TRACE THE DREAMS

 

“Yeah...” Chanyeol whispered to his cellphone. There was a never-ending smile written on his lips as he spoke. “Yeah, I know. I have to go too. I love you. I love you. I loooooveeee youuuuu~” He made some kissing sounds that could make anyone cringe upon hearing them. “Now, your turn, Princess. What?” Another giggle—which sounded really weird considering the boy had a deep voice. “No, I really didn’t hear it before! Say it one more time, please~ Say it: ‘I love you, Yeollie’ and I’ll let you go.” A small laugh. “Why are you being so shy? We say it to each other all the time! Come on, Princess, I’m waiting here~”

 

Lu Han exhaled impatiently as he waited with his back pressed against the headboard of his bed. An hour and seventeen minutes ago, Park Chanyeol entered his so-called “Chamber of with Mr.LUTASTIC as The Official Owner and Byun Baekhyun as The Trying-Too-Hard-To-Be-y Peasant” (or that’s how Lu Han called his room anyway). And an hour and seventeen minutes ago, Chanyeol had come here looking helpless—and not to mention desperate—and had begged Lu Han to “HELP ME, HYUNG, THIS IS A NUMBER ONE EMERGENCY!”

 

An hour and seventeen minutes ago—now eighteen, Lu Han thought as he checked the digital clock on his desk—Lu Han had wanted to help the poor boy with whatever problem he had. An hour and eighteen minutes later, Lu Han wanted to kill him.

 

Why? Because Park ing Chanyeol was too damn busy ignoring him by taking a phone call from his girlfriend.

 

Stupid noodle hair with his stupid pretty girlfriend and their stupid lame relationship, Lu Han grumbled in his mind as he occupied himself with another page of his Playboy magazine, I hope they die eating their stupid love. How can he ignore me, The Mr. LUTASTIC, The God, The Chinese Lord of The Peasants—Ooh, cool, I like that last one.

 

“No, you hang up first,” Chanyeol said to the phone, giggling. “No, you. You. You! Haha, okay, fine, let’s hang up at the same time. On the count of three, okay, Princess? 1... 2...3!” Chanyeol waited for a moment before he burst out laughing. “What—me? You didn’t hang up either! You didn’t—no, you hang up. You. You. You—”

 

“OH. MY. GOD!” Lu Han groaned loudly in frustration, throwing his magazine aside while he was at it. “JUST TURN OFF THE GODDAMN PHONE!”

 

“Hey, wait—” Chanyeol’s protest hung in the air because the immature hyung had already snatched his phone away and talked to his girlfriend without his permission.

 

“Honey, honey, honey, ooooh my little baby bunny love,” Lu Han hastily said to the phone. “I love you, and you’re very pretty but, oh for the love of God, just STOP, okay? Chanyeol and I need to talk and you’re being—”

 

Chanyeol gasped, and his eyes grew wide. “NO, HYUNG, DON’T SAY IT—”

 

“—a pain in the ,” Lu Han said the mean words anyway, pushing Chanyeol away by slamming his palm against the younger one’s face. “Now, I’m going to hang up on you, and I’m not going to count 1-2-3 like some —I’m seriously going to cut off the line. Please don’t be offended. I love you, honey. MUAH MUAH MUAH!” Lu Han smacked his lips loudly. “Good night!” And he really did end the call.

 

As he threw—literally threw—Chanyeol’s phone back to his owner, Lu Han took a quick glance over his expression and saw the shocked, scared—and to be honest?—about to cry expression on the taller one’s face.

 

“Oh, for God’s sake,” Lu Han said, glaring at him. “It’s just a phone call, Yeol-ah. Stop being such a dramatic . You can call her later.”

 

“But that was so mean,” Chanyeol responded, pouting like a baby golden retriever being scold by its master. “I think I need to call her again right now—”

 

“You do that,” Lu Han threatened, “And I’ll tell Baekhyun that you were the one who borrowed and lost his eyeliner.”

 

Chanyeol’s beautiful round eyes immediately shook in horror. “No. Anything but that, Hyung, please! Baek’s gonna Brazilian-kick me if he knows!”

 

Lu Han folded his hands on his chest and gave the younger one a look. “Then shut up and just do as I say.”

 

But Chanyeol pouted once again. “But, Hyung...”

 

“Oh, me to heaven.” The Chinese man rolled his eyes impatiently. “Not you and your idiotic puppy eyes again!”

 

Chanyeol looked hopeful. “Are they working?”

 

“No,” Lu Han spat back and when Chanyeol actually started to whine. Lu Han said, “Come on, big boy. It’s Saturday night, and I’m bored, and I want to go out. And I can’t do that with you being here now, can I?”

 

Chanyeol pocketed his phone, sighing. “You can just leave, you know. I’ll even lock the door for you when I leave.”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Lu Han wanted to roll his eyes one more time but he was tired of it, so he settled down with groaning grouchily instead. “As if I can leave my dongsaeng when he’s in problem. I’m a good hyung, all right? I don’t abandon my friends. And I thought this was a number one emergency, so of course I’d stay and help.”

 

Chanyeol, who was sitting on Baekhyun’s bed, suddenly looked a bit awed and hopeful. He smiled his infamous teeth rich smile and jumped to Lu Han’s bed, wanting to show his love and gratitude to his hyung. “LUHANNIE-HYUNG, YOU’RE SO SWEEEEET~”

 

“Eew, get off me!” Lu Han shouted, hastily pushing the other man away from crushing him with his teddy bear hug. “Watch the bed! WATCH THE BED! Do NOT step on my bed—PARK CHANYEOL, GET YOUR SMELLY FEET OFF MY ING BED!”

 

Chanyeol was laughing like a child even when Lu Han was literally kicking him away. The poodle-haired boy settled back on Baekhyun’s bed and finally, after an hour and twenty-three minutes had passed by, Chanyeol stated out his wish. “Hyung, please teach me about !”

 

Lu Han, who was currently busy tidying up his bed after a certain giant threw his entire body on it, idly replied, “No, Chanyeol, I am not going to have with you. If I really have to have with another man, Baekhyun will be my first choice.”

 

“I’m asking you to teach me about , Hyung, but that doesn’t mean I want to practice it with you,” Chanyeol said before he frowned. “Wait, why is Baekhyun your number one? Why not me?”

 

Lu Han shrugged after he nodded satisfyingly at the sight of his perfectly clean bed. “Well, obviously, because he’s more experienced than you.”

 

“Then why not Minseok-Hyung?”

 

Lu Han shook his head disapprovingly. “Baozi doesn’t have the I want.”

 

Then suddenly, another voice came through. “That’s...” Byun Baekhyun, the dude with the best eyeliner, muttered, as he threw awkward glances to each boy in the room. “...great to hear, I guess?”

 

“Ah! Speak of the devil!” Lu Han said, welcoming the sarcastic boy with a bright smile.

 

“Byun-Baek! Byun-Baek! Byun-Baek-kie!” Chanyeol started to make his own fanchant out of nowhere, making Baekhyun flinch uncomfortably. “We were just talking about you~”

 

Baekhyun closed the door behind him, took his jacket off, and ran a hand through his stylishly messy hair. After a long hour of self-practice in the music studio, he was exhausted and hoping to get a nice, warm shower, before he ended his night by sleeping in his girlfriend’s bed (sleeping, as in, ‘get into a heavy make-out session with my girlfriend and see where it’s gonna go from there’). He didn’t expect Chanyeol and Lu Han to be here, to be honest, because they were never in the dorm on Saturday nights (Saturday nights had always been the official romantic date nights for Chanyeol, and the official irresponsible-nights-to-get-drunk-and-get-a-quickie-in-a-bar’s-bathroom’s-stall-with-hot-girls-with-huge-racks for Lu Han).

 

Baekhyun wanted to ignore them. But just to be polite, and because he was in such a good mood anyway, he asked, “What about me?”

 

Chanyeol grinned boyishly at him. “We were talking about how Lu Han-Hyung wants to have with you.”

 

Baekhyun froze instantly.

 

Damn it, Baek, this is why you should just keep being an toward them, Baekhyun muttered in his own mind. No good things ever come to you when you act nice to these two bastards, Byun Baekhyun, you remember that!

 

“Now, now, Yeollie, that’s not right,” Lu Han said and Baekhyun’s shoulders went down in relaxation—but not for long. “I was just talking about how I want you to be the first man who gets to have with me, Baekhyun.”

 

Baekhyun wanted to die.

 

“On a second thought,” Baekhyun said, putting his jacket back on. “Who needs to shower these days? I’m gonna go. You boys have fun without me.”

 

“But whyyyyy~?” Chanyeol started whining. “I have such a huge problem. I think you can help me too with this, ByunBaek.”

 

Baekhyun secretly sneaked a glance at Lu Han and the Chinese man replied it with an innocent—but to Baekhyun, extremely creepy—smile.

 

“I’m seriously scared of you, Lu Han.”

 

“It’s Lu Han-Hyung, Baekhyun-ah.”

 

“I’m scared of you.”

 

“But why?” Lu Han asked, eyes full of wonder. “If anything, you should be proud—”

 

“Nope, I’m definitely scared.”

 

“But not everyone can get a piece of Mr. LUTASTIC here—”

 

“Still scared.”

 

“And I have a nice !”

 

“I am VERY scared.”

 

“Ugh, fine,” Lu Han scoffed, waving him off before he sent his attention to Chanyeol. “Yeollie! You’re number one on my list now.”

 

“YAAAaaaay...?” The excitement in his voice kept on decreasing. “Uhm, I mean. I’m very honored. But Hyung? I’m straight.”

 

Baekhyun folded his arms, staring at Lu Han with a judging look. “Me too. So stop thinking about my , you super creepy Chinese bastard.”

 

“Yah!” Lu Han gaped, staring at both kids with wide, agitated eyes. “I’m straight too! I’m just saying that if I—why are we even talking about this—and that was so racist, you !”

 

Before Lu Han could throw angry fit to the entire room, Chanyeol raised his hand. “Guys? Hello~? A little help here?”

 

Baekhyun sighed and threw his jacket to Lu Han’s face—which Lu Han responded by “YOU DID NOT JUST THROW YOUR STINKY JACKET AT ME, BYUN BAEKHYUN, I AM YOUR HYUNG!”—before he sat beside Chanyeol and asked, “What is it? Make it fast. I’m tired and I want to sleep with my girlfriend.”

 

Chanyeol was always easy to get distracted. “AAAWWWWW, MY BYUNBAEKKIE IS SO IN LOVE—MMPH!”

 

Baekhyun slammed his hand to Chanyeol’s face and groaned in disgust when some of his fingers slipped through his mouth. Damn Chanyeol and his huge mouth.

 

“I give you three seconds to tell me what’s wrong,” Baekhyun stated, “Or I’ll go and leave you with him,” he pointed his head to where Lu Han was sitting, “and let him deal with your problems.”

 

Lu Han narrowed his eyes at Baekhyun. “The way you say it makes it seem like I’m not capable in solving his problem.”

 

“It’s because you’re not.”

 

“You little piece of—”

 

“I need someone to teach me about ,” Chanyeol said, cutting their bickering short. “You know, your make-a--tape advice worked well, and it certainly heated up our relationship back, but now I’m stuck.”

 

“Stuck?” The other two boys asked in the same time. Baekhyun actually—and surprisingly—looked concerned, while Lu Han was just intrigued with the words ‘ tape’. That ert.

 

“Yeah.” Chanyeol exhaled like an old man—tired, but restless. This kind of attitude didn’t suit him at all. “I’m running out of ideas, bro. I don’t know what other positions I should do.”

 

“But there’s so many!” Lu Han said, looking a bit surprised. “Wow, Yeol-ah, you already ran out of ideas just after two weeks I gave you that advice. God, you two must be going at it like bunnies everyday!”

 

“Ew,” Baekhyun shot him a look, “Can you please not make jokes about rabbits? They are cute, little innocent animals. And I happen to like bunnies.”

 

Lu Han snorted. “Do I look like I care?”

 

“Huh...” Baekhyun scrutinized him, tapping his chin with his index finger. “Interesting. You seem to be even meaner than me today. And I’m supposed to be in charge of being mean.”

 

“Sorry,” Lu Han grumbled. “Though not really. I’m just not in a good mood today.”

 

Baekhyun snorted, imitating him. “And do I look like I care?”

 

“Dude, please,” Chanyeol interrupted with another sigh. “Focus, alright? My relationship is in jeopardy here.”

 

Lu Han threw a pillow at Baekhyun. “Yeah, shut up, Baek.”

 

“You shut up.” Baekhyun threw the pillow back at his face. “And okay, Yeol, I know what your situation is. Just how many positions have you done with her?”

 

“Umm...” Chanyeol thought about it as he counted his fingers. “One... Two...” He stopped. “Three?”

 

Lu Han and Baekhyun blinked a couple of times. “Three?”

 

Chanyeol nodded, looking certain this time. “Yep, three.”

 

“Three,” Lu Han repeated, before he started cackling like a mad man. “Three and you said you ran out of ideas? Oh my God!” He was busy laughing again, while Chanyeol, on the other hand, was looking thoroughly confused. “Park Chanyeol, you just made my night!”

 

“Ignore him,” Baekhyun said, patting Chanyeol on the back. “He’s an insensitive .”

 

Lu Han couldn’t hear Baekhyun’s mockery over his own laughter.

 

“Hey, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said, “Why are you trying so hard about this anyway?”

 

“I don’t want our relationship to end because it’s too boring,” Chanyeol replied sadly, almost pouting.

 

“And you think is going to solve everything?” Baekhyun asked again.

 

Chanyeol huffed and shrugged lightly. “That’s what Lu Han-Hyung always says.”

 

Baekhyun cursed under his breath when he noticed Lu Han was still practically rolling on the bed, laughing. “Yah!” The eyeliner boy shouted, throwing another pillow at him. “Stop putting meaningless crap into his head!”

 

“But ByunBaek,” Chanyeol said, placing a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder, “That’s what you used to say too.”

 

Baekhyun spluttered a bit before he recollected himself. “’Used to’ being the key words here, okay, Yeol? It doesn’t work like that to me anymore.”

 

“What do you mean?” Chanyeol tilted his head in curiosity.

 

“You know how I’ve never been into any kind of relationship before this, right?” Baekhyun asked, looking dead serious. “I’ve never had a girlfriend before her, so I didn’t know about this... relationship thingy—whatever that is. But now that I’m dating her, I know there’s one thing that’s very important in every relationship.”

 

“Let me guess,” Lu Han, who had finally stopped laughing, joined in, “ toys?”

 

Baekhyun didn’t even take a second of his time to respond to that. “Communication, Yeol. Communication.”

 

Lu Han snorted at his words while Chanyeol’s eyes brightened a little.

 

“If you don’t like something, you tell her. You communicate.” Baekhyun suddenly sounded very wise and Lu Han made a face at that. “If you’re worried about something, Yeol, you talk to her about it. Ask her what she wants, tell her what you want. Try to understand each other’s needs.”

 

“Ugh, God. So gross,” Lu Han grunted loudly. “Who the are you and what have you done to my peasant Byun Baekhyun?”

 

“I’m gonna kill you, Lu Han.”

 

“It’s Lu Han-Hyung.”

 

“Will she listen to me, though?” Chanyeol asked, focusing his gaze one hundred percent to Baekhyun’s face and Lu Han felt a bit—okay, a lot—annoyed when he noticed he was being ignored.

 

“Of course, she will, Yeol,” Baekhyun said before he took a quick glance at the clock on the table. “Just remember to always be honest and respect each other’s needs and—oh , it’s already this late,” he cursed as he stood up and checked his phone. “Four missed calls. Great. She’s going to kill me.”

 

“What?” Chanyeol asked. “What happened?”

 

“Baekhyun’s late for a y, rough time with his girlfriend,” Lu Han answered, grinning mischievously at the eyeliner boy. “And now he’s not going to get any~”

 

“Shut up,” Baekhyun spat back as he rummaged the locker beneath his desk, looking for something. “Where is it? Where is it?” He struggled for a few seconds before he shouted, “Aha! There it is!”

 

He was holding a tiny box filled with condoms.

 

“Yeah,” Lu Han said, “She’s pissed off and you’re trying to win her heart again by . What about that communication thingy you just said?”

 

“What?” Baekhyun looked unfocused as he gathered his other things: his wallet, his phone, and of course, lube and condoms. “Yeah, guys, I gotta go. Yeol, everything will be just fine. And Lu Han—”

 

“Lu Han-Hyung—”

 

“Yeah, whatever. I’m leaving Yeol to your hand. Don’t mess things up.” Those were the last words Baekhyun said before he ran out through the door with his phone and wallet in one hand, and his and lube in the other one.

 

Chanyeol was frowning. “What the hell just happened?”

 

Lu Han sighed and climbed down from his bed. He crouched under the bed, reaching out to grab something and when Chanyeol was just starting to wonder about it, Lu Han shoved a book to his face.

 

“What’s this?” Chanyeol asked, examining the cover of the book. “Kamasutra...?”

 

“That’s the answer to your problem,” Lu Han said, yawning as he put on his jacket and shoes. “Just don’t tell anyone that you got it from me.”

 

“Why?”

 

“If I tell you, then I’d have to kill you,” Lu Han said, checking his hair in the mirror before he opened the door. “Nice talking to you, Yeol. But I’ll catch you later.” He winked at the taller one before he went his way, singing to himself, “Now, where can I get a hot girl with low self-esteem that is rich enough to buy me alcohols all night?”

 

***

 

On the morning after his long schedule with Kris and Yixing, Lu Han wakes up with a jolt when his iPhone starts to ring noisily. He searches for his phone with half-closed eyes and doesn’t even bother to check the caller ID before he slides his thumb along the screen, answering the call.

 

“Hello?” he croaks, sounding hoarse as if he’s been screaming all night.

 

“You son of a !” A familiar voice comes through the other line and Lu Han has to push away his phone from his ear because her pitchy voice is so loud. “You’re back in Seoul and you’re not telling me anything about it?! You’re a complete , Lulu, have I ever told you that?”

 

Lu Han’s mind is still half-asleep, but he knows exactly who she is. After all, there’s only one girl in this entire universe that calls him by that nickname. “Morning, Dongsaeng-ah,” he says, smiling to his phone as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes. He checks the digital clock on the small table beside his bed and it says 08.05 a.m. “Why are you calling me this early—”

 

“Shut up, and don’t you ‘Morning, Dongsaeng-ah’ me, you selfish bastard!” She’s literally screaming to his ear. “I had to ask around to know where you were—I even had to call your mom! And you know what she told me?”

 

Lu Han is already on the verge of chuckling to himself. “What?”

 

“She told me you went back to goddamn Seoul for your lawyer thingy and she was surprised that I didn’t know a single thing about it. She thought you’d told me first—your ing childhood friend who’s known you for years! And yet, I still know nothing! I wouldn’t know a thing about you being back here in Korea if I didn’t just get her text this morning!”

 

“Yeah well, I was—”

 

“I swear to God, if you tell me some lame excuse like ’I was busy so I forgot to call you’ then I’m gonna go to wherever you’re staying right now and kill you myself!”

 

Lu Han lightly laughs. “Oh I don’t know about that, honey. My hotel has this excellent security—”

 

“UGH, YOU’RE SO ANNOYING!” She yells again before her voice gets muffled a little, indicating that she’s talking with her face facing the other side of the phone. “Baekhyun! Tell him he’s so annoying!”

 

Lu Han hears some rustling sounds in the background, and the Chinese man can imagine Baekhyun crawling on the bed sheets with bleary eyes, heavy with sleep, and a blanket still thrown over his head.

 

“Lu Han,” the eyeliner boy says. His voice is as just as husky and raspy like the last time he remembers.

 

“I see you haven’t changed too.” The older one chuckles. “It’s Lu Han-Hyung to you, Baekhyun-ah.”

 

“Yeah whatever. You know you just ruined my chance of getting my slow, peaceful morning , right?” Baekhyun asks, clearly annoyed. “Do it again, and you’re going to wish you were dead.”

 

“Ruined your chance of having ?” Lu Han shakes his head in disbelief and amusement. “Why, because I’m staying far away in a hotel and not in your room? God, Baek, I thought you’d gotten over me.”

 

“Not morning with you, you asshat!” Baekhyun yelled, and a bit whiny too despite his age. “Hang up the ing phone so I can have with my wife!”

 

“I don’t know, Baek, I think you still like thinking about my when you’re ing your wife. Just like the old days~”

 

“WHEN HAVE I EVER THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR DURING —”

 

Another rustling sounds, and something like a protest coming from his Dongsaeng’s mouth, “Why the hell are you talking about —God, Baek, you’re so helpless!” Then the voice grows clearer. “Yah! Oppa! You’re still there?”

 

“I’m still here, babe,” Lu Han replies greasily, lying on his back on the bed. Somehow, it feels like college all over again, and he has to say that he doesn’t mind this at all. “Your husband is so fun to tease, by the way.”

 

“Yeah, and you just got him pissed off.”

 

“Don’t worry, Baekhyun loves me.”

 

“Yeah, I don’t know about that, Lulu. I think he just went to find a knife to kill you.”

 

“Oh, it’s okay. It’s just one of his ways to keep our homoual life interesting.”

 

“You think making jokes about my husband will make me less mad at you?”

 

“No, but the thought of two hot men having rough, might,” Lu Han leers, chuckling softly. “Remember that time when you asked Baek to make out with Yeol?”

 

She groans, “Oh, screw you.”

 

“Watch your tone, young lady. I think Baekhyun’s attitude is rubbing off on you.” He lightly laughs, snuggling back to his pillow. “Do you miss me, Kiddo?”

 

Lu Han can imagine her pouting. “Of course, I miss you, you ! I haven’t seen you in three years and—ah!” Lu Han is just about to raise a questioning eyebrow—was that a moan?—when her voice suddenly gets muffled again. “Baek, seriously? I’m on the phone and you’re trying to finger me—no! Stop it!”

 

“Jagiya~” Baekhyun’s nagging voice can be heard again. “Just call him some other time!”

 

“No! And don’t ‘jagiya’ me!”

 

“But honey, I’m hard~”

 

“I don’t care, Baek! Go take care of yourself in the bathroom!” She’s back on the phone again. “Hello, Oppa?”

 

Lu Han whistles wolfishly. “Already so steamy in the morning, huh? It’s nice to be young.”

 

“Oh shut up, Lulu. I can tell there’s a girl in your bed too. I think I can already smell the from here.”

 

Lu Han grows a bit stiff at the words. He looks to the side, noticing that there’s no one else in his bed. It has been empty, to be honest, for almost a year. Lu Han still sees random girls from time to time, but things never gotten more serious than a couple of s or s in a dirty bathroom stall. He had tried having some casual with some women, of course, but he couldn’t really enjoy them. Those girls never stayed since they thought he in bed—when the truth was, he just wasn’t in the mood for it. Lu Han could only pleasure himself when he thought about her.

 

It’s still going till this second, and he thinks he’s in a really deep right now.

 

Lu Han sighs. “What if I tell you that I haven’t really done... you know, it in a while?”

 

“A while?” she asks. “What, like you haven’t had in a week?”

 

“Yeah...” he answers quietly, “But more like, a few months.”

 

She actually laughs. “Of course. Hey, what if I tell you I can poop gold and now I’m freaking rich just from selling my poop?”

 

“You really think that low of me, huh?” Lu Han’s smile falters but he doesn’t show it in the tone of his voice. “And Jesus Christ, girl, why are you so gross?”

 

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can take anymore of your bull, so…” He can imagine her shrugging at him. “Anyway, Oppa, are you gonna stay here in Seoul for a while or are you going back to that hellhole anytime soon?”

 

“I don’t know,” Lu Han sighs, “Maybe for a while.”

 

“Awesome! Can we meet? I want to see you so bad, Oppa! And—wait, hold up for a second.” It sounds like she’s placing the phone on the bed or something before Lu Han hears her walking steps and a sound of a door being opened. She’s being so loud when she yells to his lover that Lu Han can still somehow make out every word that she’s saying at the moment. “Byun Baekhyun, if you e using my strawberry shampoo one more time, I’m going to drown you alive, do you understand me?!”

 

Some more rustling sounds in the background and then, “Oppa?”

 

Lu Han shakes his head in amusement. “Do you really have to yell at him about things like that when you’re on the phone with me?”

 

“Yeah, well, it’s expensive. Anyway~ When can we get together? I have so many things to talk about!”

 

“I wish we could do it soon, but to be honest, I have things to do. I don’t come here to play, Sweetheart. You know that.”

 

“Ugh, stop calling me Sweetheart,” she groans, “It’s already annoying enough to have one immature brat calling me that.”

 

Baekhyun’s voice can be heard from the distance. “Hey, you’re the immature one!”

 

“Anyway, Oppa,” she continues nonchalantly, “It’s actually okay if you can’t see me this week. Baekhyun and I are actually in Jeju right now. He has a performance to do and he wants me to be near him 24/7.” She moves her face away from the phone. “Ha! Who’s the immature one now, Baek?”

 

“Yeah?” Lu Han asks. “Maybe we can re-schedule some other time then.”

 

“Maybe next week?”

 

“Maybe. I’ll try and make some time for you.”

 

He can imagine her smiling brightly. “Sounds great! Call me up and let me know, okay?”

 

Lu Han smiles softly too, even though she can’t see it. “Okay, Kiddo.”

 

“I actually have to go and get ready for the show, Oppa, so I’m gonna hang up now. But I’ll text you later, okay?”

 

“Yeah, okay. Tell Baek I’m wishing him good luck for his show.”

 

“That cocky bastard doesn’t need luck. He’s the best of the best, remember?”

 

“Of course.” Lu Han chuckles. He can sense how proud she is of her husband. “So I guess it’s goodbye for now?”

 

“I guess it is. Ah~ I still want to talk to you, Oppa.”

 

“I know, Kiddo. I do too. We’ll talk soon.”

 

She huffs but agrees nonetheless. “Okay then. I hope we’ll see each other really soon.”

 

Before she can hang up, Lu Han hurriedly says, “Hey, Dongsaeng-ah?”

 

“Yes, Oppa?”

 

Lu Han closes his eyes and breathes out softly. He really does miss her. “I miss you.”

 

“Then call me when you have time,” she says and after Lu Han says yes again, she pauses before her tone suddenly loses its cheeriness. “I miss you too, Lulu.”

 

“The reason why I didn’t call you before,” he states, “is because I don’t want to feel like this.”

 

“Feel like what?”

 

“This. Missing you,” he answers and he just notices how broken he sounds right then. “Missing Baekhyun. Missing Yeol—I just miss everything here. I’m starting to get attached with this place again.”

 

“And is that a bad thing?”

 

Lu Han bites his lip.

 

Yes, since I don’t belong here. I can’t stay here for long, he thinks in his mind, but out loud, he settles with “I don’t know.”

 

 “Oppa? Are you okay? You sound… sad.”

 

Lu Han stifles a breath. “Do I?” he tries to fake a laugh. “Well, I’m just so stressed-out, you know? This case I’ve been trying to solve is so goddamn hard to do.” Which is true, for some reason. He isn’t really lying.

 

“Oh…” Lu Han senses that she doesn’t buy it at all, but even if it’s true, she doesn’t show it at all in her voice. “Well, you know you can always talk to me, right?”

 

Lu Han weakly nods before he realizes that he’s on the phone. “Yes.”

 

“Okay well…” She sounds hesitant. “I guess I’m saying goodbye now.”

 

Lu Han tries to sound like he didn’t just cover up some truth with his fake laugh. “Bye, Kiddo~”

 

“I love you, Lulu.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

Then she hangs up and Lu Han is welcomed by the silence once again.

 

I’m not lying to her. I just don’t want her to worry about me.

 

Lu Han keeps repeating that line over and over again until he feels easy enough to climb down the bed and starts his day.

 

A new day, Lu. Time to write a new page.

 

***

 

But today, Lu Han is extremely pissed off.

 

For the past two hours and thirty-two minutes, Lu Han has been continuously checking the time on his watch or his iPhone’s screen. The meeting with Kris Wu, Zhang Yixing, and the rest of the top representatives of Wu’s company has been going too far off schedule. The meeting should’ve ended hours ago, or at least that’s what Lu Han wants, but unfortunately for him, it’s still going on and on.

 

21.32 and eighteen seconds. Nineteen. Twenty…

 

Damn it, Kris, just end this already!

 

Lu Han can’t concentrate and he should’ve been because he’s one of the top lawyers to deal with this case, and it’s not going to be easy for him later on if he doesn’t pay attention to what Kris is explaining on the projector screen right now. But he tells himself he already knows well about the case—because unlike the rest of the people here, including Zhang Yixing, Lu Han has done his homework and read through all of his reading materials. So basically, for Lu Han, the meeting is just another waste of time. To be precise, it has wasted two hours, thirty-two minutes and forty-one seconds of his life. Now forty-two. Forty-three. Forty—

 

Hurry the up, Kris. I gotta see her before the store closes.

 

“This should be the end of our meeting,” Kris finally announces and Lu Han falls back in relieve on his seat. “I will let you know when there—”

 

Lu Han has already stood up from his seat, saying, “Sorry, but I’m in a hurry. Just contact me by e-mail or something later,” as he gathers his belongings back to his suitcase under ten seconds max and proceeds to taking small run to the exit door. Even Zhang Yixing hasn’t had the chance to utter a snarky line about his sudden leave.

 

Lu Han actually runs to the pastry shop and finds himself breathing hard when he stands in front of his door. Beads of sweat starting to form on his temple even when the air is freezing. The front door has an ‘I’m sorry, we’re closed’ sign in front of it and Lu Han checks his watch again.

 

10.23 p.m.

 

The store closes at ten.

 

“,” Lu Han curses loudly to the cold air, stomping his feet on the stepping-stones. “, , ! I missed her!”

 

Lu Han has never ever felt this angry, disappointed, and sad this intense in his entire life. It’s just one girl, and he’s just missing the chance to see her for one time—which shouldn’t mean anything because he can see her tomorrow anyway. But it’s not like that.

 

Cara is not just one random girl, she’s the one.

 

And not seeing her tonight means that Lu Han has to sleep in his bed with longing feelings pressing heavily on his shoulders. Lu Han does not like that. He’s already been through it for three years straight. He’s certainly not up for it now or ever.

 

Lu Han sighs, staring at the empty pastry house. “Where are you, Cara?”

 

I need to see you.

 

***

 

That night, Lu Han finds himself staring blankly at the well-decorated ceilings of his suite room while he lies alone on his bed. He can’t sleep. He feels like there’s something missing—like he’s forgetting something, like he’s not fulfilling his promise. That guilty, empty feeling he can’t wash away from his chest.

 

And when he finally falls asleep, he’s greeted by nightmares.

 

It starts with him, looking at a big wide ocean splayed under his eyes. The water that shines like beautiful crystals mesmerizes him, but then his vision suddenly changes.

 

And now, Lu Han is drowning.

 

Everywhere he looks, all he can see is water, and it prickles like knives against his skin. As he goes down even deeper, he reaches out his hands, trying to get to the surface. His lungs hurt. He’s suffocating. The sea tastes realistically salty on his tongue but he doesn’t think much about it at the moment. All he can think about is how he can stay on the surface. He just wants to be safe. To stay alive.

 

I want to live.

 

He’s sinking into the cold, freezing water not because he can’t swim, but because something is pulling him down. His body is tangled with thick, inseparable ropes—one around his neck, choking him to death; and two around both of each wrist, dragging him even further down to the endless sea. The ropes are dark red colored and Lu Han can’t tell if they were naturally red or because his blood contaminates them.

 

It hurts. It’s impossible to breathe. And he can’t even scream.

 

Then suddenly, when his vision is about to black out, somebody pulls him out of the water. Lu Han can’t see who it is, but he remembers the way her wrist gleams with a silver bracelet around it.

 

He’s not sure what he’s thinking at the moment besides trying to keep himself alive, but his mind screams her name.

 

And then his dream suddenly crumbles into nothingness before it starts with another one.

 

This time, Lu Han is standing firmly on the ground, but the room is so dark; he can barely see anything. The second he thinks that maybe he’s gone blind, he sees a boy—probably ten years-old, dressed in nothing but pure white pajamas—and a girl—brown hair, looks even younger than the boy, with wings attached on her back. Lu Han doesn’t have to ask her to turn back to know that she only has half of her wings.

 

The Boy collects her other wing in his hands. It’s just as feathery and just as white as her other half. They stand side by side, hand in hand, and they’re staring at him. Lu Han’s surrounding is nothing but a cold darkness. No matter how far he tries to look, he can’t see anything other than the empty space, and somehow, this situation feels a lot more horrifying than the time he was drowning. Trying to keep himself still and steady, he decides to focus his thoughts on those little children.

 

The Boy, Lu Han thinks, looks a lot like him when he was his age. But he gets this eerie feeling that The Boy isn’t him—he looks like him, but he’s not him. Lu Han no longer understands how his mind works anymore but that’s what he believes.

 

The Girl has a fragile look with long beautiful brown hair framing her face. She also has those familiar hazel eyes, and Lu Han wants to say how she resembles Cara so much, but again, he knows she’s not her. The broken angel is wearing a choppy red dress, which covers her body until her thighs but doesn’t cover her shoulders at all.

 

The Boy in his dream doesn’t cry. There are lines of dry tears on his face, but he has stopped crying. The Girl’s cut-off wing is still there on his hands but he does nothing to them.

 

And then they’re gone, just like that, turning into dusts and Lu Han blacks out again.

 

He wakes up in another dream. He’s back in that empty space, but instead of two children staring back at him with ghastly eyes, Lu Han faces a huge mirror this time. It doesn’t show his reflection; it shows the little girl—the half-winged angel. He looks around but The Boy is nowhere to be seen.

 

Lu Han stares at The Girl, and she does the same. He raises his hand, and she raises hers. When he parts his lips in surprise, she mirrors him too. When he blinks, she does the same.

 

She is him, and he is her.

 

Lu Han is not The Boy in this story. He’s the broken angel.

 

Lu Han’s mouth suddenly moves by itself, shaping the words that he doesn’t intend to say. He feels like he’s losing control of his body when he hears himself say the words.

 

How can you be my savior if you’re just as broken as I am?

 

Then he wakes up with a gasp. His eyes are open wide in shock while the rest of his body is drenched in sweat. His head feels like it’s going to explode but he knows no amount of paracetamol in this world can heal him from it.

 

They say one can see a glimpse of the future in their dream.

 

But it’s not the future that he sees.

 

It’s the truth.

 

***

Sorry for being late, but here's another update for you all! And there! Baekhyun and his wife have finally made an appeareance here, I hope you're happy LOLOLOL anyway, I know the dreams part is a bit weird but if you can understand what the dreams mean, I'll give you some baek love! *holds baekhyun in the air like a puppy* hehehehe

oh just a friendly reminder here

the next chapter will be a very depressing one. That is all.

I LOVE YOU GUUUUUUYYSSSSSSSS <3333