Chapter 2

Of Accidents, Regrets and Letting Go

a/n: my apologies in advance… just because…


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With his window rolled down, Sehun enjoys the rush of cold air that meets his skin and he even takes his arm out to welcome the speeding breeze. He stares at the night sky peppered with twinkling stars and thinks it’s beautiful. Then he directs his eyes to the person beside him, the one behind the wheel.

Her hair is messily being blown by the wind but the lights strike her on a certain angle that makes her face shine with a certain glow. She is definitely, infinitely lovelier than the night sky. Sehun, dazed, thinks she looks like a goddess or something and he suddenly has the urge to kiss this particular goddess of the night.

And he did just that. He shifts from his seat and leans towards her. His lips landed right on her cheek. It earns him a light shove, I’m driving and an accusation of stealing kisses again. He chuckles and regrets nothing because for some reason he can’t fathom, this goddess loves him back.

They settled at Namsan Park, a famous landmark that has an overview of Seoul at night which is really one heck of a stunning sight. Luckily, there weren’t too many people around, but there are few who are also enjoying the flickering city lights.

Both seated on top of the car’s hood, arms around each other’s waist, and her face nuzzles the crook of his neck as familiar lips brushes her hair. They rely on each other’s warmth their clothing fails to provide as the night turns gradually colder.

When they both feel the cold seep through their garments, they retreat inside the car to warm up, but they did not leave the park, to make the most of the drive and the breath-taking view before them. Or rather to make the most of the time together and being next to each other.

Soft chuckles fill the car as palm slides against palm to link fingers that are meant to be interlocked. Being lost in each other’s tight embrace as their hearts beat next to each other, as their hearts beat as one, words are deemed not enough. So more kisses were stolen instead and at some point it’s hard to determine who steals from whom.

There is nothing that could go wrong, at least not tonight. He wishes for it to never end because right beside him is his forever.

 

 

 

 

 

Wrong.

 

 

 

 

Because on the drive back, everything goes terribly wrong. The loud screeching of tires against the solid pavement disturbs the calm night as the horrible sounds of metals crushing and glasses shattering come next.

 

 

Then dead silence.

 

 

There is neither fire nor explosion. But they are left with metal wreckages, scattered shards of glasses, snapped bones and in blood that may or may not be their own.

 

Maybe even broken hearts.

 

Ruined future.

 

Crushed dreams.

 

Then darkness engulfs them.

 

 

BoA regains consciousness with the feel of blinding pain all over her body. As realization hits her of how this supposed perfect night ended with an awful accident, she immediately panics and tries to ask for Sehun, They tell her not to move. But sounds swirl inside her head as she can’t make sense of all the talk she hears around, there seemed to be murmurs, people hustling around. All she wants to know is how Sehun is, but she is being strapped unto a stretcher and she lost awareness again.

 

For a day, she has been out. Lucky for her, she only has a few minor cuts and few broken bones, nothing that staying in the hospital and medicine can’t heal.

She finally wakes up in a white room, on a bed with white sheets and in a hospital gown. A cast on her left leg and few patches here and there. She stirs and people hover over her. Sadly, she fails to see the face of the person she longs to hold.

A delivery van lost its break and crushed head on to them. The driver was in critical condition getting full blast of the impact, but is gradually recovering too like BoA. She is glad to hear to that but Sehun is her concern right now.

However questions of Sehun’s whereabouts are answered with vague he’s ok, don’t worry, get well first ok?

Odd.

Sehun’s name is somehow avoided to be brought into a conversation. Her mom would avoid her gaze whenever she tries to beg to see her boyfriend. Sehun’s parents visit her too but they would only say to he’s ok. You should recover first.

She plans to scold Sehun the minute she sees him. How come he let them not see each other? She misses him already.

Days pass by and all her visible cuts and ugly bruises get better.

Her heart clutches with a new found fear that makes her whole body tremble panic when she is still not allowed to see him.

 

Is he not recovering well?

Are his injuries much worse than hers?

Is he on a coma?

Is he

Is he….

Is he…… ..

 

 

 

 

gone?

 

 

 

NO!!!

 

 

Never….

 

 

She pushes such ugly thoughts to very depths of her mind. Sehun won’t do that to her.

But she refrained herself from asking for Sehun, because she’s now afraid of answers.

Answers to her suspicions.

Answers that may make them true.

Her very being resents the idea of Sehun leaving her. It sends her mind riling up that her body shakes uncontrollably and her chest and throat muscles would tighten making her heart beat ever so irregularly.

 

So, no.

 

She prays and fights so hard for this nightmare to end.

She’ll see Sehun soon.

 

 

 

 

Wrong.

 

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“Um---umma, I—I’m so so—sorry. It wa—was… all.. muh.. my.. fau—fault” She gasps for air in between sobs and apologizing.

They say apology should have three parts. First, say sorry. Second, admit it’s your fault. Lastly and most importantly, ask how you can make it right.

 

But BoA will never be able to make it right.

So, maybe she’ll never stop apologizing. Chanting I’m sorry over and over like it’s a mantra, a prayer for things to get better will somehow make up for it.

“Shhh… Honey, please stop blaming yourself.” The soothing rubs on BoA’s back only fuels her guilt that’s eating her up. “It was an accident. It was nobody’s fault”

“I think we better sit down.” Mrs. Oh breaks the hug. BoA tries to avoid eye contact. “We never blamed you. So please, stop blaming yourself.” She makes BoA look into her eyes. The sincerity in Mrs. Oh’s eyes is enough to pierce hole through the wall BoA has put up.

 

Sitting down, a mug of water in her grip, it helps her collect her thoughts.

“I love your son so much.” A declaration of love that is sadly can’t be anymore heard by the person it was declared for.

“And I know how much he loved you. I remember the day when he came to us saying he wants us to meet someone.” Mrs. Oh quivers a bit but the happy memories make her tear up a bit. “Special someone. And I was surprised because my baby is all grown-up but at the same time I was hesitant because I was not ready for him to be grown up.” She smiles at the bitter sweet memory of Sehun.

“I’m so sorry.” In a whisper that Mrs. Oh almost didn’t catch.

“Shhh… Please sweetie… Sehun won’t have you being like this.” She reaches out to cup BoA’s cheek. “But I saw you and I saw how much you make my son happy.”

“Sehun made me the happiest.”

Mrs. Oh smiles. “I know. So stop punishing yourself.”

“But…..”

“If you really love my son, please don’t waste away your life.” A desperate plea from a mother hurting from the loss of his son.

“I’m afraid I’ll forget him if I move on.”

“This is not remembering him either.” There is so much into those words, BoA knows how much she may have disappointed them. “And he’ll always be there. Always.” Pointing to BoA’s, heart, or what is left of it.

BoA nods in lack of argument. She checks her heart. No doubt, it’s broken, and surprisingly it’s still functioning, pumping blood and all. Then again, the heart is the only broken thing that still works.

 

She was asked to stay and she didn’t object. Sehun’s room is available, of course. And she says it’s fine to stay in Sehun’s room. The reluctance on the couple’ face is not to miss but they did not voice out their thoughts.

 

Everything about the room screams of Sehun, as nothing changed in it. A proud Justin Bieber fanboy, he has his idol’s precious cds on a rack. He gave BoA a cold shoulder the last time she accidentally damaged one of his Bieber cds. She smiles at the silly memories but right now, she vows to buy every Beiber cd she can get a hold of, if only she can have him back.

She runs her fingers on his comforter. There was a time, BoA was at work, he fell asleep on their bed and being the stubborn he is, he forgot to throw his empty can of soda. Well, BoA spent an hour applying ointment all over a highly annoyed Sehun. Ants crawled all over him while sleeping, and biting him in the process.

Sehun is a pillow hoarder. She learned that the first time he slept over in her apartment. But gradually he stated hoarding BoA to himself instead. He moved in with her.

Those are her memories of him. And will remain as that. Just memories. Images of the past that is presently remembered and will not continue in the future.

No one can exactly understand how your heart feels when it’s breaking. It is yours alone. Self-contained. Unintentionally unshared. And she cries to those memories.

 

 

She was drove in the morning back to the city by Sehun’s parents.

Reality hits her again, as she is back in their empty apartment. Silence almost deafening. Everything in place. Made bed. Clean kitchen. Not a thing out of place.She wants to run away as solitude seem to choke her. It reminds her that she is now alone again.

“I went to Ilsan.” She says to no one in particular.

“I know.” Comes a response.

 

 


a/n: i , i know. my first slightly angst-y fanfic and half the time I don’t know what the heck I’m doing. is it ugly?

the next chapter might be the last.

 

But thank you for reading and feel free to leave some comments.

 

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impeccableduizhang
it is now chaptered not oneshot just because.

Comments

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hyukboakyurin
#1
Chapter 2: OMG MY HEART IS THROBBING >.< LOL DID QUEEN B JUST TALK TO HIS GHOST OR SOMETHING ? 0.- omgomgomgomg please update i love this your amazing ^.^
Tee123
#2
Chapter 2: Wasn't her fault * not we fault. Woops.
Tee123
#3
Chapter 2: MY HEAAART. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS!!
And who was the one replying to her? Sehun's ghost?! LMFAO. Or her parents? Or has she gone crazy? LMFAO. No I think it's me that has gone crazy Ahah.
Oh man, that was so sad. I'm just really happy that his parents don't blame her because it really wasn't we fault.
IM NOT PREPARED FOR MORE XD LOOL. HAPPY MEMORIES PLZ?
(By the way awesome writing. I'm so proud!)
iamme_ #4
Chapter 1: He died, didnt he? :(
But you know he may have lived a short life but as long as he lived it in happiness, then all should be fine.
I just feel really sad for boa.
Hwaiting!
Tee123
#5
Chapter 1: Whoaaaa. First off I would like to say that your writing has improved a lot!
Second, oh god, my heart is about to break cause I know this story most likely won't have a happy ending.
Third, ahhhh I can't wait for the second chapter.
:)
Good job buddy!!!
Tee123
#6
WHAT IS THIS? MY HEART IS NOT PREPARED!
AND ANGST? GAAAH.
(P.S. I nominate you as President of the SehunxBoA fanclub!!!!!)