*chapter thirty nine;

Jinhie and Yohee were sitting on Soah’s bed with her friend in the middle for quite a while now. Soah didn’t know for how long they had been talking, but the late September sun that was shining through her window was already throwing long shades on the ground, signalizing that it was late in the evening. The two girls were listening attentively at her friend who told them what happened during spring vacation when she went to Busan, revealing right after, that it was her teacher she had been with – the teacher they were seeing every day.

Soah wouldn’t forget her friend’s faces as she blurted out that she even slept with him and where her fear of being touched by men was coming from. It hurt her again to think about that time. The pain, the feelings.. everything was coming back. But she was more embarrassed and angry about herself to fall for someone like him than feeling guilty and filthy. Better, she felt much stronger, free. Free, because there were no secrets anymore, no more excuses, no more guilt. Soah felt like someone took a huge burden from her back.

However, even if everything was clarified now, she was still afraid of being judged. Even if Jinhie and Yohee were her best friends for so long, even if they were supposed to support and love each other through every phase of their lives - how would that give her a guarantee that they would support and stay with her now? It was their teacher, not a normal, random boy like they guessed. Even worse.. their homeroom teacher.

Without looking at the girls in the eyes, Soah kept her gaze down and continued speaking. She didn’t want them to judge her when her story wasn’t over. Having a fling with Taehyun during vacation was one side of the story – having him threatening her another one and she wanted to clear things up, before they decide to leave her and go.

Soah told them about the problems she had in school with him – how he put her under pressure, how he blackmailed her, what he made her do for good grades, that he was the one who kept her trapped in school with work; that, because of him, she failed his subjects which were important for college and lastly how she had to leave school because of him; that there was no other way for her if she wanted good grades.

She also told them how sorry she was for leaving them without saying a word; how sad, guilty and desperate she felt when her decision was set and how helpless she was to choose the right time to tell everyone when she, herself, didn’t even realize her decision yet.

Soah didn’t know when it happened during her monologue.. when Yohee linked arms with her and rested her head on her shoulder; when Jinhie put an arm around her back and the other one around her middle. Both girls cuddled up against her and the message was clear: they supported her, they comforted her, they wouldn’t leave her and Soah was so, so thankful.

“I’m so sorry,” Yohee muttered and held her even tighter, “I’m so sorry that you had to go through all this.. god, and all this time.. what you’ve been through, and we didn’t notice anything.. you must have suffered so much..” Her voice cracked and she needed to take pauses in between her sentences. “I’ve never thought that he’d be like this. That a teacher could be like this.”

Jinhie nodded and moved her hand on Soah’s back in circled movements, giving her a comfortable feeling. “Really. Why didn’t you say anything? We could have helped you with him. Damn, now that his face appears in front of my eyes, I really want to give him a slap until he flies against the Great Wall of China. Really, my fingers are itching!”

“I always thought he’d change his mind.. somehow. But in the end, it even got worse. I did everything and didn’t get anything in return,” Soah explained, “I just felt so.. embarrassed and humiliated to tell anyone.”

“And the school hates scandals,” Yohee stated thoughtful, “And who would believe a young student instead of a teacher which is praised by the students. Everyone likes him. But really.. I can’t look at him in the same way anymore.”

“Me neither.” Jinhie sighed. “Unbelievable. And it’s so brave of you to handle that all by yourself..” She cuddled up on her friend even tighter. “We could have been there for you.. Seeing him every day and being reminded what he actually did to you.. Soah, that’s unbelievable. I’m so sorry.”

“Me too. I’m sorry. We should have noticed this..”

Soah didn’t notice that a tear dropped on her check which she immediately wiped away. It wasn’t a tear of fear or sadness. It was pure relief. And bliss. Because her friends understood her and more importantly.. they stayed. They didn’t judge her, they didn’t hate her, they didn’t leave her.

“No, no you don’t. You don’t have to think about this anymore okay? Because it’s over. I’m okay now. I’m happy. I won’t see him ever again and this is what counts. You can never erase the past, especially not the bad memories, but you can learn to let them fade more and more until they’re just a white haze in the back of your mind. This is what I did when I met Luhan. And even when I had to see Taehyun everyday.. Luhan made the pain bearable. Whenever I saw him, I was happy. Making good memories together with him which predominated the bad ones in the past helped me a lot to cope with all the things in school. Luhan was the best thing that could have happened to me.”

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