Baekhyun woke up by himself today. No alarm, no nothing. He checks the clock and sees it was still pretty early, and decided to lie down in bed to recall what happened. Bad idea. He closed his eyes to prevent the tears to gather up in his eyes. His heart clenched and he bit his lip.
He tried, he really tried.
He tried so hard, but the tears keep falling.
Just… stop, Baekhyun.
Those words replayed in his mind as if it was on repeat.
More tears fell and then he heard a knock on the door. He quickly sat up and wiped his tears. “Come in” his faint voice said, and he breathed deeply. You’re tougher than this Baekhyun. Just, put it together. The door clicked and his mom slowly entered. She smiles a comforting one and Baekhyun’s lip only twitches. His mother sat beside his bed, and Baekhyun hugs his knees.
“Sweety, what’s wrong?” she caresses her son’s back.
Baekhyun faces her mom. “Chanyeol and I… we…” Baekhyun’s unshed tears were showing up again. “…we fought.”
“Oh sweety…” she hugs Baekhyun, and Baekhyun returned it. “Don’t cry… You and Chanyeol have been friends for who knows when. Maybe… he was just having a bad day. You and Chanyeol will work it out. I just believe it.” She sways both of them back and forth.
“But it hurts… It really, really hurts mom.” Baekhyun feels this weird tightening of his chest again.
“Well you know what, they say that pain, pain is weakness leaving the body.” She kisses Baekhyun’s forehead. “And maybe, after this, you’ll be stronger. Because I did…”
Baekhyun faces her mom again, while she only smiles in return. I’ll be fine. Just like what mom said.
“Breakfast is ready, sweety.” She gives one last comforting smile and goes out.
Chanyeol wakes up with a headache. He yawns and rubs his eyes. He didn’t even get proper sleep last night. He didn’t know why but he just can’t sleep. Baekhyun’s voice haunted him. Then his heart clenched. Why did I do that? He asks himself. He sits up and robotically prepared for school. Afterwards he walked to the direction of Baekhyun’s house. He only realizes this after he arrives. His heart seemed to be playing with him again, as it tightened at the sight of Baekhyun on his room’s window: dressed normally, looking like his best friend. He rushes to school before Baekhyun could even get a glimpse of him.
Upon arriving, he rushes and settles down on his seat. A few minutes after, the bell rang, and it was like normal days again. Chanyeol didn’t even greet the teacher, nor opened his book, nor listened to the discussion. But that was until he hears something he was missing.
“Mr. Byun, I see your dressed up nice today. It’s nice that you could still join our class for a few more minutes.” Their teacher, a substitute, says. “Please take your seat.” She requests and Baekhyun does so.
Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun. He notices that his eyes were puffy.
I’m sorry… He doesn’t completely know why he was sorry but he feels the need to give Baekhyun an apology. I’m so sorry for making you cry. He feels a tight squeeze to his chest. It was unbearable.
Before he knew it, the bell rang. “Baek…” Baekhyun rushed outside, and Chanyeol was left speechless.
“I’m so sorry Baekhyun. I had no idea this would happen. I swore it was what I saw. I’m so sorry.” Tao apologizes and holds Baekhyun’s hand.
“I’m fine Tao. I just…” Baekhyun sighs. “At least we knew what he felt. He thought I was a liar.” Baekhyun snatches his hand back. Baekhyun, you’re at school. Please. “Can’t he look at me instead? This feels like those typical love stories where I’m just… a supporting role… A third party… The one who doesn’t get to live happy endings…” Baekhyun’s eyes blurry with tears. “I don’t see why I deserve such a role… Or anyone at all. Because I feel like a damn outcast. That out of the seven billion people living around the world no one can love me back the way I love them.” His tears fell incessantly.
Tao wipes his tears, but Baekhyun notices that Tao released a tear too. “Wha—”
“You’re the lead role, Byun Baekhyun. You really don’t need to worry about that. You’re the lead, because someone wants to play that part for you.” Tao says.
Baekhyun was confused. He didn’t know what he was talking about. Someone actually likes me?
“I am… Baekhyun. I’m the supporting role. And you know, when the story is nearing its happy ending, the third party lets go.” Tao gives him a reassuring smile but Baekhyun was still processing all this in his mind.
“Tao, I… I’m really… I’m really so—”
Tao shakes his head. “There’s nothing wrong with falling in love with someone, Baekhyun. There’s no need for apologies…” Tao gives a brighter smile, but Baekhyun could sense that it was forced.
And somehow, Baekhyun could feel for Tao.
Because that’s what he’s done for the longest time he knew.
Watch the one he loves, look at someone else.
And when it’s his turn, he tries to smile the best he could.
Because loving is giving.
It was giving happiness and freedom to the one you love.
Even though it hurts…
Even though it slowly kills you inside.
“I never thought I’d fall in love with you. I mean, what are the odds, right? But I remember that when everyone was scared of me, you talked to me. You made me seem, sane. You were even fascinated that I walk alone at the beach. You understood me, Baekhyun. But I didn’t grab the chance, because I was scared.” Baekhyun listened intently. “I was a coward Baekhyun, that’s why I deserve this role. But you don’t. Because I know you would do the right thing. I promise you, you won’t regret this.”
The bell rang. Baekhyun hugs Tao tightly and whispers, “Thank you, Tao. Thanks a lot.”
They smile at each other and Baekhyun dashed to Chanyeol’s next class.
But Chanyeol wasn’t there. He asks every student in the class if they knew but they say they didn’t see him. Baekhyun rushes to the faculty but they didn’t know where he went to.
Was I too late?
Baekhyun closes his eyes for a while and sighs in defeat.
It’s not like he’s gone, Baekhyun.
You’ll see him tomorrow.
And by then, it will be butterflies and rainbows again.
Yes, butterflies and rainbows.
Just like what Tao said.
Chanyeol dragged his feet against the pavement. He didn’t know where he was actually going but he thinks it’s the best to just… walk for now; to take time and clear his thoughts. Because his heart was at it again; clenching as if it wants to say something.
Fine! I’m jealous okay?
I was jealous yesterday because Tao was too close to Baekhyun.
I was jealous because Baekhyun smiled at Tao,
When he should be smiling at me!
That Baekhyun was holding his hand instead of mine.
That Baekhyun completely ignored me and searched for Tao.
That Baekhyun was already mine but I gave him up.
And I was angry at myself...
For being… a fool.
Chanyeol continued walking to nowhere until it was four, so he decided to go home. His feet were tired and he wasn’t even able to think of anything during the long walk. Well, he did thought of something. He contemplated whether what he felt was attraction… or love. He tries to think it through.
I am a man…
And a man is meant for a woman…
Baekhyun… I… I love him…
But… He’s a man… and I am, too.
Chanyeol finally arrives at their house and sits at the couch. He opened the television and flipped through the channels but never actually watches any of them. “Chanyeol?” a girl’s voice says and he suddenly remembers Baekhyun.
He doesn’t look but says, “Baekhyun? Why are you—” he turns around.
It wasn’t Baekhyun. It was his noona. “Tsk tsk, Chanyeol I look nothing like Baekhyun.” She says and sits beside Chanyeol. “You’re early today. Mom said you always came a bit later because you had detention with Baekhyun.” Chanyeol sighs hearing the name.
“Well… I just… I got tired.” He lied.
Her sister nods but looks at him in curiosity.
“What?” Chanyeol asks.
“What’s wrong, Chanyeol?” her sister asks and he bites his lip. Her sister is very persistent about these things. “It’s about Baekhyun, isn’t it?”
He hesitantly nods. “It’s just that… I don’t know what I feel for Baekhyun… I want to love him, I do… but, he’s my friend since childhood and I… couldn’t stand placing a gap between us… And… I’m a man and I… I just don’t know what to do. It’s very confusing.” He doesn’t look at her sister.
“Aww, my dongsaeng’s in love?” she cooes.
“Okay, okay. But you know what I think? Love is blind.” She pats his back.
Chanyeol looked at his noona. “Very original, noona. No one could’ve thought of that.”
“Oh Yeollie. You’re too dense. Baekhyun loves you. You love him back. Love is blind.” She explains.
Chanyeol thinks for a moment, “So you mean—”
“Let noona finish, Chanyeol… You see, that sentence tells you that love is uncontrollable. Falling in love doesn’t have requirements… You just… fall. You don’t have the capacity to see who you’ll fall for, whatever your gender is. And Baekhyun fell for you, the same way you did for him. You don’t need to see love; you only need to feel it. There’s no use in contemplating over things, if you love him, in which you do, you should fight for it. Or else it will eat you up every time you think of it.” She smiles.
Maybe noona was right.
Maybe I should just try, I mean… No harm will be imposed right?
Baekhyun’s been with me for a long time…
And maybe I was already at the end of the cliff,
And I was just scared to be pushed and fall.
But he will catch me, won’t he?
I won’t regret this right?
“You know… Baekhyun’s probably cleaning by himself. You prick, what are you even doing still sitting here?”
Baekhyun sighed as he finished cleaning their huge classroom. He was already emotionally and physically drained and all he wanted to do was go home. Don’t give up, Baekhyun… rainbows and sunshine. He grabs his backpack and was about to go out when Mrs. Jung entered. He bows in response.
“I’ll be going now, ma’am.” He says and walks but she interrupts him.
“No, not yet.”
“I have one last punishment for you, considering you’ve been pretty much late these past few days, I want you to clean the music room too.” She commands.
“No buts, Byun Baekhyun. Make sure everything is cleaned since I will check up on you after an hour.” She insists and Baekhyun sighs in defeat. Baekhyun goes out and walks to the music room. It was not that far but he’s not happy about any of this at all. He admits that he was late but… does he really deserve this?
Chanyeol isn’t even here to help me.
He avoids the name being thought of again. He finally arrives after turning left. He thought all of the students left, but he hears a beautiful melody coming from the piano inside. He was entranced by the sound but at the same time annoyed that he’d have to wait before he could clean up. No way! He opens the door and the sound didn’t stop. He looks at the person behind the piano. It was Chanyeol.
He never told me he could play the piano this excellent.
He always asks me to teach him… and…
He’s horrible at piano…
He rubs his eyes and looks at him again, confirming that it was indeed Chanyeol playing the beautiful, entrancing melody behind the piano. But why did he…? Before he could ask himself, the melody ended and Chanyeol stood up. He walks to Baekhyun and he didn’t know what to do. Baekhyun steps back as Chanyeol neared him, until he felt a wall behind him. He was trapped.
“You… you play?” Baekhyun asks, he actually didn’t think it was that important but he felt the need to ask. Chanyeol smiles and nods.
“I do… Baekhyun… The whole time… I just… You always talk about Tao back then so…”
Baekhyun hits his chest. “Liar.”
“I know… and I’m sorry… For lying, for being insensitive about your feelings… I’m just… sorry for everything. I thought… I thought we could never be the way we used to be if I felt like… this…”
Baekhyun was confused… “Felt like what?” Chanyeol leans in closer and their noses almost touched. Baekhyun bit his lip to distract himself from blushing.
“In love… with you…”
Did I hear right? Chanyeol… he loves me?
Thump. Thump. Thump. Their hearts were in sync once again, and Chanyeol wonders what took him so long to notice something this beautiful right in front of him.
“You what…?” Baekhyun finally gets the courage to look at Chanyeol.
“I love you, Baekhyun. I love you. Not just as a best friend… dress or no dress. I couldn’t promise you that I’m good with this but we can try… together.” Chanyeol smiles and was about to lean in for a kiss, but Baekhyun stops him.
“Together? I didn’t even say I love you.”
Chanyeol’s heart drops. “Y-you don’t? But I thought—”
Chanyeol widens his eyes as Baekhyun kissed him in the lips. It tastes so sweet… and wonderful… and… full of love…
It certainly was risky for this relationship.
But then again, wasn’t Byun Baekhyun worth every risk?
Because Byun Baekhyun… is wonderful.
And so is love.
Baekhyun pulls back and smiles.
Chanyeol pinches his cheek. “Liar.”
“I love you too, Park Chanyeol.”
A/N: It's done! I'm not that satisfied with this chapter, but thank you very much for reading everything!
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