I want to kill him. I so ing want to kill him.

From the view inside my car, I saw him, Yoong, with my girlfriend, Tiffany, sharing a ing kiss on top of his car. Without a second thought, I started the engine of my car and drove away from the vicinity. I can no longer take it. Though, I could see from my side mirror Tiffany's walking away from him too, I don't ing care any more on what's gonna happen next to them. That scene is already too much for me.

I tried to erase that scene from my mind by drowning myself with hard liquor in a nearby club. But, who am I kidding? This really never works and instead just making me feel even worse. Yet, what can I do? This is the most plausible way right now to make me feel at least a little better.

...

It was already 10PM when I came back home. Sunkyu's already asleep while Tiffany's still not home yet. I am too much in frustration. The alcohol I took earlier even worsened the rage I'm feeling. Nothing can make me ease down now.

Another 30 minutes passed when she already came back home. "Where have you been?" I asked while I pretend to be busy watching television in very low volume.

"I know you're aware where I've been." she answered then headed straight to the kitchen. I turned off the television and followed her. I interrogated, "Why can't you answer me straight? Do you always have to answer me like that?"

She put down the glass of water she was drinking and walked out on me again, "I'm not in the mood for a fight now, Yuri."

I followed her to the living room, "Oh, yeah? Why?"

"Because I'm tired. Let's just talk tomorrow, please."

She was about to head to our bedroom when I snapped again, "Are you hiding something from me?"

"Enough, Yuri. I said I'm not in the mood."

"What is it, huh? Why can't you tell me?"

"Didn't I say enough already?"

"Damn it. I want you to answer me now!"

She turned around and stated in irritation, "Fine... Your best friend kissed me on the lips and told me he loves me. Happy? Now, can I go to sleep?"

"So, that's it? And you didn't even react?! Or maybe, you accepted it too, saying you love him back?!"

"Assume all you want. I'm already tired and not in the mood to argue with you."

", Tiffany!" I kicked the coffee table. "This again?! First with Sooyoung, now with Yoong?!"

"So what are you implying, huh?! That I want any of this to happen?!"

"Aren't you?! You did nothing but offered yourself consoling all of them, trying to be the ideal girl those ing guys can all dream on! What do you really want? Attention?! Isn't my attention already enough for you and you wanted theirs too?!"

She was about to burst with tears and yet, she still held it in. "I had already enough of your insults, Yuri. I am tired. All I want right now is to sleep. It doesn't matter to me any more of what you think. As far as I know, I'm not crossing any lines."

I scoffed, "Yeah, right. Go. Just continue what you are doing. Do it with Sooyoung, Yoong, oh wait, who will be next on your line, anyway? Taeyeon?"

She finally burst out in tears and slapped me hard on my left cheek. "What do you ing think of me, a ?!"

"..."

"Fine. You just ing insult me all you want. That's what all you can do, anyway, right? Just ing degrade me every time?"

"..."

"You know what? I had enough of this." She walked away and about to head for the front door.

"So, what is this now? You're breaking up with me?"

She stopped halfway. She turned to face me and went near. "No." she answered in an obvious fury. "I'm never gonna break up with you. No matter how much you want me to and even beg me to leave you, I will ing never. So, just go, forever agonize yourself with your stupid illusions, Yuri." And she left home.

---

She said she wouldn't break up with me. Yet, in reality, that really is what she did. For a month straight, Tiffany never went home. Sunkyu, however, tells me she's at home during the day but we never really cross each other's paths by mornings and nights. I've heard that she rented her own apartment. That is where Sunkyu sleeps sometimes too.

Maybe, it really is the end for us now. No talks, no meetings, not even glancing at each other in school, it's like we live in a totally different world now. Yet, I don't want to be the first one to approach for reconciliation. I don't want to be the one who always do. It's about time she should lower down her pride. I'm already tired of the same thing over and over again.

But should I even bother to fix our relationship? Should I even continue what we have before? When, in the first place, she's the daughter of the man I despise the most?

Yes. Henry Hwang. He's one of the main reasons I couldn't look at Tiffany the same way ever again. He's the reason that no matter how much I try to comprehend Tiffany's concern towards Yoong, I couldn't. It's all because my mind's been too clouded by that horrible act her father did. It is unfair to her, I know. But what can I do? No matter how much I try to think Tiffany's not him, that she's innocent in all of this, it all ends up with my mind not accepting.

My adoptive father, Siwon, is the one that feels in so deep remorse than anyone else with my situation with Tiffany. He regretted the fact that he told me that tragic past of mine and my real parents. He made me drift apart with Tiffany even more. But I never really blame him. In fact, I thank him a lot. Now, I know everything. Now I know who my real enemies are.

I don't want to associate myself with the Hwangs. That's the very thing my mind keeps on telling me. I should despise them all... even Tiffany. Because of them, my supposed-to-be perfect life before was ruined. It's all because of their very existence.

Right now, I'm just hanging out by myself in this random bar in Seoul. This is what I always do actually for the month passed. I'd rather not hang out with my friends or anyone else. I'm better off alone. Well, I've been always alone in the first place. No parents, no family, no one else beside me, that's all what that Henry did to my life.

"So, this is where you always been, huh?" someone snapped. I looked at my side and it was Taeyeon. I decided to ignore him. He continued, "As far as I can remember, this isn't the same bar we always hang out in last year. We're always in the one few blocks away. What's with the sudden change?"

"Get out of my sight, Taeng. I'm not in the ing mood to even see your face right now."

"Look. I just want to talk."

"And I don't want to. Go away or don't you wait for me to ing destroy your face."

"Then go. Do it."

I glared at him and he just stared back as