JUVENILE

 

“You okay?” Lu Han asks as soon as he and Cara step inside his apartment. Cara has Lu Han’s jacket around her shoulders and she nods her head as he takes it off and places it on the clothes’ rack beside the door.

 

“Yes,” she answers, painting a small smile on her lips. “I’m fine.”

 

Lu Han exhales a bit heavily as he checks for her condition, still worrying over her health. She’s still a little bit pale, but the faint blush on her cheeks is back and Lu Han just feels so grateful. Though the trip back from the hospital was spent in silence, he doesn’t complain because she’s still with him here. That, and the part where Cara let him hold her hand all the way home also contributed much to his joy.

 

Lu Han reaches out to touch her face, and even though she still looks a bit uncomfortable, she doesn’t move away. She has grown to be accustomed to every touch of Lu Han’s gentle fingers.

 

“Go get some rest, all right?” Lu Han asks, cupping her cheek with his palm and gazes into her deep, hazel eyes. Even after all this time, Lu Han still almost forgets how to breathe when he sees her beauty, let alone in such a short distance like now.

 

“What about you?” she asks, voice as soft as always. It’s the only kind Lu Han wants to fall asleep into.

 

“I’ll be fine. There’s some paperwork I need to do first,” Lu Han says, smiling and brushing the hair out of her eyes. “Your hair is getting longer.”

 

She shies away a little bit from his touch, looking a bit flustered.

 

He suddenly has the urge to hug her, to welcome her in a warm embrace. And even though she’s no longer afraid of his touch, Lu Han doesn’t want to push the limit too hard. He usually hugs her to comfort her and make her forget about the scars of her memories so he can’t just hug her without any reason like now, can he? Lu Han doesn’t want her to think that he’s doing it out of lust or anything. And he still can see how she turns away every time Lu Han leans in too close to her face.

 

It takes time and he needs to wait. He knows that well, but knowing and actually doing it are completely different things.

 

He clears his throat and questions, “Does your head still hurt?”

 

She shakes her head.

 

“Do you want me to make you something?” he asks again, moving to the kitchen and checking what’s inside his fridge. Lu Han looks bummed when he finds literally nothing in it.

 

“I just want you to sleep,” Cara says, forehead creasing in concern. “You need to get some rest too, Lu Han.”

 

He smiles, chuckling softly as he moves towards her spot again. “Stop frowning,” Lu Han says, patting her head. “I’ll be all right.”

 

Her hand slightly moves as if she wants to caress his face to convince him just like how he usually does to her, but she hesitates and ends up placing her hand at the end of his sleeve.

 

“You have bags under your eyes,” she quietly says, face reddening for a reason he doesn’t quite understand. “I think you need more sleep than I do.”

 

It’s perfectly adorable when she keeps insisting to do something. Lu Han almost wants to pinch her nose. “Don’t worry about me, Cara?”

 

The frown on her face grows deeper. “Am I not allowed to?”

 

He stares with unblinking eyes, a bit surprised over the reply.

 

A few seconds have passed by before Lu Han respond with an affectionate smile, silently thanking God for giving him someone that cares about him this much. “All right, all right, I’ll sleep,” he says, putting up a small mischievous smirk. “But only if you give me a good night kiss first.”

 

She goes red from her cheeks to the tip of her ears. “I—I can’t—” She splutters. “It’s—”

 

“I’m kidding!” he exclaims, grinning widely although he was actually hoping for it but well, it’s maybe too soon. “You’re so worried about me that I can’t help but to tease you. Sorry, Cara.”

 

She looks down to her feet, suddenly finding her slippers to be entertaining.

 

“I just need to finish one paperwork, okay? After that, I swear I’ll sleep,” he continues, still chuckling softly. “You should get your rest now, though. Don’t wait up for me.”

 

She keeps her head down, lips parting as if she has something she wants to say but decides not to on the last second. She finally takes a step away, moving toward Lu Han’s guest room with her hands clutching to the hem of her knitted sweater.

 

Lu Han watches her back until she disappears inside her room, somehow feeling disappointed that she doesn’t share a last glance with him. But when he’s about to give up in hoping, Cara opens her door again and peeks her head outside. “L-Lu Han?”

 

The man gazes back with questioning, and somewhat hopeful eyes.

 

“If… If it weren’t because of you…” she starts, taking a sharp breath as she prepares herself. “I wouldn’t be alive right now, s-so... Thank you for… For saving me.”

 

Lu Han blinks, completely caught off guard for a second there.

 

Noticing that look on his face, her eyes grow a bit wide and her cheeks start to burn in flame. She hurriedly says, “G-good night. Don’t stay up too late.” and closes the door again with a soft thud.

 

Lu Han stares at the wooden surface longer than he should have, until an everlasting smile broke on his lips.

 

After all these years loving someone who wouldn’t even notice his existence, Lu Han finally gets something in return.

 

And Cara is the most beautiful gift of all.

 

The sound of his ringtone ringing from his phone distracts him from his thoughts. Lu Han sticks a hand inside one of his pockets and gathers the phone with his fingers. He blinks when he sees Sehun’s name on his phone’s screen.

 

With a sigh, he rejects the call.

 

It’s horrifying how Lu Han wants Sehun to taste back his own action. How Lu Han wants to take a revenge on Sehun for rejecting his calls. It’s an immature act and Lu Han knows this well, but he can’t stop it. He rejects Sehun’s second call too and this time, he turns his phone off.

 

Lu Han realized how cruel he was being. How childish, selfish, and ungrateful he is toward his best friend. He knows Sehun didn’t do anything wrong. He knows that. But he can’t just bring himself to apologize to the other guy. Lu Han isn’t angry anymore—at least not at anyone other than himself—but he’s afraid that if he answers Sehun’s call, he’ll lose himself again and start shouting at him for things he didn’t do.

 

He just needs time to forget about everything.

 

As he goes back to work on his papers, Lu Han can’t stop the guilt from appearing inside his chest, and after a half hour or so, he turns on his phone again and waits for the call.

 

Sehun never calls back.

 

“Damn it,” he curses as he takes a hold of his phone and dials Sehun’s number. He waits and waits and waits, only to be connected to the voicemail.

 

Lu Han frowns, almost scowling at his own phone. Why is Sehun not picking up my call?

 

He tries one more time and yet still no one comes to answer.

 

Something feels really wrong.

 

***

 

When he wakes up, Lu Han notices how there’s a blanket wrapping around his back to keep him warm and a cup of brewed coffee on his desk beside his paperwork. He has to blink several times to make sure that he’s not dreaming. There’s a little note on his desk and handwriting just as beautiful as the owner.

 

I thought I told you not to stay up too late last night.

 

Lu Han smiles until his cheeks feel sore and red. It’s comforting to see that Cara still has her old motherly traits even after all of this time.

 

Lu Han stretches his arms and wraps the blanket around his body before he walks to her room.

 

He knocks on her door and just for a change, he calls her with her real name this time. Not Cara, but her real, full name.

 

She answers on the third knock, slowly opening the door and peeks her face out.

 

After Lu Han grins and says good morning, she blushes a little bit and replies, “It’s… It’s been a while since you called me by my name.”

 

Lu Han’s smile goes wider. “What, you don’t like it?”

 

“N-no, it’s not that…” She looks down, acting like the floor has done something fascinating for her to see. “I’m just used to you calling me Cara.”

 

“Then, good morning, Cara,” Lu Han says and somehow the pink blush on her cheeks grows even more apparent. “I didn’t know you like that nickname now. You used to hate it so much.”

 

She nibbles on her lower lip cutely. “It’s… actually not that bad.”

 

“Why is it not that bad?” he teases, lips curving into a bratty grin.

 

“Umm, it’s just…” She swallows her breath before she continues. “It just feels natural… when you say it.”

 

Goddamn it all to hell, she is too freaking adorable for her own good.

 

“Aaw, aren’t you cute?” Lu Han grins (although he’s so nervous inside that he feels he’s about to explode), and ruffles her hair before he says, “Well, that’s great to hear. And we’re gonna talk about that later, believe me. But right now I’m starving. Will you accompany me to breakfast? Maybe you don’t know this, but I serve the world’s best pancakes—though somebody thought they were a bit bland, a little bit lacking of sugar, milk and baking powder in them, and also a bit burnt in the end. But even then, I think you should join me.”

 

Lu Han can tell how she’s holding back a smile but it’s enough to make him happy.

 

 

***

 

As they eat through every bit of Lu Han’s partially burnt pancakes, they make small conversations about little things that don’t really matter. But it’s okay, because this build their relationship back after so many things happened. This is what they need.

 

It’s until Cara says her next sentence that the air between them grows tense again. “I haven’t seen him in a while.”

 

Lu Han freezes for a second too long to make her notice that something isn’t right.

 

“Who?” Lu Han asks, even though he knows exactly the person she’s referring to.

 

“Sehun,” she answers anyway. “He used to come here almost everyday.”

 

“He’s… busy,” he says. His words sounding like a white lie to her ears.

 

“You should call him,” she speaks, staring at him with sympathetic eyes as she sits two chairs away from him at the dining table. “To check him up if he’s okay.”

 

“I’m sure he’s okay, Cara.” But it seems like he’s trying to convince himself with those words rather than to convince her.

 

“Lu Han…” The way she pronounces his name is so gentle and motherly. “I know you’re worried about him.”

 

Lu Han scoffs, trying to mask his inner feelings. “I’m not worried about him.”

 

“Lu Han,” she emphasizes with more pressure. “I haven’t seen him for more than two weeks. And I know you haven’t too.”

 

“So what?” The man bitterly asks. “Do you miss him now?”

 

She frowns at his words, looking surprised and displeased at his tone. “I know it’s not my business,” she starts again, softer this time. “But I can tell you’ve been avoiding him.”

 

There’s something fleeting inside his head that makes him wince and suddenly light a fire in his chest.

 

She unconsciously starts to reach out her hand to comfort him. “Can you at least give him a call?”

 

Lu Han is taken aback for a moment there until fury starts to rise to his throat and he clenches his jaw in anger. “No, why should I? He’s an idiot.”

 

“He’s not—”

 

“And why do you care so much about him anyway?” Lu Han blurts out and she flinches a little at his tone. “Why do you care about how Sehun feels? You know how he hates you.”

 

“I don’t think he does,” Cara gently replies. “I think he’s just worried about you too much.”

 

“He said that I’ve been throwing my life away for you. Are you sure you want to help someone like him?”

 

It’s a lie if she tells him that doesn’t hurt. “Sehun speaks the truth, Lu Han. I’m not good for you.”

 

“Why do you say that?” Lu Han’s voice is in another level of desperation. “God, why does everybody keep saying that?! Why can’t you all look through my eyes and try to feel what I feel for you?”

 

Cara’s gaze softens. “Have you tried looking through my eyes and feel my feelings? Have you tried looking through his eyes?”

 

Lu Han opens his mouth but nothing comes up.

 

“I beg you,” she pleads, eyes going weak but her voice is steady. “Please stop worrying over me. I’m fine. I’m here. I’m alive because of you. But what about him? You’re not trying to understand how Sehun feels.”

 

Lu Han unclenches his fingers, finally noticing how deep he has sunk his own nails to the skin of his palms just to keep himself well contained. There are so many problems—so much pain around him that he doesn’t even know where to start to end all of this.

 

Cara continues almost in a whisper. “You’re hurting him, Lu Han. This is another reason why I don’t want to be close to you. You can’t stop worrying over me that you start throwing your life and your friends away.”

 

Lu Han shakes his head. “That’s not true.”

 

She only looks at him with a pair of understanding eyes. Lu Han can’t even convince himself, so how does he expect to be able to convince her?

 

“Sehun is just a kid at heart,” she whispers, “He needs you.”

 

Lu Han looks away from her, biting the insides of his cheeks to keep him away from yelling back. “Sehun is nothing but a selfish brat,” he murmurs but he knows he’s not convincing anyone. Not even himself.

 

But Lu Han is just so, so angry over something that he’s not even sure of.

 

“No,” she says, squeezing his hand so he’ll look back at her. “Sehun is nothing but a kind and caring person.” She takes a few seconds of silence before she can finally continue with her words. “You’re being the selfish one here, Lu Han.”

 

“I’m selfish?” Lu Han wants to laugh, becoming more irritated with the fact that she’s now brave enough to talk back at him. “Cara, if I’m selfish, I would’ve left you alone since the beginning. If I’m selfish, I would’ve let you drowned in your own blood and not running back and forth trying to find help for you!”

 

Cara stays frozen in her seat, her heart thundering behind her ribcages.

 

“, I’m sorry—” Lu Han stands up and tries to reach her hand but she takes it back before he can touch her. “Cara, I’m sorry—I… I didn’t mean that.”

 

“No, it’s all right,” she says, trying to look strong by shaking her head and smile toward him. “Just… Just call him, will you? Please. Sehun needs you.”

 

“Cara, I’m—” Lu Han’s eyes follow her every move as she stands up from her seat to bring her empty plate to the sink. “Cara, I said I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m not mad at you, Lu Han,” she carefully answers, washing the plate before she places them at the plate rack. “I’m just… surprised.”

 

Lu Han frowns. “What?”

 

Cara turns her body around, facing him straight on the face as she leans back against the kitchen’s counter. “Lu Han, I… You make me feel like I don’t know you anymore. Somehow, you’ve changed.”

 

“I’ve changed?” Lu Han repeats, furrowing his eyebrows. “Why do you—I haven’t—”

 

“The Lu Han I know is a kind, gentle person who always puts his friends needs over his,” she says, looking at her feet as she speaks. “Not throwing them away like this.”

 

Lu Han almost scowls at her for her words but at the same time, they feel like a slap on the face, making him awake. Lu Han isn’t making any sense, not even to himself, because he’s too blinded by the anger he thought he felt toward Sehun. He thought he was so angry with him for leaving Cara alone in his apartment with no supervision. Lu Han thought that he was so mad over the fact that Sehun rejected his calls when he needed him. He never thought about why Sehun did that; Lu Han was too busy deluding himself with his own feelings. He’d never listened to what the boy had to say. Lu Han was so selfish, he didn’t even give the chance for Sehun to explain.

 

But that’s not it, is it?

 

Perhaps, he’s not angry with Sehun at all. At least not as much like he’s angry with himself right now. He feels disappointment. Frustration. And they’re all directed to himself.

 

“I…” Lu Han places his elbows on the table, running his hands on his hair and even tries to yank at them to keep himself sane. “What the hell is wrong with me? I’m ruining everything...”

 

Cara looks at him with a pair of equally sad eyes. She strolls closer, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?” she asks.

 

“No,” he whispers, sighing heavily. His chest feels like it’s about to explode. “I screwed up. I was too scared to admit my own mistakes so I started blaming him for them.”

 

She doesn’t know what kind of mistakes is he referring to right now, but she can see the regret in his eyes.

 

“I’m such a coward. I’m so weak.”

 

“You’re not weak,” she immediately corrects him, not because it’s necessary to make him feel good, but because it’s the truth she always believes.

 

“I always end up hurting everyone.” Lu Han rakes his nails across his scalp. “I know there’s something wrong with Sehun but I can’t just…”

 

…leave you.

 

Cara knows the unspoken words he tries to swallow. “It’s not too late to fix things up,” she says, keeping her posture strong so he won’t worry about her, though she doubts it would make a lot of difference.

 

“I’ve tried calling him,” Lu Han admits, and he looks lost and helpless. “Several times, really. I felt bad for rejecting his calls and I tried to call him back every day since then but he never answered. I don’t think he’s trying to get back at me, but…”

 

Cara frowns in silence before she shakes her head. “He’s not. I know he won’t do that to you.”

 

That line just makes him realize that the possibility of something going wrong with Sehun is even higher. “God, what should I do?” he’s starting to bury his fingers in his hair and yank it away to keep him sane. “This is all my fault. I’m the worst person ever.”

 

She takes his hand, holding it to make him remember that he isn’t alone and to stop him from hurting himself. “No, you’re not. You’re just doing something that makes you human,” she says, comforting him with a smile too angelic to be true.

 

“Doing what?” he asks, sighing. “Acting like an absolute douchebag?”

 

“Being afraid,” she says and Lu Han feels his heart jolt slightly. “Being afraid of something is what makes us human.”

 

Lu Han zips his mouth shut, but his thoughts are running wild. Afraid? He’d understand if she told him that he was just consumed by his own ego, but being afraid?

 

Then realization starts to come down on him like first droplets of rain.

 

After all this time, his mind is filled with nothing but fear. The fear of losing her. The fear of leaving her without anyone there to protect her. Lu Han almost lost her once after his graduation. He almost lost her again when he tried to kill herself back then. The thought of losing her makes him afraid to focus on anything other than her well-being. Lu Han always thought that if he just let his mind off her just for a second, he would lose her again. He knew there was something wrong with Sehun but he couldn’t really do much about it because he was too busy worrying over her.

 

Lu Han is afraid, yes he is. He’s scared of not being able to protect everyone. He has tried to, really. He’s given up all his best to make everyone happy, but no matter what he does, someone will always end up getting hurt. He’s just trying to think about this rationally. Sehun has his family and his girlfriend to keep him company while she has no one. Of course she’ll be on the top list of his priority.

 

Cara notices that too, of course. That’s why she keeps on fighting to convince him that she’s strong enough to protect herself now.

 

“I feel like that too. Being afraid, I mean,” she continues, smiling gently. “All the time, really. But now, whenever the fear gets too much, I remember what you promised me at the hospital.”

 

Lu Han looks up and fixes his gaze on her. It’s funny how she can look so strong, though he knows deep down she’s still so hurt by everything.

 

“You live for me and I live for you, right?” she carefully asks, her cheeks are tainted with red. “I figure that if it’s true, then I should live my life trying to make you happy too. I’m trying to get better, Lu Han. I’m trying to overcome my fear. I want to do something for you too, like what you’ve done for me. So please, trust me when I say you don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

 

Lu Han can honestly say nothing to that.

 

“I know you miss him,” she says, taking her hand back and brings it to her lap. “And I know you’ve been worried sick about him, though you don’t want to admit it out loud. So go check if he’s okay.”

 

Lu Han exhales heavily, rubbing the side of his face with his other hand. “You know I can’t leave you alone.”

 

She puts on a brave smile for him. “I’ll be all right.”

 

Lu Han wants to laugh because the last time she said that, she ended up drowning in her own blood. “As much as I want to believe you, Cara, I can’t. I’m sorry but there’s no way I can leave you on your own after that happened.”

 

“Lu Han, you’re not listening to me. I will be fine—”

 

“No. My answer is final. I am not leaving you alone.”

 

She looks a bit shaken but keeps shut for a few seconds. “Then,” she starts softly, “Then drop me back to my sister’s house. She can look after me for a while.”

 

“And let her husband beat the out of you?” Lu Han says, looking at her with a stare that almost can be passed as a glare. “No can do. I’m staying with you here.”

 

“But—”

 

“No.” Lu Han’s voice makes her shudder. “There is no way I’ll ever let you go near that house ever again. At least not by yourself.”

 

“Lu Han…” She sighs tiredly. “There’s something wrong with Sehun. You know that.”

 

“Yes, but I can’t just leave you alone! Stop acting so strong,” he says back with his hands curling into fists. “We don’t know what’s going to happen to you if you’re being left alone in here again. And we both know I can’t take you with me either.”

 

I keep on holding him down, she sighs inside her thought. She badly wants to help him, but in this state, there’s no way he would let her do just that.

 

Lu Han’s gaze softens when he sees the concern in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I know you want to help me, but please just… do as I say for now.”

 

She looks at him with sad eyes because she can tell how hard he tries to save everyone that he’s starting to forget about his own well-being. This can’t go on and on. She doesn’t want to hold him back like this. She needs to be ready to stand on her own feet without receiving his help.

 

She thinks about it for a while, trying to find a way to assure him that she’s going to be fine. She chews on her bottom lip until she realizes something. “Then take me to the foster home,” she says and Lu Han blinks in confusion. “Lu Han, take me there.”

 

“Cara,” Lu Han sighs. “You’re practically jumping out of your skin every time a stranger try to get close to you. How can I leave you surrounded by people there?”

 

“But they’re just kids,” she explains, forcing a reassuring smile. “I’ll be fine. I’m not… scared of them. And I used to be there all the time. I still remember their faces. They were like my family.”

 

Lu Han still looks uncertain.

 

“Lu Han, please,” she begs, knitting her eyebrows together. “I hate seeing you like this. I know how worried you are and I want you to fix whatever’s wrong between you two.”

 

“Okay, fine!” Lu Han finally exclaims and gazes sternly at her. “But I’m going to need their phone numbers, and you’re going to bring my other phone with you so I can check you up whenever I want. When I call, you pick up on the first ring, do you understand me?”

 

She nods her head, still looking a bit surprised over his sudden agreement.

 

“You promise?” Lu Han asks, his tone a bit demanding. “Do you promise to keep yourself safe?”

 

“Yes,” she says and this time she will try everything to keep her promise. “I promise to keep myself safe.”

 

“Don’t you dare try to break it this time.”

 

She shakily nods a few times. “I won’t.”

 

“Okay,” Lu Han says with a sigh. “Damn it, I always can’t say no to you.”

 

She puts on a small smile and squeezes his hand. “Tell Sehun I said thank you. For everything.”

 

“Oh, I’ll tell him you just forced the out of me to go check him up,” Lu Han banters, “I almost thought you were in love with him or something.”

 

Cara looks at him with curiosity in her eyes. “Are you…” she slowly starts asking, “jealous?”

 

Lu Han just realizes that he is indeed jealous and he’s ashamed to be feeling like this and acting like a brat when he’s already so old. Standing up from his seat with his face flaming in red, he walks away from her and hides his face away from her vision. “I’m not jealous,” he says but when he tries to explain more, he can’t.

 

He should’ve seen the shy smile Cara had on her face though. It was rare and immensely beautiful.

 

***

 

Lu Han didn’t mean to spend his Sunday’s morning saving some random kid’s . When he went out of his dorm this morning—slapping Baekhyun’s and winking at him as he said his goodbye—he had wanted to go to the small bar downtown. Maybe he’d grab a proper breakfast that would include bacons, sausages, and bland baked potatoes; or maybe he would just order a sandwich to go and went to one of his usual one night stands’ apartment to have a morning quickie. Whatever it was that he wanted to do, being punched on the face for trying to save some high school boy’s wasn’t one of them.

 

Lu Han cursed himself for being too nice—and too fabulous, he admitted—for himself.

 

“Hey, hey, buddy,” Lu Han said, an easy smirk on his lips as he raised one hand in the air. “Let that little blonde boy go, all right?”

 

He was facing four people. One skinny kid in a high school uniform with fluffy blonde hair—Lu Han made a note to ask about his shampoo brand later—and three boys who were probably in the same age but looked like a bunch of amateur gangsters. Lu Han snorted at the sight of the boy with golden-dyed Mohawk-styled on his hair, because really, dude, are you trying to get laid with that hideous hairstyle on your head? Lu Han almost felt sorry for him, but he was the one who had his hands around the skinny boy’s collar and Lu Han did not appreciate it.

 

“Who the are you?” The other boy, the one with the black hair with piercings on his lip shouted at him and if Lu Han were standing a few inches away from him, he knew he would’ve gotten spitted on.

 

“Who am I?” Lu Han repeated, smirking. “I’m the only one who’s possibly going to have any around here, because really, who are you kidding, Kid? Those piercings are too old school.”

 

The last boy with hideous red fringes and huge nose walked toward him as he said, “No one asked about your opinion, .”

 

“Damn, I really don’t like that word.” Lu Han sighed, backing away from him but there was only so little space he could move around in this alley. “And don’t come too close to me, Man.”

 

“Why, you’re scared?” The huge nose kid asked, walking closer until Lu Han had his back pinned against the wall, just behind the dumpster. Ugh, he did not like the dumpsters.

 

Lu Han pinched his nose and groaned. “No, I just didn’t want to smell your breath. You stink, you know? Did you eat some of the foods here in the dumpster?”

 

The tall, thin blond high school boy broke out into a smile but he erased it away the moment Lu Han saw him and smirked back at him in return.

 

“Shut the up,” the boy with the bad breath snapped again, curling one hand on top of Lu Han’s shirt. “I’m going to kill you.”

 

“Kill me?” Lu Han asked, eyes widening in horror. Of course, he was just faking it. “But I’m so pretty and I have such a nice . I would’ve totally got it if you said you wanted to nail me or something, but to kill me? And waste my entire beauty and my skills in bed? There must be something wrong with you, Kid.”

 

The ugly boy frowned and looked at him incredulously. Surely, he did not expect that kind of respond. Lu Han was too laid back to be bullied like that skinny boy.

 

So the gangster-wannabe kid threw a punch against Lu Han’s jaw and the latter fell to the ground.

 

The skinny boy tried to break free and help him, but he was caught and shoved again against the wall by the other bullies. Those amateur gangsters laughed at him.

 

Lu Han felt his palm wet and he grimaced at the thought that he was kneeling in somebody’s piss or something. “Okay, now this is just gross,” he complained, standing up and rubbing his hand clean to the back of his jeans. “You’re starting to get on my nerves, Kid.”

 

The huge nosed boy laughed mockingly. “And what are you gonna do about it? Call your mommy?”

 

“Oh, Jesus.” Lu Han rolled his eyes impatiently. “You’re giving me that line? Really? Damn, you’re so cliché. You must have been learning how to bully people by watching those low budget dramas on—”

 

“Shut up!” He caught Lu Han by the collar again and the Chinese man responded by raising his hands in the air.

 

“Okay, okay, big boy.” Lu Han said, sighing again. “Look, I don’t want to do this, but you leave me no choice.”

 

Lu Han took his phone and started pressing numbers on the screen, as if he was alone in a normal situation and not being watched by a bunch of gangster boys and pinned by one.

 

“What are you doing?” the gangster with the Mohawk hair asked.

 

“Calling a hairstylist to fix your hair,” Lu Han said back and when he got glared at, he added, “Relax, John Cena. I’m calling my mom. Just like your boy here said.”

 

The violent boys looked caught of guard for a second before they laughed about it, but not out of happiness just for a sheer joke.

 

Man, these guys are dumb, Lu Han thought inside his head as his line got connected. “Good morning, Officer,” Lu Han said, smiling. “Yes, I’m in a little bit of situation here.”

 

One of those boys started to freak out. “, he’s calling the police! Grab his phone!”

 

The big nosed one lunged at Lu Han, trying to grab him and threw his phone away but Lu Han was always fast with his reflexes. He easily ducked and twirled his way out of his grasp. The man stumbled on his own feet and hit his head against the wall. Lu Han faked a wince and mouthed, ‘sorry’.

 

“So yeah there’s a bunch of gangsters,” Lu Han said to the phone, bending his body down to avoid a punch from the other boy—the one with the red fringes. “They’re more like a bunch of amateurs really. But just in case you want to teach these kids a lesson in jail—” he jumped a little when the boy tried to kick him on the shins. Lu Han brought his phone away from his ear and shot a look toward the boy. “Seriously, dude? I’m on the phone here, can’t you give me at least a little bit of privacy—” the boy didn’t bother to listen to him until he was finished. Instead, he lunged at Lu Han and the boy sighed before he ducked again.

 

Since he was putting so much power on his punch, the boy lost his step when Lu Han moved from his line of vision and the gangster bumped against the edge of the dumpster and accidently threw himself in.

 

The one with the blonde Mohawk hair stared with wide eyes after he noticed that his friends were constantly beat up by a guy who looked just as pretty as a woman—though Lu Han claimed to be very manly on the inside.

 

“You want to throw out some moves for me too, big boy?” Lu Han asked, raising an eyebrow. “Let that kid go.”

 

The gangster looked nervous and stared back and forth between Lu Han and the skinny boy he held under his grip. When Lu Han started talking to his phone again, the Mohawk kid shouted, “Screw this!” and threw the high school boy toward Lu Han’s direction. He went off before the Chinese boy could even say anything.

 

Lu Han didn’t catch the skinny boy when he stumbled upon him—not because he couldn’t, he just didn’t want to—so the poor boy fell on his knees, scraping his palms when he tried to hold himself up.

 

Lu Han didn’t even give out his hand to help the kid. He was too busy smirking and talking on the phone. “Thanks for playing along with me, little dongsaeng,” Lu Han said, and he laughed when the person on the other line was shouting at him. “What are you angry about? I’m not getting into trouble—no, I’m not—I was just out to get some breakfast—”

 

The skinny boy tried to stand up on his own. He fixed his hair, wiped the blood on the corner of his lips and picked up his backpack. He just stared at the other boy who just saved his life, looking at him with analyzing eyes.

 

“Uuh, Kiddo?” Lu Han said to the phone, noticing that there was a creepy boy who was looking at him with mysterious eyes. “I gotta go. There’s some kid looking at me and I don’t like being watched—though I enjoy being watched during sometimes, but—hey what are you yelling about?—no! Ugh just buzz off and go cry over Kris like you always do—don’t you call me mean, Sister, you were a lot meaner to me a few seconds ago—FINE, BYE!” then with that final shout, Lu Han ended his call.

 

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Lu Han said and when the other boy just continued looking at him, he sighed. “Okay, okay fine, I’ll apologize to her later. Now let’s go somewhere before those es try to kick our butts again.”

 

Without even waiting for his affirmation, Lu Han already grabbed his hand and dragged the skinny boy with him. “What’s your name, kid?” Lu Han asked, placing his phone back to his pocket after he texted ‘Sorry for being an . You know I love you, little dongsaeng’ to the girl who shouted at him before.

 

“Oh Sehun,” the blonde haired kid said, following Lu Han without being forced.

 

“Hello, Sehunnie,” Lu Han said without paying a mind to being polite. “Meet your savior, the mighty deer of the dawn, Mr. Lu—ing fantastic—Han. You can call me Mr. Lutastic, but to make it short, you can just call me Luhannie-Hyung, okay?” Lu Han winked at him but Sehun only glowered in return, so he rolled his eyes and commented, “You’re not cute at all, Oh Sehun. Not cute at all.”

 

Sehun continuedly knitted his eyebrows together whenever he was looking at him and Lu Han had to playfully scowl back just to make him stop staring.

 

“You’re very weird,” Sehun said when Lu Han made a turn and they went inside a little café.

 

“’Fabulous’ is the word you’re searching for,” Lu Han corrected. “And you’re even weirder. I just saved your tiny , Oh Sehun. The least you could do is thank me for it.”

 

Sehun actually blushed at that and slowly nodded. “Thank you.”

 

Lu Han was a bit surprise to see Sehun suddenly behaved so obediently and he smiled when he patted the blondie’s head. “Well fine, maybe you’re a bit cute. How old are you again?”

 

“Fifteen,” he said, looking embarrassed when Lu Han ruffled his hair in public.

 

“Damn, you’re so young,” Lu Han said, smirking at him. “And so innocent too. Allow me to corrupt your mind a little, okay, Sehunnie? You’re going to be my wingman from now on.”

 

“Your wingman?” he asked, tilting his head a little and Lu Han had to admit that Sehun was indeed cute. He could use him to get more chicks. After all, girls are ers for cute boys (not that Lu Han wasn’t cute—he was, really. He just much more preferred to be called ‘manly’ rather than ‘cute’).

 

“Yes, my wingman,” Lu Han repeated, putting an arm around Sehun’s shoulders. “Now, since I’m hungry, let’s get something to eat first. Is there something you want to eat?”

 

“Umm…” Sehun looked around the menu after they settled down on a table for two. “Choco bubble tea…”

 

Lu Han almost laughed because of how juvenile Sehun behaved but he liked it. After spending a lot of time hanging out with Kim Minseok who was all about mature and serious business, he needed to be friends with someone who was less stiff than him.

 

“All right then, choco bubble tea it is,” Lu Han said, smiling. “And I’m going to have some fried rice with roasted chicken and oh! Bulgogi sounds nice too. And for dessert, I’m going to have some caramel puddings, a strawberry milkshake, some—”

 

“You eat too much,” Sehun commented and Lu Han snorted.

 

“Don’t you start talking about fat and calories or our friendship is off,” he said back before he raised a hand to call one of the waitresses so he could order. “Oh, and you’re paying for everything, by the way. After all I just saved your life, the least you could do is buy me a proper breakfast.”

 

Sehun wanted to say that Lu Han had thrown a similar line a few moments before, but he kept himself quiet. Sehun was too happy over the fact that he was finally making a friend in this neighborhood.

 

After he was forced to pay for Lu Han’s extremely expensive breakfast, Sehun was crying inside. What would his mother say when she knows her son just spent so much money on a stranger?

 

But Lu Han wasn’t a stranger to him anymore, was he? Not after he agreed to the deal Lu Han just offered.

 

“So there are three things you must promise me,” Lu Han said after he burped impolitely for swallowing down a huge glass of coke. “If you want us to be friends, that is.”

 

Sehun should’ve said ‘okay then I’ll take my leave now since I don’t want to be your friend’ because Lu Han was obviously a man who would bring him no good. But it’s not everyday that he got his saved by a stranger. And not everyday that he could meet someone who had enough, err, swag (as Sehun liked to call it) while being manhandled by a bunch of gangsters. And definitely not everyday that Sehun could meet someone with such intriguing personality. Call him superstitious, but Sehun could somehow tell that Lu Han was hiding something behind his laid back personality and he wanted to dig deeper and find it out.

 

So regarding to Lu Han’s words, Sehun nodded his head and listened intently.

 

“First,” Lu Han said, now unwrapping a lollipop and placed it between his lips. “I’m a very cool person. I only hang out with cool people, so if you want to be friends with me, you gotta be cool.” Then he scanned Sehun from the top of his head to the part where Sehun’s body disappeared behind the table. “Well, Sehunnie, you’re more into the cute type and that’s okay. You can pretend to be like, my cousin or something. And I can bring you out with me every weekend so girls can see how nice I am for bringing my dorky cousin and they’ll all go nuts for me.”

 

Sehun raised one of his eyebrows, looking insulted but then again, Sehun was still amazed. How could there be such a shameless person in this world?

 

“Second,” Lu Han continued, rolling the lollipop on his tongue before he pulled it out of his mouth with a pop and pointed the candy toward Sehun’s face. “I’m older than you, Oh Sehun. So I demand you to call me Hyung from this second forward, you understand me? I will draw permanent mustaches on your face if you call me just by my name, I swear to God, I’ll do it.”

 

“Why the mustaches?” Sehun asked, frowning a little. “That’s not really threatening.”

 

“Have you ever got your face drawn by me?” Lu Han replied smugly. “You don’t know anything, Kid. I suggest you to follow my words.”

 

Sehun nodded twice.

 

“Last but not least,” Lu Han said, finishing the rest of his lollipop. Sehun had to admit the man was a fast-eater on any kind of food. “Listen to me, Oh Sehun, and you listen to me well. I am a selfish, insensitive, two-timing . Though I’m honest, sometimes I like to trick people for my own entertainment. I will probably take your money to buy the latest edition of playboy magazine, and I will most likely use you to get girls’ sympathy. Oh and I’m probably the only friend you’ll ever have who will likely sleep with a member of your family. Do you have a sister?”

 

Sehun shook his head.

 

“Well, is your mom hot?”

 

Sehun shifted uncomfortably. “I—I don’t know… I’ve never thought about her like that…” Then he realized something. “Hey! Don’t talk about my mom like that!”

 

“And I make jokes about my friends’ mothers,” Lu Han continued, leaning back to his chair. “Now if you can’t deal with those things, I give you permission to leave the room and pretend we never met.”

 

“Why are you telling me this?” Sehun asked, still looking a bit pissed off over Lu Han’s previous words. “You only tell me bad things about yourself. It’s like you’re trying to intentionally drive me away from you.”

 

“I’m not trying to make you hate me, if that’s what you’re implying,” Lu Han simply answered with a shrug. “I’m just telling you the truth so you’ll know what you’re getting yourself into. I don’t want you to be whining in the future and force me to take responsibilities when I do awful things to you. Plus, if I tell you my good points—which are a lot, by the way—you’d probably think I’m just bluffing. I won’t waste my time on that.”

 

Huh, Sehun thought in his mind, he’s quite smart.

 

“But,” Lu Han continued, smiling a bit arrogantly, “If you don’t have any problem with those things I’ve mentioned, then welcome. You’ll forever be my wingman and best buddy.”

 

Sehun was still a bit pissed off over the joke on his mother, but his curiosity beat him. “Forever?” he asked tentatively.

 

“Forever,” Lu Han said, giving a smug smile. “I may be an , Sehunnie. But I’m loyal to my friends.” Then he thought about it for a second. “Well maybe once in a while I ditch them for my own selfish needs, but hey, I’ll go back to smother them with love when I’m done with my business. Bros for life, Kid. Brothers for life.”

 

Sehun never had a friend before. He wanted to know how it’d feel to have someone he could share things with other than his parents. Being the only son in the family made him feel rather lonely and it’d be great to have someone else to watch his back.

 

“I’m…” Sehun swallowed thickly. “I’m in.”

 

Lu Han’s smirk grew wider. “Welcome aboard! You’re going to have the most precious and adventurous moments in your life starting from now on.”

 

Sehun didn’t know whether he just made the right decision or not. After all, he was only fifteen. It was his time to make stupid decisions.

 

“Though I gotta tell you,” Lu Han said, leaning forward until he rested his elbow on the table. He signaled Sehun to come closer so he could whisper in his ear. When Sehun did, Lu Han murmured, “Sometimes I fart without telling beforehand. It’s gross and nasty but you have to deal with it too.”

 

Sehun jumped back in reflex. “Eew, Hyung!”

 

Lu Han’s face was so open and young when he laughed and Sehun decided that this was the kind of look he liked the most from the stranger who just saved his day. Maybe he made the right decision after all.

 

***

 

Sehun wakes up with a smile on his face when his mind still revels in the joy of his first meeting with his Hyung. He doesn’t think about it that much anymore so Sehun is immensely grateful to be able to walk back and go through the memory once again.

 

But as soon as the realization comes in, Sehun’s smile falters from his face. Reality strikes again and he still can’t figure out what to do with every single problem he has to face.

 

Sehun rubs his eyes, squinting when the sunlight streams down through the blinds. He moves to the side and notices how his girlfriend still curls up in her bed, looking young and pure in her rainbow polkadot pajamas. Sehun chuckles softly and he finds his voice breaking—from too much sleep or from crying because of his early nightmare, he’s still not sure.

 

“Noona,” he calls, “Noona, wake up.”

 

She shifts a little in her sleep but only to move closer to him and press her temple against his bare chest. Sehun almost giggles when her hair tickles his skin. “Yah, Noona~”

 

“I’m cold,” she moans in her sleep, trying to seek for more heat by pressing her body closer to his.

 

Sehun smiles to himself as he her hair. “Well then wake up and let’s take a warm shower together.”

 

“No…” She lets out a small groan, idly shaking her head. “Go back to sleep, Sehun.”

 

“I can’t,” Sehun says but he gives up when she wraps an arm around his waist and pushes him back down to bed. “Noona, I—” He cuts his own line short when she lies her head on his chest, hearing how his heart beats in a faster pace. “Fine, okay, maybe just five more minutes.”

 

“Mmm, fifteen,” she hums in agreement, sounding content. Sehun sighs and wraps the blanket around their bodies. It’s funny how people say that Sehun is the bratty one in their relationship. Well, maybe that’s true, but Sehun dares to argue that in the morning, she’s the one who’s acting like a spoiled five year-old. It’s cute really, because Sehun is the one who behaves like that every night.

 

“Noona,” Sehun calls again, slipping his fingers in the strand of her brown locks. When he starts her hair again, he notices that maybe he’s doing it out of his conscience. Probably because it feels right whenever she does it to him so he wants to return the favor.

 

She answers with another hum.

 

“Can you…” Sehun starts slowly. “Can you tell me you love me?”

 

When he closes his mouth, silence comes to answer. He blushes, even though he really shouldn’t. They’re already in the stage where they’re so comfortable with each other that exchanging love words is no longer something to be ashamed of. And Sehun is usually straightforward with his feelings as well, and he’s usually not shy when it comes to saying ‘I love you’. And yet today, he feels embarrassed as soon as his request flows through his lips.

 

When Sehun is about to give up on his wish, his girlfriend lifts her head and gives him a serious look, even though she still somehow looks sleepy. She puts on her thinking face again, perhaps trying to figure out why Sehun suddenly demands something like this.

 

“What are you worried about?” She asks, laying her chin on his chest as she stares at her.

 

He weakly smiles, lifting up a hand to the skin of her cheek. “I’m just scared of not hearing anyone say it to me today,” he answers, half-sounding like he’s in a trance.

 

She takes in the sight of his face—of how his eyes don’t only look like he’s broken inside, but also seem like he doesn’t have the courage to climb down the bed and face the world; of how his lips are parted, as if he were about to speak the unspoken words, but decide not to at the last second; of how there are no tears of sorrow in his eyes, but his voice says otherwise.

 

“I love you,” she says and he sighs in relief.

 

“Me too. I love you too,” Sehun whispers and she climbs up his body and kisses his cheek before she embraces him with her arms circled around his neck. “Thank you, Noona.”

 

She nods and nuzzles her nose to his skin.

 

Sehun flips their position, laying her down to the bed and starts peppering kisses along her jaw, down , before he rests his lips just under her collarbones.

 

“Stop worrying too much,” she says, carding her fingers through his hair until Sehun has to stop tracing her skin with his lips and lift up his head.

 

“I’m not worried,” Sehun replies, hovering above her with his elbows laying on either side of her head. “I just don’t like the result I have to face today.”

 

She pushes back his bangs out of his eyes. “You still don’t know what’s going to happen.”

 

“It’s just gonna be like any other day,” he responds bitterly and he hates himself for being so pessimistic over this.

 

“You still don’t know,” she repeats and his eyes grow fonder at her stubbornness. It’s great that she always believes that good things will happen to him one day. And Sehun also likes the fact that she isn’t guaranteeing him anything. She doesn’t say “You’ll be all right” or “Everything will be okay” because they both know, in this situation, the chance of him getting a happy ending is almost zero. Sehun can only be happy with those statements if there are chances they’ll come true.

 

But sometimes, miracle does happen, right? Yes, Sehun wishes so. That’s why when Lu Han used to comfort him with those words, he believed him with all of his heart. Sehun still does, but only partially. Growing up kind of ruins one’s faith on having a happy ending for everything.

 

As a child, Sehun believed in the existence of Santa Claus. A few years later, he learned that it was just a lie parents liked to tell their kids, and he couldn’t understand why they had to lie. When he was a little boy, Sehun thought he would always live happily with his family. Now, as he become older, he learns more and more about how death is just waiting for everyone in every unexpected corner in their lives. When Oh Sehun was still young and innocent, he learned that he could be as selfish as he wanted—that people would always say yes to him and fulfill his demands. Now that he’s matured, he learned that sacrifices have to be made. And sometimes, if not most, we have to let go the things we hold dearest to our hearts just to get nothing in return.

 

Sehun used to be so brave, but now he’s become nothing but a coward. If he could, he would just run away and hide himself forever from this thing called reality.

 

“Come back,” she says, interrupting his mind and he blinks out of his trance.

 

“Huh?” Sehun croaks out. She reaches out a hand to caress the side of his face.

 

“You were lost in your own mind again,” she explains. “Be careful, Sehun. The darkest part of one’s soul is their mazes of thoughts. You have to be strong and get out of there.”

 

“But why?” he asks. “I’m safe in my own thoughts.”

 

“No, you’re not.” She sits up and Sehun has to back away a little until they’re sitting straight on the bed. “Sehun, I know you. And believe me when I say your thoughts aren’t safe. You always lose hope on yourself. And you always let other people win. Don’t let those thoughts change how you behave this time.”

 

“It’s not like that, Noona,” he says, exhaling heavily. “I’m competing against God now. I don’t think I’ll ever win.”

 

She has a hand on top of his, lacing their fingers together. “At least have some hope.”

 

Her strong, blue eyes manage to convince him for a moment there. And Sehun thinks, how much will it hurt to have hopes in your heart? To actually desire a happy ending for yourself?

 

“I will,” Sehun says, gathering her back in his arms. “I will.”

 

“Do you want me to come with you today?” she asks and Sehun shakes his head.

 

“No, I’ll be fine. And it’s better if you don’t for now,” he responds softly, brushing his lips against her temple. “But thank you…” He gazes deeply into her eyes, making sure that she hears every letter that he forms with his lips. “For everything. For making me believe that there’s hope for everyone.”

 

She smiles, so soft, just barely there, but it radiates so much happiness that Sehun can actually feel his heart getting warmer.

 

“One day, Oh Sehun,” she says, pressing her body closer to his in a gentle embrace. Sehun can feel her lips brushing the tip of his left ear when she whispers, “I want to have a child together with you.”

 

A moment of silence.

 

“Noo—Noona!” Sehun almost yelps in embarrassment. His entire face is glowing red and not once in his life did he ever think that there would be a moment when someone would actually say something like that to him. The walls of the room suddenly feel like they’re moving closer, making him hard to breathe.

 

“Hmm?” she asks, pulling away from the hug and tilts her head questioningly. “What’s wrong?”

 

“What’s wrong—you’re asking me what’s wrong—I—how can you—” Sehun barks another yelp when she pinches his nose.

 

“Speak clearly, Oh Sehun,” she scolds. “I can’t understand you.”

 

He wants to slam his face down to the headboard. She’s always like this, acting so nonchalant even when she just said something outrageous. Yes, okay, maybe she thinks this isn’t a big deal since they’ve been together for years, but suddenly talking about having kids together? He just barely turned twenty-two this year! Yes, they’ve dated for a long time by now, but they’re still so young! They haven’t even talked about proposing to one another and yet suddenly they’re discussing about having a kid?

 

Though, to be honest, Sehun would be a complete liar if he said he never thought of raising a child with her. Let’s face it, does he want to marry her? Of course. Does he want to have some cute, little babies with her? Sir, yes, Sir! Will they have dark brown eyes like him, or beautiful striking blue eyes like their mother? God, Sehun wants to find out. Maybe he can dye their hair too when they get older. He can spend every weekend drinking bubble tea with them and—

 

No. Focus, Sehun, focus. Right now isn’t really the best moment to think about that.

 

“Noona!” Sehun can’t keep his tone down. “You can’t just blurt t-things out like that!”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because—” Sehun is frustrated with himself because how can he explain this? “W-well, because... I mean…”

 

She huffs impatiently because Sehun isn’t getting any clearer.

 

The boy sighs, palming his face with one hand. “It’s… Don’t you, at least, feel slightly embarrassed about this?”

 

“Why would I?” she asks, sounding like she’s asking a science question instead of something regarding them having a child before they even talk about what they want to give each other for their third year anniversary. “I don’t understand why you’re acting like this. I’m just saying that someday I want to have a kid with you.”

 

“Why?” Sehun croaks out, and when she glares at him, he knows that was a dumb question.

 

“Because first, I love you,” she answers anyway, still with no apparent blush on her cheeks (while Sehun, on the other hand, wants to bury his face in a pillow out of shame). “Second, I want them to have your facial bone structure.”

 

“Okay, okay enough already—”

 

“And third, I want them to be able to love their mother just as much as you do.”

 

That gets Sehun to stop blushing and finally speak like a normal person. “Like… me?” he asks.

 

She nods, the hair at the back of his neck again. “Yes. Your mother would be so proud of you, Sehun. I adore the way you can love your mother so much like this. You’re the type of sons everybody wants to have.”

 

Sehun’s cheeks grow pink again but this time he’s not freaking out. Instead, he feels calm and content, so he leans closer to press his temple against hers. “That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. Thank you.” He swoops down and lands a gentle kiss on her lips.

 

“You know something that’s not so sweet?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Your breath.”

 

“Yah, noona~”

 

***

Hello, everyone! How's your holiday? Here's my little Christmas' gift to you my lovely readers hehehe I know some of you may be upset right now because of how annoying Luhan behaved in this one but please cut him some slack hahaha he's starting to realize his mistake, right? Can I get a hell yeah because giiiirl hunhan ship is going to sail on the next chapter (or not, you know how I can be such a troll sometimes LOL) ;D

Anyway~ Happy new year, guys! thanks for showing a lot of support for my first story (marriage life of mr byun) and also for this one too. You guys are simple amazing! I LOVE YOU <333