Letting All Out
30 Days
Minseok still tried to contact you even though he knew that he won’t get any reply anytime soon. He’s worried, and so are the other members. The sad thing is that they can’t go to your house and check how you are doing because they’re afraid that they might cause a bigger commotion if they do that, as what Luhan warned them. So all they can do is to wait for they-don’t-know-how-long.
You haven’t been out of your room for more than 12 hours already. You’re just inside practically doing nothing but stare at the ceiling while you lie on your bed. You can barely open your eyes because of too much crying. You didn’t even hear your parents or even Subin call you and that made you feel even more miserable than you already are, thinking that your family grew tired and didn’t care about you anymore.
Hours have passed and you’re still on the same position as you were the moment you woke up. You then heard your stomach growling and you know that your body is asking for something to fill it in. You finally got up from your bed and headed to your door. Your eyes opened big with who you saw waiting across your room.
“Why aren’t you in school Subin?” she stood up and hugged you tightly. You wanted to seem unaffected but feeling her warmth around you makes you do otherwise. You hugged her back and there, tears started falling from your eyes once again.
“I know you’re hungry already. Come on, I’ll cook something for you.” She held your hand and together you went downstairs to the kitchen. She brought out all the food that she can find inside the fridge and asked you what you want. You can’t deny the fact that you missed it whenever she takes care of you back at the hospital because ever since the deal started all that the two of you do was meet at night in your room and talk about your day with Minseok and EXO.
Since you weren’t answering her about what you wanted to eat, she just then cooked whatever she could think of that time with the ingredients available. You were physically present, waiting for the food, but your mind was off somewhere.
“Jiyeon. Jiyeon.”
“Huh? What?”
“Food’s ready. Eat now.”
“Thanks Subin.” Who said that depressed people don’t feel hunger? To you, it’s definitely not true.
“Let’s talk after you eat.”
“I needed that.”
“I know.”
The two of you went back to your room after you have finished your food. You started telling her how you feel towards the situation and your life in general.
“I honestly don’t get the reason why he never let me go out when it’s dark. Even when I was in the hospital, I never get to see the moon from the outside. It’s not like I’m going to get sicker if I was out. And now that I’m not confined anymore in the hospital, I thought that maybe he’ll let me go finally. But I was wrong, Subin. I was so wrong!” Tears continuously fall from your eyes as you let out everything to your best friend.
“For the past decade, I’ve been secluded in a four-walled room with only a small TV for entertainment. For the past decade, I didn’t get to see how the world outside my hospital room changed and developed. For the past decade, it was only you and Junho whom I can call as my friends. For the past decade, I’ve always been a burden to everyone. For the past decade, all I hoped for was to be cured so that on the next decade my life will not be the same anymore. But I’m not fortunate enough to live for another decade.” Subin wasn’t able to contain anymore her tears. It hurts her so much seeing you in pain.
“There are so many things I wished to do in my life but unfortunately I won't be able to fulfill them anymore. But I’m still grateful that I was given these 30 days. And I can say that for the past 12 days, I felt like I was cured. That I’m not suffering from any terminal disease. For the past 12 days, I thought I can finally fulfill at least some of the things I wished to do in my lifetime. For the past 12 days, I get to go out and see how the world has changed. For the past 12 days, I get to meet new friends in the form of EXO. For the past 12 days, I felt alive again.”
“It was enough for me, the 30 days. Because at least I still have time to create beautiful memories with the people I care for the most. But I guess, this is where those 30 days will end. Maybe I heard wrong that it’s not really 30 but 13. You know what, how I wish I did hear wrongly because that would’ve made it less painful for me now compared to knowing that there are still some days I could’ve spent better if not for my stupid mistake last night. When dad said that the deal was over, I felt my whole world crumble before my eyes. I felt the hope inside me was thrown away. I thought dad finally trusted me when the deal started. I thought that changed his perception; that I can never take care of others because others should be taking care of me instead. But then again, I was wrong. I was so wrong. I hate feeling this bad towards my own father. I hate myself for always disappointing him. I’m sorry I can never be that perfect daughter he dreamed of because I am freaking sick and dying! I tried to for so many times, but I failed; because I am the sick, weak and stupid Kang Jiyeon who’s not worthy of anyone’s love at all since I can’t give that love back to anyone in full.” That was probably your worst and most painful cry yet. It was killing you inside slowly. Subin hugged you so tight even though she too was hurting so much.
Outside your room door, your mother was crying a river but your dad’s face was emotionless. Little did you know, they had heard everything that you said to Subin right from the very beginning.
[150129] Thank you for continuously reading despite my absence. I hope you guys are looking forward to the last few chapters of the story. Happy reading. :D
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