Tiffany POV

9 PM. I'm late to get home again.

I got out of bed and wore my clothes. Afterwards, I fixed myself in front of the mirror.

"Can you stay longer?" he asked. He got out of bed too and went closer to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck. "Please?"

I removed his hold of me and took my bag from the top of the bedside table. He followed and hugged me from behind again. "Steph, please."

            He's just using you.

"Let's talk, please."

            Well, at least you have a use for him, right? Hahaha

"Please, tell me what's wrong?"

            Come on. Tell him what's wrong.

"What's going on?"

            You couldn't say it.

"Did I do something wrong?"

            You don't want him to hate you, right?

I pushed him away and began to walk out of the room. He held my hand tight and pleaded again, "Please, Steph. At least, tell me something." He turned me to face him. "Please talk."

            Oh, come on. Don't fool yourself.

"What did I do? Just tell me. Anything. Please..."

            He already hates you, anyway.

"I'm begging you..." He cupped my face with his hands. Tears have fallen from his eyes. "Tell me, what's wrong. What should I do? What do you want me to do?"

            Say it!

"Stephanie, please..." He knelt and held my hand tightly. He lowered his head as he cried and continued to plead, "Please..."

---

Emptiness

"How are you feeling, Stephanie?"

"I... I don't know..."

"You don't know...? May I know why...?"

"I don't know why, doctor..."

"Stephanie, tell me, what's bothering you?"

            Foolish.

"You can tell me anything. Anything."

            No one can help you out.   

"Alright... How about what is on your mind right at this moment?"

"..."

"What do you feel?"

"I feel..."

"..."

"I feel nothing..."

"..."

"Is it normal to feel nothing...?"

"Well... It depends on the situation. Sometimes it's normal. Sometimes it's not."

"I see..."

"Can you cite a specific situation that makes you feel nothing?"

"I feel nothing... in everything."

"How about on your work? You always tell me before how much your work makes you feel happy."

"..."

"Family?"

"I... I am supposed to... I know I should be happy especially when I am with them but... I don't know... I don't feel anything. It's like... It's like I've forgotten how to be happy..."

            That's because you have no right to be happy.

"But, during our meeting last December, you told me how much you've been very happy with your family... Did something happen over the past months?"

"..."

"You've been missing our sessions since the start of the new year, Stephanie. It's been four months. It had me believed you're already okay..."

"..."

"Tell me... What happened?"

"Remember the guy I told you who was back alive...? My first love...?"

"Yes. His name's Yuri, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Did you two have a misunderstanding again?"

"No... It was not a misunderstanding... We didn't even argue at all..."

"What happened then?"

"..."

"Stephanie."

"I've been..."

            Yes. Yes. Tell her how much disgusting you are.

"I've been cheating with him..."

"..."

"It's been going on for two months... It started since the last week of February... We always meet up secretly or sometimes... after our business meetings..."

"You've been going out for a date or--?"

"It's always more than that..."

"..."

"At first, we dated. We went to different tourist spots in Singapore when we went there alone for a business conference... Then, one night, we made out. Then, we had ..."

"..."

"It went on for the next two days..."

"What happened afterwards?"

"He asked me to run away with him... to not go back here in Korea..."

"And what did you say?"

"I refused..."

"And then, you still continued your affair with him?"

"I avoided him for more than a week first. I tried my hardest not to cross paths with him again."

"..."

"But, then, we accidentally met again in one of the bridal shops in Gangnam... Then, two days after, we met again, that time in our business meeting. And, that's it..."

"..."

"Our affair continued. But, there's no simple dating... We just cuddle then make out all the time... Then, we always have ... Then, that's it for two months..."

"..."

"I know I should feel guilty... I know I should feel bad, especially when I'm with Yoong... But... But... I feel nothing... totally nothing all..."

"Okay... How about when you are together with Yuri, what do you feel?"

"Nothing."

"..."

"I feel nothing too."

"Don't you feel the excitement of cheating, at least? Or the lust?"

"I don't feel nervous every time we sneak out... I don't feel excited either. I don't know... It was like it's nothing to me. And lust? Is it...? Is it weird that I don't think and feel that way...? It's like... It's just my body that wanted it... I just go to what my body feels so I always do it with him... But, then, when we're already doing it, it was like... my body's the one responding and was not me exactly. I don't know... I don't know why..."

"Has it always been like that? Was it always the same feeling since you started cheating with him?"

"No... It was just lately... I think I was happy on the first few times... I think... I think... I don't know when I started to be like this..."

"You don't feel anything at all?"

"No..."

"Anger? Hatred? You said the last time that you were mad at him. Now, you don't?"

"I don't know... I really don't feel any on anything or anyone..."

"I see..."

"..."

"Anyway... Let's talk about your nightmares... are they still coming into your dreams frequently?"

"No."

"Really? That's a great improvement then."

"Is it...?"

            You should suffer.

            You will suffer for the rest of your life.

"It was no longer haunting me in my dreams. Instead, it attacks me when I am awake. Actually, right now, it's screaming at me. Here. On my left ear..."

            You can never escape.

"Mind tell me what it's screaming?"

            You will forever suffer this.

"I... I I hear so many things... Sometimes it laughs. Sometimes it's cursing me. Here. Right now. He said I should suffer and I will suffer for the rest of my life. He even told me I can never escape. That, I will forever suffer this."

"..."

"But, you know what's worse...?"

"..."

"I don't feel anything about it... It's like it's words are nothing to me..."

"..."

"Maybe... Maybe I already have gotten used to it... So, it's nothing to me now..."

"Have you tried opening up this to your family and friends?"

"I don't think they should know. I've been bothering them so much. They probably grew tired of me already too..."

"Stephanie... Maybe you should try opening up to someone. Just someone you are comfortable with. Vent out your anger. Vent out your frustration."

"I am now talking to you."

"No. What I meant is, someone closer, like a family member or your best friend."

"..."

"Didn't you tell me before, the pain eased up a little after you had a talk with Jessica...?"

"We don't talk anymore..."

"Why?"

"I don't think there's a reason to still talk to each other..."

"I see..."

"..."

"Say, how about your son?"

"..."

"Have you been hanging out with him lately?"

"No..."

"Why don't you try to hang out with your son often then? I am sure that may help you out."

"Thanks... I guess I can try that..."

---

Detachment

"Tiff!" Sunny shouted my name with her usual bright expression from the entrance of Dmitriv Cafe. She skipped towards my table then took a seat opposite of mine. "Sorry, bestie. My schedule's so jump-packed that, I couldn't find time to hang out with you guys. And sorry too for my sudden invitation to meet today. I just missed you lot, you know."

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