*chapter thirty one;

“Do you know where Soah is?”

Jinhie just shrugged. “No. I thought she’d tell you if she wouldn’t come.”

“No, she didn’t. That’s weird, because today we’d get our results and the first class is already over. I texted her a few times, but she didn’t respond although I can see that she read my messages.” Luhan hesitated, thinking about the day before. “I wonder if I did something wrong, but she was normal until we parted.”

“She didn’t text me either.” Jinhie patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry, it’s probably just a cold or female problems. It happens.”

Luhan sighed, turned around and sat down at his table, playing with a pen in his hands. Indeed, it was really odd. Yesterday after the homeroom teacher called her, Soah didn’t happen to appear again and he sent her a message that he had to go after half an hour since his grandmother needed help. In the evening, Luhan tried to call her, but no one picked up the line and after three attempts, he gave up and just texted her goodnight as always. Usually, Soah would text him immediately back because neither of them could go to sleep without a reply. That was a reason for his lack of sleep this night and he was really suffering. She didn’t even texted him back this morning and quickly, his fear grew.

Luhan was asking himself if he did something wrong..

..If there was something in his words and behavior which had hurt her, which made her avoid and ignore him, but no matter how long he thought about it, how often he analyzed the moments they’ve had – he couldn’t find any answer, just more suspense.

Maybe he shouldn’t have asked why she had cried about; maybe he shouldn’t have asked if he could sleep at her place; maybe he shouldn’t have made a move to sleep with her on the same day. But then again – she never said no to any of his offers but thinking about this deeper, Soah had never been that kind of girl who usually said no. She was warm, kind-hearted and caring, always putting others before herself.

Maybe he shouldn’t have slept with her at all.

Because after that she began to behave very strangely. Luhan was considerate enough to see her sad face when they returned to school. Behind her eye smile was always a veil of sadness and he couldn’t interpret it. In the beginning, he tried to ignore it, thinking it was just his imagination or something temporary because she was in a bad mood, but until yesterday her sadness never vanished and then, after her breakdown, he knew it was something serious.

He couldn’t help her and it made him feel so helpless. If it was his fault, he would do anything to make it right again, to make her feel good, to make her feel his pure love.

But the further he thought the more he was sure that it was all because of him. He would avoid her, wouldn’t touch her, wouldn’t kiss her, wouldn’t talk to her anymore if it would just make her feel any better - even it that would mean that he would be suffering silently by himself.

Luhan would endure anything to make Soah feel better, because she just deserved the best - even if the best for her was not himself.

For the rest of the day, he kept staring at his phone every minute.. during classes, during sports and during lunch break. He would always click the button which would light up his phone to show any new messages, but the screen always remained blank. His fear made him go crazy, barely being able to concentrate on anything but his phone which was the only connection to his girlfriend.

With every second that passed, he got surer that he hurt her in such a cruel way that kept her away from him and cold sweat glistened on his forehead in pure shock. He was eager to know what he did wrong, what he could do to make it better. He tore at his hair before he grabbed his pen and a blank paper to write everything down.

If she didn’t want to answer him, there was no way that she would speak to him even if he visited her, so he decided to write her a letter.

A letter, filled with lovingly sentences, longingly words, blissful syllables and delightful characters.

“Dear Soah, …”

***

Before the last class was over, the homeroom teacher brought all o