Bittersweet comfort[Aoi/Uruha]

Description

Title: Bittersweet comfort
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha
Genre:  slice of life, (hurt/comfort), (romance)
Warning: /
Rating: / 

Foreword

I look at you but somehow I can look right through you. I don't understand it, you're here  … I can see you, I can even smell you and hear you breathe. Then how can I look through you as if you are not really there. My feet move slowly over the carpet and I barely notice it myself. You stare back at me and you seem so uncertain, so scared even. I wonder what scared you, who scared you … I smile a bit when I stand before you. I can see the curiosity in your eyes and I know you wonder what I'll do. On this moment only one thing crosses my mind. Holding you, touching you and never letting go. I reach out my hand to you and notice I am trembling slightly. But you shake your head to me with a sad expression. I don't understand why you would tell me not to touch you. How can you tell me not to touch you? I ignore your words and bring my hand so close I'm almost touching your face. I can see tears glistening in your eyes as you look away from me and take a step back. I instinctively reach out to your wrist to lock my fingers around your delicate pale skin but nothing happens. I just stand there, my hand closed around air, nothing more. I look up and see you shake your head again as you seem to dissolve into nothingness, like a mist being scattered. I barely notice the tears that run down my cheeks as I bite my lip and make myself stand up straight. You were here, I could see you … I could smell and hear you … Why could I not touch you? I sigh and look at the carpet. There is no trace of you left. Maybe I was imagining things? I probably was … Another sigh escapes my lips as I turn around and walk over to the bed. 

I lie down on the bed and stare out of the window to the dark sky. It's been a long day and I suppose that must be why I've found myself imagining you standing there. I laugh bitterly at myself as I curl myself up on the bed, tears running freely by now. I still cannot believe it, but I remember every little part of the phone call, Taka's voice breaking as he told me that something horrible had happened. I remember asking him to calm down, so that he could explain it to me. But he couldn't, he just couldn't stop crying and begged me to just come to the studio. The ride to the studio had been so long and dreadful. I knew something had happened, but how was I meant to know it would be something that would end everything? When I reached the studio the car in front of it struck me as strange. I had never seen it before and I immediately recognized the emblem of the police on it. I still know how my hand was trembling when I reached out to open the door. Yutaka had looked up when I entered only to burst out in tears as he walked over to me to hug me. I know I hugged him back before looking around. Taka was being held close by Akira as they both tried to calm down, but their tears kept coming. My heart broke on that moment. I knew you weren't there and I knew right away that there could be no other reason for their tears.  I felt a hand on my back and when I looked behind me I saw a police officer. His voice was caring but I couldn't help but feel as if I had just been slapped when he politely requested me to sit down. I already knew it even before he told me. I already knew that you were gone, nothing else could have upset the others this much and meanwhile explained your absence. But I had no idea of the horrors of your passing. 

I close my eyes as I wrap my arms around myself in an attempt to get a bit warmer, but it doesn't help. I hear something, a soft rustling on the carpet that makes me open my eyes. I look at you and bite my lip hard. I don't know why it didn't hurt that much earlier to see you, why it didn't make me cry but now I cannot help the tears running down my face. You still look so beautiful. I don't even comprehend how it is possible that you're so beautiful while you were hurt so badly. Hesitantly you walk over to the bed and sit down on it, your eyes never leaving mine. I want to reach out to you so badly but I recall how you scattered like mist and refrain myself from making you disappear like that again. Slowly you lie down, your gaze never leaving me as I observe your every move. Just a moment later you close your eyes and sigh softly when it makes me flinch. I should never have visited you in the mortuary. 

Your face was so beautiful, even then. Your eyes closed to make it seem as if you were merely sleeping. I remember that when I touched your cheek briefly, it sent a shiver down my spine from how cold you were. It had made me remember the words of the police man. How he had told me that you had been violently assaulted. How he had told me that those men had seen the fear in your eyes but hadn't cared when they cut you open. They had been arrested already and each and every single one of the group had pleaded guilty. When asked for motives they were clear: ritual sacrifice of a randomly picked victim.

It still makes my stomach twist and my heart ache when I think of the things those men did to you. And yet, you are here before me, beautiful like ever. Without the deadly pale colour gracing your features. Your hair is black and I frown as I realise that I didn't notice it when I saw you just a few moments ago. You always made sure it was dyed frequently and it makes me wonder if Akira or Taka have ever seen you with your black hair. They've known you for so long. I sigh and you open your eyes. They shine with unshed tears and yet you slowly manage to smile a bit before speaking the words I thought I would never hear again. 

"I love you, Yuu."

I close my eyes and smile a bit before taking a deep breath. "I still love you too, Kouyou."

It's a bittersweet comfort to know that even after your passing you are still only mine …

Comments

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Hellia #1
This was really beautiful, It brought me to tears...