Listen while reading: Gavin DeGraw - "Lover Be Strong"

TAEYEON’S POV

“What do you mean I ‘can’t be with him’?” I angrily interrupted the nurse. “He needs me!”

“What I am trying to say is that you can’t stay when visiting hours are over anymore,” the nurse explained. “Yoseob’s immune system is very weak and we can not put him under too much risk.”
“Then can I sleep outside?” I asked. The nurse looked hesitant. “Or anywhere else that is somewhere close?”

“I’m sorry, Taeyeon-ssi…”

“You should be,” I began but Yoseob interrupted me.

“Taeyeon-ah,” he said and put a hand on my arm. “They are moving me to the sterile halls, think about the other patients.” I sighed, knowing that he was right. I glanced at the nurse.

“I’m sorry…” I said. She nodded.

“I understand, I really do…” She gave me a small smile before bowing and leaving the room. I sighed again. Now our time would be even more limited.

I was tearing my room apart in panic. Where was it!? I had looked everywhere, thrice! My older sister entered the room.

“What are you looking for?” she asked curiously.

“The diary. Yoseob’s and my diary, have you seen it?” I asked in a stressed voice.

“No, sorry…” I looked up at her and she gave me and assuring smile, a fake one. “I’m sure it’s in here somewhere, you’ll find it.” I nodded quietly and watched her leave the room before turning back to my searching, trying to hold back my tears.

“It’s a sign…”

I held Yoseob’s hand gently in mine and did everything I could to avoid his gaze.

“Taeyeon-ah?” he said in his new quiet, hoarse voice.

“Yes?” I replied and traced a vein on his lower arm with my fingertips.

“Please look at me,” he pleaded. I took a deep breath. “Don’t be like this, it will be easier if you just act as usual,” he said slowly. I looked up at him and locked his gaze.

“Easier? Nothing will make this easier, Yoseob, nothing.”

“Then at least don’t make it harder,” Yoseob said with a little cough.

I sat with Gikwang and Yoseob’s parents outside Yoseob’s room waiting for news. Once again Yoseob had lost consciousness and it took longer than usual for the doctors to stabilize his condition. We all sat quiet, without a tear being shed, holding on to our last glimmer of hope. We all shot up like lightings when the door opened and one doctor came out.

“He’s still with us,” he hurriedly said and Yoseob’s mother started to cry. I felt Gikwang grab my shoulders and I realized that my knees had buckled underneath me and he had to support me to keep me on my feet. The doctor seriously let his gaze wander between each and everyone of us. “We don’t know for how long he’ll be stable, and I’m sorry to say this bu-“

“There’s no need for saying,” Yoseob’s father said as he held his wife tight. “I think we all understand…”

My little sister was sitting in my mother’s lap, struggling to get to Yoseob.

“Not this time, sweetie,” Yoseob said but held his hand out to her. She grabbed with both of her own and settled with playing with his fingers. Yoseob looked around at my family which was gathered around his bed. “I can’t describe how happy I am to see all of you again,” he said and my parents replied by smiling softly while the twins sat beside each other by the foot of the bed and held hands with their serious eyes on Yoseob. My father put his hand on Yoseob’s shoulder.

“It’s nice to see you too, son.”

I woke up as I felt someone put a blanket over my shoulders. I sleepily opened my eyes and saw Gikwang hover over me as I was lying on a bench at the hospital, like some hobo.

“Sorry, I woke you up…” he mumbled and sat down on the spot beside me. I threw a quick glance at the clock.

“Gikwang? It’s the middle of the night, what are you doing here?”

“I just had a feeling I should be here…”

“I’m sorry,” Yoseob mumbled. I looked at him. “It’s my fault, I’m sorry,” he repeated.

“Yoseob? What are you talking about?” I asked and put my hand on his arm. He turned his head towards me but I could see in his eyes that it wasn’t me he was seeing.

“It’s my fault she’s unhappy.” He turned away again. “It was so long ago I since I last saw her smile.”

“Yoseob?” I asked with tears in my voice, trying to call him back to reality.

“My Taeyeon-ah… she has the most beautiful smile…” He closed his eyes. “I miss it…”

“You know I love you, right?” Yoseob whispered. I looked at him. He was lying down in his bed, as usual. His face was almost as pale as the sheets surrounding him, his eyes were closed and a small frown was to be seen between his eyebrows.

“I know, I know,” I said quietly.

“Are you sure?”

“Definitely.” I reached out my hand and let my fingertips smooth out his frown. He slowly opened his eyes.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m taking your pain away,” I whispered in an attempt to hide my tears. Yoseob lifted his hand and took my fingers in a firm grip and steered them away from his forehead while turning his head to look at me.

“I wouldn’t want it blocking my view.” He placed my hand over his heart and put his own hand on top of mine. “I love you, Taeyeon-ah,” he whispered while closing his eyes again.

“I love you too.”

“He wants you all in there with him.” The doctor stepped aside to let me inside the room, along with Yoseob’s parents and, the always faithful, Gikwang. I heard Yoseob’s father talk to the doctor.

“Is it time?” But I never heard the answer, I had my full attention dedicated to Yoseob. His mother sat down on my usual spot in the chair so I stood by Gikwang’s side on the other side of the bed. Yoseob’s mouth twitched into a weak smile as his gaze wandered between all of us.

“I just wanted one last look,” he half whispered and his mother took his hand with a sob.

“It’s okay, Yoseobbie,” she said. He looked at her.

“You will be okay, omma. Make sure appa doesn’t go all self destructive and overwork himself,” Yoseob whispered and his mother nodded. I knew he was fighting hard now, it had been a long time since he last talked this much. It was difficult and painful for him to do so. Yoseob turned to his father. “You heard what I said, don’t drown yourself in papers, though it would be easier to choke on them than drown…” he started coughing and I could see that he was trying to hide his pain from us, but I was too familiar with that face by now. “Hyung…”

“Yes, dongsaeng,” Gikwang said in an unsteady voice.

“Live well,” was all Yoseob said and Gikwang nodded. “Taeyeon-ah…” He fluttered his gaze around to find me. He was losing his conscious. I knelt down and took his hand.

“I’m here, Yoseobbie.”

“I won’t say anything cheesy and cliché if… you don’t call me ‘oppa’.” He smiled again. Stupid, stupid Yoseob, this wasn’t the time to be joking. But what kind of human being would I be if I didn’t fulfil a wish as unpretentious as this one?

“Yoseob oppa,” I said and replied his smile.

“I love your smile…” He squeezed my hand. “Don’t forget to pick me up on the next stop.”

I was the last one to leave the scene. I kept staring at the stone in front of me and the picture leaning against it. The emptiness was digging a hole inside of me and I had cried out all of my tears. I was alone. He was gone, and I was alone. My black dress was fluttered in the wind and straps of my panda hat slapped my back. I was alone. I knelt down and put Yoseob’s panda hat on the photo frame and he gave me that bright smile that was so typically him.

“I love you, Yoseob, but I hate that you left me here, you could at least have let me come along…”

“Taeyeon-ah…” I didn’t turn around, I just kept looking into Yoseob’s eyes. They picture didn’t do him justice, he was always so much more alive. Gikwang crouched down beside me. “Taeyeon-ah, it’s time to go.”

“I don’t want to leave him.” We sat quiet next to each other and looked at Yoseob’s smiling face.

“You don’t have to leave him, but you have to leave here, to get to the next stop,” Gikwang said. I didn’t answer him, but I knew he was right. “I have something for you.” Gikwang reached me a leather bound book that I recognized as well as I new Yoseob’s face.

“Where did you find this?” I asked and felt tears I never thought could exist in my body take form in my eyes.

“Yoseob told me to give it to you on this day.”

You know I love you, right?

I loved your shyness the moment we met, and the second time, and all the coming times when you got shy. You are so cute when you blush, and when you are confused. Your smiling face is the most beautiful view I have ever laid my eyes on. The moment we first kissed was one of the best moments of my life. You taste like happiness, and a bit of tongue. Your hair has a wonderful scent, which I have never felt anywhere before or after I met you, and I love it. I love the way you care for and are protective of everyone around you, and how you have a way of making everyone happy. I love to watch you sleep, because all your troubles disappear from your face when you do. Your laugh is like a song I can never get tired of.

I can’t describe how happy I am to have felt the love of your warm heart and how grateful I am that you chose to love me.
I saw that, don’t cry!

Promise me that you will be happy and I will promise you that everything will turn out fine.

I love you

Yoseob (oppa)

I wiped away my tears, closed the book and stood up. I turned to Gikwang and smiled.
“It’s time to go.”

I sat with my baby sister in my lap and let her play with Kitty-Pumpkin while I watched my sister and Gikwang from afar. I missed having someone who loved me.

I went back to my old jobs and left a formal resignation letter. I told Junhyung; it was time for me to do something else.

I was sitting on the fountain at the square, my ice cream while looking at the people passing me by. Many couples. I envied them. I looked at them holding hands, laughing, hugging, kissing and loving each other. I could not be like that, yet. But maybe one day I would be able to get that feeling again. I was still young, I would learn to love again. There would never be anyone who could replace Yoseob’s place in my heart and in my life, but if I knew Yoseob right I knew he would be able to borrow some space for another person when the time was right. Not yet, but one day.

I’ll see you at the next stop.

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This is it people, this story has finally been completed. 
I want to thank you all for subscribing, commenting and supporting this story and helped me keep my confidence to writing it!
I hope you liked the ending, please comment !

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Tinkerbell :)<3