Who's watching snowpiercer? I do!!

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Child nursery music tone echoed at Kwon living room. Jiyoung playing piano with one toddler, about 2 years old little girl with eye that really beautiful like a doe, the toddler smile happily and showing her toothless smile. Jiyoung just smile at her while the toddler keeps playing with piano, creating random sound while laughing happily.

Both of the hearing car engine and door being open, the toddler look at the sounds source with wide smile and carefully Jiyoung help the toddler welcoming someone that they been waiting. Upon seeing this person, the toddle broke into wide smile and that’s smile really beautiful sight.  That cute and sweet smile alone makes this person smiling too.

“Appa!!!!”

The toddler walking to woman with clad business suits, raised both of her tiny hands to this woman, and indicated that she wants to be carrying up. Her appa carry her and kiss her on forehead while she kiss her appa at cheek and then snuggle at her appa neck, “Aigo!! Our Yoona getting heavy now! Did you behave today?” seeing Jiyoung who just smile at Yuri, “Umma, how’s my Yoona today?”

“Well, you know Yoona! She refuses to eat her vegetable today because she wants to eat with you, Yuri-ah! She even make Shinyoung run out of breath because she running around the garden! Also today Tiffany comes with Seohyun!!”

Seohyun is one years old baby and adopted by Taeyeon and Tiffany. She's cute baby with chubby cheeks, Taeyeon really spoiled Seohyun so much. 

Yuri just laughing at Yoona who hiding her face at Yuri neck. “Then, let’s eat together then! But Yoona must eat carrot today as well! Okay? Promise to appa first!” Yoona nods her head and kiss Yuri cheek. Yuri and Yoona pass one big photograph, Yuri give the photograph smile before went to dining room with Yoona.

“Did you already talk to your umma today?”

Proudly she nods her head, “Mmh!! I talk about appa today to umma!!!”

Night, when Yoona already sleeping on Yuri stomach. Even when Yoona had her own bedroom, she always choose to sleep with Yuri. Yuri slowly closes the bedtime storybook and looking at Yoona, she really beautiful child that resemble Jaejoong a bit but she took lot of Jessica side. Somehow seeing Yoona like this... “I’m sorry Yoona…I’m sorry…”

After nine hours inside emergency room, there’s sound of baby crying and one doctor come out from room. Yuri standing in front of her, without asking anything because she too scares to ask and couldn’t even move. But Yuri eyes, her eyes already pleading to the doctor to say something nice or something happy, not words that she hates to hear.

The female doctor just lowering her head, “The baby saves and healthy…” when the doctor look at Yuri face, she knows what Yuri wants to hear is not about the baby but about… “I’m sorry, Kwon-ssi…I’m really sorry…we couldn’t…”

Her head feel so light and her knees feel so weak, she just falls like that. She exhale air inside her lung like she want to cry, continue doing that like she got trouble for breathing normally. There’s nothing coming out from but sound like being chocked. Her eye really hurt, but nothing beat the pain in her heart.

Her right hand grab her own hair while her left hand, she balled it and put it under her nose. Her body tremble and her eye being let out the tears, unable to holding back her tears…she just let it out without creating any sound, gritted her tears she block any sobs that comes out from her eye. She tightly closes her eye, hoping when she open her eye…everything will be…she will see Jessica smiling for her and maybe she will…

But the baby cry shattering all her hope, she curled her body like a ball. She wants to block the baby cry and pretend it’s just a dream but the baby cry keep reminding her that this is the reality that she must face. Her forehead at the floor, crying and trembling…

Slowly she stands up and walking to ICU room, she ignores the nurse that wanted to show her the baby and slowly, she walks to body that lying lifelessly. Close and when she comes closer to Jessica body, she kneeling while crying beside Jessica. She put her head at empty space beside Jessica body and crying. Blindly, her hand searching Jessica hand and hold it tenderly, hand that begin to cold and hand that will never intertwine with her anymore, hand that will never cling to her arms, hands that never poking her ribs again, hands that never tickles her again...hands that will never reachs out for her anymore.

She lifts up her head, stammered with her own tears. She begins to rubs Jessica hands and gives little massage. “Wa-e? Sica-ah, your hands begin to cold…d-did the air conditioner too strong…sh-should I turn it…off for you?”

“You su-ch sleeping Princess…you won’t even wake up even the air conditioner cold like this…should I put blanket…” no response and the only thing she heard just long beep sound of machine, crying again and she put Jessica cold hand on her forehead. “Wae? Why don’t you wake up? Wae?”

She don’t want to see the baby because it’s hurt and she scare of being hurt again, she didn't hate the baby for making her losing someone that so important for her. How could she hate innocent baby who didn't even have any knowledge about anything? Who didn't even have slighest idea what future will hold for her without her parents protection? How could she hate someone that will suffers greatly more than anyone in this world? Like a bird that must learn how to fly without their parents guide...that's the baby right now.

That’s why she always comes late from work and never be able to see the baby at hospital. She just want to avoiding shed more tears again when she look at the baby. Jiyoung and Shinyoung stay at hospital meanwhile she’s at her own mansion. It’s been three day and it’s the same day of Kwon Yuri, monochrome world. Wake up, making milk and staring at the milk before drink it, go to work, skip lunch, going home late night, staring at her dinner alone, sleeps.

Sit at living room after throwing her suits and bag somewhere, she resting her sore body from work by lying at couch…no, not her favorite couch but Jessica couch. Put her left hand above her eye, she trying to catch a rest…trying to pretend she could rest.

Suddenly, she catch scent that really familiar to her and that’s familiar scent is Jessica perfume. Close to her but she couldn’t open her eye and couldn’t even move no matter how much she want to open her eye. Suddenly she felt someone sit beside her and softly hold her right hands. She couldn’t even move or doing anything, she just lying there and feels her longed someone near her.

“Yuri-ah” her voice is so light, so thin in the airs but Yuri could catch it. She knows that Jessica voice didn’t even sad or sorrow, but she seem happy and free from any pains.

“Yuri-ah, why are you sleeping here? You’re going to hurt your back, aigo this big baby!! Just today, you skip your breakfast, at lunch you only eat half of bread…dinner, you eat nothing because you just playing with your food!! Your hands also, why didn’t you treat it? I’m really worried about you! Who is going to take care of you now?” soft sigh.

After the funeral, Yuri went to scheduled area and she punch the tree till her hand bleeding, till she exhausted because of crying. Till she kneeling on the ground and bump her head to that tree. She wants to erase the empty feeling at her heart…yet, each punches she keep saying sorry.

She couldn't even sleep at her own room without being reminding by Jessica shadow and memories. The perfume that Jessica always use, the scent of lotion that she always wears, and the make up that Jessica always treasure, everything even bed that they share. How could she sleep?

“Today, you using ties that I buy it for you…it’s really suits you the best, the color really matching well with you! Did anyone notice the ties? Did they say it’s look good on you? Ah, you finally got tie pin that I order…hm, black pearl really suits you the best!”

Yuri got this after funeral, what make her sad is the fact that the delivery man gives it to her with wide smile congrats her and the card within the package. It’s feels like her heart being slice by knife that made by ice so her wound won’t be able to healing and her wound keep open waiting for salt. The card even though only simple card with simple words, this remind me of you when I buy it!! I hope you like this my seob Yuri-ah! Love you!

Yuri keep the card, so when she on break she took the card and stare at the card…so anytime she want, she can look at the card and always remind her of Jessica. At first she will cry but her tears might be drying already…only her eye because her heart still crying. 

“Do you remember with our shopping trips? When I buy so many shirts for you? I buy some couple shirt and I wish that I could…no, that’s not it! I wish someday you try those shirts too!”

Yuri could feel soft tender touch at her face, so feathery like. “Yuri, the baby…still hasn’t got a name, could you name her for me? I already tell umma that I want my baby name use your idea and she agree with me…so, please? Please give a name for…our baby”

Yoona, Kwon Yoona…

“Yoona…that’s really nice name, the name really beautiful, so beautiful and really elegant” silence for a moment, “Can you do something for me for the last time? Can you smile for me? Smile with full of passion not smile of someone that empty with hole…can you?”

Yuri wake up from her day dreaming because Yoona snuggle at her stomach, softly she kiss Yoona forehead and place Yoona to soft bed and put blanket around Yoona body. Dimmed the light, softly she went to her worktable. Working on her project till midnight.

She doesn’t know when she falls asleep, but when she realizes she’s not at her worktable anymore and she already wear all white clothes. Sitting nicely at flower field, when she was about to lying down, someone already lean on her back.

“I already told you, never sleep on your table! What if your back hurt again like last time?!”

Smile finally broke into Yuri face, even though she can’t turn around to see her. “It’s been a while since your last visit and this time you finally let me talk”

Soft giggle and light shove on her back, “I can’t get my permission quickly, you know?” comfortable silence engulfed them, Yuri just want to enjoy the presence of someone behind her even in dream. Yes, even in dream alone, “Yuri-ah, stop doing that. You already torture yourself enough” she feels Jessica shift her position, she now hugging Yuri waist from behind and buried her face at Yuri back.

“It’s not everyone fault, so stop saying I’m sorry and stop saying I’m sorry to Yoona! Also stop giving my picture your apologetic smile! I hate it, so stop okay?” Yuri just nods her head and she holds Jessica arms that circling at her waist.

“Yoona, she really grows into fine kid now but you should stop pampering her and always dotting her like that! Sometimes you must scold her if she do something wrong and you must strict to her! I don’t mind if you have to punish Yoona too!”

Yuri just shakes her head, “No, I want she grow up with full freedom that she yearns for, not like me who couldn’t even understand what the meaning of relaxing! I want she enjoy as much as freedom that I never get to taste in place of me. But don’t worry, Yoona is good child and she really smart kid too!”

Another brief silence and Yuri slowly embrace Jessica arms with her own, “I miss you…Sica, I really miss you…”

“I miss you too Yuri…and this is the first time you hug me back even just my arms” Yuri close her eye to savor this moment, “Why you never hug me and why you never touch me when I ask you to feel Yoona when she still at my womb? Why you even refuse to naming Yoona?”

“Why I never hug you? I always want to hug you, don’t you know why I always balled my fist when you hug me? Because I’m restraining myself to do something stupid like hugging you. I scare if I hug you, all my effort will be crumbled down…”

“Why I never touch Yoona and why I refuse to naming Yoona? Because I know she isn’t mine and I didn’t have any right to touch her casually like that, because if I touch her…it’s like reminding me that she’s not mine…she is not your child Yuri…she isn’t your so you don’t have any right to touch her or even give your opinion about her name…so, I just watching while always telling myself Yoona is mine...so I won’t be reminding about that harsh fact!”

Jessica bump her head softly at Yuri back, “Babo-yah…she’s our Yuri…she is our daughter, she even called you with appa! She even loves you, adore you, respect you, and hear you more than she hears umma! She also looks like you!”

Yuri just chuckle, “It’s in the past and I change now. Yes, she’s our now and I will never doubt that she is ours now. I will never let anyone saying that she isn’t mine…I’m sorry for being such stupid, coward, and pathetic”

“Last question, your Japanese song…what’s that mean?”

Yuri stays silence for a moment before smile, she close her eye and prepare herself to answer the question.

Doue kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou

Donna ni toki ga nagarete mo kimi wa zutto

Koko ni iru to omotteta noni

Demo kimi ga eranda no wa chigau michi

Doue kimi ni nani mo tsutaerarenakattan darou

Mainichi maiban tsunotteku omoi

Afuredasu kotoba

Wakatteta noni

Mou todokanai

Yuri sings the songs and taps Jessica arms softly, “Why did I end up falling for you? No matter how much time has passed I still thought you were right here, but you've already chosen a different path. Why couldn't I call out to you at all? Every day and night growing emotions and words overflow but I realized that they'd never reach you again”

Jessica tightened her hug around Yuri, “Did you regret it? Fall in love with me?”

Yuri slowly shaking her head, “Doue kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou? Why did I fall in love with you? I’m singing that not because out of regrets but because I’m scared. Not because of your social status or because you will leaving me…but because I’m scare you can’t reply my feeling or I’m scare that you accept my feeling out of pity since you love Jaejoong…not me” Yuri inhale some air, “And I didn’t regretting falling in love with you even when you won’t love me like I love you”

“Since when?”

Yuri just chuckle, “Since I got to know you better and it's took a great amount of time for me to admits that I really in love with you”

Jessica just smile even though Yuri couldn’t see the smile but she sure Yuri will feels it. “Yuri-ah, I love you too since long time ago…long time ago and you won’t even believe since when. Every day I keep wishing, hoping, dreaming and praying if one day you woke up and will fall for me. Sometimes I always imagine what would it’d be if I married with you and so many things…”

Even it’s just a dream, Yuri finally know Jessica feeling toward her and she finally know what’s it feel to fall in love and how happy when someone that you love returned your feeling with her own love…even it’s just a dream, Yuri already enough with that and she very much satisfied with that.

"Even it's come to late, but I don't and never regrets it. I love you Jessica Jung Sooyeon, I love you very much"

She feel Jessica kiss her back softly, “Your love is something that I want to hear before I go, thank you so much, thank you for loving me…and also thanks for always smiling lively and with your passion! Thank you for granting my wish”

“I always smile like this because I want to show it for everyone else, that there’s someone…my one and only someone who manage to change me into someone that full of passion and always enjoy her life, Jessica Jung is the one who change Kwon Yuri! I want to tell them that!”

Jessica just chuckle at Yuri, “Thank you so much for everything Yuri-ah…thank you…”

“Wait, before you go…can I kiss you?”

“Close your eye and don’t peeking, okay?” Yuri did as she’d been told, she feel soft lips against her own. Jessica lips moving slowly and she follow Jessica movement, they slowly parted and Yuri keeps her eye close. The kiss seem so blissful and seem so real, even Yuri know this just dream but she want to believe this kiss is real kiss.

“Can I see you again?” she asked the question like a child, so pure and innocent question but hoping will get yes as answer.

“Uhm” Jessica just nods her head against Yuri forehead.

Yuri could feel that Jessica slowly fading away from her, she want to stop Jessica for leaving her but she know that she didn’t have the power to stop her from leaving her and so, she just ask one thing. “You will wait for me when that time comes?”

Always and forever, I will wait for you as long as you want me to wait for you

Like her promise, she takes Yoona to the beach that she already promised to Jessica that three of them will come here and playing around. Even though it’s just two of them now but Yuri still believes that’s Jessica always with them, watching over them from heaven.      

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The End!!!

Finally!!!!!

Next update? I'm still thinking about what to make...