's second nature to them, like drinking water when you're thirsty or sleeping when you're tired. They had built an invisible bubble around themselves so powerful that when someone steps in, the bubble wouldn't pop and that person would only go unnoticed.
Maybe it's their bond long ago. When Tiffany was still 15 and she's also 15, both far away from home, disoriented teenagers trying to juggle chasing their dreams and schooling and all the other stuffs going on in their hectic lives.
Their bond was their safe haven.
It is their safety net, a source of relaxation.
A breath of fresh air.
For them, being with each other feels like coming home.
***
It was sometime in 2010 that their friendship/relationship or what they may call it, if ever they labeled it, had blurred. Another idol, a male one, was rumored to have set his eyes on Tiffany. Taeyeon thought long and hard about that, if there really is something more, Tiffany is quite the social butterfly of the group so it may be just be genuine friendship since that idol has been training with them from the start, with a different company though.
All her speculations crumbled down and she was left with a bitter taste in when one night, in the darkness of her room, a figure crept in and s its arms around her waist.
The warmth was familiar. She smiled.
"Tae..."
"Hmm?"
"Did I wake you?"
Taeyeon chuckled.
"Obviously" She faced Tiffany, still with a smile on her face, and was met with a concerned pair of orbs.
"Sorry" the other one mumbled.
"No big, can't sleep anyway, just tossing and turning"
"Something wrong?" Taeyeon hugged back, arms wrapped loosely around Tiffany's torso. She heard a deep inhale.
"You know me and..."
Taeyeon kept mum, waiting for the other girl to continue but minutes later found the silence less bearable.
"You and..? You and who? Jessi? What did she do this time?"
"No, no,no. It isn't about Jessi or any of the girls..."
"Then who? Manager oppa?"
Tiffany shook her head, something tells Taeyeon that this is a serious matter. She braced herself for whatever that is, and hoped that it isn't what she was thinking.
"Him"
The word didn't register at first. It took her a handful of minutes to finally process who the topic of their random conversation was. Although she had anticipated this, that Tiffany would clear this to her, but from the looks of it, it's more of a confession.
Her heart thumped deeply.
"I think i.. I think i wanna try this with him" Tiffany finally said, more like exhaled. Like a thick thorn was finally removed from .
That same thorn instantly punctured Taeyeon in the heart. She immediately tore her hands away from her.
"Hey, hey..." Tiffany cooed, grabbing Taeyeon's arms back and placing them on her waist and held them tight, Taeyeon couldn't look at her anymore.
Her face turned serious, eyes ever so attentive, trying to study the other girl's reaction.
Too bad the room was too dark.
She panicked.
"Hey, taeyeon-ah, look at me please.."
"Why are you saying this to me?" Taeyeon's voice resonated in the room. It was so beautiful, but it was so broken at the same time.
"This? I just, i don't want you to get shocked, and of course you have to know, you're my bestfriend, silly" she said, attempting to lighten the mood.
Ofcourse it wouldn't work though.
"Okay, I get it, thanks for telling me, you can go now" Taeyeon said, robotically, eyes focused anywhere but Tiffany, her eyes are starting to sting. She closed them.
"Nothing's going to change, i promise. I'll still be here for you, I'll never go, I just want to know, to clear my head"
"Clear your head of what exactly?" Taeyeon snapped, seemingly empowered and now b with determination. If Tiffany's ashamed to tell it to others then she should at least tell it straight to Taeyeon's face, it's not like they both didn't know what was going on the whole time, they know, they can feel it, they can see it reflecting from each other's eyes.
Taeyeon's not good with voicing out her emotions and Tiffany wasn't one to pry, especially to Taeyeon. She's always so patient with Taeyeon's timidness and reserved demeanor. Always careful around her, Taeyeon means a lot, She loves her a lot. But this whole untold feelings of whatsoever is killing her.
She wanted something tangible.
She can't date a member, can she? I mean, what would Korea think?
Two members of the country's national girl group dating each other?
What would their fans think? To international fans, it'd be a dream come true but what about the others?
The little girls and teenage girls? They're supposed to be admired and looked up to, that's what idols are and not a bad influence.
What if the company terminates their contract? She'll only break her and Taeyeon's future. And besides, she's not so sure of herself. If this feeling she has was for the long run or it can be just a spur of the moment or just deep admiration.
She doesn't know and she doesn't want to know, at least for now. She could still have Taeyeon around and have him at the same time. So there's no problem right?
That's what she thought.
But after that night, it was never the same, and she knew, there's something inside Taeyeon she had broken.
"I'm tired, I want to sleep" was all Taeyeon said, ending their conversation.
"Taeyeon-ah, please don't do this, please don't"
No answer
Both of them hardly got any sleep that night and the next morning, she felt all guilt rush in. Taeyeon's nose was a bit red and she was wearing wayfarers, the girl went out with Sunny somewhere.
While Sunny made it home around 10pm, the other one didn't.
Tiffany waited until 2 in the morning before giving up and spending another sleepless night.
***
She heard a faint ding, and noticed that she had unconcsciously pressed the doorbell while zoning out. She wanted to buy herself time but she did the exact opposite. She silently cursed herself.
It made her realize how alive she was, it's so funny she wanted to laugh. After everything that happened, she thought, as cliche and emotional as it may sound, that she was numb from everything, that she had gone through so much her heart's used to the feeling, but it isn't. It never will be.
Tiffany's effect on her is really something else.
She could feel herself boiling up with mixed emotions. Anger, angst, joy, longing, nervousness, happiness, and love being the most powerful. She couldn't relax, she feels like peeing on the spot, bursting into a firework, or suddenly ditching Sunny's ridiculous party.
From outside, she confirmed that the party must be outgrageous.
And when the doors opened, it indeed was.
Music was blaring from Sunny's high-end stereos, as she welcomed Taeyeon into a snuggy hug while mumbling something that sounded like 'fellow midget' and 'glad you could come'
Taeyeon scowled at the girl, her face lit up when she saw Yuri in the background about to make a mad dash towards her.
"Taengoo!"
She was being smothered by Yuri followed by Yoona and then Sooyoung. She felt so small being surrounded by three ginormous buildings and hated it.
"I told you to drink your binggrae!"
"Unni, how are you?! You height hasn't changed one bit! But I like your hair though, and it smells nice too" Yoona commented and took a whiff off of Taeyeon's head.
But Taeyeon was happy, she really is. It brought her immediate comfort, just being with these people she considered family.
"Is this your way of saying you miss me?" she asked, fixing her hair along with her jacket that had become shabby, thanks to the trio's lubberly hands.
Sunny's touch and stare made her aware of the previous dilemma she's been thinking.
"Are you going to be fine? Do you want me to come with you?" she asked her.
Taeyeon went silent, Sunkyu held her hand.
It was shockingly cold. The girl tightened her hold.
"I'll be fine and don't be silly, this is your house, you can do what you want to"
"You know exactly that that's not what I meant" Sunkyu isn't buying any of her acts.
"I have to, this will happen eventually so let's just get this over with once and for all"
Sunkyu studied her for a long time, before letting go.
"Okay, she's at the balcony"
Taeyeon could only nod.
And there you have it folks,although, i think i will be unemployed after a few days, we're running low on students so boss had to do some cost cutting. Totally fine it with though, just have to find another one and plus, that gives me more time to finish this multi shot once and for all. Lol.
Sorry for the typos though, if there are any
Btw, Binggrae or Geurangge is a kind of banana milk in Korea. It was a fact that Taemin from Shinee and Nana's Afterschool used to drink that and grew 20cm taller.
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