Never Again


//Year 2004

One day, BoA was feeling morose by herself, worried about the success of her Japanese debut and then next thing she knows, she’s one of the most celebrated soloist in Japan, who was able to release three consecutive Japanese albums under her name (to which have sold millions of copies upon it’s release).

She wouldn’t even dare dream about it but it happened. BoA even held several arena tours in a foreign land all by herself at such a tender age. Nobody would have predicted it, even the stars that drew her fate.

Hearing people scream her name… Feeling the unparalleled love she gets from her fans… The amount of blessings she felt she didn’t deserve… A proof by just how far she’ve come.

Although she was truly happy about the unexpected success, BoA couldn’t help but feel a little bit sad when she realized she’s gaining all this recognition but with no one to immediately share it with. That sometimes, fame wasn’t the only important thing to live by like what she thought it should be the day she decided to take on this path.

There was a short episode of depression that followed and she didn’t know how to get rid of it. She tried going out with friends but it wasn’t helping her at all until one night, she sat motionless on her bedroom chair by herself, and it hit her.

She grabbed a pen and paper and started writing the lyrics for Moon and Sunrise. It surprised her that words just flowed right out of her and it really lifted up the gloomy feeling dawning on her. And as she wrote the last words, tears rolled down her cheeks and she started crying.

That was the thing that she lost along the way.

She has always been driving herself to achieve success that she forgot to succumb to her vulnerable self. That after all, she’s just a girl. That it was okay to be weak. That it was okay to be BoA.

Just BoA.

She was lucky that while she was feeling all these negativity, BoA was given a chance to go back to Korea and release her 4th Korean album. This would mean coming back home!

How she missed being home.


“Sunbaenim!” The boys greeted in unison as they crowded around the little giant.

“Yah! Give me some breathing space will you!” She exclaimed as she pushed her way out, yet, an evident smile was already on her face. She missed this.

“Hey guys, SM’s princess said to give her a breathing space… Shoo! Shoo!” The leader announced as a way of greeting.

“Yunho… Please shut up, BoA snapped rolling her eyes. The leader just shrugged his shoulders in response, used to her snarky retorts.

That’s pretty much how BoA spent the first day of her return in her home country. Not that she’s going to complain. Yunho wouldn’t allow even one second for her to start complaining.


BoA became busy preparing for her newest Korean album soon after. Compared to her life in Japan, she enjoyed working back home because she knew that despite her busy schedule, she’ll always get the chance to hang out with her fellow label mates. BoA had a lot of fun catching up with them. She anticipated each time she needed to go to the studio and record for “My Name”. Those were the times she get to be surrounded by people she loves. Even practices didn’t seem to be as tedious at all (even if it meant practicing together with Yunho for their special stage, who’s merciless when it comes to teasing her).

She was so happy to eat great food, hang out with friends and even the relentless scolding of her brothers was music to her ears. Those precious little things that made her feel more normal and not so far away.

For a moment, she forgot about her loneliness.

She was beginning to find her lost happiness that she failed to realize just how fast time flew by and tomorrow, she’s heading back to Japan.

Normally, after her schedule, BoA would either meet up with friends or go straight home and relax. This time, BoA stayed behind and sat quietly on the floor at the corner of the practice studio. She changed to her usual baggy clothes that felt most comfortable on her skin.

Like a habit of hers, she began playing with the ends of her shirt and even started humming a random tune to fill the empty room drowning in silence.

It wasn’t long when she heard some footsteps. It’s funny that even the sound of his feet against the floor was still so familiar to her. She didn’t need to lift up her head and greet the person next to her.

“It made sense when I first saw you depressed over stuff a few years back. Right now, I just can’t figure it out…”

He didn’t even ask if he could, he just straight away sat beside BoA, their shoulders brushing each other. The familiar air he brought gave her comfort and at once she felt herself able to express herself honestly.

“Yundol… I don’t think I want to go back to Japan,” she spilled, her voice squeaky.

It has always been difficult for her to communicate her thoughts with just anybody but around Yunho, she felt safe. She felt embarrassed at the same time but she’s confident Yunho would keep this delicate moment to himself. Anyway, her sadness was too intense that she couldn’t reign on her emotions anymore.

And she felt tired.

She felt exhausted pretending to be strong when she’s just as fragile as any girl her age.

Yunho caressed her cheek and she coiled at his touch, only for a brief moment because she knew she couldn’t keep abusing her friend’s kindness. Sensing this, Yunho pulled his hand and remained motionless beside her.

“Wanna make a bet?”

BoA turned her head to look at him. Another second and now, the two were face to face. The lights were dimmed but his eyes particularly twinkled at her. His brown hair looked so soft as he lazily brushed it off his face.

The contour of his face.

His lips…

BoA blinked and shook her head lightly.What was that just now? Recovering, she managed to choke some words out, “What do you propose?”

He smiled at her. He was glad he didn’t have to try every little trick up his sleeve to convince her, like last time. He stood up and helped BoA to her feet.

Since when did he grow up to be so tall? Now she had to lift her head if she wanted to look directly into his eyes. It’s going to be harder to bully him now.

“Watch me. We’ll also debut in Japan,” he announced with such determination in his rumbling voice. He his dry lips as his stares became more intense. “If we do, I promise to be always be by your side and I’ll never make you feel alone.”

A short silence spread between them.

“And what if you don’t..? What if you lose in this bet?”

Yunho bit his lip as he furrowed his brows, thinking. “Then I guess I’ll just have to work harder so that losing won’t even become a possibility.”

His eyes bore on her and she wouldn’t doubt the weight of his promise. A bet to her favor was just really spoiling her. She couldn’t understand how she even deserved his kindness.

BoA’s feature softened and her eyes expressed tenderness in them. She’s going to hold on to his words as she forced herself not to throw her arms around Yunho’s neck to show just how much he had lifted her spirits up (that didn’t seem appropriate in the situation anyway). How with such simple words, he completely erased all the doubts in her heart. The sudden warmth spread through her and the indescribable feeling was almost overwhelming.

She instead pushed him teasingly with a sheepish smile playing at the corner of her lips.

April 27,2005
TVXQ made their debut stage in Japan under AVEX label.




Author's note:

If you are a new BoA fan, here's a quick BoA fact, Moon & Sunrise is actually one of BoA's most popular written work (besides Only One) to date. It's such an emotional song she wrote when she was in Japan because she was lonely being by herself away from everyone. Kinda used that premise for this whole chapter :3 I think it's a great way to exemplify that despite being one of japan's most popular artist, we can't deny the fact that she's just a kid. And with that burden and loneliness in mind, a certain Jung comes along the way to make her feel better.


Thanks for reading!


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