DUG DUG DUG DUG DUG....that is the beat of my heart thumping wildly as I stay frozen on my spot. Cliché you may say but this is what I am feeling right now. I feel like I am the leading man in a movie and I have finally met my leading lady after a long time. If someone is shooting us right now, most probably they have took a 360 degree camera angle and everything is in slow motion.

 

 

 

 

I pinched my arm to make sure that I am not dreaming. This has happened to me so many times. At night, I would be having dreams that she is right in front of me. In my dreams, I have finally apologized to her and she accepted my apologies. In my dreams everything is okay and we are finally back together. I love her, she loves, and we love each other. But when reality awakens me from slumber, I will realize that everything is just a dream – a very beautiful dream.

 

 

 

 

I don't want to close my eyes because I'm afraid that once I opened them again, the beautiful creature standing in front of me will disappear. My eyes greedily took in her appearance. Everything about her, I tried to imprint in my memory. I memorize all the tiny details of her face and her whole being because who knows when I will ever have the chance to see her again.

 

 

 

 

There were so many things that I wanted to tell her, but my brain in incoherent right now.  I want to apologize to her and tell her how much I regret hurting her in the past. I want to tell her how much I badly miss her. And most importantly, I want to tell her I love her and that there was no one but her. So many things I wanted to tell but they are all just running inside my mind and they never went out of my lips.

 

 

 

We just stayed there, looking into each other.

 

 

 

_______________________ 

 

 

 

I was totally amazed at the sight of fireflies flying around me beautifully. A beautiful smile is plastered in my face but it disappeared as soon as I set my eyes in front of me and saw those familiar light brown eyes. It is my first time seeing those deep and penetrating eyes once again after how many months. I have envisioned this on my mind countless of times. Me and Jiyong finally meeting again. But no amount of imagination has prepared me for this.

 

 

 

My heart is beating wildly as I looked at him. How many months has it been ever since I last saw him? I can no longer recall. After our break up, I've busied myself in my career, family and friends. I stayed away from anything that reminds me of him. We work in the same Company but YG made sure that our paths will never cross in those previous months. And while I am still following him on twitter, I refrain from initiating any interaction with him. His twitter updates still appears on my time line but I didn't bother reading it. The only thing important to me is to get over my miserable state and what better way to make it by staying away from the source of your misery.

 

 

 

 

As I stand in front of him, I suddenly don't know what to do. I thought when this time comes; I can easily face him without showing any signs of weakness. I promised myself before that if ever we will see each other again, Jiyong will no longer see the old Sandara. If you could just see the emotional turmoil I am having right now, you will all agree that I’m still the same girl. I am still the same girl who easily succumbs to the light brown eyes staring back at me.

 

 

 

 

I saw longing, regret and pain flashed in his eyes. That's when I realized that the reason why I am acting this way is because the eyes staring back at me mirror my eyes few months ago. The soul staring back at me is wounded; hurt and broken. We continued looking into each other without breaking the silence. We let our eyes speak the thousands of words that our lips failed to utter.

 

 

 

 

My heart constricted as I look at him. I can't see the confident G-Dragon who can sell out concert venues in just few minutes. I can't see the cocky G-Dragon who is oozing with charisma every time he appears on stage and do his usual thing. I can't see the high and the mighty G-Dragon adored by millions of fans making him the richest idol of his generation.

 

 

 

 

 

The man looking at me is not G-Dragon. The man standing in front of me is Kwon Jiyong. The Kwon Jiyong who used to be my friend, lover and my everything. As I looked at him, my heart constricted because I would rather see a cocky and over confident G-Dragon than see a broken and lonely Kwon Jiyong.  Looking at him reminds me of what I used to be few months ago. This guy may have hurt me in so many ways but I can't bear to see him looking like this. So when I saw tears threatening to fall from his eyes, I close my eyes because I felt like my eyes are starting to water too.

 

______________________________

 

 

Her eyes have always been one of her best assets. Fans are always gushing how her eyes speaks thousands of emotions. Looking into her eyes is like watching a movie with a very good cinematography.

 

As she look at me, I see confusion and surprised flashed in her eyes. She may be confused at how our paths came across unexpectedly in this place. I also see fear appear on her eyes the moment she realized that it was me standing in front of her. My heart is crying because the girl who used to trust me wholeheartedly no longer felt safe around me. Longing, I am sure I saw it in her eyes as I continue to stare at her. Somehow, my heart rejoices with the thought that she still longs for me.

 

 

 

I want to move closer to her and enclose her in a tight embrace but I restrained myself. I contented myself with just staring at her. I saw how her eyes roam around my whole being and when she look into my eyes again, I see empathy and pity in her beautiful eyes. How can she even felt that way towards me? I would gladly welcome an angry Sandara. I would rather receive hateful words and piercing stares than see a teary eyed Sandara who is empathizing with my miserable state.

 

 

 

I had hard time breathing when I saw the tears in her eyes. I saw how she tried to fight back those tears. She closed her eyes in an attempt to stop her tears from falling but that didn't stop them from falling. How can my mere presence brought her into that state? Why do I always make her cry?  I guess this is the time that I've been waiting for. I guess it is God's will to let our paths cross so I can finally do what I've been longing before. Now is the perfect time.

 

 

______________________ 

 

“I'm sorry Dara!”

 

 

I refuse to open my eyes when I heard Jiyong uttered those words I have been longing to hear from him. I am already doing well but deep inside me, there was never a day that I am longing for him to say those words to me. And now that I am finally hearing it from him, it felt like a thorn was removed from my heart. Three simple words but it’s amazing how those words can drastically change someone's life. It's amazing how those three simple words can heal a wounded and broken soul.

 

 

 

When I opened my eyes, I was startled to see Jiyong kneeling in front of me. His shoulders are shaking while he keeps his head bowed down. He may have hurt me in ways you can’t even imagine but he doesn't have to kneel and bow in front of me. I am not a saint for him to that. I am only human and like him I also made mistakes. Without second thoughts I did what my heart has been telling me to do.

 

 

 

“Jiyong, I forgive you.”

 

 

 

Yes, I have forgiven him a long time ago even without him asking for forgiveness. I tug his hand willing him to stand up but he refuse. He shook his head and continued weeping.

 

 

“No, please don't say that. Please tell me you hate me. Tell me how much you despise me for hurting you.”

 

 

 

 

His voice is full of pain as he uttered those words. He won't even lift his head to look at me. He just remained on his spot like a servant to his master; he knelt and keeps his head bowed down. My heart finally understood that I am not the only one who was left broken in our relationship. Just like me, Jiyong has also suffered in our relationship. I don't know the extent of his sufferings or its cause but I am very sure that he suffered and is still suffering.

 

 

 

“Ji, I am sorry and please forgive me also.”

 

 

 

I knelt in front of him and took his hand to squeeze it gently. He lifted his head and I saw how his tears keep falling from his eyes. I have known him for couple of years, and seeing him in this state right now is also breaking me. You cannot easily see him shed a tear. Being the leader of Bigbang, he has perfected masking his emotions. He will only show his real emotions once he is with someone he is close with and someone he trust.

 

 

 

“Why are you saying sorry? I should be the one saying that Dara. I'm really sorry. Please stand up Dara, you don't have to do this.”

 

 

His shoulders shook violently as he continued sobbing. I've never saw him cry this way even when the scandal broke out and threatened to take everything that he have worked so hard for. I never saw him broke down when people condemned him for different issues. He never let a single tear fall from his eyes even when Sajangnim give him a whole day lecture and scolding for being so careless thus resulting to scandals. 

 

 

Seeing him now, I can't help but ask myself why we've waited so long to have this talk. If we decided to meet each other in those previous months, would it have made a difference? Could we have spared ourselves from sufferings if we decided to have a decent talk after our break up? But all these questions I have right now are irrelevant as what is important is now. We never planned anything but here we are now, face to face with each other. This is what destiny has prepared for us and I will not let this day end without having that much needed closure. Yes, a closure is what we both needed so we can finally move on completely.

 

 

__________________________

 

When I drop on my knees and bowed my head to express how sorry I am for all the cruel things I've done to her, I never expected that she will forgive me so easily. I was expecting her to finally let out all those pent up emotions she has kept hidden all those times I made her cry. I was even hoping that she will hurt me in any way just so she can let me experience the pain she went through.

 

 

 

 

But, vengeance never existed in Dara's vocabulary. She has always been the pure and kind hearted girl and hurting others is the last thing on her mind. Forgiveness, I don't deserve to be forgiven so easily but without second thoughts she gives it to me.  A forgiving soul that she is, she even knelt beside me and tried to comfort me as I cried my heart out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I felt even more unworthy when she even said she's sorry. Why is she even saying sorry and even asking for my forgiveness when I was the one to blame. I am the one who acted like a jerk and started ruining our relationship. I was the one who selfishly look only after my own happiness. I was so blinded with my jealousies and insecurities that I forgot to notice that I am turning into monster. I failed to notice that my love is slowly killing her.

 

 

 

 

 

I planned so many times to go after her and tell her how sorry I am. I know I have hurt her in so many ways and apologizing will not take away all those pain but at least I may have lessen her sufferings. But I must admit, that going to her immediately may have cause her more pain because at that time, I still can't trust myself. If we have met earlier, I may have said things and may have hurt her unintentionally again.

 

 

 

 

 

After how many months, I have attempted to show myself to her, but fate interfered. I did try to apologize to her personally but destiny has other plans for us. And now, we have finally met in this special place. A place that stands as witness to what we used to be. Closure, I never give her a proper break up when I ended our relationship. I didn't even have the guts to say goodbye to her.  Tonight, I will forget about myself. I will forget about my happiness. Tonight it will be all about her. It will be all about her happiness.

 

 

___________________________

 

 

A boy and a girl stand beside each other maintaining a safe distance in front of a fountain. They stare at the fountain like it holds the solution to all of mankind’s problems. Looking at them, you can sense that both of them are contemplating on how to start the conversation after that very emotional episode a while ago. You can see both of them taking a deep breath and letting out a heavy sigh. After some time, both of them turned their heads to each other then started speaking.

 

 

“Dara…”

 

“Jiyong…”

 

 

Both of them uttered their names and look at each other at the same time. They pause for a moment, urging each other to continue. After a moment they decided to continue.

 

 

“I’m sorry Dara.”

 

“I’m sorry Jiyong.”

 

 

Their eyes both widens when they uttered the same words again. At that exact moment, they even scratch their heads awkwardly. It’s funny how their minds are thinking of the same things. They are like standing in front of a mirror copying each other.

 

 

 

“Are you trying to copy me?” Dara playfully glared at Jiyong to ease the awkwardness around them. The silence and awkwardness is killing her. As much as she is dying to have that conversation with Jiyong, she would appreciate it more if they can talk in a more relax manner. She can express herself freely if they will be able to get rid of this invisible barrier.

 

 

 

“No, of course not.” Jiyong answered meekly when he answered Dara’s question. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw that playful glare that Dara is giving her. Standing beside her in that deafening silence and awkward atmosphere is a big torture. Awkward towards each other is a phrase that should never be associated with them because those never existed between the two of them. They used to be best friends and lovers so the level of being comfortable with each other is very high. Somehow, Dara glaring at him partially lessens the wall separating them.

 

 

 

“How are you Ji?” Dara looked at Jiyong who was surprised with her sudden question.  It is a very simple question but can be interpreted differently.   Is she asking about his career? Is she asking about his personal life? Jiyong just look at her trying so hard to decipher the simple question that Dara ask her. After almost two minutes of just staring at Dara, his brain finally formulated an answer which was relayed through his mouth.

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m alive Dara.” Dara’s eyesbrows furrowed in confusion after hearing Ji’s answer.  She remained silent urging Jiyong to continue.

 

 

 

 

 

“After breaking up with you, I thought I will never make it. The moment I accidentally slapped you in my apartment, I died that day. Every time I remember the times I’ve made you cry and hurt you, I die a hundred of times only to be resurrected and then die from regrets and sufferings again.”

 

 

 

 

Jiyong let out a heavy breath then turn to look at the fountain in front of them. Dara bit her lower lip to control her emotions. She looked into the fountain and waited for Jiyong to continue on what he has to say.

 

 

 

 

“I have done so many things and I will not justify myself for doing those.  I’ve made a mistake which lead me to hurting you and for that I will forever regret that I have failed to fulfill my promise to you. I am a selfish and egoistic person. Instead of concentrating on loving you and supporting you, my love has turned me into believing that you should love me more. I live in my own selfish world where loving me means you giving me everything. Loving me means the world should only revolves around me.”

 

 

 

 

 

Dara is absorbing everything that Jiyong is telling. Yes, this is exactly what happened to Jiyong. I always wonder how a perfect relationship like ours turned into a nightmare. Hearing Jiyong’s admission is like rewatching an episode of a commentary on “Good Relationships Gone Bad”. Everything is just on point and hit the bull’s eye.

 

 

 

“I made so many mistakes and I regret all of them. But loving you Dara will always be the best thing that I have done in my whole life. You may not believe me, but there was no one but you Dara. There was no one but you in my heart.”

 

 

Jiyong look at Dara while saying those words. Dara is looking at Jiyong intently. People may say that she is easy to read but at this moment she was able to maintain her poker face. She was able to hide the emotions that she is feeling now. Few minutes have passed and Jiyong was just looking at her. His eyes are screaming longing, regrets and sorrow. As she looked deeper, the love he is talking about is still very much there. She may have doubts before but looking at him now, all her doubts are all forgotten. Yes Jiyong loves her and she believes him. She took a deep breath and finally let out her side of their broken relationship.

 

 

“Thank you for saying sorry Ji. To be honest, after that fateful night in your apartment, I was wishing to hear those words from you. Days, weeks and months have passed but I never heard anything from you. This is not the first time that I have been broken hearted. Life has been very good to me exposing me to the cruel realities of life but those didn’t prepared me when you said you’re ending our relationship.”

 

 

 

Jiyong bit his lips as she heard Dara’s voice cracks. How can she let her suffer like this? Why did he let his self be blinded by his immaturity? He saw how Dara’s lips formed a bitter smile.

 

 

 

“For the last four years, I made you my world. You are everything to me Jiyong. I loved you so much that most of the time I forgot about myself. I threw away all those safety precautions I’ve set for myself so I can safeguard myself from getting hurt again. For you, I willingly let myself to go through a different kind of emotional torture. I’ve risk everything for the sake of loving you.”

 

 

 

 

 

Dara looked at Jiyong who is trying to restrain his emotions. This is what they both needed. It may not be pleasant to go back to those ugly parts of their relationship but they have to do it. They need to understand and acknowledge their mistakes. Only by acknowledging their mistakes will they learn the valuable lessons that their past has to offer.

 

 

 

 

 

“I am blinded by my love for you Jiyong. You have completely stolen my heart and everything, that I didn’t notice my life has started to revolve around you. And now, I would like to say that I am deeply sorry. I am not sorry for loving you because just like you, loving you is also one of the best things that have happened to me. I am sorry because I just let you turn into a monster right before my very eyes. I have all the time in the world to shake you from your state but I just let you transform into someone I didn’t know. I failed to fight back for you Ji and for that will you ever forgive?

 

 

I look at Dara trying to understand what she just said. Is she trying to tell me that I am not the only one at fault here? How can she think of doing something wrong to me when all she did was to let me get my way? My brows furrowed in confusion.

 

 

 

 

 

“It’s not only you Ji, who have made mistakes. I also committed mistakes, little mistakes that lead to where we are now.  All things no matter how good will come to an end. We had our chance but unfortunately ours didn’t end up the way we wanted it to be.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By now Dara and Jiyong are facing each other. They seem to be standing closer to each other.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m sorry Dara, I’m really really sorry.” Jiyong took Dara’s hands and hold it tightly.

 

 

“I’m sorry Ji. I am deeply sorry for everything that I have done which may have hurt you in any way. Please forgive me.”

 

 

 

Tears escape from their eyes as after saying their apologies for each other. Jiyong took Dara into his arms and they hug each other tightly. Inside each other’s arms they let go of all those pent up emotions they have kept hidden from everyone. They find strength into each other as they finally said goodbye to their hidden thoughts. When their emotions calmed down, Dara took a step back to take a look at Jiyong.

 

 

 

“I forgive you Ji.” She wipes the tears that are falling from his eyes.

 

 

 

Thank you for the roller coaster ride of love, happiness, excitement, pain, and sorrow. Thank you for all the experiences I’ve shared with you. Thank you for being a part of my life Ji. I am finally letting go of you Jiyong. I wish you will find the love and happiness in life that you deserve.  Thank you and good bye Ji.”

 

 

 

 

 

Dara kiss Jiyong’s forehead tenderly after saying those words. Jiyong clutch Dara’s shoulders, trying to find strength before he will finally say his goodbye.

 

 

 

“I am sorry Dara.  And yes, I also forgive you.  You are the source of my strength and also the source of my weakness. You are the only one who has the power to make me feel complete but is the only one who has the power to make me feel incomplete.” Jiyong caress Dara’s cheeks as he look into her gently.

 

 

I am letting you go not because I don’t love you anymore. In fact my heart only beats for you Dara. You are the only girl that my heart needs. My whole being is all about you Dara. I am saying goodbye so both of us can find ourselves. I am saying this so both of us can finally heal. I am letting you go Dara. It maybe too late now but its better late than never.”

 

 

 

 

 

They hugged each other tightly. They cling into each other like this is going to be their last chance. They don’t know who started it but the next thing they know, they are now kissing each other. They kissed each other longingly, like they are making up for the months that they were separated. They kissed each other passionately like they were reliving their love for the last four years. They kissed each other roughly recalling the hard times they had together. And lastly, they kissed each other gently as they finally let go and say goodbye to each other.

 

 

 

 

After their soul shattering kissed, they just let each other’s forehead touched as they try to catch their breath and calm down. They both opened their eyes and stared at each other.

 

 

 

“Goodbye Ji and good luck to both of us.”  Dara took a step back and offered her hand for a handshake.

 

 

 

 

 

“Goodbye Dara and I wish only the best for you. ‘Til we meet again Dara.” Jiyong accepted Dara’s hand and shook it gently.

 

 

“Yes, til we meet again Ji.” Dara ended the handshake and took a step backward. Jiyong did the same. They are both stepping backwards until they stop on their tracks.

 

 

“Annyeong” Dara wave at Jiyong.

 

 

“Annyeong” Jiyong wave at Dara

 

 

They both turned their back and started heading to their own destination.

 

 

ANNYEONG! One word but it holds a lot of meaning. It can mean HELLO or GOODBYE. But either way, one thing is for sure. A relationship which started with HELLO has finally got its much needed closure with a Goodbye.

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Author’s Note: Sorry for not updating. I thought I can write an update immediately but my mind suddenly went blank.  So, there you have it guys, their closure. Both of them will be starting a new chapter in their lives. Their life is interconnected with each other and I am excited to know what life has in store for both of them.

 

Mianhe for this update guys. Please let me know of your feedbacks and reactions.

 

linlin_10 ^________________^