A gazillion sorry for the super late update, I've been busy with work. I could've update earlier though but the damn company doesn't allow internet use, damn it. So yeah, sorry but here's chapter 12. Brace yourselves, It's angsty! 

PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS SONG WHILE READING FOR A MORE GOOD-FEEL HEARTBREAK (it somehow fits taeng's feelings for the whole story actually):

Kz Tandingan- Unlove you

Taeyeon closes the door.

A loud thud reverberates.

She faces the mirror and looks back at her reflection, sees a woman she could barely recognize. The old vibrant girl she used to call herself had seemingly retrogressed into this stressed and overworked woman drowning in depression. The bags under her eyes are getting bigger and darker, those very orbs have harbored loneliness even before, but today, it seems a lot clearer.

Sure, being away from the comforts of her own home in Jeonju, being without umma, appa, Jiwoong and Hayeon is such a pain in the neck but throughout her budding career and her now phenomenal success and fame as SNSD’s leader and a solo artist, she has grown accustomed to it. After all, she has to make a living whilst living the dream.

It’s a win-win.

Ain’t it?

But of course she cannot control the people she’ll meet. Nasty ones, rare genuine ones and the fake ones, oh yes most of them are fraud, she thinks. If she weren’t this famous and talented, if she weren’t this beautiful and flawless, would they even waste their time and money on her?

Fat chance.

If she could un-meet people, she would.

But even though given the privilege, she certainly wouldn’t un-meet Tiffany; no matter how badly she wanted to, needed to. Because if it weren’t for Tiffany she wouldn’t be happy, wouldn’t be sad, wouldn’t be able to feel anything at all, she wouldn’t be herself. So Tiffany is an exception, no matter what kind of bull she has to go through.

Taeyeon closes her eyes, splashes it with water because it burns, her eyes surge with hot. Suppressed tears she has kept inside for so long. She thought she’d get used to this vicious cycle of problems, privacy and emotional struggles but she thought wrong as she succumbs to the floor and sets the pent-up feelings free.

Searing tears rush down from her eyes, it’s all too much.

Yejin and Tiffany.

She sobs.

***

“Yeah, be home later I guess” Tiffany’s low and raspy voice resonates in the living room.

“I guess, meaning I’m not sure, hello, you okay Khunnie?”

“Oh God, really, you’re doing this to me right now? Stop it.”

“Fine, honey. There, I said it, you happy?” she answers and a series of laughter follow.

But for Tiffany, laughing doesn’t always mean you’re happy. She has been doing that ever since, masking all her fears and doubts with her bright smile, it fooled people yes, but she couldn’t fool herself with it.

“Mhmm, had dinner here at Sunny’s, about 20 minutes or so” She paces back and forth, phone on ear, she smoothes her long, wavy, jet-black hair. Tiffany skedaddled a little too near the bathroom, she hears something that makes her stop.

Her eyebrows meet together as she walks further, the other person on the other end of the line seemingly forgotten as she drops the call. She presses her ears to the door and eavesdrops.

Taeyeon didn’t give a single damn even after hearing a loud bang and the door practically swinging out of its place and in comes a panicky Tiffany like a mad tornado. The same tornado that flung Taeyeon to the peak and edge of blissful rapture then her very soul leaving her with nothing. She feels the ginger cupping of her cheeks and Tiffany’s face comes to view.

“TAEYEON! TAEYEON ARE YOU OKAY?! WHAT HAPPENED?!” The girl shouted at her though they were just inches apart. Tiffany brushes away the tear stains on Taeyeon’s cheeks.

***

“Hey, I’m really sorry. You sure it’s okay?”

“Alright, don’t worry though; I’ll make sure she gets home safely by tomorrow. Bye, have a nice night Khun”

Sunkyu ends the call and looks at Tiffany who mouthed a silent thanks.

“Fany-ah, if you want, you can sleep in my room instead, I’m fine sharing a bed with Taeng”

“Don’t be silly, this is your house, I’ll sleep here with Taetae, it’s fine”

They remain silent for a while. The shorter girl grabs a glass and fills it with water before handing it to the other one.

“Here, knock on my door if anything happens, okay?”

“Okay, I will, Thanks Sunny” Tiffany said, lethargic.

“Welcome”

Tiffany turns to head back to the room where Taeyeon’s currently in, the girl has been out of herself since.

“Tiff”

“Yeah?”

“Taeyeon, I thought she had somehow moved on, considering her recent status with Yejin, but from what I’m seeing now, I think she still loves you”

“I can feel it” Tiffany answers.

“So what happens now?”

I love her too

Tiffany’s voice was trapped inside , Sunny holds her by the waist, ushering her towards the room.

“Never mind, you guys figure it out tonight”

***

Taeyeon was not one to openly show her emotions let alone her vulnerability. Maybe it was the time spent apart and the sudden reunion that stirred up her insides like shovels digging up an old grave.

Gruesome and sickening.

She has thought about Tiffany a million times before, but as time flew by, she thought of her less and less, busied herself with work along with the manna from heaven that’s Yejin coaxed her to start anew.

But old ghosts do have their ways of haunting.

She feels embarrassed, to Sunny, to Tiffany, to herself. She wasn’t used to being taken care of; being so out of herself, like she was dumped by her first love and it was high school all over again. All through the years, it has always been her looking out for all the 9 girls’ welfare, along with hers, but she debates that she’s also human, and humans have limitations too. Humans are weak, and their hearts are weak but she is a human with a heart. Therefore, she is weak.

A tiny creak was heard alongside the hollow locking of the doorknob as Tiffany noiselessly tiptoes inside the room, just like the old times.

Old times that were long gone.

Tiffany runs a hand through Taeyeon’s soft, brown locks and the feeling was uphoric for the two though neither admitted.

“Are you thirsty?” she asks and offers Taeyeon a cool glass of water which the latter turns down.

“What’s the matter Taetae?”

“Don’t call me that” the girl snaps, Tiffany was taken aback by the sudden harshness.

“Okay, someone’s a grumpy drunk” she kids.

“Don’t play with me, What are you doing here? Why did you come back?”

“What? I don’t get it Taeyeon-ah”

“Why did you come back Tiffany?” she repeats.

“What, Am I not allowed to see you guys anymore, is that what you’re saying?” Tiffany raised her voice a little, matching Taeyeon’s accusative one.

“Yes! Why don’t you go frolic around with your beau instead? Go paint the town rd or something!” retorted Taeyeon.

“Oh this is ridiculous, you’re being so immature. You’re drunk, go sleep”

“I am sober!”

“No, you’re not and I won’t argue with you”

“Why? Is it because I’m just this?” Taeyeon points at herself with a visible hint of belittlement with the way she addressed herself. She got on her feet albeit wobbly at first, and faced Tiffany who was sitting unsteadily on the bed.

“Is it because I wasn’t enough for you and I can’t give you what you want? Or did you just treat me as a fling? A long term fling you had and threw the moment you had a chance to escape? Were you even serious and truthful to everything you said to me before, Tiffany?!”

Tiffany could feel her eys brim with tears, she tries to hold back but it hurts too much to see Taeyeon like this, to see the both of them turn to this. What was it that she wanted? Normalcy? The absence of judgment from other people even if that meant sacrificing her happiness?”

Funny how she, being the one coming from a foreign land whose society is more open-minded could do such a thing, Taeyeon was the one she wanted to be with, she still is and always will be. Their eyes speak with intense sentiment ready to gush out with a single, careless move done by either of them. Tiffany grips the edge of the bed. This is what she feared, for her defense to crumble down when she’s in the same space with Taeyeon. The other one might not know it, might even think that she’s insignificant now but in reality, she still has her effect on Tiffany, a kind of effect that will never ebb away.

They were each other’s first love.

Nobody forgets their first love.

“You go around committing yourself to me and then suddenly changing your mind, did you even think of what I would possibly feel? I know back then that though we were together, there was a point in time where you subsequently met up with that guy, I knew that. You were juggling us but I didn’t say a word cause I love you so much I let myself share you with another knowing that, that was the only way I could keep you. When you said you were going to tie the knot with him, did you know that was like pointing a gun to my mouth, pulling the trigger only for me to still live and deal with the pain myself for the next years of my life? When you asked me why I didn’t come to your wedding day I thought you were dumb, so dumb that I had to laugh thinking it was all a big, fat joke of yours.

WHY DO YOU THINK I DIDN’T COME? OF  COURSE IT WAS YOUR WEDDING DAY! AND I’M NOT JUST THE BRIDESMAID OR THE EVR FAITHFUL BEST FRIEND, I WAS YOUR LOVER FOR GODDAMN SAKE! WHY WOULD I COME SEE THE WOMAN I LOVE BE MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE?!’

Taeyeon was breathing heavily and the tears keep coming, she was having a hard time catching her breath, this was it, the result of all the years keeping mum. All the silence, dormant love and hate have come down to this.

Tiffany was sobbing like mad to the point that one might mistake her for hyperventilating.

“And now this, when I have seemed to have gathered myself and getting back on track, you show up and confuse me with your mixed signals or I don’t even know what you’re doing to me anymore…” her outrage gradually eased down, her voice went down to a more considerate tone and her shouts lessened into soft pleas.

It was tiring; fighting with Tiffany was always physically, emotionally and mentally tiring. Taeyeon never really wanted to fight and opts to resolve issues in a different way, it was always Tiffany who was like this, but now, the tables are turned.

Tonight, Taeyeoon has had enough, it’s time; if they don’t do this closure now then this whole ed-up situation will just go on and on.

“Are you doing this on purpose? Do you want to string me along for the rest of my life, unable to find new happiness and start a life with someone else like you did? Do you want to see me miserable Tiffany? If that’s what you want then go ahead and take a good look at me, look at me till you get tired cause you got what you want, I’m all that bull so are you happy now?” She ended with a shrug feigning strength but the tears kept on coming.

“Tae, tae I didn’t..I..” Tiffany hiccups

“Then what do you want? Miyoung-ah, what else do you want from me?” Taeyeon half-pleaded, half-sobbed with desperation which Tiffany answered by pulling her without hesitation and pressing her lips onto Taeyeon’s, her palms lightly grazing the girl’s cheeks before snaking around the back of Taeyeon’s neck, pulling the girl down on the bed and on top of her.

And they finally kissed, oh gosh :'>