Jinki tugged at the strap of his bookbag, walking down the sidewalk with a distinct sweat issue on his hands and an unenthusiastic step to his walk.

The sun beat down on him, threatening to burn his very life to ash between the cracks of the cement, hating his very existence in this god forsaken planet.

His mind had been aching for weeks now, but what was left was his brain in a blinding black abyss. Nothing came in and nothing exited. May as well say, nothing existed.

He knew this point would come for him. The point his hands would become chalky, his mind in black, his eyes with a blank gaze, and his body suffering from anything that would dare love him.

This wasn't because he was heartbroken of a dead relationship, but rather because he . . . well, he didn't know exactly.

Jinki was always willing to try something, even if it made him uncomfortable, if it was a good or the right thing to do. It left him feeling open minded to the world, to the people around him, and he could feel at ease rather then tense. 

He was no different than the people next to him in this world, and yet just something was stopping him from proving that.

The concoction of pity, confusion, and anger was the alcohol keeping Jinki in a hangover and tired as if the hands striking midnight played over and over again. Feeling something was like obliterating his whole soul now. He didn't want to care for anyone or anything. He wanted to figure himself out, because this dark part of his life wasn't suiting him, or the love he had left.

Jinki stopped at the dull, pale white and cracked driveway of a the familiar building structure he realized he dread seeing every day. The crappy thing on four wheels was no where found, meaning, the drunken kraken was gone for the night. Or maybe the next. Maybe even until Davy Jones decided another ship needed wrecking. Another crew member needed to be sent to the locker.

Jinki stood there for a moment, staring at such a nice looking house, yet the inside revealed the true colors of life.

As much as he wanted to be home, he didn't at the same time. A little ray of glittering sunshine lived up in the attic and was trapped in the surroundings of night; the moon brighter than the little ray of glittering sunshine. To be reminded of the rusty colored cloud on his back, making him hunch to have him remember such a thing was hurting him. If he walked the other way, maybe the rusty cloud was go away.

Taemin was the same as always when Jinki returned to the attic, but Jinki was providing Taemin a sullen change to the younger's life unintentionally, and being home had to make the little one feel like the life was out of him.

As much as Jinki wanted to have his spirits lifted with the sky clear blue and the ground beneath his feet less bumpy, it didn't feel possible yet. He just wanted to curl up and go to sleep. Every day. Every hour. Every minute.

Jinki slowly walked up the driveway and to the door, trying to make his entrance as silent as possible so Taemin wouldn't know he was home yet.

Jinki knew Minho tried. That's all that mattered to him, really.

Yet, a more judgemental side of him, the one with the blood red tail, argued with him. Minho didn't try enough, he only left Jinki trying to convince him everything was okay while he sat back and did nothing but refuse him.

It was true that Jinki was doing his best to keep himself reserved instead of 'too' friendly with Minho. Minho was in a fragile state; he couldn't be blamed. To be shaken of something he was taught all his life wasn't something that could happen in a course of weeks, necessarily. Whenever Minho had heard the term 'Come out of the closet', Jinki saw him shrink further and further in until he literally became the closet so there was nothing to come out of.

Jinki just wanted to give it a go, because Minho was actually willing to say yes. Minho may not have even liked saying yes, but that didn't mean he felt forced into being in a 'relationship', right?

No, it wasn't even a relationship. It was something completely different. Just being figured out. Just trying to find an experience.

It came to conclusion that Jinki was at fault for all of this. He thought he could really solidify Minho's thoughts about being shaken from being straight. All he wanted was Minho to find peace and have his mind set in concrete about who he was, in the ual-aspect of his life.

Even though it wasn't the way Jinki really planned, Minho found that confirmation. He wasn't like JInki, yet he still was.

Because all human being are the same.

But Minho couldn't see that, and Jinki wasn't going to try to get him to. That wasn't the point as to why he wanted to try with Minho. 

But still, he felt so disappointed. Like he failed at being the greatest leader in the world. 

Or maybe he felt disappointed because he actually had emotions for Minho. He always thought he had, but he pushed them to the back of his mind until they fell out. He only wanted to help Minho.

Now there was this attatchment to Minho and Jinki forgot he saw it coming. Was he in love? He didn't know, but he just wanted Minho around, to say the least.

But, the younger had it figured out now, Jinki could now say. Minho was still the same person inside and out, and no way could he even manage to come close to being his father even if he'd grow disrespect to someone like Jinki. Jinki was respecting him in all ways of course. But was he respecting out of understanding or love?

Jinki opened his eyes, gritting his unbrushed teeth as he strained to focus on the dark surroundings. No doubt it was midnight again like the hours before. He was still beaten by exhaustion, but he had to get up because something was missing.

He sighed loudly, almost annoyed, rubbing his tired eyes with his thumb and pointer finger, sitting up, "Taemin?"

When Taemin said nothing, he reached out for the area around him, wondering if he was actually still asleep, just rolled over somewhere. But he found nothing but the makeshift bed and the floor, "Taemin?"

A soft sigh, matching Jinki's annoyed one, was as loud as glass shattering on the other side of the attic, wood creaking, "Sleep, Hyung. Just sleep."

Jinki strained to look around the floor, trying to find the toddler in the black, his eyes finally laying on the window on the other side of the room, a boy leaning on it as he looked outside.

  "Taemin, get back to bed," Jinki said between his teeth, sounding light and sweet as he tried fighting off irritation. He had no right to be irritated with the younger, he was just in his tired, bad mood, "You shouldn't be up."

 Taemin didn't move his gaze from outside the window, waving his hand, "I'm not going anywhere because I can't go anywhere and I'm not doing anything because I can't do anything, Hyung. Go back to sleep, I'll come over soon."

Jinki sighed again, shagging his hair roughly with patience thin, "Taemin, sleep is important." Just go back to goddamn bed.

   "Hyung, I sleep all day. I can't sleep if I don't even feel like it's nighttime," Taemin looked over at him, "Just let me stare at nothing with my eyes open because I'm tired of staring at nothing with my eyes closed."

Jinki sat still in the instant Taemin spoke, sounding as if he were some wise elder. Where did the toddler he raised go? Who was he talking to? He could just see the gray hairs on Taemin, the whiskers on his chin, the sagged skin over his eyelids, a sad light to his eyes.

  "Taemin?"

When Taemin looked back through the window, the image of the wise elder disappeared back to a baby's youth; a change as quick as a turn.

Jinki blinked rapidly, trying to figure out what he was looking at because his eyes were surely failing him.

  "Go to sleep, Hyung," Taemin repeated, "I'm picking a star."

Jinki's brows furrowed. There were never stars at night here. He looked out the window closest to him, and it proved his point. There wasn't a tiny light anywhere, "Taemin, I don't see stars. There's never any."

  "That's the point," the toddler responded, "It's hard to see something in the middle of nothing." Taemin turned to him again with a small smile on his face, yet his eyes looked in pain; in too much pain for a toddler, "Go to sleep, Hyung."

Jinki stared at his brother for a long moment before he nodded, laying back down on the makeshift bed while staring outside the window.

His irritation was at the back of his mind as he stared at the dark sky, trying to figure out Taemin. It was the first time he was a puzzle, and the unfamiliar situation didn't put him at ease.

   "I know he's angry and tired," Taemin whispered out the window as Jinki watched him, "But I can't change what he sees."

The elder managed to stare at him for a long while, processing everything as thoroughly as he could but couldn't come up with anything. His mind was racing around so much that it'd run out of energy and couldn't find an answer.

And surely, if he dealt with this issue every day, sleep was only the temporary escape before it started all over again.

----Note~-----

Another update as I procrastinate on this HUGE AMOUNT OF AP ENGLISH AND HISTORY WORK.

/Lol it's 1:21 in the morning why am I doing work.

I felt like I neglected, so I wrote again. I didn't know what to write, but this is how I wanted it to go. It explains a lot, yet it still seems very vague on Jinki, and more-or-so with Taemin, and I really like it. New favorite chapter? xD

With Jinki, I put the sleeping part in from my experience. People say that when individuals who are tired of life day-to-day who say they just want to sleep is kind of like suicide without death. More-or-so because death would be pointless or not worth it.That's basically what's going on through this chapter.

Idk why, but Taemin's really matured through this chapter. He was already mature, but now I've got him speaking like an elder?? What am I doing. I love the point and statement he's making, but WHERE DOES THIS THOUGHT PROCESS COME FROM?!

But yup. 'Nother chapter for you!

Thank you to any subs, views, and comments. <3333

The next chapter may be a long time from now. I only have a month for this AP work and it's taking me DAYS to do just one out of the five parts of this assignment. >.>

BYE~

~ FlaMinhoe